La’Nova
La’Nova
Novae was laid across my chest making baby noises that always comforted me in the silence of my suite. I sat curled sideways with her in an oversized cream chair near the window, looking out at the garden that also brought me a since of comfort.
Luca placed me and Novae in over a thousand square feet just for us on the east wing of his estate. It didn’t surprise me how comfortable and secure I felt back in his house but there were still issues at hand that we hadn’t discussed that placed me on edge.
For weeks I ignored my second thoughts on running. I couldn’t possibly go that route when Luca was already in love and attached to our daughter.
I looked down at Novae and felt my heart flutter at the mere sight of her.
She was perfect in every way possible. Today she was one month old.
It felt like it had been one month since my life split open and rebuilt itself around her little chunky self.
She looked exactly like her father, only sporting my stormy gray eyes.
“You got your stubborn daddy whole face,” I whispered softly while rubbing my finger against her cheek.
She stretched slightly in her sleep, little lips poking out before settling again against my chest. I kissed the top of her head and inhaled that warm baby smell I was already addicted to.
Our entire space smelled like baby magic, vanilla candles that I didn’t burn, and fresh linen because the house staff changed my sheets almost obsessively.
I had everything basically laid out for me and Novae here, making it sometimes hard to even partake fully in my mommy duties.
Motherhood still shocked the hell out of me.
Just like I couldn’t believe I was carrying Novae inside of my stomach, now the disbelief was actually holding her in my arms. I found myself paranoid with every little thing.
I constantly reminded myself daily that I wasn’t just living for myself anymore. I was now living for me and her. Luca’s silence was scaring the shit out of me. We still haven’t even held an adult conversation about him dragging me back to California after setting all my shit on fire.
The intense look on his face while I gave birth to our daughter let me know I had hurt him deeply.
It was unfair of me to keep my pregnancy away from him, like it was unfair of him to give me no other options.
I felt like we owed each other an apology.
But there was too much shit in the way of those two simple but meaningful words.
One of the things standing in the way was the mystery behind Lucille’s funeral.
Which meant someone had killed her because I was sure no freak accident just happened to her.
What made it even more creepy was how Luca showed no emotions toward her death.
It made me think the worse of what I tried to push out of my brain hoping that it wasn’t true.
I found out from the Abel. He mentioned it weeks ago that they had to attend their grandma Lulu’s funeral.
He couldn’t hold water to save his life.
While he was ecstatic about seeing me again and learning about Novae…
Cain kept his distance. Abel had to be forced back to his side of the house, while Cain only came once a day to visit his baby cousin.
He held her, made baby noises and got really animated with her…
but when it came to me, he gave nothing.
I respected his cold shoulder and hoped that he came around soon.
I adored both the twins and even admired the way Luca continued to love on them and raise them.
It showcased a lot about his caring and nurturing characteristics.
It also made me feel like a fool to even entertain the thought of raising Novae alone.
Especially when she had a house full of love and adoration for her here at Luca’s.
Three times a day Luca came over here to see Novae.
Every single day. Morning, afternoon, and night like clockwork.
His ass would walk in quietly without knocking, looking and smelling good as hell.
It would piss me off that he’d hardly acknowledge me.
His eyes and full attention was fully on Novae.
He only blessed me with words the night that I delivered her.
He whispered thank you and pecked me coldly against my forehead and I could have sworn that the peck felt like the kiss of death.
When it was time to check out of the hospital, I asked no questions.
I just quietly went along with everything.
I already felt his extreme anger just by knowing he blew up my precious camper, along with my car and house.
I literally had nothing to go back to except the big amount of money sitting still in my bank account.
So day by day like clockwork, I had to deal with Luca’s dominating presence.
I admired the way he held Novae against his chest and whispered softly to her.
She’d give him the biggest gummy smile known to mankind and even coo back to him.
It was obvious and undeniable how in love the two of them were with each other. I breastfed and bottle-fed Novae since she was so greedy. Luca would bottle feed her, read to her then at night he’d sit with her for hours and put her to sleep.
It fucked me up how he treated me like I wasn’t the woman who carried his child.
We were literally unfinished business breathing under the same roof.
I was lost as hell, because I didn’t know what was next.
I put everything on freeze to go with the flow here.
My traditional publishing company that Balani linked me to was understanding with the push back of my release day.
Still, Luca and I needed a conversation A.S.A.P about how we were going to navigate parenthood.
I held no ill will toward him with nothing.
I was ready to accept accountability of being wrong for hiding my pregnancy and even was able to look past him setting my shit on fire.
He had to meet me halfway as well though. That was the bottom line.
I shifted carefully in the chair and glanced around the room again.
The suite was beautiful, a little too beautiful and perfect.
I don’t know how Luca got it to accommodate us in such a short time.
The entire room was the color lavender. The sitting area alone had enough space for a whole apartment setup.
Floor-length cream curtains framed the windows, complementing the soft lavender colors of the walls.
Fresh flowers stayed replaced every other day sometimes without me even realizing it.
The second kitchen was too far from my site.
It sat through the open archway stocked with fresh fruits, snacks, and protein.
I didn’t have to lift a finger if I didn’t want to.
My chef, Macy, checked in with me twice a week just to get the list of things I wanted to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Then there was Novae’s nursery. Her room made me cry the first time I saw it.
It looked magical with soft beige walls.
Gold stars painted across the ceiling. She had damn near every baby designer clothes one could think of folded neatly inside drawers bigger than my childhood dresser.
I loved sitting in the cream rocking chair near the window.
Most nights I fell asleep in her nursery only to be awaken in the middle of the night from hearing Luca’s deep raspy whisper. He had a baby monitor to keep an eye on Novae. It’s like he watched her sleep and waited for her to stir in her sleep, just so he could come and tend to her.
Once I heard him with her, I would sluggishly go back inside of my suite and fall back to sleep in the comforts of my bed.
“Aight mama,” I whispered gently while standing up carefully. “Let’s get you settled before your daddy come over here acting like he the only parent that know what he doing.” I chuckled.
It was no secret that Novae was going to be spoiled rotten.
Between her father and I, we barely put her down.
I actually hated putting her down. I just wanted to hold my baby girl all damn day and night.
I laid her down gently in the extra bassinet near my bed and watched her for a second longer before heading toward the bathroom.
Today I was determined to talk to Luca and break the ice, no matter how ugly it might have got. I was done with the silence and letting him hide behind fatherhood. We were going to talk, even if I had to drag every word out his fake stubborn ass.
Thirty minutes later steam still clung to my skin when I stepped out the bathroom, massaging leave in conditioner into my thick coils of hair.
The hot shower helped loosen some of the tension in my shoulders.
Mainly my tension was Luca. So many thoughts of him and how I would approach him later in the day when I got to see him.
I made sure to bathe with my favorite lavender and eucalyptus soap to ease my anxiety as well.
After drying my body off, I hung my dry off towel back up then snatched my lotion off the counter and strutted out back into my room naked.
Soon as I turned the corner, my mouth dried up from the sight of Luca sitting on my bed shirtless with Novae against his bare chest sleep once again.
His intense stare made my whole body forget what I kept repeating to myself in the shower. Slowly, his eyes dropped down to my white painted toes then trailed inch by inch up my thick body.
The light that stretched from the windows across his smooth brown skin gave him a golden look. It caught every tattoo curling down his arm and the scar caving in deeply in the center of his throat that Novae had her tiny hand resting peacefully at.