Chapter 27 The Past
twenty-seven
The Past
*BENJAMIN*
Ihurry back home the moment training is wrapped up. I have no time to linger around and chat with anyone, I have a beautiful mate and awesome date to get to. When I rush into the house, both Silas and Marcellus are already there, eyeing me in surprise.
“Didn’t you just have your first training with Lucian?” Silas asks. “How come you can still move?”
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” I beam, rushing upstairs to my bedroom.
I don’t hear what else either of them has to say, instead, I wriggle out of my clothes and jump into the shower.
I want to smell and look good. Lori is so beautiful.
She has chestnut-colored hair with a hint of red in, a beautiful heart-shaped face, and blue eyes, and she has the cutest mole ever, right above her eyebrow.
I don’t know how I deserve such a stunning and gifted woman as my mate.
I know she is very talented in handiworks, and I just suck at it.
Actually, I am pretty bad at almost everything, while she seems to be amazing.
She has to be so bummed to be mated to me, though.
After her history of assault, she is mated to yet another bully.
I can’t fuck this up. I will be honest with her all the way and answer all her questions, so she knows what she is getting into.
I will give her all the time she needs, and I certainly won’t judge her for what her former pack did to her.
They used her. I had a feeling, with what Marcellus had hinted at, and her words just verified it.
A sudden wave of anger fills me, and I feel my wolf stir, too. Whoever hurt her, they’d better stay far away from me, or I will rip their sleazy dicks off their bodies!
I need to prove to her that I am not like them, that I respect and value her.
I grab a pair of jeans, swiftly putting them on, but I have no idea what type of shirt to wear. “Say, Marcellus,” I ask, leaning over the balustrade of the staircase. “Which shirt do you think looks better?”
I hold out the two shirts I picked, a blue one that looks slightly fancy and a white one with a V-neck.
“What are you going for?” he asks.
“Attractive, approachable, capable, but not like a sleazy asshole,” I say.
“Why are you asking Marc and not me?” Silas asks with a frown.
“Your style is more…” I pause. “Unique.”
Silas furrows his brows, while Marcellus grins. “White one,” he says. “Lori looks like the type of girl who doesn’t like show-offs. Keep the blue one for an actual date.”
“Wait… what?” Silas asks, as I feel my cheeks heating up in embarrassment.
Marcellus beams. “I knew it! Your lack of a reaction tells me what I need to know. See? I told you!”
“Told him what?” Silas pushes.
“She is his mate,” he says.
Silas blinks before he smiles warmly at me. “Is that so?”
“I can’t believe you already busted me,” I grumble.
“That’s beautiful news,” Silas says. “Dolores deserves a good mate, and I know you will be exactly that.”
“Only if she wants me,” I say anxiously.
“I think she is probably just scared that you will take advantage of her and then reject her,” Marcellus says. “Don’t overthink it too much. Just be yourself and be patient. She is probably longing for a mate, just like you are.”
I take a deep breath. “The white one, huh?”
“Yep, good luck,” Marcellus says with an encouraging smile.
Before I head to Lori’s cottage, I visit the pack kitchen and buy a bottle of freshly pressed juice and some fruit to take with me.
Sheila is so sweet as usual and gives me two pieces of the chocolate cake she just made without asking any questions.
Putting everything into a basket, I finally decide it’s time to meet my mate.
The closer I get, the more the anxiety wins over me. Isla rejected me after a day, not immediately. She had time to think it through and decided I was not worth it. What if Lori will think the same? She has so much more to offer, and unlike me, she is a true victim.
When I arrive, Lori is sitting outside at the huge, wooden table in her small garden and has some sheets of paper spread out in front of her.
“Hello,” I say, not able to hide the twinge of nervousness.
Lori looks up, gazing at me first before looking at the basket in my hands. She looks anxious, too. “You came.”
“Of course I did,” I say, taking a deep breath and deciding not to give her the chance to send me away. “What are you doing?”
“Making drafts,” she explains. “I measured everything, and now I am contemplating how much material I’ll need.”
“I am not good at that stuff,” I admit. “But I would love to learn if you’d explain it to me.”
