Chapter Twenty-Three
Twenty-Three
Caithren
WHEN EVERYONE was chilled to the bone, they returned to the house where Caithren was waiting.
Without Jason.
They all looked happy as they trooped in, cheeks flushed with cold and fun, chattering and teasing one another—the exact opposite of Cait’s current mood. It struck her as unfair that they felt so jolly while she felt so miserable, although she knew that made her a crabbit human being.
“Children!” Violet chided not a moment after the door was shut. “Your cloaks and skates belong in your rooms, not on the floor in here.”
The young ones scattered, the lads heading upstairs, the lasses to their temporary library-bedroom.
After hanging her own cloak on one of the pegs Ford had put on the wall for that purpose, Kendra looked to Cait. “Is Jason upstairs?”
“No.” Cait hugged herself, feeling cold even near the roaring fire. “He’s not here. I cannot imagine where he’s gone. He must be terribly upset.”
“I’m sure he was just surprised,” Kendra said in a tone clearly meant to be soothing.
But Cait didn’t feel soothed, especially when she realized that everyone—or all of the adults, at least—now knew that Jason had gone missing. And, given the way they were shooting her concerned looks, they doubtless also knew the rest: that she was carrying a bairn and had failed to tell him.
Wheesht! Was there no privacy in this family?
Well, of course there wasn’t, she chided herself. Hadn’t she said there was no such thing as a secret? A mere hour ago, no less?
“Have you looked in the cottage?” Amy asked gently.
“Aye,” Cait admitted, “which was silly, considering we’re not staying there. I’ve looked everywhere. Except the laboratory.”
“It’s locked,” Ford told her.
“Which was why I didn’t look.”
“He won’t be in there, but I’ll go look anyway,” he said and ran up the stairs.
“Your grace?” Lakefield’s houseman, Harry, stepped into the room and went to Kendra. “Your maid asked me to tell you your door has been repaired.”
“Excellent!” she said so brightly that Cait wanted to slap her.
Violet also summoned cheer from out of thin air. “Shall we sing more carols while we wait for Jason?”
“I don’t feel like singing,” Cait said with a decisive shake of her head.
“I’m sure Jason will appear soon, and then you’ll want to sing.” Amy came closer to give her a quick hug. “Did you check the stables?”
“Why would he hide there?” Colin asked. “It’s freezing in the stables.”
“Yes, it is,” Rebecca piped up indignantly as she returned, still wearing her cloak. “I’m going to check on my poor kitties.”
As the side door blew closed behind Rebecca, Ford returned. “Jason wasn’t in the laboratory. But I’m sure he’s fine—he’ll show up when he’s ready.”
“I hope so,” Cait said bleakly.
She really should have told him about the bairn.
But she’d known this news would make him unhappy, and her fears had come true.
And—as everyone had warned her—keeping the secret had only made things worse.
Now she had to wonder whether he was more upset about the babe or the fact that she’d hidden her pregnancy from him. Again.
Would he ever forgive her?
Oh, very well, she knew that he would.
Eventually.
But even so, she feared he would feel resentful and discontented for the next few years, until the bairn was no longer a needy babe and they could live the life he’d been picturing.
And that would be awful.
And if he didn’t want this child, would he be able to love it the same way he loved Griffin, Adam, and Jamie?
She placed her hands on her middle, fighting back tears at the mere thought of the child within her facing life without the comfort of a loving father.
“Cait, he’ll be back,” Violet stated bluntly. “I think we should sing.” She gestured toward the harpsichord. “Kendra?”
“It will be a while before all the children reassemble.” Exchanging a glance with Trick, Kendra drew her cloak off the peg she’d so recently left it on. “I’d like to change out of these hot clothes.”
“Me, too,” Trick said. He hadn’t bothered taking his cloak off. “I’ll go with you.”
The two of them began inching toward the lobby.
“I think we should all change,” Colin suggested. “This outdoor clothing is too warm, and evening is approaching quickly.” He looked to Cait. “Perhaps we should ready ourselves for Christmas Eve supper and then sing more carols?”
Cait just shrugged. She couldn’t find the energy for more of a response.
“Changing sounds good,” Violet agreed in much too merry a tone. “Shall we meet back here in, say, twenty minutes?”
“I brought a very elaborate new dress, so I expect I’ll take longer than twenty minutes,” Kendra called from the door to the courtyard.
As she and Trick walked out, she raised her voice to a level that would best be described as a shout.
“But Elspeth knows most of the carols, so she can play until I return!”
Cait sighed, imagining herself smothered in exuberant caroling.
The joy of Christmas.