Chapter 6
Chapter Six
“Lord Grayhill, a moment if it pleases you?” The voice came from the doorway to Daniel’s study, but as was so often the case, he was not paying attention.
Rather, he stood at the window, looking through the storm toward Pemberton Estate. It was dark out, and thick snow was falling so it was nearly impossible to see more than a few feet. Despite this, he could have sworn that he saw a soft glow emanating inside the neighboring manor.
I must be seeing things. Nobody is home – I know this for a fact. I even saw Lord Pemberton and his brood leaving earlier today, meaning the manor should be sitting empty.
Yet through the snow and darkness he could make out the unmistakable glow of candlesticks in the windows. And where he had no reason to think it, or to care, he found himself wondering if perhaps one member of that household had decided to stay home…
“Lord Grayhill?” the voice spoke again.
Daniel heard it that time. He scowled with frustration at his own thoughts and what they meant, spared a final glance for the neighboring estate, and turned away.
Lord Pemberton and his family were gone, meaning Lady Alison was gone with them.
And now that she was, he needed to put her out of his mind once and for good.
Easier said than done, but a few weeks without having to be near her and knowing he would not see her was sure to help.
“Ah, Godfrey.” He affected a smile when he saw his personal valet standing in the doorway. “Is something the matter?” He left the window and took a seat behind his desk.
“Nothing of high import.” Godfrey was of a similar age to Daniel, well educated, and as sad as it was to say, as close to a friend as Daniel had in this world.
He had been with him now for years, and Daniel trusted him more than he did most. “I was just going over the ledgers, concerning your coming trip and –”
“It is not a trip, Godfrey,” Daniel sighed. “You speak of it as if I am going on a holiday.”
“Business venture?” Godfrey offered as he walked into the office.
“Try escape,” Daniel said. “A new life, from which I will hopefully never return…” He looked past his valet, thoughts turning to what he meant to do and the reasons for it…
“Regardless of the terminology, Lord Grayhill, as I was saying, I have been going over the ledgers and there are some things which need clarification. Mostly to do with tenants and their contracts once you go on your…” He pushed his lips together. “Escape.”
Daniel groaned. “Does it have to be now?”
“Not at all, but I find these things best to be taken care of sooner, rather than later.”
Daniel waved him away. “Tomorrow.”
“As you said yesterday,” Godfrey pointed out. “Why, I might even hazard a guess that all this delaying is further proof that such an… escape, as this…” He sighed to himself. “Is not nearly as coveted an idea as you seem to think. Or wish to pretend.”
Daniel looked at Godfrey warningly. “And as I told you the last time you brought this conversation to me…” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t.”
“I am only trying to help.”
“Help yourself, you mean.”
Godfrey held out his palms. “Me? Certainly not. I cannot help but think that the Americas will agree with me.” He flashed a smile.
“All that sunshine and warm weather will do wonders for my complexion.” Then he fixed Daniel with a look of concern.
“I just wish to make sure you know what you are doing. And that it is being done for the correct reasons.”
Daniel scoffed. “That is hardly a concern.”
“What if –”
“I am doing as I must, Godfrey,” he said with bite. “It is the only way, and I would hope that by now you would realize it. Just as I would hope that you would stop with all the pestering and make the arrangements as I have asked.”
Godfrey bowed. “I am yours to command.”
“Consider yourself commanded.”
“So… the ledgers?”
Daniel groaned. “Tomorrow – and do not say what I know you wish to.”
Godrey’s expression was as flat as it was knowing. “Me, Sir? I would not dream of it.”
Daniel eyed his valet warningly, knowing the man meant well, while wishing that he would know his damn place and keep his mouth shut. At the very least he might refrain from badgering me as if he does not know why I must do this.
The so-called ‘escape’ that Daniel referred to was a secret trip which he had been planning now for some time, one known only to himself and Godfrey.
That was partly because he did not wish to tell those who might try and persuade him against going, and partly because he worried that if he told them, they wouldn’t care.
More than that, he was just about done with all his responsibilities that plagued him most grievously.
He did not want his duties. He didn’t want this life.
What he wanted was to put it behind him so that he could start anew.
Some might have called it running, but Daniel saw it as searching for the type of freedom he had never known.
He was in the process of closing out old tenancy agreements and selling off his land so that he could move his life to the Americas where nobody would know him and he could be whomever he wished.
But what do I even want to be? What will I find there that isn’t here already? Can guilt be escaped from, or will it follow me across the world so that no matter how far I run, nothing will change…
It was too late now to worry. He was set to leave shortly after Christmas, which was the reason why he planned on hosting his sisters. There he would not only tell them what he was doing but ask for their forgiveness. And whether they decided to give it or not, he would still leave.
“Is there anything else?” he asked Godfrey who was still lurking.
“Supper will be ready shortly,” Godfrey said. “In the meantime, I have had a bath run for you.”
Daniel groaned and stretched his back. As he did, he turned and glanced through window and at Pemberton Estate. Still, he could see light coming from the supposedly empty home, and still, he could not stop thinking about Lady Alison.
That was another good reason to leave, he supposed.
She was a mystery that he could not solve, which was concerning in ways he did not wish to consider.
Whenever he thought of her, he felt a stirring deep within.
A fire burning so hot he couldn’t feel the cold winds of winter. A storm that threatened to consume him.
It is a good thing that she hates me as she does… a better thing that I will never have to see her again, because if I do….
He gave his head a shake, refusing to go down that path for the hundredth time. Then he tore his gaze free and pushed back his chair, groaning as he stood.
“Excellent suggestion.,” he told Godfrey. “A bath is much needed, I think.”
He glared at Godfrey who looked as if he wanted to say more, but the valet bowed and hurried from the room. Good that he did, because nothing was going to change Daniel’s mind at this point. It was far too late for that.