21. Weston
Chapter 21
Ileft the others to put things away or get back to their defensive positions while I shifted back into wolf form and checked in with the sentries. Still, no one had seen or smelled anything.
With my people accounted for and the borders of our encampment solid, I returned to the center where people had congregated for food. Delicious scents wafted over the clearing, much more complex than was usual around dinner time.
Everyone sat around various fires, relaxing after a long day’s ride. Soon we’d need to do without fires, to avoid advertising our whereabouts. For now, we’d soak in the luxury.
Sylvester stood beside his preparation table, soup ladle at the ready next to an empty bowl. It was customary for the pack to wait for me to be ready, ensuring that everything was seen to. I nodded at him as I approached, reaching for the bowl and following him to the first pot simmering over the flames.
He ladled the contents in, filling it up.
I paused. “Only half is fine until everyone has eaten, same as always.”
“Yes, Alpha, it’s only...” He cleared his throat. “I had help tonight, and Aurelia was able to stretch the ingredients into a larger amount of food. I have no idea how—it’s the same ingredients—but... we have plenty. We might even have enough for seconds.”
I glanced back to where she was sitting with Hadriel, a wine glass in hand, her eyes heavily hooded. Something—the drug or the alcohol—had gotten a hold of her. Even still, her eyes were rooted to me, her gaze pensive.
Nervousness stole through me that she was working out what had happened at the supply crates.
I nodded at Sylvester before turning away from the table. Usually, I’d remove myself to the outskirts of the gathering, eating in solitude while watching the pack, on hand in case anyone needed to talk something out or voice concerns, but not stressing them out with my presence. It was hard to relax when in the vicinity of a commander.
This time, though, I headed for Aurelia. I told myself it was because I needed to stay close to her in case the enemy attacked. Or to monitor her because of the stunt my wolf had pulled. The truth was, though, that I couldn’t help myself. I wanted her proximity. To hear the sound of her voice. I couldn’t prevent myself from sinking down beside her near the main fire in the middle of the pack.
She glanced over when I did, and a rush of joy flashed across her face a moment before her brow lowered and frustration dulled the sparkle in her eyes. Our connection, our chemistry, versus reality.
“Come on, my darling, let’s get some grub.” Hadriel plucked at her arm to get her to stand up.
“Oh no, it’s okay. I’ll wait until everyone has some.”
“Nonsense. You helped make it. They’re probably all wondering if you poisoned them. You’d best show them you didn’t.”
Usually Sylvester would take his next, as the cook. Surprisingly, he let Aurelia go first, stepping in before Hadriel could go after. The rest of the pack looked on, probably confused by the fact that a prisoner was not only helping cook the meal but getting priority in eating it.
“Slap a tit, Aurelia, this is delicious!” Hadriel groaned and leaned back, face pointed at the sky. “Fucking hell.” He leaned forward again, his attention focused on the contents in the bowl.
It was delicious. Not as good as the stew in her little cottage, but certainly the best camp dish I’d ever had. I’d bet most of the pack felt the same. Soon sounds of groaning drifted over to us as people nodded, looking at their food. Chatter died down and the only sound was that of wooden spoons scraping against bowls.
“It needs a little something,” Aurelia murmured, only halfway through hers by the time Hadriel and I had finished. “Well, I mean, it needs a bunch of stuff, but I missed the mark on spices.”
“Rubbish.” Hadriel shook his head. “It’s delicious. I want more.”
So did a lot of people. Before Sylvester would serve them, though, he looked at me.
“Do you want seconds, Alpha?”
“No.” I held up my hand. “I’ve had plenty. Give it to them.”
Aurelia glanced over at me, gingerly taking a bite of meat. A little juice caught on her lower lip before her tongue swiped across, licking it away.
“I tried the stew in your cottage,” I blurted like a dummy. “I brought the spices because I figured to have that sort of talent, you must love cooking. I figured you’d want your tools, at least those we could provide.”
She finished chewing, studying me. Her eyes were calculating, as though working things out.
Another wave of nervousness stole through me. She knew about her magic, she must. She was na?ve, but she was not stupid. She’d be able to put two-and-two together.
How terrible would things be now if she knew I was keeping such an enormous truth from her? Knowing I was intentionally keeping her suppressed.
Guilt ate at me and I cursed my wolf his carelessness.
“Thank you,” she said slowly, “though I don’t really understand the point in bringing my spices if this is my death march.”
Neither did I. I didn’t much understand the point of any of it, anymore. My duty, this task, this horrible situation.
I turned away from her assessing stare.
