Chapter 30
He knew what I needed.
Carter and I locked eyes when we walked into the condo.
He looked good as always, his hair thick and free, wearing dark sweats and a Texans hoodie.
Carter rose from the sofa, and instead of anger, stubbornness, or even arrogance, his eyes were soft, and his hands balled into fists as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.
My stomach fluttered, and I automatically touched my womb protectively.
And his gaze followed my hand before rising back to meet my eyes.
“Hey,” Carter spoke quietly. He didn’t quite seem like himself. Or maybe he did. I still saw him as this big personality because of his talent, instead of the reserved man he told me and had shown me he was.
“Hey,” my voice cracked.
Grey moved to Carter and held his hand out. Carter clasped his hand, and in a surprise move, Grey pulled him in for a brief hug. Carter’s eyes widened, but he returned the hug, and just as suddenly, they were apart. Grey smiled.
“Glad you’re here. Need some help. I don’t want to hear her mouth about helping me move.”
“Cool. What do you want me to do?” Carter followed Grey to his bedroom to grab whatever he needed. When I tried to follow, Carter glared and pointed to the sofa. “You’re not picking up anything.”
I impulsively grabbed his hand, pulled him away from the bedroom, and whispered, “He doesn’t know. Please don’t say anything.”
Carter frowned and replied in a conversational tone, “We’ll talk after I help him.”
Instead of watching the two men I loved in the same space being cooperative, which didn’t quite sit right with me, I went to my bedroom to grab a few more of my things.
Grey had been moving my stuff out of the condo whenever he dropped by to pack.
I still had a few items of clothing, toiletries, and my lamp in the bathroom.
Most of the furniture was Chelsea’s. My bed, bedside table, and dresser will be moved to storage in a few days since my sister already has furniture in her third bedroom.
I looked around the now messy room. I hadn’t been here in two weeks, and Hurricane Chelsea passed.
I chuckled at how she hadn’t changed and probably never will.
My friend had always been protective of her feelings.
Never really letting me in. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised about her being with Carter without telling me.
That was her. Like Grey, she wasn’t the one to tell me about every person she liked or dated.
Just the important ones. And maybe Carter wasn’t important until she and Carmello broke up.
The part I couldn’t forgive was pretending she was happy for me when she wanted Carter for herself.
I thought we were the type of friends that if she said Carter was off-limits, I would’ve respected that.
Sadness and a great sense of loss drifted over me, and I hugged myself as I stood in the center of our bedroom.
I was losing both of my friends when I needed them the most. If Danielle hadn’t moved to Houston last spring, I probably would’ve finished this semester and then moved back to Beaumont to have my baby.
Graduation would’ve been delayed. At least I had my sister, and I would be able to graduate on time.
I looked at my dresser and noticed a stuffed black panther with a red bow I’d given Chelsea for her birthday during our freshman year.
Next to it rested a card with my name in Chelsea’s handwriting.
Gulping down the contents of my stomach that threatened to come up, I grabbed a mesh bag out of my closet and placed the rest of the clothes in it.
I also threw the card and the stuffed animal in the bag.
I wasn’t ready. Seeing Grey and Carter behave like friends was easier to take than reading whatever Chelsea wrote, and I returned to the living room.
After an hour or so, they’d finished packing Grey’s car, and I had poured the three of us the Sprite Floaties in wine glasses.
The three of us stood in a circle in the kitchen, and I mused how my life had changed since we moved here in the summer, ironically, with Carter’s help back then, too.
It was now a day before Thanksgiving, and I’d had a love affair with two men.
Two men who loved me enough to be cordial in the same space.
I commented, “This has got to be the strangest moment in my life. To be here with the two of you.”
Carter shook his head. “I wondered when you would mention the elephant in the room.”
Grey quirked a brow and added, “She’s never been the one not to let the obvious go unchecked.”
“Hey, I got to be me.” I shrugged.
Carter looked at me with a slight smile. “Yeah, you do.”
I held up my glass. “A toast?”
Both men nodded.
