17. Aurelia
Chapter 17
“Wh—“ I slapped his hands away, twisting in his grip.
“Spit it out,” he barked at me, what sounded like terror dripping from each syllable. Other horses stopped beside us. “Spit it out!”
I jolted forward, head butting him above his right eye and then trying to wiggle out of his grasp. His arms came around me, holding me tight, his grip much too strong for me to break away from.
“What is wrong with you?” I shouted.
“Don’t eat that, it’s dangerous!”
“Oh for the love of—“ I pulled back until he could see me and opened my mouth, sticking out my tongue. “It’s gone. I chewed and swallowed it. For the last fucking time, it’s not dangerous. You’ll barely even notice the change in me. I’ll be a little spacy at times but that’s it. Don’t worry, you’ll have a living body to deliver to the dragons.”
He put his hand to the side of my cheek, waiting while I tried to lean away from it, and placing it there again when I settled. His eyes darted between mine, his worry evident.
I wrapped my fingers around his wrist. “I promise you, Weston, I will be fine. More than fine. I’ll be a lot calmer riding on this animal. It’ll be okay, I swear.”
He let out a slow breath, stroking a thumb across my cheek. A moment later he nodded, though I could tell he was not appeased.
“You should take one, too. It would make things a lot more pleasant between us,” I said, adjusting my seat so that I was comfortable again, my groin over his hardness, my body draped around his. Hadriel was fun and funny and I enjoyed riding with him, but this just felt so fucking good. If only I’d liked this guy, nothing in the world would’ve been more pleasant. I wouldn’t have needed a relaxant at all.
“What does the drug do when taken in wolf form?” he asked, kicking his heels to the sides of the horse to get it walking again.
“I don’t know. I haven’t ever heard of someone consuming it like that. Occasionally people in the village would take it and then shift into wolf form. It negates the effect of the relaxant, which is the fail-safe for shifters.”
“Fail-safe?”
“Yeah, I bake in ways to stop the journey.”
“The journey meaning the high, correct?”
“It’s not always a high, like with this relaxant. But sure, the high. If the journey takes a sharp turn and lands you into a nightmare, you’ll want to get yourself out. The fail-safe isn’t always the same for each product. With this one, for anyone who can shift, it’s just that—shift. The effect goes away almost completely, and when you shift back it’ll be gone. That’s why there is really no point in taking it if you’re planning on shifting, like to hunt, for example. I would assume that eating it when in wolf form won’t have much of an effect at all.”
He shook his head, half twisting to try and look behind him, probably to get the reactions of his people, following behind. “I hadn’t heard about that.”
“Maybe the instructions didn’t make it to you on your high horse.”
“Drugs don’t come with instructions.”
“They do if the trader is knowledgeable in any way. Granny always passed on pertinent information about anything I made.”
“News to me.”
I quirked an eyebrow. I’d wager most of the shadow market world would be news to this guy. He was clearly a rule follower, wound tightly and always on the straight and narrow. I wondered if he ever actually lived, or if he was too busy being a good guy all the time.
Although... did good guys really take women hostage and then fuck the sense out of them?
“That’s all that the drug does?” he asked. “Relaxes you?”
The product’s effect started to take hold, unwinding my muscles and smoothing out the tension in my shoulders. I sighed and slunk down a little more, moving my arms to encircle his waist and resting my cheek against his shoulder.
“That’s all I know, yes.”
“No one mentioned that it would dissolve a pack bond?” one of the guys behind us asked.
I thought back to when I’d first made it and we were testing it, getting feedback from various people in the village. “People always tested it in human form. Finding out about the effects when shifting was an accident. I wouldn’t know about a pack bond. Honestly, I don’t even know if my village was a pack. Granny would’ve been the alpha, I guess, but she didn’t engage much with the village. We didn’t have a mayor or anything. No real leadership besides her.”
“You mentioned they hunted,” another guy said, the one I hadn’t been able to cleave in Granny’s cottage. “Did they all hunt together? The same people, every time?”
My muscles unwound further and a tranquil hum settled within my body. Weston’s heat enveloped me and I could feel his heartbeat, slow and steady. My thoughts were just as slow, drifting along, taking in the day, warm and pretty, the sun a buttery yellow.
“I don’t think it was the exact same every time, but always a similar grouping,” I said, letting my eyes drift shut and snuggling a little closer into Weston. “The idea of hunting has never really appealed to me, but I wanted to go along with them. They always came back so refreshed, with their hair mussed and their eyes sparkling. Energized, you know? They would always joke with each other and nudge. They did seem like they had a bond, though I’m not sure who the alpha might’ve been. They didn’t really seem to have any kind of structure. They just seemed... happier. Included.”
