Chapter 18 #2
Daniel considered her, and she was certain he was going to turn her down. But he must have seen something in the way that she was looking at him, because he smiled softly and did not fight her. The time for fighting was well passed.
“One more,” he told the sleigh driver. “And slower this time. There is no rush.”
Daniel sat back across from her and the sleigh kicked back into motion. The track it followed wound its way around the outside of the town, the sun was just now reaching the middle of the sky, but it was still cold so that Alison was forced to pull the blanket up to her chin.
“Here…” Daniel moved to sit beside her, bringing his own blanket which he gently put over her lap.
“Oh, no, you do not have to –”
“For once, Lady Alison, will you just let me do a nice thing.” He wore a smile as he spoke, and his eyes glimmered in the sunlight.
She smiled back. “I suppose I can. I cannot help but think that you have earned it.”
“Finally,” he sighed, chuckling lightly. Then he spread the blanket over her, moving in close so that it covered his body also.
There he sat with his arm around her, but not in a way that was romantic per se. It felt more protective than anything, and he continued to look at her as he had been doing all day. Alison found his eyes, she blushed and looked away, then she dared a glance again to find him still watching.
For two days now, she had wondered so much about the other night. Mostly, how he had stopped himself and cursed his actions before walking away. He did not hate her. Rather, he hated himself, as if he was worried about what might happen.
Again, the need to protect was fighting against his desires. And Alison knew that if anything was to happen between them, that she needed to make him see that there was no need for him to fight with himself anymore. That he could no longer hurt her.
“I never got the chance to thank you,” she started, keeping the blankets pulled in close, meeting his eyes despite how difficult she found it.
“Thank me?”
She said, “For saving me yesterday.”
“Oh.” He shook his head. “There is no need to –”
“For once, Daniel, let me do a nice thing.” She grinned at him, and he rolled his eyes at her.
“You are welcome,” he said. “Let us hope it is the last time.”
“You were right,” she continued. “About everything. I should not have gone home as I did. I should not have…” She shook her head. “Been so quick to assume the worst of you.”
“Is that what you did?”
“Why do you think I went home?” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “You should know, however, not to take it personally. In fact, I want you to know that nothing I have said to you, or how I have behaved, has been because of you.”
“What does that mean?” He leaned back a little but kept his body close.
Alison hesitated, the intensity of the moment settling on her.
Alone as they were, sitting together, his arm around her, the beauty of the frozen landscape as their backdrop made her insides feel warm and she snuggled deeper into his side.
“I doubt you know much about my family,” she began softly, her breath misting as she spoke. “That being, Lord Pemberton and my brother and sisters.”
“I noticed before that you called him Lord Pemberton. And you repeated the name just now. Why?”
“He calls me Lady Alison,” she said bitterly.
“Which is the entire point. I am happy for my mother, as I know she loves him, as he loves her. Just as I am happy because she loves her children by him…” She swallowed the lump in her throat.
“And it might sound selfish. It might strike you as immature. But when I see them all together, how close they are, I cannot help but think…” Her chin wobbled and she tried to keep it steady. “Why not me?”
“I don’t understand. I thought they were your half-siblings.”
“They are,” she said. “Even if it does not feel that way.”
“Are you saying they mistreat you?”
“No,” she sighed. “But Felix and Nerissa and Winnie are close, as you would expect. My mother dotes on them because she thinks she needs to. And in the process, I am forgotten. A fifth wheel on a carriage that is simply there but serves no purpose.”
“Lady Alison…”
She shook her head. “And it is fine, really. I understand why they treat me as they do. Or rather, why they seem so intent on acting as if I do not exist half the time. It is not personal, rather it is….” Again, her chin started to wobble.
“The point is, often the only way for me to be noticed is to act out or to force them to look at me.”
He chuckled softly. “So, when you saw fit to abuse me –”
“I did not abuse you.”
“Did you not?” He looked pointedly at her.
She grimaced. “I am not used to being told what to do, or how to do it. Why would I be? So, when you…” She pretended to scowl at him. “Attempted to reprimand me, I might have over-reacted simply because I do not know any better.”
“I will remember that.”
