Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
“Ithought I would find you here.” Alison stood in the doorway of Daniel’s drawing room, a smile on her lips, one that was sure to reach her eyes.
Daniel, sitting in front of the fire, started when he heard her voice. “Alison…” His eyes reflected in the flames of the fire, and she saw in them a combination of both surprise and what she chose to interpret as relief. “What are you… you’re awake.”
“Thanks to you.”
“No,” he said. “I did not –”
“For once will you just accept the compliment,” she spoke over him, laughing as she did. She was not there to fight. She was not there to argue. In her mind, they were past that by now. “I feel in this instance, it is deserved.”
He grimaced awkwardly, still appearing unsure. “I did what anyone else would have done.”
“You did what only you could have done.”
It was subtle, but a smile tugged at his lips. “That you are awake tells me you are feeling better. I am glad.” A beat passed between them, and Alison remained in the doorway, watching him closely as she tried to determine what mood he was in and how she should approach this. “How did you get in?”
“Godfrey let me in,” she said. “As he told me where to find you.”
He nodded once, still saying nothing.
“Strange…” Alison started into the room, walking slowly and carefully as if she was approaching a skittish cat that she did not wish to frighten. “Seeing as you were meant to be on your way to the Americas.”
“I still might be,” he said. “But I missed my ride, and the next does not leave for some time.”
“You have looked into it already?”
“Not yet,” he admitted. “But there is always a ship. It will not be hard to buy passage.”
“You still intend to go?”
“Of course I do.”
Alison’s smile grew. She no longer felt confusion concerning his feelings for her. In fact, she was all but certain of the love he held for her.
What she needed now was to make Daniel admit to it. And he wanted to; she was certain of it. That he had rescued her, that he had covered Felix’s debts, and that he was still here… I have no doubt in my mind. And I know he feels the same.
“No, I do not think that you do.” She reached where he was sitting and then stopped so that she was standing over him.
“Alison…” He forced a groan. “Please, can we not have this argument?”
“It is not an argument,” she said simply. “It is just fact. You have no intention of going to the Americas. It is not a case of maybe or mind changing. I know this now.”
“Is that so?”
“Am I wrong?”
“You could not be more wrong, Alison.” He scowled at her, but there was no anger in it. “When Tommy found me and told me what had happened, I could not very well leave you. So, I made a choice, one I do not regret. But it changes nothing.”
“It changes everything.”
He exhaled sharply. “It does not. The reason I am leaving…” A shake of the head. “It has nothing to do with you, just as it has everything to do with me. I cannot stay here, Alison. This world… this place… it is not for me.”
“And why not?”
“Because the people who live in it would be better off without me.”
“Such as your sisters?”
“Among the many.”
“And what of me?”
He winced and turned away, his stare now saved for the fire. “You, most of all. I know what you think that you feel. Just as I know what you think that means – but I promise you, it is not that easy. And where it is hard to accept, you will be better off once I leave.”
“And if I refuse to accept that?”
“It does not matter what you accept,” he said darkly. “I have made up my mind, and it will not be changed.”
Alison did not let his dismissal get to her. Not this time. He might have spoken the words that he needed to, but there was no fight in them. No conviction. She could see him wavering, as if he wanted her to change his mind. And Alison… well, she always had been stubborn.
“You could not be more wrong, Daniel. You are not –”
“You do not know me.”
“I know you better than you know yourself.” She bit her lip and considered him, trying to decide how best to do this. He had turned away from her, refusing to meet her eyes, forcing her to speak at him rather than to him. That needed to change.
A decision made, and Alison stepped around the couch so that she was in front of him.
Then, before he could stop her, she dropped to her knees and took his hands in her own.
She shuffled forward between his legs and looked at him – really looked at him.
She needed him to see her, just as she saw him.
“Do you not see it by now?” she pleaded as she squeezed his hands. “Do you not understand, Daniel? You are not some… some monster, or beast from myth,” she laughed. “You are not a wicked person, and you have certainly not ruined the lives of all those you have met.”
He tried to pull his hands free. “It is not about that.”