“Fucking delicious, my dear,” Hadriel said, taking her bowl and standing to return them. “I am raving.”
“I’m glad you liked it. It was a little watery because there were a lot of people to feed.”
“It was perfect. Everyone would tell you so if the big alpha wasn’t scaring them away.”
That was probably true.
I glanced back at the small tent she and I would share, the only one standing. I should probably retire and let the pack wind down. I had reading to do, anyway. Today was lost to the sensation of her body resting against me; I’d had no inclination to read her journals over her shoulder. I’d been somewhat callous about them, but even I had limits. Hadriel would be fine to watch her, and the sentries knew not to let her escape if she were to sneak away.
She took that moment to sway, though, the wine affecting her balance. Her shoulder bumped against mine and sent a thrill of delight through my body. She smiled at me, having felt it, and that smile made me lean back a little. I rested my hand behind her, leaning toward her, my positioning an obvious declaration she was mine.
If bad decisions were gold coins, my behavior toward her would buy the world.
Aurelia
The relaxant washed away most of my tension and worries, a hefty task. The issues just seemed to keep piling up. This most recent was a real fucking doozy. The lava I’d often felt when in Weston’s proximity had turned into... something else. It had almost felt like something had stretched into my skin with me.
And that something had talked.
“Help me the rest of the way. I’m almost there. Don’t let that alpha call the shots and stuff me back. I can tell he’s thinking about it.”
What . . .? I’d frozen.
Was I going crazy? Because with that voice had come a rush of power. My sense of smell had increased until I was picking out complex weavings of the things around us. The light from my lantern? Distracting. I’d nearly been able to see details in the dark. Oh, and yeah, Hadriel’s wolf had called to me. I couldn’t even describe how, just that I felt his joy, his pull, his desire to fall in line and go for a run through the trees. Not as I was, but as I could be if I’d just let that entity continue expanding until it filled me entirely. Until I gave in to it.
I knew how all those things lined up. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew what they all had to mean. But if they did?
I swayed, bumping up against Weston and letting him stabilize me.
Weston always seemed to create the feeling. He created the lava, and this time, he brought out what was attached to it.
Brought out? Pulled out, more like. From within me...
I breathed deep, slightly panicked breaths.
It couldn’t be what I was thinking. It couldn’t. I would not allow my hope to rise and overwhelm me. Because Granny had tried. She’d sought out an animal within me many, many times. She’d never felt anything.
Maybe she hadn’t been as powerful as Weston, a small voice murmured. Maybe all I needed was more power...
I swayed again into Weston, my stomach churning from my emotions mixed with a lot of wine.
“Don’t let that alpha call the shots and stuff me back. I can tell he’s thinking about it.”
Why would he be keeping my animal from me if I actually had one?
Control.
The word floated up immediately.
I couldn’t see in the dark so I couldn’t easily escape at night. I wasn’t as strong as a shifter—my axe didn’t penetrate far enough. I couldn’t heal, I couldn’t scent. Without more power, I was vulnerable, and that made it easier to keep me caged.
Hell, they weren’t even bothering to cage me. They just kept me within sight so that they could easily pick me up if I ran. Two legs wouldn’t get me far enough away, not with four legs chasing me.
Give me my animal, though, and watch me run.
“Let’s get you to bed, Little Wolf,” Weston whispered, his lips against the shell of my ear.
Little Wolf . . .
A storm of adrenaline and emotion rolled through me.
He’d called me that a few times. Once or twice it had seemed like a taunt. Sometimes, he’d said it almost intimately, like now.
My heart started to sprint.
It was true, it had to be, and he’d known all along. He must be able to feel it, because he caused that lava effect in me. He tugged on the thing inside of me but never far enough to pull it out fully—not until tonight, when his wolf had been in control. The wolf had backed off, but not before whatever was inside of me was teetering on the edge.
Little Wolf . . .
“Hadriel, not too late,” Weston said as he gathered me into his arms and stood.
“Right-O, Alpha,” he replied as Weston carried me back. “Don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll be rarin’ to go.”
“I can walk,” I murmured, my words slurred as I wriggled in his arms.
“Yes, I’m sure you could get to the tent. You’d probably cover twice the distance going side-to-side, though, and you need your sleep. We have another long day tomorrow.”
I didn’t say a word until we reached the tent, letting him put me down gently so that he could walk us in and close the flap behind us.
“Why are you so nice to me when you know you’ll have to kill me?” I said, afraid to ask what really mattered.