I knew my voice held the longing I felt but thanks to this product, I didn’t care.
“I’ve never taken this product under duress. It’s incredibly pleasant. Good job, me.”
“You’ll have no more of it,” Weston growled. “It’s a wonder you’re not addicted already.”
“I am not a person who forms habits out of my products. While this is nice when riding atop a handsome stranger I don’t like, it would get in the way of my being productive. The fear of failure makes me thrive. Remembering the stakes in my life keeps me producing. If I stopped caring about those things, my world would fall apart.”
“Fuck, lady,” the guy who’d taken an axe to the shoulder said, slouching a little. Dante, I think they called him. “Every time you give us a slice of your life, I feel a little more depressed.”
“You’re ripping me from my home to have me killed in a land far away by a creature I’ve only ever heard about in books. Is that not already plenty depressing?”
“Not when you put it like that, not really, no,” he replied. “Sounds exciting, except for the death part.”
“Doesn’t it just.” I pulled a hand from Weston’s waist and felt it up his hard chest to around his neck. I ran the edge of my thumb along his jaw, feeling the stubble. “You need to shave.”
“So do you. I’d happily do it for you,” he murmured, his deep voice vibrating in his chest.
“That is judgmental and wildly inappropriate,” I said, though I wasn’t actually offended. I smiled against his neck. “But I am very curious.”
“Did that group of hunters ever take that drug and shift into a wolf?” the one who escaped the axe said. Tanix, maybe?
“Speaking of judgmental,” I drawled, chuckling. “Don’t like what I do, hmm?” I kissed Weston’s neck softly, my desire starting to pulse.
“Did you ever notice any of them losing interest in the others?” he pushed. “Maybe not caring about hunting as much, even if just for a while?”
I sucked in Weston’s fevered skin, feeling his arm tighten around me, while I thought back. I’d watched that group of hunters often enough, feeling my loneliness keenly every time they started out. That feeling always ramped when they’d returned. I’d wished I could have such easy camaraderie with someone. Wished, with everything I had, that I could take to four legs and sprint through the trees in a pack. I’d lived in a community, but I’d still been very much a loner.
“Damn it.” I pushed off Weston’s chest, his arm around me resistant to let up. “That’s the problem with this product. You really need time to be lazy with it. It dulls the mind. Give me a moment, Mr. Judgmental, and I’ll shake off this journey. I think I remember something to that effect.”
“What do you mean?—”
I didn’t hear the rest of what Weston said as I entered a sort of trance, feeling the areas where the product was altering me and imagining washing it away. Slowly the effects receded. As they did, the tension crept back in, the stress tightening my muscles.
“If I still had a job, I’d start working on that one again,” I said, fluttering my eyes open. “There has to be a way to?—”
I paused, realizing Weston’s hands were on my cheeks, his expression panicked as he looked at my face. The horse was stopped and several others gathered around, all looking at me in concern.
“What happened?” I asked, confused. “What’s the matter?”
“Exactly—what happened?” He put the backs of his fingers to my forehead. “It felt like you were having a seizure. You were shaking and burning up and then you just kinda slumped down, like... like you’d died.” He swallowed heavily.
I felt my brow furrow at his reaction. At the strange sadness that welled up as I thought about parting from him. Then I pushed that strange feeling away. It was worse than any product I made because I couldn’t fucking get rid of it.
“I was shrugging off the effects of the relaxant. It feels great and really does the job, but it’s too hard to think deeply on it. I don’t like my mind being cloudy when I need to use it.” I pushed his hands away from my face.
“You were—you mean, you made it stop working, just like that?” His tone was incredulous. He clearly didn’t believe me.
“I test every batch and don’t have time to walk each journey. Some of the hallucinogens will keep you going all day. It’s a lot of time to waste and I’m not overly fond of the things my imagination sometimes conjures up. Can we get moving again, please? The sooner we can switch things around the better. Hadriel didn’t fuss nearly as much.”
“She likes me better,” I heard from somewhere in the throng.
“Yeah, good idea,” someone else responded. “Go ahead and keep poking the alpha. I’ll enjoy watching him turn you inside-out.”
I grinned and leaned against Weston so he’d be forced to quit staring at me in alarm.
“I did notice some of those things,” I told the guy who didn’t get axed. “I’m sure of it.”
As we continued, I recounted several times when a member of the hunting party, or several, would come back without smiles. They’d seemed frustrated and aloof, walking on the outskirts of the group, not connecting like before. Now that I looked back, it had always been around the times various batches needed testing. A few people from the village always volunteered. I couldn’t remember how long that had lasted, though. I wasn’t always around to watch the hunting party set out or return, not when things started getting busier. It hadn’t been forever, that change. I noticed throughout the years those few people always got back in the groove of things eventually.
