8. Hali
CHAPTER 8
Hali
C aptain Erickson keeps his distance from me as he leads me to a door inside his quarters. I try not to question it, but it’s rather bizarre. He’s made it a point not to touch me, like maybe he doesn’t trust himself. Or it’s just another game to him. I simply follow after him, feeling my skin grow cold.
Fear shoots through me like ice. I feel it from head to toe. My shift is coming in a matter of hours. I can feel the transformation already starting. There’s a buzzing beneath my skin.
Usually, this is an exciting time for sirens. The buzz is welcomed, and the anticipation is like the clock winding down to New Year’s day.
But there’s no excitement right now as he pushes open the stressed wooden door and stops there, looking at me. He doesn’t even gesture at me to go in. He just stares at me in that expectant way.
It’s ominous to me that I have to walk in before him. That I can’t simply follow him like he’d already made me do.
Glancing behind my shoulder, I stare across the room at the door leading out. My lips tremble ever so slightly.
I think of Kai’s final words to me when he’d fucked me roughly after we found each other upon boarding.
“By whatever means necessary.”
But this wasn’t what we had in mind. At least, it wasn’t what I had in mind.
There’s no way Kai would allow another man to fuck me.
Yet, here I am, walking past the captain who has had me in a loop from the moment I laid eyes on him.
How the hell am I going to dodge this?
My legs feel like lead as I walk through the threshold. Before I’ve even gaped at his bedroom, I feel his body come around mine. His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me into his hard chest. My heart jumps to my throat, and I let out a sharp gasp as his lips press against my ear.
“Another truth,” he roughly demands, wrapping his teeth around my earlobe. I expect a sharp pain to follow, but he grazes it simply before skimming his nose along my hair.
I’m sure he can feel my heart beating against his arm. It’s wrapped so tightly around me, there’s hardly any room to breathe.
“I’m scared,” I admit. That’s my truth.
“Of me?” he presses.
Of you.
Of what I’m about to do.
Of how I’ll send this ship plunging into the depth of this ocean knowing your son will die too.
Goddess, give me strength. “I’m scared that you’re going to hurt me.”
“Do you think me so callous as to be a selfish lover?”
“A violent lover, more like.”
“Hmm.”
He goes quiet.
I wait on tenterhooks for his next move. My gaze is fixed ahead. Through the curtain of hair that’s fallen over my face, I see the giant bed feet away from us. There’s a cool breeze hitting my heated cheeks, so there must be an opened porthole.
I wince when his arm tugs me harder into him.
“Who are you?” he rasps.
“I already told you.”
“A whore’s daughter.”
I fidget around his tight hold. “Y-yes.”
“We agreed to tell the truth, Red.”
I feel pain around my ribs, his hold punishing. “You’re hurting me.”
“What makes you think I care?”
Before I can protest, he suddenly lets me go and I stumble forward. I hear him move across the room, the sound of liquid filling into a glass follows.
Then, he trudges back to me, though he’s back to keeping his distance. I can do nothing but stand straight, unmoving as he circles me, his eyes meeting mine before drifting down my body.
His large hand is wrapped around a glass of amber liquid, and he brings it to his lips, taking a large gulp of it.
“You’re right,” he murmurs, pausing in his step to look at me. He raises his glass like he’s pointing it at me. “I am a violent lover, Red.”
My nerves rattle inside me as I say nothing back. I want to keep him talking. To keep pushing back the inevitable. But I can’t seem to draw the words out. Being alone with him in this setting has me mute.
“But with you, I think I’d be sweet,” he adds next, his hard face growing gentler.
He takes a step closer to me, and now I’m seized with panic.
“That’s not a truth,” I sputter out quickly. He pauses again, tilting his head to the side. “If it’s something I already knew, it doesn’t count.”
There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. He knows what I’m doing. “Is that so?”
“And the conditions were clear. I tell you a truth, and now I request the same of you. A real truth. Something nobody else knows about you.”
“There are a lot of those.”
“Then this should be easy, and hopefully, you won’t cheat me this time.”