“In truth, I was not surprised when they forgot me…” The Earl watched her intensely and she had to look away as if from shame.
“Nor was I surprised when they did not return. I guess I just hoped that maybe it was all in my head, you know? I always suspected they did not see me, but to have it shown to me so resolutely was…” She sniffed.
“It stung, and that as much as anything is why I have behaved in such a fashion.”
“Lady Alison, I am sure your family loves you.”
“I doubt it.”
“I am sure they see you.”
“I know they do not.”
“Look at me…” His hand reached out and touched under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. “They do see you,” he said, his stare determined and commanding as if he could force her to believe him. “Just as I see you.”
“I know you do…”
His hand was still under her chin, their eyes were locked, their bodies were close, and Alison felt that same spark light between them that she did the other night.
It was far too warm for the blankets, but she did not want to remove them.
They seemed to hold the two together, and she did not want the moment to break.
Sadly, the Earl did it for them.
Seeming to realize what was happening, he dropped her chin and looked away. She winced as if from pain, wanting nothing more than to reach for him but not wanting him to reject her.
“Would it make you feel better to know that I once left my sister behind on a trip?” he said suddenly.
She frowned. “What?”
He chuckled and turned back to look at her, smiling through the intensity as if that might disarm the moment.
“It was years ago, now. My middle sister, Caroline. We were on the way to the wedding of my eldest sister, and with there being six of us, Caroline the middle child, and she who caused my mother the least amount of worry. Somehow, we just…” He shrugged. “Forgot.”
Alison snorted. “And I am sure you were nothing but apologetic.”
He grimaced. “Not exactly. You might not know it to look at me, but I was a touch more arrogant back then than I am now.”
She snorted again. “Is such a thing possible?”
“In truth, I was more concerned that she might have done something to embarrass herself…” He shook his head at the memory. “And that she went and got caught up with a duke as a result of it annoyed me further.” He scoffed at himself. “My priorities were not exactly noble.”
“A duke? What are you talking about?”
“It’s not important,” he said. He was back to looking at her, his hands folded on his lap, leaning back just a little as if to try and avoid the same moment that had almost taken them a second ago.
“What is important is that Caroline knew it was not done on purpose, just as she knew how much we cared for her.”
“I believe that you did,” Alison said. “But your family is not the same as mine.”
“No…” A shadow passed behind his eyes. “In some ways, it is worse. Or rather, the things I have done to my sisters…” He trailed off and looked away with the same sense of shame that she saw in him so often.
Alison studied him for a moment. She could not say why, but she could see sadness taking over Daniel. Whatever it was that had happened between him and his sisters, it hurt him deeply, and he hated himself for it.
Was that why he spurned her? Was it to do with his sisters?
There is more there. A deeper reason to why he is the way he is. Nothing to do with me at all…
As selfish as it sounded, that realization heartened Alison.
She could feel the connection growing between herself and Daniel, just as she knew now that he did not hate her, nor did he want to dismiss her.
Whatever it was that caused him to storm off the last time had nothing to do with her at all.
And for that reason, Alison knew what she had to do.
Or rather, what she so desperately wanted.
Maybe it wasn’t the right time? Maybe it was stupid? Maybe she would come to regret it? But she could feel the tension between them growing. She could see the way he had been looking at her. And most of all, she could read his thoughts as if they were her own.
“Daniel,” she said softly.
“Yes?” he looked up.
Without waiting for permission, because she knew he would not give it, Alison leaned in and kissed Daniel on the lips. And, as she knew he would, he kissed her right back.
It was not like the last time they kissed. Or the time before that.
This kiss felt more real somehow. It felt more purposeful.
It was a kiss that spoke the words neither were willing to say.
One that cut through the confusion so that all that was left was the deep and burning attraction felt between them both.
No need to question it. No need to wonder what might happen next.
Alison wanted this, Daniel wanted this, so why deny it any longer?
The sleigh moved gently across the snow. The sun shone down on their shoulders. Birds sang in the trees. A light wind blew about them. And Alison kissed Daniel with unbridled passion and want because he could see her like no one ever had before, just as she could see him.
For the first time since Alison had woken up in that library, she was glad that her family left her behind. And if that didn’t mean something, she didn’t know what did.