Chapter Twenty-Eight
I don’t know if Tomas asked about me when he turned up at Albert’s, as by the time I leave for the airport, there are still no messages from him. I did consider messaging to say goodbye, but after that awkward moment on New Year’s Eve, I decided better of it. There is no point. All the feelings I have tried to deny throughout the holiday have come crashing down around me as I stand here at the airport. For a while, I felt special and that someone cared about me. Tomas restored my confidence and even my faith in people, but maybe I was wrong.
As I see the aircraft on the tarmac waiting to take me back to the UK, it sinks in that I won’t ever see him again. This is the end. Once again, I feel as though I have lost someone. I have lost my friendship with Tomas because we pushed things too far, and I am saying goodbye to a beautiful city that I have come to love. How could I attach myself to someone and to a place so quickly? It was as though I was part of that family forever, and now it’s all taken away from me again. I am sad as I realise that although I said I’d come back, I most probably won’t ever see Albert and Zuzana again. It is just one of those things you say that makes saying goodbye easier.
When they announce my flight departure, I join the queue to board the plane. Of course, in the movies, this is the point where Tomas would come running towards the boarding gate shouting my name. If this were a movie, I wouldn’t hear him at first, and all the passengers would be willing for me to turn around. Then, eventually, he would catch up with me. I would see him and fall into his arms, and I wouldn’t be going on any flight home.
However, this is the life of good old Olivia Edwards, divorced, originally from Llandysul, and nothing has ever happened to me that is remotely like the stuff you see in the movies. Still, I look over my shoulder and double-check that my name isn’t being called by a surprise passenger behind me, and I somehow can’t hear it because of the baby screaming in front of me.
Foolishly, I look at every face down the passenger line to double-check as they stare at me, wondering why I am looking at them. But there is no Tomas and there is nothing except a long queue of passengers and the squealing baby. Nope, Tomas definitely hasn’t surprised me by secretly running after me. The truth is, Tomas hasn’t even said goodbye.
By the time I land back in the UK, I have accepted that I won’t be seeing him again, and I can hardly blame him when he has the beautiful Milena.
When the taxi arrives back at the mill, it is as though I dreamed my whole trip. It is raining, sludge is pouring out of the drain beside the front door, and there is no sign of my friendly little robin. Perhaps he got bored waiting for me to come back. With no sign of the robin, I find myself bursting into tears as I walk inside the empty mill. I am annoyed at feeling sorry for myself, but now, not even my favourite bird is at home waiting for me. I am alone, and whilst I was happy enough before, I had started to enjoy a taste of having friends again, and, quite frankly, I miss it already. The old stone walls of the mill feel cold and damp, something I never noticed before.
I drop my suitcase by the door as I am not in the mood to unpack right away. I manage to trample upon a red bill from the energy company lying on the top of the mail that arrived while I was away. With the inheritance money, at least I will be able to pay the bills without any worry from now on.
There is gurgling from the tap as I run the water to make tea. Then brown water eventually gushes out, and I realise the pipes have probably clogged up with the frosty weather while I was away. I am used to the dodgy pipework here, but I don’t want to deal with it today. I find myself wishing I was back in the luxury of the five-star hotel.
The snow globe is right where I left it on the table, and I go over and give it a shake. As the snow comes down around the castle, it brings back fresh memories of Tomas and me being there. I can’t remember enjoying myself as much in a long while, and I doubt I will again. I pick my phone up and check it one last time. Just in case. There is nothing from him. I look at his number saved on my phone and press delete along with every message. I don’t need any reminder of Tomas. Like my trip to Prague, it is all in the past.
The mill doesn’t seem to want to warm up, and there isn’t enough firewood left, so I put my coat back on to get some more firewood from outside. It feels colder than Prague in here.
As I get to the shed where I have stored the logs for moments like this, I have to look twice. The little robin is hopping about outside the door.
‘You’re still here.’ I smile.
My favourite robin is a sign that I must have hope for the future. I was fine before I went to Prague, and I will manage once more. Just like the robin, I have spread my wings, and I can do it again. I will not let my experience with Tomas rob me of my new-found confidence.
I get the robin some food and head back indoors to get the fire going. Finally, it starts roaring and all that is needed are the comforting sweets I have in my suitcase. Calories don’t count at times like this.
I go into my suitcase to search for the bags of liquorice. Right on top is the gold jacket, which I certainly no longer need. I may as well give it to the church jumble sale. It is not like I can wear it to feed the birds! I throw it over to one side on the floor, step over it and head back to the sofa to toast my feet in front of the fire. Then I eat my bag of liquorice until my tummy hurts and send myself off to bed before I end up greedily searching for any more snacks. Besides, I have an early start tomorrow as my homecoming coincides with Dewi’s return to the office. He needs me to sign the paperwork that will see my inheritance transferred to me.
The one good thing about my trip to Prague is that I am no longer afraid of going into town. For the first time in two years, I drive confidently. After travelling to Prague alone, this is a doddle. I realise that I can conquer more than I thought and will no longer doubt my capabilities.
By the time I walk into the solicitors’ office, clutching the bag of liquorice, I am quite excited to meet Dewi for the first time. We have spoken so many times before, and although we still haven’t met face to face, I immediately recognise him from the newspaper article.