“Cheat you?”
“You never completed your last truth.”
“I hardly recall what I told you.”
His amusement relaxes me. I feel the trembles abate as I force a soft smile. “You told me you were cursed.”
His eyes dim. “Ah.”
“Cursed in life?” I wonder aloud. “In love? Aboard this ship? There are a number of ways a person can feel cursed.”
His smile turns bitter, he takes another gulp from his glass. “I’m afraid it’s an actual curse, Red.”
My brows come together. “What sort of curse?”
“Is that a second truth you want?”
“I hardly think it’s the end of the first.”
Pointing his glass at me again, he says. “It counts as the second truth. Take it or leave it.”
Frowning, I relent. “Fine.”
“It’s a very sensitive truth, Red,” he says as he walks about the room again.
“Are you going to kill me for knowing?”
I wait for him to nod, to tell me that he will do just that, but he shakes his head softly. “No.”
“My last admission?” he whispers. “Aside from the fact I find you utterly fascinating?”
“What is it?” I push.
“I love my son,” he tells me gravely. “I love him dearly.”
Of all the things I expected him to say, this stuns me.
He edges closer to me, his eyes drinking me in. I look back, too, shocked by his admission, by the anguish that momentarily flickers through him. I can’t deny he’s evil. I couldn’t possibly forgive such a man. And yet…I realize that nothing is ever truly black and white, is it? Yes, he’s capable of repulsive acts, but there’s the smallest part of him that still feels. He’ll never change. I’m certain of it, but it still doesn’t erase this fact.
Swallowing my nerves, I ask a question that has been burning on my brain since learning of his son. “And his mother?”
For a moment, a pained look passes across his features. “We don’t speak of her. A father is all he truly needs in this life. To teach him the ways of the sea, and how to be a man.” He looks away for a moment, his voice dropping as he mumbles, “I love him more than she could have.”
“Does he know that?”
He frowns, and I get the impression he hadn’t wished for me to hear that last bit. “It’s better he doesn’t. Love is for soft hearts, Red.”
“Love can strengthen hearts, Captain.”
Now he won’t look me directly in the eye. He looks at my features, his fingers gently combing through the strands of my hair. Under his touch, I see random strands of them shine brighter.
That buzz beneath my skin continues to grow. Right before I shift, anyone close to me will see it. The glow of my skin, the shine in my hair, the dazzling allure.
“You think love has all this power, don’t you?” he asks, though he doesn’t wait for an answer. “That you can just open yourself to someone and heal them, or that all their evil can be washed away when they open themselves back.”
“It depends,” I say, unable to hide the sympathy in my voice.
“On what?”
“On whether he wants to wash away his evil.”
His chuckle is empty, nothing genuine about it as he considers this. “I have a feeling,” he murmurs, lost to whatever thought he’s holding onto. “Even love can’t redeem a man like me.”
“You’re wrong.” I simply say.
I’m not trying to comfort him, but I do believe it to be true. Where there’s love, there’s always possibility for redemption. And looking up at him, seeing the way his expression shifted when he spoke about his love for his son, I know it’s there.
It won’t be there for me. I’m just a passing fancy. Or for anyone else. But for his son… His son is his purpose.
Even a villain has a heart.
Nothing is black and white, after all.
He drops his head closer to mine. I hold my breath, body stiffening when his lips press against mine. I wait for the revulsion. For the hatred and anguish to hit me.
None of that comes.
When he presses his lips to me, I can imagine that the smallest part of him, the part he hides well, is all of him. How easy would kissing a man like that be?
His lips aren’t hard. They don’t mercilessly ravage mine, demanding for me to return it with equal ferocity.
Quite the contrary.
I don’t kiss him back, and he’s fine with that. He wraps his arms around me, tugging me closer to him, until my chest is flush against his. His mouth presses along mine, kissing me dotingly, and it takes everything not to cry.
I want to cry for my sister.
I want to cry for Kai, and all the ways this kiss could change our relationship if I were to allow it.
