Chapter 25
Olga opens her eyes, bothered by the bedside lamp turning on. She finds Violeta curled up, looking at her with a defeated expression. Despite her sleepiness and her brain not yet fully awake, all of Olga's alarms go off in that moment.
"What's wrong?" she asks, reaching out from under the blankets to caress Violeta's cheek.
"I don't want to leave," Violeta's voice comes out strangled, and Olga sees her swallow as she presses her lips together.
The realization that everything ends this morning falls on Olga like a collapsing wall, crushing her. She scoots closer to Violeta, trying to contain the tears that suddenly threaten to overflow from her eyes.
"I don't want you to go either, Violeta," she whispers, caressing her again, aware that it was a mistake not to talk about this earlier.
"But my life is there," Violeta says it because it's a fact, but to her, it feels like a sentence, and she starts to feel overwhelmed to the point where her breathing becomes irregular.
"I know," Olga doesn't know what to say; just thinking about not seeing her again in a few hours makes her heart stop.
"I don't want to go," Violeta's sudden sob catches Olga off guard as she hugs her, crying. "Everything I want is in Alquézar," she babbles between hiccups.
Olga holds her tightly, almost melting into her, still paralyzed, not knowing how to comfort her because she can't and doesn't want to influence Violeta's decisions.
"Calm down, honey," she whispers as tears run down her own cheeks.
Violeta mumbles things against her chest that Olga can't understand, so she focuses on calming her and wiping away her own tears when she hears a couple of soft knocks on the door. Violeta's crying stops abruptly, but she doesn't answer, so Olga does.
"Yes?"
"It's me," Maite says without opening the door. "I just wanted to know if I should prepare breakfast for you two as well."
Olga's head is about to explode, and Violeta is crying again, so, considering the matter important enough, she asks Maite to come in, since they both put on pajamas to avoid freezing after their heated encounter.
"What's wrong?" Maite asks, worried, as soon as she raises the blinds.
Olga looks at her, defeated, unable to express the drama they both feel at that moment. Violeta's mother sits on one side of the bed and tries to get her daughter to separate from Olga to look at her face.
"I don't want to go, Mom," her daughter sobs again, this time hugging her.
Maite embraces her and looks at Olga with a scared face, but doesn't have time to say anything because Violeta continues babbling.
"I hate my job," she confesses, making both of them look at each other, surprised by the news. "They don't value me there, and I feel useless. The only place where I feel good is here."
Maite comforts her and lets her cry until she's tired. Meanwhile, Olga remains motionless beside her, her heart racing and emotions running high. They look at each other questioningly, and Olga shakes her head because she knows that Maite, not her, should take the lead in this case.
"Let's see, Violeta," her mother says when her daughter stops crying.
Violeta sits right next to Olga, both with their backs against the headboard of the bed.
"Are you sure about what you feel for Olga?"
They both look at Maite in surprise, Violeta because her heart is bursting at that moment, Olga because she doesn't understand the reason for the question, as Violeta hasn't mentioned her at all.
"Because if you're clear about it," Maite continues without waiting for an answer, "you've always had a guaranteed position at the bakery, and you know it. There's nothing that makes me happier than having my only daughter close, but I don't want you to make a mistake and make a hasty decision," she says, looking at Olga too. "I had no idea you were unhappy at work, you hadn't told me anything, but in any case, my opinion is that you need to go back to Madrid and think carefully about what you want. Making decisions in the heat of the moment is never good."
"I agree," Olga interjects after taking a deep breath and calming down a bit. "Your mother is right, Violeta. You should go back to your life. When you get back into your routine, maybe you won't see everything so bleakly."
"You don't care if I leave?" Violeta spits out, hurt.
"No, honey, I do care, and you know it, but you can't make a decision like that so lightly."
"You and Olga can still see each other on weekends, Violeta. Go back to Madrid and take a few days to think carefully about what you want and what you need."