“Huh,” Dante said, looking at the other guy as the horses walked. “It really does sound like that drug can weaken pack bonds.”
“Why wasn’t I told?” I asked, peering over Weston’s shoulder to look at the ground. In his strong, tight grip, I didn’t feel any fear I’d fall. Not with him. “Alexander clearly knew about it if he sprinkled it on the ground for the patrol. Why wouldn’t he mention that to me?”
“I wonder if it is strong enough to keep you from bonding them again?” Axe-less said, looking at Weston.
“It has to be somewhat safe if she ate it, right?” Dante said. “Maybe we should test it out when we rest tonight to see what we’re dealing with.”
“Did she actually eat it?” Axe-less asked, his suspicion evident. “Or is she a fine actress? Because I don’t buy just shrugging off a drug like that.”
“She wasn’t acting when she was on it,” Weston replied. “I felt her body relax. It hasn’t felt that way since I met her. Now her relaxation is gone. Something clearly happened, and now it’s over.”
“I’ll take it,” Hadriel called from the back. “If she says it’s safe, I’ll take any of it. These trees are boring the balls off me.” I could just see Hadriel put out his finger to a guy on the horse somewhat beside him. “Don’t bother making a comment, Kurt. I can tell you’re dying to, but we all know you are absolute shit at witty banter.”
Weston stared out to the right. “We’ll take two tabs from the batch in the cart. She will eat one, Hadriel can eat the other.” He turned to me, his voice low. “I want your word that it is safe.”
“What does my word mean to you?”
“More than I’d like it to.”
I rolled my eyes and dropped my cheek to his shoulder again, this time my face turned away. “It’s safe. All of it is. I’ve told you this.”
The traveling dragged on. Where I might’ve thought the landscape would interest me, not having been this far away in, well, too many years, I was disappointed with the lack of variety. Nothing much changed. No animals scurried out of the way and the flora was the same as in my wood. The sun glinted above, playing peek-a-boo behind the leaves and reaching branches. I thoroughly understood why Hadriel was bored to tears. Hours passed as I stared out into the trees.
The feel of Weston’s body continued to give me a strange sort of comforting pleasure and I found myself slipping a hand into his shirt so I could feel the smooth skin and cut muscle. He didn’t seem to mind, his gaze scanning side to side, quiet as we continued on.
Finally, boredom got the better of me.
“Why do a bunch of wolves ride horses?” I asked. “Wouldn’t you cover more ground in wolf form?”
“We have supplies. We’d only be able to go as fast as the horses and donkeys walked, anyway. This way we save our strength in case we need to fight.”
“Most of you. You’re not all on horses.”
“The more powerful among us, those that tend to do the heavy lifting in battle, are on horses.”
An image of him coming out of the trees, flanked by his people, drifted through my mind. They’d all been perfectly in sync, graceful in that way only predators could be—sleek and dangerous. The sun had sparkled off their strong bodies, Weston the most stunning of all.
The bond of this pack was incredibly strong, I could tell that easily. It wasn’t just whatever magic shifters had, either. These people respected their alpha. Trusted him. It felt homey, this pack. Inclusive. The foundation felt solid.
Something else occurred to me, though, forgotten when I’d felt Alexander’s presence lurking.
I leaned back in a rush, only getting so far before he tightened his arm to keep me put. He released it slowly, then, in control.
A thrill of heat arrested me and my stomach fluttered with the implications.
As usual, I ignored it.
“You talk to me about trapping a village, and yet you trap your pack in a bond you control. You trapped those prisoners. You don’t need walls and patrols to keep people caged—you use your magic. How is that any better?”
His gaze was guarded. “If anyone wants to leave, they have but to ask.”
“If anyone wanted to leave the village, they had but to ask.”
“People leaving the village had terms. They weren’t allowed to be gone for too long, and they weren’t allowed to stay away forever. If people request to leave the pack, I sever the bond completely.”
“But you’re in control.”
“Yes. That’s how an alpha’s magic works. The stronger the alpha, the stronger the pack bond.”
“Are you in control of the people?” I lifted my eyebrows at him.
“When I need to be, yes.”
Damn that wave of heat! It was fucking annoying.
“And when is that?”
“When I’m on the job. I organize the pack in very complex ways. The pack bond helps an alpha direct his or her people. It’s vital. It also helps form that sense of togetherness you’ve noticed. It creates unity. A pack is a family, and the bond is our connection.”
“Granny didn’t want people to leave.” I gritted my teeth against the emotion that welled up, still not having totally processed what I’d learned. What I now realized had been going on all those years, completely obvious and yet unnoticed. “What will happen when you don’t? What will happen if you become corrupt and you don’t want to sever the bond?”
