18. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
Morrie
I shoveled macaroni and cheese into my mouth, practically inhaling it as Scott watched with an amused smile.
"Slow down," he commented, as I swallowed the bite and went back to dig in my bowl for more.
"Sorry." I quickly put the bite into my mouth and chewed, swallowing it. He was probably right, I didn't want to choke, but if my mouth was full I didn't have to answer any of the questions I could see he wanted to ask. We'd gotten back to his place after my first therapy appointment and so far, he hadn't asked me a single probing question. Sure, he'd asked how it had gone, but he hadn't pressed me for anything more than my offered nod.
It hadn't gone as bad as I had imagined, though I had walked out of the office feeling like my entire body and brain had been opened up and bruised. I ached where I sat, but it wasn't something physical and I couldn't come up with a good word to describe it, so I hoped he wouldn't ask me to. I could answer other questions though. I could tell him that we'd talked about my dad and the planes he'd flown. I'd cried on the couch as I'd talked about him and how much I'd loved him, even though he was a fuzzy memory in my mind now. If Scott wanted to know that, I'd tell him, but if he didn't I'd keep it to myself. Monica, my therapist, had told me that I didn't have to tell him anything, even though he was my Daddy. Knowing that made me feel like I might, if he asked, and I thought he would by the end of the night.
As if on cue, my Daddy smiled and opened his mouth across the table from me. "Do you have anything you want to share about today?"
"I cried a lot."
"Oh?"
"We talked about my dad."
Scott nodded, taking a forkful of his macaroni and moving it to his mouth. He chewed, then swallowed and I realized that he was done asking. He wasn't going to probe any further than that and I offered a thankful smile to him over the table before shoveling more of the macaroni into my mouth.
"I need to talk to you about something important, okay?"
I nodded, putting my fork down. He looked really serious in a way I hadn't seen him since the night my apartment had leaked water.
"I got a phone call today from my realtor. Your landlord reached out with an offer for me to buy the apartments."
Excitement and a strange bolt of disappointment flittered through me. I still wanted to go home, but I was getting more comfortable with Scott's place day by day. It was strange to want both at the same time and not be able to have it all. "Did you buy them?"
I deflated a bit as he shook his head sadly. “They're in bad shape. Worse than I thought. I can’t afford to repair a whole roof, Morrie. It’s too much for me to take on and I wasn’t aware that there was mold inside when I made my first offer. I likely wouldn’t have ended up buying it the first time around, it probably wouldn’t have passed inspection. I'm not sure what will happen, but I need you to know that they might get torn down.”
Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes and I reached up to swipe them away because they weren't helpful and I'd cried enough today already. Still, I couldn't stop my thoughts from tumbling out of my head. “It’s my home, Daddy. Where am I supposed to go if they don't get fixed?"
Scott stood up from the table and came to kneel in front of me, reaching up to wipe my tears away with his own thumbs. He gave me a firm kiss on my forehead and pulled me into his chest, letting me cry on his shoulder. Slowly, I started trying to figure things out in my head. I'd have to find a new place to live, that much I knew. What I could afford with my shitty wage was the real question, but maybe Scott would be willing to help me out. He probably would, if I asked. I could always get a new job though. Something that paid more. I had thought about asking for a different position at the restaurant. I had watched the prep cooks come in for the early morning shift on occasion and their job looked okay. I knew one of them was thinking of leaving and I could ask Zeke if he thought I could try it. Then there was always the aquarium. I had thought about applying at the gift shop once before I'd talked myself out of it. Working there would be a dream, but I wasn't sure I wouldn't get stuck watching the fish and I'd probably spend too much money on buying things I liked. That could be a real problem for me.
“Do I need a new job?” I asked out loud, wondering what Scott had to say.
Scott let me go and pulled a chair over so he could sit close to me. “Do you like your job?”
“It’s easy. It’s busy, but I make enough to get by and I don’t hate it. I almost applied at the aquarium for an open position in the gift shop, but that would be dangerous, I think.”
“Dangerous how?”
“I’d spend all my money on stuffies and toys,” I sighed. “I like the restaurant. I thought about asking if I could move out of dishwashing and into something else though. Maybe helping with prep or something. I don’t know.”
“You can do whatever you want to, Morrie.”
“But if I can’t go back to my apartment, I’ll have to take a place that costs more and I’m not sure I can afford a higher rent rate with my current job.”
“Or you could stay here,” Scott offered.
“Here?” I hadn't considered that before. I had always thought that I'd be leaving eventually, back to my cluttered little apartment with all of my things around me. I wasn't sure I could stay here for a long time, even though I was getting more comfortable. I still craved disorder and I was getting tired of Scott raising an eyebrow at me when I'd throw my clothes all over the place in the spare room.
“Yeah, with me. You can have the spare room if you’d like for now.”
