Letting Go
Robbie
Bodies writhed against each other, laser lights marking their dancing silhouettes. My heart pounded with the beat of house music, a curtain of smoke filling the space between Esteban and me. I wiped my sweaty palms on my ripped blue jeans and fixed my black short-sleeved shirt.
“You okay, Robbie?” Raúl, one of Esteban’s friends, asked. The red-and-black snake tattoo that ran across his arm and up his neck contrasted dangerously with his black skin. He was a man. A fucking strong and huge man.
Esteban threw his arm over me, his smile showing off his irresistible dimples. “Don’t bother him. It’s his first time at a gay bar.” He ruffled my hair, then stood by his friend.
I had seen him without a shirt, but tonight his thin white Henley marked his abs and his arms. Fuck. Those biceps were finger-licking good.
I shook my head. “I’m okay. And it’s not my first time.”
Esteban widened his eyes. “It’s not?”
My father’s hard gaze hit me, but I pushed the memory away. “No. I tried once a couple of years back.”
He brushed my arm softly. “But I thought—”
I jerked away from him reflexively, not because I didn’t want his touch—because, hell, it was all I could think of—but because I hated that he felt sorry for me.
Esteban frowned.
I was about to answer when two hands covered my hips from behind and warm air traveled down my nape. I jumped and turned halfway to find a very handsome man behind me. He was of medium build with tanned skin. His blond, wavy hair reached his mid-back.
“Will you dance with me?” His thick, husky voice sent shivers down my spine.
Before I could say anything, he grabbed my hand and put it against his short stubble, raising an eyebrow. “Say yes.”
I didn’t look back as I nodded, and he pulled me to the center of the dance floor. I needed to get away from the pity party ASAP, and this was a perfect escape.
The man grabbed my hips and moved me to the music. It was sexy, not too fast, not too slow. I let myself go, his body so close I could smell his musky cologne. He looked like a rock star but a horny, gay one. I moaned when he ran his tongue up my neck. His touch was fire.
I’d never been held by a man this way. I didn’t even think of asking his name.
He pulled me to him, and his hardness hit my belly. “I’m Andres, by the way.”
My whole body trembled in anticipation. “I’m Robbie.”
The men making out around us didn’t help, as all my thoughts traveled to what he could do to me. How would it feel to let go?
I looked at the bar to find Esteban watching me like a hawk. I wondered if he was truly interested in me or just in helping and protecting me as a friend. Sure, he’d flirted with me and had said sweet things, but we’d been here for two hours and nothing. Not one touch.
Maybe I was mistaken.
I gasped when Andres nipped my earlobe. Goosebumps rose all over my right side.
“Want to find a more private spot?”
Again, I turned to the bar. Esteban was ordering something. Why couldn’t it be him asking me to go to a private place?
Still, I wanted to feel. To know how it was to make out with a man. To be with one.
Esteban and I just met, and nothing was going on between us. He even brought me here so I could have the experience of being at a gay club.
Wasn’t this why I came?
I nodded. Something fluttered through me as Andres caught my hand and guided me through the crowd toward the back of the club.
We passed Esteban and Raúl.
Esteban’s face was flushed, his look stern. He grabbed my arm. “Where are you going?”
“Chill, Esteban. We’re only going to have some fun,” Andres said.
Esteban’s grip was strong. “Robbie?”
I tried to wrench away, but his hold was menacing. I scrunched my eyebrows. “I thought you said I should have fun. Live. Isn’t this why you brought me? To find my own way? To experience what I’ve been missing?”
Esteban clenched his jaw. “This isn’t what I had in mind.”
“I stayed by your side for two hours, and you never asked me to dance.” I didn’t know where I got the courage from.
Maybe it was the whiskey I drank or being here at the club, but I closed the space between us and grabbed his shoulder so my mouth was next to his ear.
His woody cologne traveled through me, sending a spark of lust right to my groin.
“I like you, Esteban. I wish you were the one who asked me to dance, but you didn’t.
If you feel the same way, tell me now, and I’ll leave Andres right here and go with you. ”
Esteban tensed beneath my hold, and I stepped back. His eyes were wide, his mouth parted.
Something deep within me ached at his silence. A part that wished he’d grab my hand and take me away.
Raúl grasped Esteban’s shoulder. “Let him go. Andres is a good guy.”
