Chapter 20 Disgrace
twenty
Disgrace
*LORI*
It’s my fourteenth birthday. Nothing worth celebrating for anyone but me.
I am half human; the child of a human man and a she-wolf, which means my pack sees me as an outcast. Dad didn’t want to take responsibility, and Mom just took me in because she had to.
She doesn’t really care, though. I am just there, existing next to her.
And as long as I don’t make any trouble for her, she lets me be.
I was even more surprised this time to be invited to the birthday party of the alpha’s son, who is turning fifteen. Elijah and I share a birthday, which is pretty hilarious to me, seeing how he is one of the most important members of the pack, and I am at the bottom of the hierarchy.
“Look who is here!” Chris, the future beta and Elijah’s best friend, pops up next to me and puts an arm around my shoulder. “Looking good there, Dolores.”
“Thank you,” I manage, blushing slightly.
He is a handsome guy, and one of the most popular in the pack and in school. Obviously, he is going to be the beta one day. Although he is two years older than I am, he always compliments me.
“Careful,” Elijah says. “You can’t get flirty before I manage to score a date.”
“So, once you do, I am allowed to flirt with my favorite girl here?” Chris asks.
I feel my cheeks heat up, not sure how to respond. Fortunately, Elijah indeed spots the girl he likes, a beautiful cheerleader, and takes off to flirt with her. Meanwhile, Chris sticks to me, making sure I get something to eat. “I am so glad Elijah invited you,” he says.
“Really?” I ask shyly.
“Yes. Honestly, I asked him to, because I wanted to meet you here. And as my best friend, he was happy to fulfill my wish,” Chris says, smiling brightly. He hands me a glass. “Here, have a drink.”
I take a sip, noticing it’s alcohol. “I don’t think I should drink that.”
Chris throws his head back and laughs before putting his arm around my shoulder. “This is a wolf-only party. Normal rules don’t apply. Don’t worry, I am here and will watch out for you.”
He indeed doesn’t leave my side, even introducing me to some of his and Elijah’s friends.
One of them is Ava, the gamma’s daughter.
She usually always sneers when she looks at me, but today she is friendly.
I feel like I am letting my guard down slowly, feeling more and more comfortable at this party.
Chris keeps the drinks flowing, until I feel myself getting dizzy.
Things turn into a blur from then on. I remember suddenly being in a bedroom with Chris, and he is undressing me.
I don’t want this. I am not ready yet. I try to say no, but he doesn’t seem to hear me.
I feel like I slip in and out of consciousness, barely able to grasp what’s going on.
I wake up hours later, feeling sick and with an ache between my legs.
Chris lies stretched out next to me, looking content.
When I raise my eyes, I notice someone else standing in the room.
Elijah is looking at me with a phone in his hand, snapping a picture.
“Are you not ashamed?” he asks me. “To seduce the future beta. What will the alpha say when I tell him? What will the pack say when I show them the pictures?”
Something in my stomach drops, my chest clenching painfully. I… I seduced Chris? But I was drunk! I can’t even remember… and Elijah is going to leak the pictures? “Please don’t,” I whisper.
I feel Chris stretching next to me, putting a hand on my back. “Don’t be so hard on her,” he tells Elijah. “I forgive her.”
“Well,” Elijah frowns. “Maybe you can earn my forgiveness, too?”
“How?” I ask.
“Well,” Elijah sits down at the edge of the bed. “I didn’t get lucky today.”
It takes a while to sink in. “Oh…” I whisper.
“Chris is right,” Elijah says, stretching out his hand to touch my face. “You are certainly pretty. It’s that warm-colored hair of yours, and these waves. Even Ava thinks you are pretty.”
His voice is soft and gentle all of a sudden. What am I going to do? He is the alpha’s son… I try not to recoil from his touch when he pulls me closer. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” he reassures me. “Can I kiss you?”
I feel sick to my stomach, yet I find myself nodding.
It was the night of my downfall. Ever since that night, Chris made sure to hook up with me here and there, and Elijah made sure to dangle the video and photos he took over my head.
I didn’t understand it back then, but once I did, it was too late.
Elijah made me hook up with some of his rivals at school to make sure they get a bad reputation.
He wanted to get back at them for being with a girl he liked, or for just not kissing the ground he walked on.
By the end of high school, my reputation was stained as the whore I was.
