Royal
SOME WOMEN FEEL DANGEROUS BEFORE YOU EVEN TOUCH THEM.
I sat outside my house staring at absolutely nothing while my phone rested against my ear and a blunt burning between my fingers. My mind couldn’t even match my peaceful looking property. Too many scattered thoughts taking up space in my mind.
Luca and I sat on the phone quietly like we always did with no judgement.
The line stayed open between us for damn near an hour, and neither of us said a word.
I could hear him breathing through the speaker every few seconds.
Every now and then I heard the sound of Novae cooing, which told me Luca had been sitting and holding her for a whole hour.
Silence for us became a comforting language.
Just each other’s presence was enough for us to express the shit we couldn’t put into words.
In a way, the shit felt sacred; it tightened our bond over the years.
A nigga had soul exhaustion just from carrying everything on my back, and I didn’t know how to make it right.
Finally, Luca exhaled. I knew him better than myself at times, so I knew he was getting ready to talk.
“She still there?” Luca whispered.
I rubbed my jaw then tugged at my beard, feeling myself get fired up off of one question.
“This nutty ass broad won’t leave my mutha fuckin’ house!” I yelled in the phone to Luca.
His deep, rough chuckle came through the speaker.
“Shit not funny,” I murmured, finally hitting my blunt.
I leaned my head back against the driver seat, smoke filling my lungs slow while my eyes drifted toward the lights glowing from inside my house.
Never had a broad pull some shit like this on me…
Weeks had gone by and Maniac paid up with interest. He even included Amaris’s room and board for staying with me.
After forty-eight hours of holding Amaris in my house…
I offered a driver, Uber, and even myself to take her ass home.
I needed space in my own spacious space.
Space to breathe through my own thoughts.
She asked to stay a couple more nights, and that shit really threw me the fuck off. She wasn’t worrisome, and I probably would have actually enjoyed her company if I didn’t have so much shit piled on my chest, sitting like bricks, making it hard to breathe.
“She really refusing… flat out to not leave?” He asked the question like he just couldn’t believe the shit.
“Yea, man.” I sighed.
“So what is she doing?” He pressed, I could hear the amusement in his tone from over the line.
“What she doing?” I sat up, stubbing my blunt out in the ashtray.
“What she doing is loosening up all my damn toilet seats every time she plops that big ass booty on them! I ain’t never had that type of problem before with my toilet seats.” I frowned.
Seconds passed before Luca laughed hard like what I said was the best joke he ever heard in his life.
I froze for a second, because hearing him laugh sounded strange as hell.
Especially after everything with Lucille.
Grief had its way of changing people quietly.
You noticed it in moments like this. We fought hard over the years to not let grief change the men we were raised to be, but on the real, it was a challenge. Hearing Luca laugh made me feel… good.
“She comfortable already… that’s what comes with dating a big girl. It’s worth it.” His laughing simmered.
Now it was my turn to shake my head hard as fuck.
“That’s the problem.” I tugged at my beard. “I ain’t dating shit… I don’t date, Luke… Plus, I ain’t got shit going with Breasturant. I simply kidnapped her giraffe-looking ass to teach her daddy a lesson,” I spat out.
“Did you fuck her?” he asked.
I scoffed at that immediately. I wanted to fuck the shit out of her. She tempted the fuck out of me, practically giving me the okay with body language and the things she pranced around my house in.
“Nah, I haven’t… I don’t plan on doing that shit either.” I frowned, wondering what direction his hot and cold ass was headed with his line of questioning.
“Why not?”
“See, we was doing good just sitting in silence.” I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
“That ain’t an answer,” he mused.
“She dangerous,” I admitted.
Luca went silent for a second. I welcomed it because I hated to sound like a bitch.
“You scared.”
And there it was…
I stared out the windshield, counting the two guards that guarded the front of my house in a lowkey way.
One leaned against the side of my house, bobbing his head to whatever music he was listening to from his airpods.
The other guard was having a full-blown conversation, but his eyes still roamed around the area.
Every couple of minutes their eyes landed on me, probably wondering why I hadn’t drove all the way up.
“Maybe I am…” I shrugged.
Luca stayed quiet enough for me to keep talking, so I continued.
“If I stick her… I’m probably gon’ go out sad again,” I stated honestly.
I wouldn’t lie to myself about Amaris and deny the attraction and magnetic pull I felt when I simply just looked at her fine ass.
I paid for pussy a lot… I paid out so much over the years for pussy that I could probably use that shit as a tax write off.
I didn’t mind throwing cash for it. I felt no connection except lust when it came time to fucking different broads.
