Chapter 22
Colin Hillman paced back and forth in the drawing room of his rented house, not thinking about whether or not he would wear a path in the rug under his feet.
Every time he turned and walked back towards the mantle above the empty fireplace, he looked at the clock in the centre of the marble piece which formed the mantle.
No matter how he willed time to speed up, each time he looked, it was only a minute later than it had been the last time he did so.
To take his mind off the time, Hillman thought about the previous day, Sunday, when he had been invited to join the residents of Lakeshore House for the meal after the church service.
He had, of course, accepted the invitation with alacrity. It had been very hard not to speak to Miss Bennet on the subject he wished to canvas in less than a half hour, but he had not given into that temptation.
He would not allow his selfish desires to interfere with the Sabbath.
The time spent in Miss Bennet’s company that day had only proved the rectitude of his desire to court her.
She had a core of steel, but at the same time, she was everything that was lovely.
Not once had Hillman heard her try to subtly, or more overtly, denigrate another in an attempt to make herself look better.
Regardless of her beauty, Miss Bennet was not a vain woman like so many in the Ton were, even those who had no reason to be. However, Miss Bennet was so much more than her outward facade. She had an inner beauty, and that was one of her most attractive features to him.
When they had spoken after the meal, Miss Bennet, Jane, had never once tried to wheedle information from him about what he wanted to speak of during his call the next day.
Hillman had remained with the Gardiners and their two eldest nieces for some hours after the meal, but thinking it would be too much, for the same day when, after all, there was nothing formal between him and Miss Bennet…
yet, Hillman had politely refused to remain for dinner and took his leave.
As soon as he left the house, he had almost turned around to tell them he had changed his mind, but he had kept on walking until he entered his rented house.
Sleep had not come easily to him that night as he lay in his bed thinking about the decisions he had made which had led him to this point.
After the last attempted compromise, and with his parents’ blessing, he had quit London to retire to his estate.
He had been there for barely a month when the Lakes called to him.
It was a place where he felt most relaxed.
He decided he wanted to be a simple gentleman there and not heir to a peer.
Hence, he had become Mr Colin Hillman and sent one of his trusted men to Bowness-on-Windermere to rent a house which a gentleman of moderate means could afford.
Never in all his planning to be incognito and become Mr Hillman, had he imagined he would meet a lady the quality of Miss Bennet—to be honest, both of the Misses Bennet.
Even had he been interested in Miss Elizabeth, suspecting her potential future understanding with his cousin, his honour would not have allowed him to pursue her.
But as it was, that was moot, because the lady he was fast losing his heart to was Miss Jane Bennet.
Just when he had all but given up on discovering a lady who would touch his heart and like him for who he was, Providence had directed Miss Bennet to join her aunt and uncle.
She had told him of the original plan for only Miss Elizabeth to accompany the Gardiners.
That had caused Gardiner to rent the larger house next to the one Hillman had taken.
There were so many things which had to occur for them to meet that he was convinced he saw the Hand of God in the events which had led him to meet Jane Bennet.
The striking of the clock pulled Hillman out of his reverie. It was half after ten, time for him to call on his neighbours. As it was a warm day, all he donned was his beaver and gloves. Next, he grabbed his cane and was off for the one-minute walk to Lakeshore House.
As he was expected, the butler at the Gardiner’s house led him into the drawing room after placing the beaver and his gloves on a table in the hall. The cane was rested against the wall next to the table.
“Mr Hillman,” the butler intoned and stepped out of the room.
Maddie and Gardiner stood, as did Jane and Elizabeth. Bows and curtsies were exchanged.
“Gardiner, Mrs Gardiner, I request that you and Miss Elizabeth remain for what I need to disclose. If after that, Miss Bennet is willing to hear what I desire to ask of her, I will request a private interview with her,” Hillman stated.
“We agree,” Gardiner answered for his wife as well as himself after she had nodded her acquiescence. “Jane, in the spirit of truth, your Aunt Maddie and I are aware of what you are about to be told.”