She smiles at me, her eyes suddenly glinting with passion as she starts to describe her plans to me, and what the numbers she wrote mean. She also tells me how much material she might need. “Of course, that’s for the future,” she says.
“Why?”
“Oh, I don’t have the funds,” she admits.
“But I have them,” I beam. “Finally, I can put my late father’s dirty money to good use!”
“Benji, I can’t accept that offer,” she says quietly.
“Of course you can,” I say, suddenly feeling pumped. “I inherited quite some money from my father. He was a true psycho, and I didn’t touch the money up to now. But I would love to invest in this project, and in whatever else you come up with for the pack.”
“An investment?” she asks.
“Of course, I’m investing in your skills,” I say. “We’ll start with your cottage.”
“I could look at the other important pack buildings,” she muses. “The nursery, the pack house…”
“Exactly. To be honest, I’ve wanted to contribute financially to the pack for a while, but Marcellus told me to think it through before I made any rash decisions.”
She smiles. “And this is not a rash decision?”
“No, it’s a fantastic decision,” I say. “So, how about we put this here“- I lift the basket- “into the fridge and then head out to the hardware store. There is one half an hour away from the pack, and we might get some materials and tools.”
Lori looks torn, though I can see the excitement in her eyes. It’s fascinating; her eyes don’t seem able to lie. “An investment,” she says. “For the pack.”
“Exactly,” I smile. “Let me link Marcellus and tell him about our plans.”
As expected, Marcellus is immediately on board.
I know he was hoping for Lori to put her skills to use, and this is exactly the outcome he was hoping for.
He also approves of me using parts of my money for it, but he wants to contribute from pack funds, also.
Don’t spend all of your money, he tells me.
It’s great that you have plans, but make sure to keep enough for your future.
Don’t worry, Dad left me quite a lot, I admit. There is still enough for me to live comfortably, and to get any potential, future children through school and college.
Then go ahead. Take my jeep. I am glad you and Lori found something you can connect through, even more so because it means she might connect to the pack, too. Good job, Benj.
I feel flustered at his words and unsure if I deserve the praise.
I’ve always seen my father’s money as dirty, and didn’t want to ever touch it.
It’s not like I’m that frugal; it’s just that I didn’t see the need to buy something for myself.
But now, with Lori and her project, I’m happy to spend as much as necessary.
“Marcellus is on board,” I tell her. “Actually, he is very happy.”
“Really?” she asks. “He is… he is such a special alpha.”
“He is a great alpha,” I admit. “I hope you will soon learn to trust him, and us, the pack. But for now, let’s go! We have quite the task ahead.”
“Got it,” she smiles, and grabs a sheet of paper. “Right behind you.”
It’s pitch-black outside when Lori and I return to the pack. We were the last customers to leave the hardware store, but we got everything Lori needs for now, and some more items she said would be valuable for later, for when she starts work on the packhouse.
I am glad I didn’t completely fail as a mate today, though I am not sure what my father would say had he seen how little knowledge I have of all this ‘manly’ stuff like handiworks. I flinch at the thought of what he would have done to me.
“Everything alright, Benji?” Lori asks worriedly as we carry the last pieces inside.
“It’s just some shadows of the past,” I answer honestly.
Instead of scaring her off, my words seem to resonate with her because she nods. “You don’t need to pretend you are fine when you aren’t,” she says quietly. “I know those nightmares.”
“It just sucks so much, because I feel like most of it is my own fault,” I admit.
Lori grabs the basket from the fridge, and we settle down at the table outside her cottage. It’s dark, but still warm. She has no outdoor light yet, something we will be working on, but it’s oddly comforting to sit in the darkness of the night with her.
“Would you tell me?” she asks quietly. “I don’t want to force you or anything, and I don’t want to sound needy. And… oh fuck… I know I am fucked up, Benjamin. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I am so fucked up, I am sorry.”
“I don’t mind telling you,” I say. “You deserve to know the truth about me. If you ever plan on accepting me as your mate, it’s the least I can do.”
Lori pours a glass of juice for both of us as I start telling her my story.
I don’t spare any details, telling her about my cruel father and how he led the pack, how he abused me, and tormented the lower-ranking wolves and she-wolves.
