Chapter Three #2
Ramona looked over at him, her face suspiciously blank. He knew that served her well in the work she did, but he’d never liked it aimed at him.
He liked it even less tonight.
She went and put the papers on his coffee table, and then took the baby from him.
She kissed the tiny girl on her forehead, taking the bottle away and then shifting the baby to her shoulder.
He watched her do this with an expert ease, not entirely sure why that, too, made that familiar hunger inside of him grow bigger. With fangs.
Ramona went back into the kitchen and rummaged around in the bag she’d brought, then tossed a soft towel over one shoulder. Knox watched, still mesmerized, as Ramona began to jiggle the baby on that shoulder, tapping gently on her tiny back and rubbing it in small circles.
She caught his eyes on her and her gaze darkened. “She needs to be burped before we put her down to sleep.”
They both seemed to hear that we in the same moment, and it clearly hit both of them the same way, Knox thought. He was sure he saw Ramona flinch a little bit.
And as for him, there was something about all of this that was hitting him the wrong way.
Or hitting him too hard, maybe.
Either way, it was hard to get his bearings, so he turned his attention to the packet of papers Ramona had left on the table.
The first one looked like a timetable, and after frowning at it he realized it was a feeding schedule.
When the baby ate, how much, and then how and when she slept. Straightforward enough.
The next took a minute to figure out, but he was pretty sure it was a vaccination schedule, indicating which ones the baby had already gotten and which ones she was still set to receive. All good.
But the third page stopped him cold. Like a stake through the heart.
Because it was a photocopy of a birth certificate. The date of said birth was October 24. Exactly two months ago. But Knox didn’t have time to be impressed with how Ramona had nailed the baby’s age, because he was too busy looking at the rest of the information on this document.
Where it said mother’s name, it said Shoshana Delaney. A name he’d never heard in his entire life.
The baby’s name was what made his heart start to kick hard in his chest. The baby’s name was recorded as Hailey. That was fine. Cute, even.
But the last name was listed as Carey.
And on the line for the father, he read his own name.
For a moment it was like everything went blank.
When he could access his brain again, he counted back from October 24. But no matter how many times he did it, he came up with the same result.
The reality was that there were times in his life where he would have had more cause to worry that something like this was real.
More cause to be concerned that a condom had broken without his knowledge, or something else had happened to make it less effective.
No matter how careful a person was, it was always a risk.
But that didn’t hold true for this past winter.
“I have no earthly idea who Shoshana Delaney is,” Knox said, his voice low, and not really sounding much like his own.
“That makes it even better,” Ramona replied with a small laugh that wasn’t exactly filled with merriment.
Knox couldn’t even look over at her. She cleared her throat and looked at him with a kind of weaponized politeness.
“Well, Knox, how many nights do you think you had with strange women whose names you never got? Maybe we can work backwards from there. Can you pick out any identifying features from your memories? Were there any personality traits that might help you differentiate between them?”
And it had been a long night already. Knox had gone from contemplating a quiet whiskey on a holiday night to caring for a two-month-old baby in an instant and he wasn’t sure he was handling the transition well.
He had no idea what would happen next. And he had a copy of the baby’s birth certificate with his name on it.
It was one sucker punch after the next.
But this one left his head spinning.
For a moment, he felt paralyzed. He was frozen there in that chair in a state of sheer disbelief.
He watched as Ramona came over to the couch. She set the baby down and then piled pillows all around her so there was no possible way she could fall off the couch.
And he realized that she had a tell, his ice cold doctor. He could see it in the way she moved, that humming tension in her limbs. He’d begun to think she really was unreadable.
But that didn’t really help him any just now.
He cleared his throat and it took effort. “I just want to be clear about what you’re accusing me of here.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” she shot back at him. “You’ve lived your life as you’ve seen fit and I have no opinion on it.”
“You clearly have an opinion on it, Ramona.”
“You made it clear that I was not allowed to have an opinion on it,” she threw at him, and he thought he saw a glimmer of hurt in all of that blue.
He sat forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together, because it was that or he thought he might put a fist through a wall. And that was hardly the kind of man he aspired to be. Or had ever been before.
“This birth certificate is a lie,” he told her, very deliberately.
Very intently. “And I’ll tell you how I know that, Ramona,” he continued when she made a scoffing sound.
“I don’t have to think about identifying marks or standout personalities in some drunken haze.
It never happened. I haven’t actually slept with anyone but you since the day I met you. ”
She straightened as if she’d sustained a body blow and her gaze snapped to his. With something like alarm, he thought.
“You don’t have to tell these stories,” she said, her voice low and even more hurt, to his ear. He hated it. “I don’t have anything to do with this.”
He couldn’t tell why that bothered him so much, but it did.
“I’ve had fun,” Knox bit out. He didn’t mean to get to his feet, but then there he was, standing.
