Chapter Fourteen #2
“It sounds to me as if she likes you back, but with all sorts of obstacles. A divorce can leave some scars, and a relocation and new job are significant changes in her life. And those are even before the additional upsetting experiences, the flat tires and so on.”
“But wanting her…I’m afraid that I’m setting myself up for some major hurt.” Tess pulled her plate closer and took a bite. “You make the best fruit salad.” She took another bite.
Alice chewed her lower lip. “I think you’re talking about the don’t-break-my-heart emotional type of hurt, but I’m also talking about the don’t-shoot-me-again physical type of hurt.
Bree seems to be in someone’s sights in a scary way.
They want something, and anyone close to her could fall into the crosshairs. I want you to be careful.”
Tess thought of the attack a little over a year ago.
She focused back on her baked chicken. “I was talking about me wanting something and failing. A big part of me doesn’t want to take the gamble that whatever we’re doing now will become something more because if it doesn’t…
My heart is getting in deeper. The looming pain of failure makes me want to run. ”
“You know, there are never any guarantees when it comes to one’s heart,” Alice said. “And consider the bottom line—she could have discouraged you from attending Gabby’s play, or turned down your raffle prize invitation to join her.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“That she isn’t able to completely walk away either. She’s got feelings for you too.”
“She’s new to the area and doesn’t know anyone. Or maybe it’s hormones with her. What’s to say her interest in me isn’t just about sex?” Tess replied.
“Ah yes. She can’t just go to one of the local establishments where there are other women looking for a night of no-strings-attached pleasure too.
It’s so much less difficult to toy with a judges-with-benefits relationship.
Less difficult to spend an evening of dinner and a high school play with her family included, and to agree to go whale watching with you, all the while hoping that someday it might end up in sex,” Alice wryly suggested.
Tess couldn’t hold back a soft snort. “What am I going to do?’
“You can be the one to slam that door, or you can take a chance and give things some time to play out. What do you want?”
“I want my job and two neurotic little beasts to be enough.”
“But they aren’t enough. Not anymore.” Alice nodded.
That wise nod that Tess mostly respected, even if she didn’t always like the way Alice made her face reality and examine herself.
“That dance with death left you feeling that you’re missing something in life, and I think Bree has shown you what it is. ”
“I know, but it was so much easier stuffing all these feelings away. And then that week at Tahoe, Bree got past my guard. I thought there was no way she was anything but temporary with our rules.” Tess shook her head. “I let her in, although that’s not where she wants to be.”
“Not now? Or not ever?” Alice probed.
Tess shrugged. “If I play along with the not-now-but-maybe-later scenario, I let myself become more and more exposed to growing feelings and hope on my end. There’s something between us that I can’t control. She makes me happy. I’m like a frog in a heating pot of water. I’ll end up cooked.”
“Well, you can play it safe and never risk going up in flames, or you can see where these smoldering embers you’re feeling take you—maybe even full-blown love.” Alice held Tess’s gaze before she pushed her empty plate away. “And that’s all I have.” She clearly didn’t mean the food.
“Thanks. I suspect I really don’t have much choice because my resolve to avoid that cooked frog scenario seems to disappear when I’m around her.”
“Well, maybe that’s your first clue. You’re smart—just take it at a slow pace. Now, are you up for a little of my strawberry shortcake?”
“There’s another thing in life that my resolve is useless against, but it’s worth the extra time on the treadmill. Thanks. You’re the best.”
“Or pretty darn close.” Alice laughed. “Aunt with a therapy couch and strawberry shortcake.”
“I just wanted to remind you that you and Judge O’Brian each have an orientation to attend in Monterey.” Helene was updating Tess on the upcoming courthouse schedule.
The trip was scheduled in Tess’s mind. She’d even arranged for Flo to take the cats. But she hadn’t realized the new judge orientation was at the same time as her presiding judge continuing education sessions.
“Okay. Do you have the docket and case assignments under control while we’re gone?” Tess asked.
“No need for you to worry. I’d alert you if there were issues.” Helene turned to leave. “I’m on my way home, so have a good night.”
Tess responded, then sat for a moment. Maybe she should wander down to Bree’s chambers and see if she was there. Just to touch base and see how she was doing—she knew the flat tires had traumatized her. Before she could talk herself out of it, she stood up and headed in that direction.
Tapping on Bree’s doorframe, Tess looked in on Bree, who was reading some paperwork at her desk. Bree glanced up. There was no misreading the warmth in her eyes, and then her lips twitched with a smile that overtook her. It was an expression that hit Tess dead center, both chest and lower.
“Need something, Judge Fairchild?”
“Just checking in with my legume-afflicted colleague—‘Princess and the Pea,’ Mazda tire beans.” Tess wistfully thought of their time in Tahoe, then brought herself back to the moment. “Helene informed me that we’ll both be out of the courthouse in another week.”
Bree’s eyebrows rose. “I’ve got my new judge orientation. You?”
“Presiding judge training.”
Bree chuckled. “Yes. You need to take the required class, the one Huffington obviously aced. Arrogance 101.”
“You don’t think I’m arrogant enough?” Tess chuckled too. Then she sobered and confessed. “I suspect that a lot of people take my demeanor as arrogance.” If they only knew how far she was from a feeling of self-importance.
“Oh, you’re a lot of things, Judge Fairchild, but not arrogant.”
“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or something more cryptic.”
“It was a compliment,” Bree softly replied. “Thanks again for being there for me on Saturday night.”
Tess wanted to say My pleasure because holding Bree and kissing Bree on her front porch as they’d waited for the police chief had been just that, her pleasure.
But she needed to focus on the conference.
She couldn’t help feeling a lot more enthusiastic about the training now that she knew Bree would be there too.
“I know continuing education isn’t new to either of us, but I’d like to hear about any new practices or other information that you find interesting as a novice judge. Shall we plan to meet for some dinners?” Tess decided that was professional and safe enough.
“I’d like that,” Bree replied. “Can we touch base once we get there and then make some plans? I’ve only glanced at the schedule. I know that I have evening events on some nights, and you undoubtedly do too.”
“That works for me—leave things a bit loose until we figure out just what our other commitments are.” Tess thought of them spending more time together.
Dinner together at the end of a long day was a normal professional activity and it should be fun.
Heaven help her, but she wanted to do a little happy dance as she suddenly found herself really looking forward to going.