“I’ve been down that road,” he murmured, looking past me now. “I was from a prestigious family, presented to the royalty of this kingdom early. When they realized how much power I had, they advanced me within the hierarchy. I unified their royal pack with ease. At their behest, I also traveled to other lands—other kingdoms. My job was to seek out the most powerful shifters, wolves, and to bring them back. Those people might not have wanted to come with us, but once I’d chained them within the bond, they had no choice. I ripped them away from their lives and delivered them into the hands of the king and queen. They didn’t get to leave when they wanted, either. They stayed until the king and queen let them go, which wasn’t often—especially if they were powerful.”
His face was granite. His jaw clenched.
“I was their jailor.” His gaze met mine and I saw the pain there. The guilt. “I didn’t think to wonder if it was wrong. I was doing this with my parents’ blessing and by the king and queen’s orders. I never once stopped to think about the morality of it, so wrapped up in titles and prestige and the gold they were throwing at me. It wasn’t until they ordered me to keep my brother trapped within the bond that my sense of duty started to waver. It wasn’t until it affected me directly—affected my family directly—that I thought about what I was doing.”
“Why did your brother want to leave?”
“He wasn’t as powerful as the rest of us. He was often overlooked, ignored by our parents. He was withering. He needed to get out and do his own thing.”
“If he wasn’t powerful, why’d they want to keep him in the pack?”
A nerve in his jaw danced. He unclenched his jaw. “For his pedigree. They wanted first crack at his brood. He’d be nothing more than a stud.”
“That’s horrible,” I breathed. “What’d you do?”
He looked away again. “I walked away from my post. I broke that pack wide open, freed my brother, and walked away.”
“And they let you?”
He huffed out a sardonic laugh, that turbulent gaze darting to me. Power welled up around him. “They didn’t have a choice. I was the most powerful alpha they had. No one could bond me without my consent. I took my brother to a remote area and established my own pack. When they sent people after me, I killed them. Eventually they stopped trying to wrestle me back.”
“Was that before the demon dungeons?”
“Yes.” He inhaled and held it for a moment. “Not a day goes by that I don’t regret the things I did for this kingdom. Every day I think of how disastrous it would be if I lost my way and turned into a tyrant. You said you put safeguards into your product. I put it into this position. The dragon king and queen monitor my efforts with the pack. If I lose my way, they’ll ensure the people are freed.”
“How will they free them?”
His eyes were steely. “They’ll kill me. I would expect no less.”
Pain nearly stole my breath at his admission. Confused by it, I pushed it away.
“We’re not so different,” I said softly. “I wasn’t the jailor, but it was because of me that the village was jailed. I see that now.” Guilt welled up within me, and with it came a sheen of tears. I blinked them away. “I will forever regret the part I’ve played in all of this. I was blind to it because I was focusing only on myself. For that I should stand in judgment. I will accept my punishment, without hesitation.”
“For trapping them, but not for making the drugs?”
“No, not for that. You have it wrong when it comes to that. I see the parallel between your past situation and mine—don’t think I don’t. It’s the same king and queen, after all. They clearly don’t care about what is right, they care about how it benefits them. They want the gold from the products I make, and so they approve of it being sold. But while some things I wished were still only available in the shadow market because they aren’t for the unsuspecting, they don’t have the level of danger you claim. I can prove it. I’ll take each one right in front of you.”
“No, you most certainly will not. I will prove it. There are plenty of towns we can detour into as we pass. I’ll give you a tour of the destruction your products have plagued the magical world with.”
“Look, maybe people are mixing stuff in ways I haven’t thought of or intended. Their misuse isn’t my fault, but I would’ve fixed it. If there had been a problem, Granny would’ve mentioned it because it would’ve affected sales. And I would’ve fixed it. Sales are higher than ever. If people were dying in droves, how would sales continue to increase?”
“Addiction keeps sales on the rise.”
“My village tested batches all the time, but Raz was the only real habitual user. He wasn’t addicted, though. A small thing like punishment kept people from forming a habit. That’s it. Wouldn’t widespread death and danger keep people away?”
“Do you not understand what addiction is?”
“I don’t make chemically addictive drugs!” I yelled at him. “For the last fucking time?—“
“I’ll show you,” he cut in, crushing me to his body to get me out of his face.
My core pounded. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to fuck him. Electricity surged through me and heat burned my middle, dripping down in that way it did when tensions with him rode high. I clutched onto his shoulders, my breath shallow. I could feel his heart racing against mine, his hardness pulsing against my core.
I would not give in. Not this time. I would not rip off his clothes and bang him right here. I would not!