Then I met Andy, my mate, and the tides turned.
I was honest with him, and to my surprise, he accepted my past. I was so stupid.
I believed everything he told me, so eager to be loved and to have someone who would finally protect me.
I didn’t see the red flags, and I didn’t recognize him as who he was.
He was living as a lone wolf, but not a rogue, telling me he liked to be alone because his pack used to bully him.
What I didn’t know was that his cousin was one of the guys Elijah had tried to ruin.
Once Andy humiliated Elijah, he was done with me and rejected me. No one wants to be mated to a whore.
I thought I would get killed for betraying my future alpha, but someone intervened. I don’t know who it was, but Alpha Ezra was alerted, and he saved me and took me in.
It’s all my fault, though. I was stupid and na?ve.
I believed them. Of course, Andy didn’t want me.
Who wants a girl who’d been used like I had?
Who wants someone that stupid and pathetic?
There was nothing redeeming about me. I slept with Chris, although I shouldn’t have.
He flirted with me, and I felt so happy and flustered that I got drunk and had sex with him.
And then I even betrayed my future alpha.
Since Alpha Ezra saved me from being killed by my own pack, I have done nothing but anxiously wait for my fate to be decided on.
Although he told me I can leave the packhouse to my liking and stroll around, repeating over and over again that I am not a prisoner, I stay in my room.
I only talk to Percy, the young guy I met here when we both were saved from our fates.
The poor kid had been used and tossed aside by his alpha and his pack.
It seems our fates have been decided, though. Alpha Ezra has chosen a pack for us to live in, and their alpha is coming today to check on everything. I just hope he won’t kick me out immediately.
“Dolores,” Percy peeks into my room. “I think they’ve arrived.” He pauses. “Can I come here and wait with you?”
“Sure,” I smile at him, hoping it will chase his anxiety away. He is so young. I can’t believe his pack used him the way they did. Poor kid. He has no one.
“Do you think they are nice?” he asks me when he sits down at the edge of my bed. The look in his eyes is deeply worried, something I can sympathize with all too well. “I saw the alpha.”
“You spotted Alpha Marcellus?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“And?” I can’t stop my voice from trembling slightly. “What’s your first impression?”
“He is tall,” he says. “Like really tall, much taller and stronger than my former alpha.”
“More than Alpha Ezra?”
“He looks more serious,” Percy admits, brushing some strands of light brown hair out of his face. “I am scared,” he admits quietly.
I look at him shortly, not sure how to diffuse his tension, as my own is skyrocketing. “Me too,” I admit after a while. “At least you were obviously used by your pack as a scapegoat. You are innocent. Me… not so much.”
“Lori,” he says quietly. “That’s not true.”
“I made one poor judgment after another,” I say bitterly.
“It isn’t that simple,” Percy mutters. “Alpha Ezra said the same.”
“Still…“ I rub my hands over my face. “I fucked up, and no pack… no alpha will ever trust me again.”
“It’s not that simple,” he repeats once more.
“Of course it isn’t,” I agree. “But to them it will be.”
Percy doesn’t say anything else, and I am glad he is staying quiet.
There is nothing he can say that will ease my worries.
I am ready for every possibility. Best case scenario, they will demote me to some slave work, which wouldn’t be too surprising, seeing as how I am only half wolf.
Worst case scenario, they will lock me up, torture me or banish me.
I try to steel myself mentally for whatever comes my way.
The worst part is that I was so happy only a couple of days ago. I thought Andy would change my life, I thought he could forgive me for what I did and help me atone, but instead he used me to make matters worse, and I let him do it, like the stupid cow I am.
There is really no excuse for the things I have done.
I just wanted to be loved.
Was that so wrong?
There is a knock at my door, startling both Percy and me. I make sure to stand up and straighten my clothes, taking a deep breath. “Please come in. Percy and I are here.”
Alpha Ezra enters together with another man, obviously an alpha.
His expression is serious, and Percy was right, he is taller and even broader than Ezra.
His eyes hold a certain warmth to them, much to my surprise.
“May I introduce you?” Alpha Ezra asks, gesturing towards Percy and me.
“The young man here is Percy, and the young lady, Dolores. Though I think you prefer going by Lori, right?”
I nod tentatively. “Whatever you deem fitting, Alpha.”