Jane and Elizabeth looked at one another. As neither of them had any idea of what was being referred to, they looked at Mr Hillman expectantly.
Knowing that there was no reason to beat around the bush, he decided that being direct was called for at this stage of their friendship.
“My name is not Mr Colin Hillman. I will explain my reasons soon, but my name is Lord Andrew Colin Fitzwilliam, Viscount Hilldale.” Hilldale heard Miss Elizabeth draw in a deep breath.
“You are Colonel Fitzwilliam’s older brother?” Elizabeth enquired.
“I am,” Hilldale owned.
“Then why did you feel the need to hide who you were?” Elizabeth turned to her aunt and uncle with some asperity. She hated that Jane may have been fooled by the character of a man once again. “Why did you not tell Jane and me?”
“Peace, Lizzy. Do you not remember that I used to hide behind my mask of serenity? And does not Mr Darcy have a mask he shows the world? Before we make any judgements, perhaps we should allow Lord Hilldale to explain why he did not reveal his true name and title until now,” Jane insisted.
Elizabeth realised she was about to jump to conclusions again. She felt chagrined that she had almost done so. “Please proceed,” she stated.
“You know my cousin, William Darcy, do you not?” Hilldale watched as both sisters nodded it was so.
“A large part of the reason he began to show that fearsome ‘Darcy Mask’ to the world was because of the way he was hunted by single ladies and their families for his wealth and connections. Even though the Darcys are not titled, he is seen as a prime target for marriage-minded ladies due to the fact that the Darcy land and fortune place them in the top fifty wealthiest non-royals in the realm. Until a lady refused him,” Hilldale looked directly at Miss Elizabeth, “most deservedly so, I will say, he had never imagined that any woman would not be most honoured if he deigned to propose to her.
“I was hunted even more than my cousin. Because of what the huntresses wanted from him, I have too, but in addition, I am the heir to the Matlock Earldom. Thus, I have been treated to much more aggressive ploys to induce me into the marriage state than even Miss Bingley tried on William.
“In my years in society, I have never come close to finding a lady who excited my interest, who saw me for who I am and not what I could give her. Given my attractiveness to marriage-minded ladies and their families, I have been the target of no less than three compromises; the final one was a few months past. It was that last one which convinced me that I would never find a wife I could love and respect in London’s polite society.
Hence, with my parents’ blessing, I quit Town for at least a year.
I headed for my estate, Hilldale, in Staffordshire, which is only about thirty miles from Pemberley.
“It took me a sennight or so to realise I would never meet a woman who I may come to love and respect if I hid away at Hilldale.
That is when I decided I needed to become a gentleman of moderate means.
With that being the case, I chose to visit the Lakes, one of the places I love more than any other.
I did so under the guise of my adopted persona.
It has always been my dream to be appreciated for who I am as a man, to be valued for my character and not my title, wealth, and connections.
This was my primary motivation for the deception of not using my own name.
“You took up residence at Lakeshore House about six weeks after I arrived.
I must tell you that my parents have a house here, which I deliberately chose not to use, so when I told you I had holidayed here many times, I told you the absolute truth.
The day you arrived with the Gardiners, I was sitting on the veranda at my house, drinking in the peace and the magnificence of nature.
I saw Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth standing on the veranda of this house, and I could hear what you were saying to one another.
I could tell we valued the same things: the view, the wonders of nature, and the prospect of exploring your surroundings.
Not one word did I hear about the nothings the ladies in London generally speak of.
That is when Gardiner stepped out to call you back inside, and I knew I needed to speak to him, as he knows me quite well.
“If you are angry at your uncle, rather direct that ire at me because I begged him to keep my secret, and I explained why. I also made a solemn vow that if things ever became more serious with either of you, I would disclose the truth of who I am before making any sort of request with an eye to the future. I am fulfilling that promise today.” Hilldale looked directly at Miss Bennet as he said the last.
“Miss Bennet, am I correct that you have dealt with men, like Charles Bingley, who only see your outward good looks and do not bother to know the lady behind the face?”