Esteban exhaled hard, then nodded. His fists were by his sides, but he didn’t speak a word.
The bit of hope I had that he was interested in me vanished in that instant. Maybe he was just a flirty guy with a protective instinct.
I let Andres guide me to the dark room in the back. Anything to make me forget what just happened.
Groans and whimpers filled the space. Shadows wrapped in passion.
Andres pushed me against a wall, grabbing my cock over my slacks. “Fuck, baby. I’ve been dying to kiss you since I saw you.” He kissed my neck, and my whole body reacted. “You had this look. This curiosity. And I’ve wanted to taste it since you entered.”
His words turned my body to fire. He was incredibly handsome, and the way he moved his hand over my bulge was driving me mad with lust.
I was aching. My cock strained against my pants.
I wanted him.
I cupped his face and pulled him to me. The kiss was searing. No softness. Just raw, unadulterated need. Our tongues clashed against each other. The taste of rum in his mouth drove me crazy. He claimed me, and I couldn’t get enough. Then he stopped the kiss, grabbing my ponytail to expose my neck.
He kissed it until he reached my ear. “Let me suck you, hon. Been thinking about it since I first laid eyes on you.”
Fuck. Was he going to give me head? I’d never…
Andres kissed my neck and gripped my chin, his eyes holding mine captive. Words wouldn’t leave my mouth, but I nodded.
He smiled, then kissed me hard before kneeling.
My grunts became part of the room as he trailed his lips over my abdomen, touching my length over my pants.
I gasped when he unbuckled my jeans.
To my side, a man screamed in ecstasy, the one at his feet sucking him dry. Men fucked all around us. The sounds fed my desire.
Andres opened my zipper and pulled down my pants, then my boxers. He bit his lower lip as my dick sprang out, then slid his tongue from the base of my cock to the tip. His eyes never left mine. I tried to grab something, but there was only the wall behind me. I clenched my fists by my sides.
“Fuck!” I groaned as he took me whole, sucking hard.
I tried to control myself, but the heat of his mouth around me sent a current of pleasure throughout my spine. I closed my eyes, imagining it was Esteban with my cock in his mouth. His full lips wrapped around me.
I shook my head and opened my eyes. Andres was incredibly sexy as he worked me, pumping his head around me in a merciless, fast rhythm. I bucked against him, trying to keep my hands to my sides.
Andres opened his pants and stroked his cock as he sucked mine. He took my hand and put it on the back of his head, making a pulling gesture as he took me to the hilt. I’d watched porn countless times, but this…
Fuck.
I dragged him to me, and he moaned as I fucked his mouth. His eyes were glassy, and I pulled out, afraid I was choking him.
“I’m okay, baby. Fuck me hard.” He smiled, then traced his hand over my sack. “Use my mouth.”
He took me again, and I lost it.
It was a sensory overload. All the people around me. The sounds of flesh against flesh. Andres’s ruthless mouth taking me whole.
I held Andres’s head against my groin. “Fuck! I’m coming!” I growled.
Andres didn’t pull away. My release came in strong bursts, and he took it all.
Andres stroked himself and whimpered against my abdomen. After a faint groan, he stood and kissed me hard. I could taste myself in his kiss.
I couldn’t believe what just happened.
I grabbed some wipes from a small table by our side, then cleaned some cum that had dripped to his neck.
Andres kissed me again, a smile plastered on his face. “Such a gentleman. Let me do the same for you.” He reached for a wipe and cleaned my dick.
It was my turn to go down on him, but when I was about to kneel, he held me up. “No need, hon.” He motioned at his soft member.
I looked at the floor.
So that was the whimper. “But…”
Andres caressed my chin. “But nothing, hon. Giving head is what I love doing, and I couldn’t help it.” He kissed me. “That was amazing. Thank you.” He buckled his pants, then left the room.
I walked to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. God. That was the most amazing sexual experience of my life. I’d been sucked before by women to see if I liked it, but I never did. Every time I came, I had to think of a man. But today…
Fuck. That was intense.
The door opened behind me, and I watched Esteban through the mirror.
I froze, then took a trembling breath and turned. Why was he here?
I leaned against the basin and held on to it.
He pocketed his hands in his black jeans, then looked around the empty bathroom and settled his gaze on me. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Everything all right?”