I tell her about my first mate, Freya, and how shitty I was to her and the other slaves, and how I rejected her because my father would have had my head had he known.
I tell her about how I bullied those below me, but make sure she knows I never sexually assaulted anyone.
I also tell her about Isla, and how she rejected me for being part of Sunset Hills.
It’s almost two hours later when I wrapped up my story.
Lori is quiet at first. “Goddess!” she whispers.
“I know,” I swallow. “I am so sorry you got me as a mate.”
“I am not talking about that,” she says. “I just… I am so shocked by what your father did to the pack and to you. Benji, you were a victim, too, you know that?”
“I still made poor decisions,” I say. “That’s a fact. Other people are victims and still manage to do better.”
“But you are showing your worth,” she says. “Maybe you didn’t back in your old pack, but certainly now. The alpha told me you are going to be his gamma, and he also said how much he respects you for the person you are. That means something.”
“Thank you for not judging me,” I say quietly. “You are one of the first.”
“Thank you for being honest,” she says in return. “Because you are one of the first who was ever fully real with me.” She looks down at her glass. “I am not here because I am a victim. I was the pack whore.”
“Lori,” I say carefully. “I know it’s-“
“I know what you are going to say,” she butts in. “That I was coerced, that I was a victim, and all that stuff, but I don’t feel like a victim.”
Maybe it’s her way of dealing with what happened. Maybe not seeing herself as a victim is what’s helping her at the moment. I do think she will need to face the truth eventually to fully heal, but I am not going to force her. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” I assure her.
“But you just told me everything,” she says. “I… it would feel wrong.”
“I told you of my own free will, I was ready to talk about it,” I say. “I wasn’t able to do that for a long time, but I am now. You didn’t force me to tell you. And I won’t force you, either. You tell me what you want, whenever you want.”
I can make out movement in the darkness, and am surprised when I suddenly feel Lori hugging me. It only lasts seconds, but it still makes my heart skip a beat.
“Sorry,” she says, her voice sounding strained like she is holding back tears.
“I am sorry for hugging you so suddenly. I just… You are so sweet. You know, my last mate pretended to like me, then he made sure to instantly fuck me. He made promises. There were a lot of red flags, and I was so stupid I ignored them.”
“That’s not stupid,” I say quietly. “He was your mate. Of course, you wanted to believe in him.”
“He used me,” she says bitterly. “For his revenge against my former alpha’s son, and then he dropped me. Rejected me for being a slut and a worthless human.”
“Can we put a rule up?” I ask. “Or more like a deal.”
She seems to be surprised. “What do you have in mind?”
“I won’t ever rush you or pressure you into talking, that’s a promise.
On the other hand, you promise you won’t use any derogatory terms when talking about yourself.
” I feel my heartbeat picking up, not sure if I’m overstepping.
I don’t want to scare her away by sounding overbearing or patronizing.
I just feel like everyone around her called her all kinds of names, so she believes they’re true.
“Feel free to use them for your asshole former mate or for that sorry excuse of an alpha’s son, instead. ”
Lori smiles slightly. “You are really something, Benji.”
“So, we have a deal?”
“Alright, but only if you stop belittling your own achievements. I’ve realized you have a tendency to make yourself look less than you are, and I’ve only known you for a day.”
“Wait a moment,” I complain. “Why did you have to turn it around?”
“It’s only fair, isn’t it? I have to warn you, though, I have a competitive streak.”
I grin. “I kind of want to learn more about that.”
“So, deal?”
“Deal!”
“Okay, so how about we join the welcome party now?” I offer. “It’s being held to welcome all new pack members. Completely relaxed, don’t worry. But Silas made a monstrosity of a dessert. You don’t want to miss out on that one.”
Lori looks torn, but much to my surprise, she suddenly nods. “Let’s go.”
When we walk towards the pack house, I feel that, while I might not have won her over as my mate yet, it’s possible that I have a new friend.
I have never dated anyone, and my last mate ended in a complete failure.
The only interaction I’ve had with a girl was when I went clubbing with Nova and her friends.
I just hope I won’t do anything to upset Lori.