Pain flitted across his expression. “I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. You will stand in judgment, yes, but your sentence is not yet set. The dragons are fair. They’ll hear your story and decide how you should pay for your crimes.”
“And you? Did you pay for your crimes?”
“More than you could possibly know.”
“The dungeons, right? The demon dungeons?”
“Yes. I ended up there when trying to save a pack member. They snatched me from the beach and punched in my animal so that I was helpless. Then they did things to me that—” His eyes turned haunted in the low light, a solitary lantern glowing in the corner, not mine. “You wonder why I hate what you do so much? It’s because, as I was rotting in that place, they juiced me up with their magic and loaned me out to their people. Their magic acted like a drug. They made me want to fuck, anything and everything. I begged for their filthy dicks. I pleasured their women and let them pleasure me, my mind controlled by their magic. By their version of a drug. And the next day? I swam in shame for how I’d acted, felt dirty for what I’d done. But then they’d come the next night, and the next, and I knew I’d have to do it all over again. When I wasn’t being forced to have sex, I was beaten and tortured to fuel their beasts. I thought I’d die in that place. I’d hoped I would, sooner rather than later. Your drugs are influencing people that way. They are altering minds and locking people in cages of addiction, doing things they would never normally think of doing to afford the next high. I’ve suffered for my sins, but innocent people who shouldn’t be are suffering because of you.”
My chest constricted with empathy I wished I didn’t feel, especially not now. When Hadriel told stories of the demon dungeons, he’d always spun it so that it didn’t seem real. It didn’t seem as dark and haunting, as traumatizing. Now, hearing it from Weston, seeing the pain in his eyes, the darkness of his past evident in every line in his body, I couldn’t help but be struck deep. He was hurting from that encounter still, I could see it. He probably always would. I understood where he was coming from. I understood that pain, so similar to mine.
But he refused to see the truth staring him in the face.
“I have proved to you that my product is not doing those things. You saw how it affected Hadriel. Me. It isn’t the same! There is no addiction, and if they are consuming the product in the first place, they are not innocent!”
His eyes kindled fire and I knew it matched mine.
“Don’t you think I have paid for my sins?” I fumed. “I paid before payment was due. That payment started me on this path in the first place. Now I am the one who has been snatched, taken from my home. By you. And?—”
I took a deep breath, swallowing hard. Here it was, the moment of truth I’d been circling.
I lowered my voice to a whisper. “You are keeping me suppressed, too, aren’t you? That’s what I felt earlier, isn’t it? An animal. My animal. I have magic, don’t I?” My whole body started to shake. “I do, don’t I? That was the voice. The heat, the power...”
His face closed down into an unreadable mask—but not before his eyes flickered. For that brief moment, his confirmation of my accusation showed clearly.
The realization I had magic sapped the strength out of me and I sagged, unable to believe it. Unable to wrap my head around it.
All this time, I’d had an animal tucked inside me? It didn’t seem possible.
My mind spun with the implications and the larger picture came into focus.
“I suppose you will continue to keep me suppressed and helpless.” Tears leaked from my eyes and I couldn’t tell if they were because I was happy I had magic, sad that I’d spent so much of my life without experiencing it, or frustrated that he was keeping it locked away from me. All three emotions boiled within me. “You snatched me, caged me. You’ll keep me in your bed, on your lap, in your sight and use me to your heart’s content, just like those demons used you. And in the end, you’ll deliver me to my death, like you’d hoped they would deliver you. I really don’t see, Weston, how your situation is any different than mine. But somehow you assume you’re in the right and I deserve whatever I get. What an extraordinary twist of logic.”
I had to get out of here. I had to escape. Thanks to my sleight of hand around the crates earlier, I finally had a way out. I just needed to time it correctly.
I bit back the tears as I shrugged out of my clothes, folding them up neatly and setting them on the ground in the corner. “Those will be fine for tomorrow.”
I approached him then, needing to focus on the goal. If I wanted to escape, I needed to maintain our proximity. I could use him just as he was using me—had to, as a matter of fact. I needed to lull him into security with my perceived complacency and then take advantage of his trust. I was now convinced it was the only way.
I grabbed the edges of his shirt and pushed them up.
“What are you doing?” he asked, letting me.
“What do you think I’m doing? I want to kill you and I want to fuck you. I can’t do one without more power, so I may as well do the other.”
He shook his head slowly, waiting until I pushed down his pants before grabbing my upper arms and stopping me from dropping to my knees.
“No. Not like this,” he murmured.
“Not like what?”