My face was incredibly hot. “Yeah.”
He cleared his throat. “Did he…?” He shifted on his feet. “Treat you right?”
I nodded. “He did.”
Esteban raked his hair back. “Okay.” There was a hint of concern in his voice.
I walked toward him. “I’m okay, Esteban. Sorry for earlier.”
He shook his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You were right.” He tipped his head toward the exit. “Want to grab something to eat?”
What did he mean by “You were right”?
I massaged my nape. “Sure.” I followed him.
My head was a mess. I really liked Esteban, but he was an enigma. If he wanted me, why let another take me? Why stay and watch me go?
Raúl patted my back, grinning widely as I approached the bar. “How did it go? Andres is good, right?”
Esteban turned a menacing stare toward Raúl.
“Man, you need to relax. Andres is a nice guy. You should be happy he was the one who initiated your protégé.”
So that was all I was to him. My stomach fell.
Raúl came closer. “You’re the first guy Esteban ever brought to a bar. His meetings are always casual.” He shrugged. “I’m surprised he let Andres take you back there. I’ve never seen him that worked up before.”
I squinted toward Esteban, who was paying the bill. “Worked up?”
Raúl watched him. “Yeah. His gaze followed you into that room and stayed fixed until you came out again. For ten whole minutes, he stood here paralyzed. I even asked him to dance, which he never turns down, but he said I should go and kept waiting.”
My mind went blank. I couldn’t follow my thoughts. Was Esteban worried, mad at me, or did he like me? He’d kept his distance in the apartment, giving me space. He even invited Raúl, which convinced me this wasn’t a date.
“Let’s go.” Esteban put his wallet in his front pocket, and we followed him out.
The night went smoothly after that. Between jokes and laughs about Esteban, Raúl made the time go fast.
We said our goodbyes to Raúl, then went on our way.
When we entered the apartment, it was already 2:00 a.m.
“Coffee?” Esteban asked.
“Sure.” I couldn’t say no. I was an addict through and through.
We sat on the sofa.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Esteban asked.
“I’m sure.”
I sipped my coffee, but there was something off with Esteban. He was tense. Even the air around us was thick.
I took a deep breath. “Are you mad about what I said? Or about me going to the back room with Andres?”
Esteban held his mug, blew on it, then took a sip. “I’m not mad. I get you. I…like you too. It’s just…” He huffed.
My body vibrated at his confession. He liked me! He wanted me! I couldn’t control myself as I covered his thigh with my hand.
His muscles jumped beneath my touch, but this time he didn’t jerk away from me.
“Tell me.” I leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze.
“It’s complicated.” He angled his face away from me. “You were right. You should be free to have fun and be with whoever you want.”
I frowned. “Why is it complicated? If we like each other, shouldn’t that be enough?” I wanted him to hold me. To kiss me. I longed to discover it all, to explore everything with him.
“You wouldn’t understand.” He squeezed my hand. “Forget about this. Live your own experience. It’s natural to want to explore. Andres is a good guy.”
“But…” No. I wanted him to open up. I needed to know what was going through his head. How he felt about me.
Esteban let out a hard exhale. “Please…” He shook his head. “Let it go.”
The silence grew between us, and after a few uncomfortable minutes, Esteban stood and took my empty cup. “I’ll hit the bathroom first so you can shower and go to bed after.”
“Okay.” My voice was but a whisper.
I couldn’t move as he entered the bedroom and turned on the shower. The silence that fell around me made his words so final. Nothing made sense. Why couldn’t we be together? Why did he ask me to let it go?
This was all wrong. His playful attitude was long gone.
When he came out of the bedroom, I rose. “Esteban?”
He stopped on his way to the kitchen.
I brushed his arm. “Are we okay?”
He nodded, but he wouldn’t look at me. “I’m sorry for the way I acted. Sorry for making things weird between us. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t know what came over me.”
I pulled my hand away. “But you didn’t say anything wrong.” What was so wrong about liking me?
He scoffed. “Of course I did. It wasn’t my place, and you have the freedom to have fun with whoever you want.” He walked to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, and went to the sofa. “I’m glad you had a good time. You can go out whenever you feel like it, and I won’t impose. I promise.”
I waited for something more, but it never came. Not a word. Not a “good night.” Just his breathing as he turned off the lights and settled in.
How the fuck would we fix this?