But… shit changed up with Serenity. I thanked God I was able to get over the trance and facade of caring she displayed for me that made me feel connected to her.
Still, I maintained feelings for Serenity.
If she ever needed a nigga, I’d be there for her.
As time went on, I realized that she truly needed help.
Serenity was just too far gone in believing that the life she was living was all that she deserved.
With Amaris… I felt some shit with her without even tricking on her yet.
I hadn’t even got the treasure and felt some type of way.
She gave me the feeling of something without even saying much.
Her presence felt more like a fulfillment that made me feel satisfied.
I liked that she didn’t try hard to impress me.
She was just real and authentically herself unapologetically.
She read my ass like a book, something nobody cared enough to do. A total stranger turned roommate. Shit had me conflicted and confused as hell.
“I can already feel it.” I shook my head. “That attachment shit.”
Amaris wasn’t soft like Serenity; she was spoiled in a sophisticated way.
If I had to compare the two… Serenity made me protective since her slow ass really ain’t know no better.
Amaris made me alert. Like she’d either become peace or complete destruction depending on what side of her I ended up on.
I still didn’t know much about Amaris. Yet somehow, I felt comfortable around her, if that made sense.
“And what is her reasoning for staying?” He asked, finally.
“She claimed that she haven’t felt this stress-free in years… said she didn’t realize how much she needed a break from worrying about Maniac, on top of keeping his lounges afloat.” I repeated her excuse for staying, word for word.
“And what did you say to that?”
“Damn, you sure are talkative as fuck today.” I jerked my head back, frowning.
“I started back going to see my otolaryngologist… pain management and exercises been helping but I have to exercise my voice box more,” he admitted.
“That’s good…” I smirked. “Any inspiration on why?”
“Novae… The twins… and…” He paused.
I already knew the name he was getting ready to say.
“La’Nova.”
“Ohhhh, so y’all back together.” I chuckled.
“No… We just on better common grounds. We talked, but there’s still a lot to sort through… I have a lot of kids to raise, Roy. I’m happy with that, but I got to start fixing a lot of shit with myself.”
Hearing him actually acknowledge all of what he said out loud felt damn near unreal. I always admired the kind of man Luca was. He just always kept his emotions bottled in.
“I don’t want to damage them like Lucille…” His words trailed off, but I heard his raw emotions.
It hit me square in the chest. I finally understood how heavy the crown on his head really was. He wasn’t just leading the Bonetti Mafia anymore. He was leading his immediate family and this was him admitting to not taking it lightly.
“Some days, I don’t know how,” he confessed in a low whisper.
“All the shit Dontrell taught us be coming to me in waves… when I really need it the most but not every day.”
“You already fixing it, just by knowing it. It don’t happen overnight,” I reminded him.
“It doesn’t,” he agreed. “So when something don’t happen overnight, we stay patient… We don’t run from the unknown. We don’t panic because we can’t control the outcome. And we damn sure don’t let fear make decisions for us.”
Luca was a smooth-talking ass nigga when he needed to be. He somehow managed to flip the conversation back to me.
“I get it,” I said, tucking my bottom lip in.
“Good, go inside… If you really want her gone, say it and mean it. She probably can sense that you really not serious…just like I can sense you trying hide your feelings because of the fear from a repeat with what you had with Serenity.”
I had nothing to say back to that because he was right.
It made me feel good that I never had to flat out tell Luca everything going on with me for him to already know.
I wasn’t the type of person who liked repeating things.
Hearing shit out loud felt like another raw dosage of reality that I didn’t want to sometimes accept.
“Go visit your mom, Royal,” Luca’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“We only get one, and when they’re gone… it’s no rewinding time. Just memories.”
His words felt like ice water being poured over my room temperature body.
“The memories you have with Ms. Hillary aren’t all bad. Through and through, she loves you,” he continued.
“She called you?” I asked, swallowing down the painful lump of new emotions that arose.
“She calls me every three days… She’s worried… says you haven’t been to see her in two months.” Luca said, sounding disappointed.
“I’m gonna go visit her… I just stay away to keep from killing—”
“He left. If you’d call and check on her more often, you’d know.”
The line went silent; I knew his hot and cold ass had hung up without having to look down at the phone. I tossed my phone in the passenger seat, started my car, and pulled up to the front of my house.
I missed my mom but hated the man she dedicated her life too.
The hardest thing for me to do was hold back when I could have killed that nigga soon as my balls dropped but didn’t for the sake of her.
I held no resentment toward her. I wasn’t the man that grew up blaming everybody else for my problems even though some people were responsible for a lot of shit when it came to me.
I let it go because it helped me breathe easier and at least capture a little bit of peaceful sleep.