Chapter 1
Forum Post
How do I teach my daughter about ‘stranger danger’ if the stranger in question is literally one of Santa’s elves?
Hi everyone,
Needless to say, my kiddo was shocked and invited him to celebrate Christmas with us.
The situation kinda got out of hand because neither of us grown-ups knew how to react, so in the end, he accepted? (I think. That part was a bit muddy, so I’m not entirely sure).
Usually, my kiddo is really good about not being overly friendly with strangers.
Like, I’m not teaching her that every grown-up she doesn’t know is dangerous because if she ever finds herself in a dangerous situation without me being there, I WANT her to go to an adult for help, but I obviously teach her to not go with strangers under any circumstances, to not accept gifts or treats, etc.
So, for her to invite someone she doesn’t know at all to celebrate Christmas with us is kind of out of the ordinary, but I get it.
The guy was wearing tights, a hat that jingled every time he moved, and those funny, pointy shoes that curl up at the toes and have bells attached to them, too.
Basically, he looked the opposite of threatening.
I tried talking to her about it, but she insists she did the right thing because he’s one of Santa’s Helpers and it’s not right for him to be all alone at Christmas.
She firmly believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, and I really don’t want to have to come clean about them already, but…
what if next time it’s not my quirky, sweet downstairs neighbor but a real—potentially dangerous—stranger?
Has something like this ever happened to one of you?
How do I handle the situation (primarily the situation with my daughter, but I could use help regarding my neighbor, too)? Do I talk to him? I kinda have to, don’t I?
Thanks in advance,
TeenDaddy
UncleSam: I think you’re doing a great job of teaching your daughter the difference between stranger danger and helpful adults.
Wasn’t it Mr. Rogers who said something about always looking for the helpers in scary situations?
I didn’t remember that back when my teen was little, but I think it’s good advice for our kids.
Maybe just remind your daughter that sometimes the elves at the mall and other places are just pretending, so we have to make sure Daddy says it’s okay.
As far as the neighbor, yeah, dinner could be awkward if you don’t talk to him. My new neighbor is my friend from long ago, and my teen is definitely playing matchmaker (although I don’t know that it’s going to take much). If you like the elf, I say go for it.
DADvertising: First, teaching stranger danger at that age can be so hard.
I have a 6-year-old daughter, and I almost miss when she was a little shyer.
Kiddo will talk to anyone at any time. As for how to address the elf thing, UncleSam had a good point about saying they’re pretending, but that could also mess up the whole belief in Santa thing.
I’ve told my daughter that the elves and Santa at the mall are part-time helpers for Santa.
They live in our world, and every Christmas season, they work at the mall so the full-time elves can make all the toys.
Works, so when she sees the neighbor not dressed like an elf, she’s not losing that magic. Downside is, my daughter recognized one of the older teens from her dojo as an elf and tried to convince him to give Santa some additions to her Christmas list.
As for the neighbor, yes, you have to talk to him. If nothing else, you need to know if you’re setting an extra place at the table, and if so, give him a warning about what cover story you told the kid. Wouldn’t want him accidentally contradicting you.