Ezra points to the man behind him. “And this fine gentleman, with the nice pecs and gloomy expression, is Marcellus.”
Alpha Marcellus snorts. “Gloomy expression? Your luna just had a vegan dish prepared for us. Nothing against some vegetables, but it was just spinach and chickpeas. Anyone would be depressed!”
“She is currently in her chickpea phase,” Ezra argues.
“Is that even a thing?” Alpha Marcellus scrunches his nose. “I swear, if Silas had accompanied me, he may have rioted.”
“Actually, she has a very distinctive taste in food,” Ezra mutters. “Much more than me. Her dishes are amazing.” He pauses. “Not sure what’s going on.”
“Maybe she is pregnant,” Alpha Marcellus offers with a grin.
Ezra laughs. “No, I don’t think-“ he cuts off. “She’s also been feeling nauseous a lot recently. Wait… what? Oh, my… goddess…!”
“I actually meant it as a joke, but it seems I may have spoiled the surprise. Typical me. Silas will have a field trip once he finds out,” Alpha Marcellus groans. “I think you need to sit down.”
Percy and I watch the exchange with curiosity and surprise, but now I make room at the small table so that Ezra can sit down.
While he recovers from the shock, Alpha Marcellus turns to us.
“I am sorry,” he says with a bright smile.
“I tend to be awful at first impressions.” He reaches out his hand, first shaking mine, then Percy’s.
Percy winces slightly at the strength of Marcellus’s grip, but tries to put on a brave face.
“I am happy to meet you.” He pats Percy’s shoulder.
“You look terrified, kiddo. No reason to be! I promise you, Sunset Hills is a really relaxing place. You just need to like the sun… and mosquitoes, I guess.”
“I… I don’t mind mosquitoes,” Percy stutters.
“Yeah, they all say that at first,” Alpha Marcellus chirps.
“Does this mean…” I ask, unable to prevent my voice from trembling slightly. “You will take us in?” When Alpha Marcellus looks at me, I flinch slightly. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to talk without being allowed to.”
“Huh?” Alpha Marcellus blinks. “Why shouldn’t you be allowed to talk? I am a wolf like you two are. I just happen to be the alpha. It’s not like I am king of the world.”
Another young man peeks into our room, all of a sudden, chuckling softly. “Are you already scaring the newbies off, Marc?”
“That’s Micah,” Marcellus says. “He is my right hand. He was one of the first pack members and helped me build the pack.”
He is also an omega, I instantly notice. Yet he is so friendly with the alpha and doesn’t look scared at all.
“Oh, Lori,” Alpha Marcellus looks at me curiously. To my surprise, he remembered to call me by my preferred name. “Ezra mentioned something interesting about you.”
Oh shoot, here it comes.
“He said you are very good with handiwork.”
I blink, surprised. “Yes,” I admit. “I… I was very self-sufficient growing up. Renovating stuff is a hobby.”
“What kind of things do you renovate?” he asks curiously.
“Well, all kinds of things. Electric devices, for example, but I also like to do carpentry. My favorite is to take old, run-down furniture and restore it. Oh, and I like restoring old houses, too.”
“That’s pretty dope,” Micah proclaims, glancing at Alpha Marcellus. “Just what we needed.”
“That’s true.” Alpha Marcellus looks happy. “Seems like we hit the jackpot! That said…” He turns to look at me. “We don’t want you to do any work until you have settled in. Take all the time you need,” he pauses, looking like he wants to say more, but then he just smiles.
“And you?” Micah asks Percy.
“I don’t have any talents,” he says shyly. “But I can help with whatever you need me to.”
“Well,” Marcellus says seriously. “For starters, you can help by getting your high school diploma.”
“What?” Percy squeaks in shock.
“We have a homeschool system at the pack,” Marcellus explains. “For those young pack members who are too traumatized to go back to school. But some of them prefer to visit the high school in the nearby town. We can discuss this later and see what you prefer.”
Judging by Percy’s expression, he looks like he prefers not going back to school at all, but it doesn’t look like that’s an option.
“Alright,” Alpha Ezra interrupts. “I have recovered, I think.” He beams. “And I know it’s true! My wolf took up a new scent with our mate.”
“Looks like I missed something,” Micah deduces.
“You just missed me being a dunce,” Marcellus groans.
Micah laughs. “Nothing new about that.”