“It is,” she pressed on him. “You think that you wronged your sisters, and the only way to make amends is to leave here. You think that you do not deserve happiness, because you stole theirs. You think… you think… you think that running is the answer.”
“I am not running.”
“You are!” she cried out. “Which is not who you are. Lord Grayhill does not run from problems. He races toward them. He does not cower from a fight but stands up to it. And when he wants something, he goes for it. He makes it his, no matter the cost.”
“And if I want to go to the Americas?” he pleaded. “What if that is what I want?”
“What you want is to be happy.” She smiled, letting her eyes well with tears. “That is what you want, even if you refuse to admit it. And happiness won’t be found across the ocean, Daniel. It can’t be.”
“And why…” His voice cracked and he no longer tried to pull his hands away. “And why not?”
“Because it is here,” she said desperately. “Staring you in the face.” Then, she laughed. “And you know that it is! When I came to you the other night and told you that I loved you –” Daniel winced. “—Do you know what I realized?”
He was staring at her, his eyes watering, the fight leaving him.
“I realized,” she continued, “that when I told you that I love you, you did not deny that you love me too. You did not say it, because you could not say it.”
“Alison… please…”
“Tell me,” she demanded. “If you really want to run, if you really want to go, I will not stop you. But before I let you, look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. Do you love me?”
“It is not that simple.”
“Answer my question.”
“You know it will change nothing.”
“Tell me!” she cried. “For once, tell me how you feel, Daniel. No more lies. No more denying what I know. Just…” She smiled softly at him. “Just tell me, yes or no.”
Daniel continued to look at her. There was sadness in his eyes, the fight he had been winning for so long, finally ending, whether he wanted it or not.
He still held her hands. He still looked unsure.
But as she stared at him from her knees, pleading with him to admit the truth, she could feel the change… the acceptance washing over him.
He wanted to say it. All he needed was that push…
“I love you, Daniel…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “And if you love me too, I deserve to know. Now, tell me, and do not lie. Do you love me?”
It was subtle, but the hint of a smile tugged at his lips. He exhaled, as if pushing out the last vestiges of the fight, and his body slumped. “You always were stubborn.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Never taking no for an answer…” There was laughter in his voice. “And what did I tell you about that tongue? It’s going to get you into trouble one day soon.”
“That is still not an answer.”
“Alison…” Still looking at her, he brought her hands to his lips and kissed them.
“Of course I love you. A part of me wishes I did not… it would make things that much easier…” His smile grew and he kissed her hands again.
“But I love you with all my heart, and my only regret is that I did not tell you sooner.”
Alison’s heart swelled to hear those words finally spoken.
A warmth spread through her body, one that made the flames of the fire cold by comparison.
She had known that he loved her, so his words did not come as a surprise. But that did not mean they were felt no less because of it. Like a blanket in winter, they wrapped around her fully, safety felt and love heard in them.
Still on her knees, she thought of telling him again how much she loved him. She thought to confirm that he would stay with her. She thought about saying so many things but quickly realized the time for talking had passed. And for that reason, she did the only thing that made sense.
So it was that Alison got to her feet, climbed on top of Daniel’s lap, took his head in her hands, and kissed him in ways that were much deserved and desperately needed.
And, unsurprisingly, he kissed her right back.
His hands found her waist and held her steady as their lips finally met.
Her knees sunk around him, squeezing tight and holding him in place so that he might never leave her.
Still holding his face, their lips parted, their tongues dove in, and they kissed with fire and passion and, most of all, love.
It was only meant to be a kiss. A means to seal their words so the promise made between them could not be taken back. But as soon as they started to kiss, and the moment that Alison’s body melted into Daniel’s, she knew that a simple kiss would not be enough.
His hands moved down her back and wrapped around her buttocks. He squeezed them and she moaned as their kisses increased in intensity. On instinct, she began to move her hips and pressed them into him, able to feel through his pants his manhood stiffen and push against her thigh.
“Alison…” he breathed through each kiss. “I should warn you…”
“Warn me of what?” She licked at his face and started down his neck, nibbling and sucking on his skin.
“If we do this, there is no going back…” He moaned as he spoke, leaning his head back to expose his neck.