“You’re mad, Aurelia. You’re hurt. The truth? You do have magic, yes.” My heart thumped so hard it was almost painful. “Granny would’ve been able to feel it. Any alpha would. And yes, I will keep you suppressed for now. I hadn’t ever intended to keep you suppressed forever.”
“Just until my sentence.”
“Something along those lines, yes. You can’t shift for the first time without help—it’s dangerous—and we don’t have the time for that now. Not when we’re on the road.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Not to mention the fact that I’d be harder to contain.”
“There is that, yes. I won’t hide that fact.”
I slapped away the angry and frustrated tears. All my life I’d been kicked around because I’d been different, because I’d been without magic. I’d been sneered at, spit on, or like in Granny’s village, avoided and side eyed. But all this time, I’d just been suppressed.
I had an animal. I had magic! All this time.
My knees weakened and I nearly dropped to the ground. Weston caught me quickly, holding me tightly as he directed me to bed.
“No,” I said, trying to struggle away.
Granny would’ve been able to feel it. Any alpha would.
“No.” I shook my head. “Granny couldn’t have known.”
He was my captor, I would expect something like this from him. But Granny? She’d been my family. She’d saved me. She wouldn’t have kept me?—
Helpless. Dependent.
The truth felt like a slap.
Prior to the last few days, I wouldn’t have believed Granny capable of it. I would not have trusted this man to be telling me the truth, not over her. But now, after taking a hard look at other aspects of my life...
Without magic, I’d had to stay in that village. I’d been very clear about that. I welcomed her walls, her cage. I learned to make her product and do it exceptionally so that she would never have cause to toss me out. I had apparently helped trap a village in fear of the Outside, out of fear for my life. All that time, it had been a lie. She didn’t pull out my magic for the same reason she hadn’t paid the village in actual gold: she wanted us to stay there and continue working.
I went limp in Weston’s arms, letting the pain come. It felt like he was ripping my life apart, little by little, and leaving nothing but wreckage in his wake.
He settled me into bed and slipped in beside me, gathering me up into his arms. I sobbed against him, tears dripping against his skin.
Had Granny ever actually loved me? Why had she saved me, only to betray me like she had?
This last shredded piece of my life tore into my heart. I’d never get those answers. She’d never be able to explain herself. Not that I could trust what she had to say, but gods help me, I wanted her here to make this better. I couldn’t handle this pain.
My body shook, taking the comfort from him I so desperately needed until I could calm myself once more. Despite how badly it hurt, and how ardently I wanted to give up and let him take me to the dragons for a bittersweet goodnight, I’d promised my mother. There was still surviving to do, no matter how desperately I wanted to fail.
At least I had magic. That was something—a big thing. If I could just get away from him and find another alpha, I could have that magic pulled out. It was my only chance at a brighter future.
My cheeks were still wet but my resolve hardened. I pulled Weston’s face toward mine and captured his lips. I slid my hands down his chest, aiming for the hard cock I could feel pulsing against my thigh. I craved the abyss that sex with him could give me.
“No, Aurelia.” He gently grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand up to his heart. “You’d regret this.”
“I always regret being with you. What would make this time any different?”
“I don’t want you to regret it. Not this time.” He paused. “Because I wouldn’t regret it this time. I had a nice time tonight, it’s why I allowed the wine to flow. I can’t let that happen again because soon we’re going to head into more dangerous areas. I also can’t ignore the things you’ve said. I want it to be clear I am not drugging you, or taking advantage of you. You are in control of your body and your mind. You’ve given your consent to me each time we’ve been together, but tonight, you’re under the influence. If or when we have sex again, I want you to have a clear head.”
“Anger is a clear head?”
“Compared to your product and wine? Yes. You get more lustful on your product. Probably on alcohol, too.”
The thing was, despite everything, I’d had a nice time tonight, too. A really nice time, with his strong, comforting presence so close and Hadriel’s jokes so funny. I’d felt included in a way I never had before. Weston had been incredibly patient, stabilizing me when I laughed too hard and nearly fell over, or adjusting how he sat so I could lean against him. He’d been watchful as well, never partaking in the wine and often looking this way or that, making sure he checked out every little disturbance he heard or felt or even just imagined. It was the kind of protective diligence I’d craved since my mother had died, the kind I thought I’d found in Granny.
None of that mattered, of course. Not anymore. I needed to get free of both my old life and Weston’s shackles. I’d have sex with Weston again, hoping to incite him enough in lust or anger to accidentally bring my magic to the forefront, but I wouldn’t take my eyes off the goal. Now I could claim my freedom in a way I never had been able to before.