"I'll go back to Madrid, but I don't have anything to think about. Tomorrow I'll ask for my dismissal and give two weeks' notice, so in two weeks I'll be back whether you like it or not."
Violeta gets up in a bad mood and, after grabbing clean clothes, locks herself in the bathroom.
"What's going on with her job?" Maite asks Olga.
"I don't know, she hasn't told me anything," Olga responds.
Maite lets out a worried sigh and then takes Olga's hand.
"How are you doing?"
Olga shrugs her shoulders.
"Fine, I guess," Olga answers.
During breakfast, they manage to get Violeta to explain that for many months she has been feeling undervalued at work, that her boss keeps exploiting her with the promise of a raise that never comes, and that what used to be a job that motivated her now overwhelms her and doesn't give her anything.
"Why didn't you tell me?" her mother gets angry.
"Because you can't do anything about it," Violeta responds.
"And haven't you thought about changing jobs?" Olga asks her.
"Many times, but my coworker Teresa is there, and she's the only one who makes my mornings bearable. Besides, I'm not sure if that's what I really like anymore. I think I've burned out too quickly, and even the idea of starting over somewhere else doesn't motivate me."
Maite lowers her head with concern, not knowing what to advise her in such a situation of weariness.
Violeta stretches out her minutes in Alquézar until after lunch, when she finishes her coffee, gets up, and announces that she's leaving. Olga's world crumbles again, but she keeps her composure and stands up, forcing a smile. Violeta says goodbye to her mother inside her house, and Olga accompanies her to the street to share a last moment of intimacy with her.
"Well, I guess you'll call me when you get there," Olga says.
"This sucks," Violeta protests, irritated.
"I know," Olga smiles despite the circumstances, amused by Violeta's adolescent behavior, "but you'll come around here more often, won't you?"
She grabs her by the waist and gives her a kiss on the lips that's too tender. Violeta's legs weaken.
"Are you breaking up whatever we have?" she asks, distraught.
"I'm not breaking anything, Violeta. As you said, we don't even know what we have. Go back to Madrid, figure out what you want to do, and then we'll talk, you and me."
"And if I decide to stay?"
Olga feels her head spinning. She doesn't want to say anything that might influence her decisions, and at the same time, she wants to be honest with her.
"We'll talk about it, Violeta. It doesn't make sense to decide anything now."
"It does for me," Violeta pulls away. "I like you a lot, and I want to see where this takes us. Or don't you feel anything?"
"Damn, Violeta," Olga runs her hands through her hair, "of course I feel something. My chest is about to burst because of you. I don't want to be apart from you, do you understand that? Now you're leaving, and for me, it's like a piece of my soul is being torn away that I won't recover until you come back."
"That's beautiful," Violeta laughs, and Olga looks at her perplexed until she smiles too.
"Come on, go now so you have time to unpack and rest. Call me when you get there, okay?"
"And tomorrow?" Violeta puts on a good girl face.
"Tomorrow too, and the day after, and the next," Olga whispers, kissing her ear. From there, she moves to her lips, and they lose themselves in a nostalgic kiss that lasts until their jaws ache.
Olga stays on the street until Violeta's car becomes so small in the distance that she can no longer see it. Then she hesitates between going to her house or entering Maite's, but opts for the latter because she's so desolate that she doesn't want to be alone.
As soon as she steps inside, she breaks down, and Maite hugs her, aware that she has been keeping it together since she woke up.
"It's okay," her friend whispers, "you'll see each other very soon, you'll see."
"And what if she decides to stay there, Maite? I don't want a long-distance relationship."
Although Violeta has tried, Olga has managed to make her leave without having that conversation. Because she knows that if she tells her what she thinks, Violeta's decision might be based solely on her unease about not having Olga, and she doesn't want to be responsible for her abandoning her life for something they don't even know will go beyond what they've had.
"I can't help you with that, Olga. It's something you two have to work out between yourselves."
"I know," she says and buries her head on her shoulder again.