‘Well, hello, Ms Edwards. So good to put a face to the name,’ says Dewi.
‘You too. It’s great to meet you, finally.’
I hand him the bag of liquorice, and he looks thrilled.
‘Well, how lovely, thank you. So, sit down. Tell me all about Prague then.’
I tell him how wonderful it was and what the letters were mostly about.
‘Well, well. That was some love story between the two of them, wasn’t it?’
‘Yes, it’s all very sad, really. If only he hadn’t had that accident in the river, then they’d have been together.’
‘I know. What a terrible pity.’
‘You know, I wanted to do something to honour them. I thought about a padlock on a bridge in Prague with their names on, but that wasn’t a good idea.’
‘No, that could even be considered criminal damage doing something like that to those lovely historic bridges.’
‘Yes, exactly. But anyway, I’ll think of something for them. Maybe I’ll get a rose bush named after them or something. Can you do that? Or a bench somewhere? That would be nice.’
‘Was Marek buried, do you know?’
‘No, he was cremated. Albert, his brother, still has his ashes at home with him.’
‘Well, that’s interesting. Grace was cremated too, wasn’t she?’
‘Umm, yeah.’
‘You know. I have an idea. Why don’t you put their ashes together? Take Grace’s ashes to Prague. Albert would have to agree to let go of Marek’s ashes first, of course. That might be possible. I suppose you’d need to speak to him and his family about it…’
‘No, I don’t want to go back again. I’ve left now, and… well, Tomas, Marek’s nephew, well, he…’
‘Great, you can ask this Tomas if he can arrange it then.’
‘No, I don’t have his number.’
‘I’m sure you could find it out.’
‘No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll think of something else.’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Oh, come on, you have to at least ask. The two of them could be together for eternity then. Imagine!’
For a solicitor, he certainly has a lot of meddling time on his hands.
‘I don’t know. I can’t exactly ask Albert or Tomas such a question.’
‘Can’t you?’
‘No! Now, what was it you wanted me to sign?’
Dewi looks through his file and gives me a form to sign saying that I have been told about the will and the estate I will inherit. I sign it whilst he goes through the paperwork.
‘Drat. There’s a form missing. You’ll have to come back again. I am so sorry. I’ve got a new secretary, and she gets a bit confused with things. That’s the problem when you hire a family member.’
‘No problem. Just let me know when it’s ready.’
‘Okay. But in the meantime, will you please have a think about asking the family about the ashes? You never know. I mean, Albert must be in his seventies or eighties. They can’t keep passing them down through generations.’
I remember that there are no generations after Tomas. Still, it is not my problem. I am not getting in touch with the family again, and I am not going back to Prague. Besides, I have deleted Tomas’ number for a reason.
I get up to leave and ignore his plea. Unfortunately, this is something that I simply can’t be a part of.
‘Oh, Olivia. Before you go… So sorry. What am I thinking? This file’s got into a right mess. There’s a letter I must give you. Your aunt instructed me to give this to you once you had completed the trip. She said it was very important.’
I look at the letter with my name on. I flip over the envelope and see that Aunt Grace has marked a kiss where she sealed it.
‘Oh no. What’s this about?’
‘I’ve no idea.’
I look at Dewi, and I’m sure he must know more than he is letting on.
‘I swear, now. She didn’t tell me anything. She just told me to make sure you received it after you’d been to Prague and, if you didn’t go, you were never to receive it. That’s all I know.’
‘Right. Okay.’
Back in the car park, I gently place the letter on the passenger seat of the car. It sits there like an unexploded bomb. I dread to think what revelations could be in there.
I take a deep breath, look at it again and decide to get it over with. If I have learned anything these past few weeks, it is to face things head-on.
I tear at the envelope and open up the letter, resting it on the steering wheel of the car.
My darling Olivia,
Well done. You did it. I hoped you would go to Prague, and I am so proud of you for doing it. It’s been horrible watching my bubbly niece turn into a shell of herself. I hope that travelling alone has given you the confidence to believe in yourself and know that you don’t need Craig in your life to do things. I know that can seem hard when you’ve been married to someone for so long and you have to start over. But he was always a snake, and you were far too good for him. I should have warned you about him, but I didn’t want to hurt you. I regretted it every day, and I fear I made things worse by not telling you what I really thought of him. He did not deserve you and your beautiful, kind heart.
So, now that he is gone, it is time for you to start the second chapter of your life, and there’s no reason for it not to be the best.
I hope you managed to meet Marek. You will understand by now that he was the love of my life, and if things had been different with my family commitments, then I am sure we would have been so happy. Please don’t make the same mistakes I made in life. If you ever find a love like I had during that short time, you must never let it go, because it might never come back again.
Tears run down my face. I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my jumper. Oh, Aunt Grace. I understand why she didn’t tell me about Craig, but her words make me think of Tomas and how beautiful he is. Well, Aunt Grace, sometimes a love like that lets us go. Then we have no choice in the matter.
Anyway, I hope that the rest of your life is happy and all your dreams come true because you truly deserve the best. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise, my darling girl.
Until we meet again,
Aunt Grace x
I take the letter and place it back on the passenger seat, trying not to look at it again as I drive home an emotional, snivelling wreck.