“I’d like to think that anyone who was with me had fun too.
And if during that time in my life someone had come along and put a birth certificate like this in my face I would have had to go take a DNA test to be sure.
” He pinned her with his gaze and he must have looked ferocious because he could see her eyes go wide.
“But I don’t need a DNA test on this, Ramona.
Because it’s only been you. The whole time.
Since that first night in Mountain Mama Pizza, in case you forgot. ”
“You know perfectly well I haven’t forgotten.”
“And what I’d like to know,” Knox said as if she hadn’t spoken, moving closer to her, “is how you can be the same person who told me you were in love with me when all along you thought this little of me.”
She made a soft sound, like he’d delivered a gut punch.
But he didn’t stop. “You really think that I’m the kind of man who had something going on with you that was as intense as it always was with us and was also running around banging nameless girls in bars who I couldn’t identify in a lineup?
” He shook his head. “That’s who you think I am.
That’s the kind of love you have to give. ”
She flinched as if he’d hit her, and he didn’t like that very much. But this was Ramona, so she didn’t fall apart. She leaned closer, folded her arms over her chest, and blasted him right back.
“And why wouldn’t I think that?” she demanded. “Who do you imagine made sure that I thought exactly that? You went out of your way to make me think the worst of you, Knox. You can’t blame me now that I do.”
Knox shook his head, his gaze intent on hers.
“I don’t know why Shoshana Delaney, whoever the hell she is, put me down as the father of this child.
And it doesn’t look like there’s a whole lot I’m going to be able to do about that tonight, in case you didn’t notice the whole blizzard outside while you drove over here.
I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go look at any records before New Year’s.
So it looks like, like it or not, I get to play daddy for the foreseeable future.
Because for some reason, this girl picked me. ”
He moved closer to Ramona, because he couldn’t help himself. Because he could never help himself.
“I called you because I needed your help,” he told her, and could hear his voice going lower.
“I’m fully aware that you don’t want anything to do with me, and I deserve that.
But I don’t think I deserve you believing that I would lie about something like this.
Or anything else. I’m a lot of things and I certainly didn’t treat you as well as you should be treated, but I never lied to you, Ramona. ”
“Technically, no,” she agreed, her voice quieter, and yet somehow it seemed to pierce him right through. “Technically, you never did.”
Technically was doing a lot of work, Knox thought.
“You don’t have to help me,” he told her then.
“I didn’t drag you out of bed to relitigate our shit.
I’m sure my brothers can help me out once the sun comes up again.
If it does.” He tried to do something neutral with his face but wasn’t sure he got there.
“I appreciate you coming at all. I was worried something was wrong with her.”
“I’m delighted to be of service.” Ramona did not sound even remotely delighted.
They were standing very close together now, and he knew the exact moment she realized how dangerous that was. Because it always was. He watched her cheeks flush and then she looked away, and without even meaning to he tracked the way her pulse beat in her neck.
Too fast. Too hot. He knew that because he liked to put his mouth there while he—
But no good could come of finishing that thought.
She stepped back and looked around as if she’d forgotten where she was. Then she headed toward the front door.
“Where are you going?” he asked quietly.
“Home,” she said, without turning around.
“Not tonight, you’re not.” He didn’t say that like it was a question, because it wasn’t. “You probably shouldn’t have come up here, though I’m glad you did. Can’t you hear the wind? I don’t think the storm has calmed down any.”
Ramona still had her arms folded over her chest. She looked back at him with a dubious expression on her face and he wasn’t the least bit surprised when she kept walking toward the front door, but instead of throwing it open to look out at the porch—or run for it—she peered out the window instead.
Knox saw the way she sighed more than he heard it. It was the way her shoulders drooped, and every single part of him wanted to go to her, but he didn’t.
Not only because there was a tiny baby on his couch, sleeping with her chubby arms thrown up over her head, her face serious in slumber.
Hailey, he thought. Her name is Hailey.
He found himself rubbing the heel of his hand into the shallow valley between his pecs, and he wasn’t sure why he felt caught when Ramona turned back around to see him doing it.
“Two-month-olds eat at regular intervals,” she said, back to doctor mode. He didn’t blame her. “Why don’t we camp out here in the living room? I’ll set up a diaper changing station, and show you how to make a bottle.”
“I’d appreciate that,” he said.
So formal.
But they both stood there for what seemed like too long, and he could feel that same pull toward her that he always did. He figured she felt it too, and neither one of them seemed to be all that happy about it.
So Knox broke the spell.
He made himself step back, step away, and then discovered that it was also hard to walk away from little Hailey, so he was pretty much screwed on all sides.
“I’ll pull some bedding out here,” he made himself say, and then he walked back into the dark recesses of his house.
Where he found himself grateful for the opportunity to take a deep breath at last.
But that didn’t last. Because when he did, it was all Ramona.