“I hate that room,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I need a comfortable space, Scott. I’m not sure we mesh that way. You’re tidy and clean and I’m just… not that.”
“For right now, stay here,” he suggested. “If it doesn’t feel right, you can always find a place for yourself and I’ll help with rent if you need it. I have money, Morrie. Be greedy, it’s okay.”
For right now, it could work. While I figured out how to get a place of my own, I could be in this place a little while longer. At least this place was warm and Scott's bedroom was comfortable. When he was at work and I wasn't, I spent time laying on the red sheets with my stuffies, playing games on my phone or reading. “I’m paying you rent while I’m here. I can give you what I was paying for my apartment. Utilities and internet too.”
I anticipated Scott protesting but he nodded. “I’ll pay for food.”
“Because you like broccoli and I’m not paying for frickin’ broccoli,” I whispered, giving him a tiny grin.
Scott chuckled softly, then brushed hair off of my forehead. He leaned in and pressed his lips there and I sat, smiling on my chair. For now, this could be okay even if I wished I could have both Scott and a place that didn't make me feel uncomfortable inside.
Snow fell from the sky beyond the big window at the front of the house and I curled up on the comfortable carpet, propping my head up with my hands on the windowsill as I watched the wind whip it around the front yard. It hadn’t snowed since I’d come here to Scott’s place, but the weather had turned today and that meant that all of the things in my own apartment were frozen and probably getting covered in snow from the hole in the ceiling. It didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, everything I’d left behind when I’d walked out wasn’t important, but that my collection of things was just sitting there in the freezing cold made something inside of my heart feel heavy.
I sighed as the wind whipped through the quiet sidewalk, the snow dancing in the streetlights overhead that had just blinked on a few moments ago. It was early in the day, but dark enough to make the entire world beyond this house seem like midnight had already fallen.
“Cookie?” Scott asked from behind me.
I glanced up from where I sat as he came to stand over me holding a plate in his hands. We’d spent the day decorating a cookie kit he’d picked up from a local bakery while we listened to Christmas music. Scott wasn’t a baker and neither was I, but he’d promised holiday baking and decorating the premade sugar cookies shaped like trees and snowmen was the best option even if he’d made one of his trees bright blue.
“I should probably eat something more than a cookie,” I sighed, but my mouth was watering thinking about the sugar on the plate above my head.
“Cookie now, real food after?”
Smiling, I pulled myself off the floor, my feet feeling heavy against the carpet. Scott held out the Santa shaped ceramic plate and I plucked a silvery snowflake off the top of the pile. I’d already eaten so many of them today, but they melted in my mouth and I sighed happily as the sugar hit my tongue.
“You didn’t take the blue tree,” Scott commented with a grin, heading for the comfortable couch in the living room.
“That’s your cookie. I won’t have any part of your non-Christmas cookies.”
I followed him over to the couch and sat down in the corner, taking another bite of my cookie as he picked up his blue tree. He grinned as he lifted it to his lips and took a bite.
“Tastes Christmassy to me,” he shrugged, swallowing. I smiled back and finished up the last bite of my own treat, my stomach growling for more. I reached for the plate again, but Scott’s hand stopped me. “Real food, remember?”
“Yeah,” I sighed, as I pulled my hand back. “I remember. What are we eating?”
“I thought we’d grab a burger and fries before we go to the club.”
I sat back, a bit surprised. I hadn’t realized we were going to the club tonight. I had to work tomorrow, but with tonight free and clear I’d thought we’d be doing more Christmas movies and hot chocolate in front of his fireplace. Something a bit more lowkey. “The club?”
“If you’d like,” Scott offered, putting the Santa plate down on the table. “I’m wondering if you’d like to play with your toys. You told me that you didn’t get to do that often when you were playing with Perry and I thought maybe it’d be nice to have some blitzen time for yourself.”
“With you,” I added, though there was a hint of uncertainty to it. I didn’t want to sit at that booth by myself and be on edge the entire night waiting for someone to swoop in and force me to cuddle and be cute.
“Of course with me. I will stay by your side at the play booth all night. I’m your Daddy, after all.”
That should have been comforting to me, but it brought more questions to my mind. We hadn’t really talked about after the holidays were over and I needed to know. “What happens after Christmas?”
“We’ll see how it goes, Morrie. I don’t want to pressure you, but I am your Daddy for as long as you want me to be. Christmas will end and I’ll still want to be with you, I’m sure. I hope that you’ll want the same thing when the time comes.”
“I think I will.” Maybe. I hoped anyway. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Scott to realize I was more trouble than I’m worth and to learn that he wasn’t as good at tortoises as he believed he was despite him showing me different.
“Why don’t we go get dressed and head out?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, head full of thoughts and heart full of something that felt dangerously close to hope.