I want to cry for myself because…because I can understand why a woman tries to change a man. We see a window into their soul, and it’s hopeful. It could be beautiful, too.
Mostly, I want to cry for Captain Erickson because it’s too late for any of that. Life isn’t black and white, but it’s cruel, and sometimes the smallest window of hope isn’t enough to save a man.
But I wish…maybe I wish that his son can forge a new path, away from the vile world his father built and lost himself in.
Maybe James still has hope… if I can save him.
I spread my lips, accepting the Captain’s kiss because I know this is all the time he will have left.
I endure it. I even feel guilty.
He pulls away, looking at me now with the gentlest eyes. “Now that’s a kiss better than any violent desire.”
I merely offer him a wobbly smile.
“Another truth,” he says, and it isn’t a demand but a request.
“I won’t forget a kiss like that,” I tell him honestly.
He smiles at me triumphantly. “I think I’ll keep you around, Red.”
I can’t say anything to that. I feel a tear fall, and his eyes narrow on it. His finger comes up to wipe it away. “I still want you,” he says. “Touching me will bring you pleasure. I promise it, Red.”
“Hali,” I find myself saying. “My name is Hali, Captain. I’m not a thing. I have to want it too, don’t I?”
Now amusement flickers in his gaze. “Most certainly not the words of a daughter’s whore.”
“No,” I say sternly. “Certainly not.”
He steps back, going to the bed. “I said I want you, Hali. I want you badly. Undress for me.”
But I don’t.
He doesn’t mind. He knows I’m going nowhere. I have no choice but to stay, but it’s like he’s pretending he’s giving me the option.
From where I stand, I allow myself to take him in. His body is large, as I expected. There are marks and scars over miles of muscle. A flash of heat washes over me, and I shake my head, telling myself it’s just the buzz under my skin. Just the shift warning me it’s coming.
Then I think of Kai, and my promise.
I can’t.
I won’t .
But goddess, this captain is making me forget myself for a small moment.
“Hali,” he warns, returning to stand before me. He looks down at me, and his hand that is running down my arm, leaving goosebumps behind. “I kissed you softly. I gave you my truths. But I’m a red-blooded man, and I need to fuck.”
“And I need to remember why I’m here,” I return swiftly.
“You’re here because I ordered you to be.”
“No,” I whisper, more to myself than him. I’m here for revenge.
He squints down at me, confused. “Hali?—”
BANG! BANG! BANG!
“CAPTAIN!” shouts a man beyond the bedroom door. “Captain, there’s an emergency!”
Erickson’s face hardens with rage. He twists away from me, quickly throwing the tunic back on as he stomps to the door and rips it open. “This better be a matter of life or fucking death!”
“There has been a death,” the man returns breathlessly. “Hylen’s been found dead!”
“What?” Captain Erickson retorts.
“His body…it was stowed away in one of the rooms. One of the whores says a big burly fella had been carrying him around… Captain, I think something strange is happening.”
Cold slams into me.
A dead body.
Big burly fella.
They’re talking about Kai.
No, no, no.
“Do we know who the man is?” questions the Captain.
“There are only a few men with that description.”
“Have them rounded on the deck right this fucking second.”
He slams the door shut again, resting a palm against it. The bracelet around his wrist catches my eye now. From this close, I see words running across it. Words from a different dialect. Oh, my goddess.
Witch tongue.
Witches only impart their language for a…
Curse .
My eyes flare with suspicion, along with my fear for Kai.
“Come, Red,” the Captain says, breaking through my thoughts. “I want you by my side.”
“For what purpose?” I question.
He turns to look at me. “I’m not done with you.”
Go , I tell myself. If he takes me above deck, I’ll see Kai.
I nod, looking down at my feet as I become submissive to him. “Of course, Captain.”
“Out there, you keep that wicked tongue to yourself,” he warns. “Or else I’d have to punish you in front of my men. Appearances are everything. I can’t look weak.”
He thinks himself weak for all his admissions. Interesting.
“I understand,” I assure him.
“Then come.”