“To new beginnings. To our dreams coming true.” I met Carter’s intense gaze. “To forgive our past and move forward.”
His jaw tightened, but he didn’t comment.
Grey smiled. “To friendship and love.” He looked at Carter. “To getting the first-round pick in the draft.”
Carter chuckled. “To getting picked in any round and for you winning a gold medal.” He lifted his cup higher. “To friendship, love, and dreams coming true.”
I chimed in, “To friendship, love, and dreams coming true.”
We swallowed our drinks, and Carter held his fist for Grey to bump. “I’ll get out of here. Good luck with everything. Kick ass in Oregon.”
Grey bumped his fist. “Thanks.”
Carter looked at me and implored with his eyes. “I can take you wherever you need to go. I’m not going to Dallas until tomorrow morning.”
Grey quickly added, “Yep, she needs that ride. Going to her sister’s is not on the way to Beaumont.” He was headed home for Thanksgiving to spend time with his mother and family before traveling to Oregon.
“Can you stay out of me and Carter’s business, please?” I said, frustration lacing my tone. I knew what Grey was doing. He worried about how I would handle the end of us and didn’t want to leave me alone.
“For fuck’s sake,” Carter agreed. “She can answer for herself.”
Grey held his hands up.
“I know you mean well, but if Carter and I work out, that’s between us,” I addressed Grey before I looked at Carter.
“I swear that I planned to call you Friday, and if you didn’t want to talk, I would’ve accepted it.
” I turned and headed toward the door. “Once I say goodbye to Grey, I’ll come back upstairs. ”
I stomped down the stairs with folded arms and leaned against Grey’s car. Grey jogged down a few seconds later. I hit him in the chest when he approached me. “I know what you’re doing, and you don’t have to. I’ll be fine whether I’m with Carter or alone.”
He whistled for a second and averted his gaze to his shoes. “For seven years, I’ve been there for you and taken care of you. We haven’t been apart for more than a few days since we’ve known each other, and this is harder than I thought.
I tugged on the edge of his shirt. “This is hard for me, too. I could tell you, let’s stay in touch and be friends, but it won’t work because I know and love you. I’m not waiting for you, Grey. I have to live my life, and you have to live yours.”
Grey ducked his head, nodding. “I keep fucking up with you. I promised you something I still can’t deliver, and I wanted to do right by you, so I asked him to come. He doesn’t know you’ve been with me, so you don’t have to tell him.”
I shook my head vehemently. “No. I’m going to be honest with him.”
Grey looked up. “Then you’ll lose him.”
“I might have already lost him, and even if I do, I’ll live.
You did do right by me, Grey. You love and have loved me for years, and that’s enough.
” I picked up his hands. “I don’t know what the future holds.
Once you finish living your dream and you finally want what I want, and if I’m still single, we’ll see.
But for now, my best friend and my heart run free and without guilt. I’m good.”
“Never forget that you’re my dream, too.
” He gathered me in his arms, and we held each other tight.
I finally had the strength to pull away first and pulled his chin down to press my lips against his for what might be the last time ever.
I tasted his tears, or maybe they were mine.
Grey lifted his head, tears staining his caramel skin. “Until I see you again.”
“Yeah.” I backed up and stood on the sidewalk until I couldn’t see his taillights.
And all my courage and bravado dissipated in the wind, and I tried to take a step and couldn’t.
I sank to the curb, grabbed my knees, and cried.
I don’t know how long I remained stuck in place, afraid to move because I no longer had Grey.
He’d been a part of me for so long that I’d taken his presence.
..his being there for granted. My chest burned like fire, and I rubbed, trying desperately to soothe the pain that wracked my body.
I wanted to scream and yell. Tell him I’d wait for him forever.
Beg him to come back, and we could be friends, lovers, or whatever he needed me to be. How could I really go on without him?
Suddenly, warm and strong arms wrapped around me, picked me up, and carried me back up the stairs.
No questions asked or anger that I cried over another man.
Carter didn’t put me down until we were in his bed, and he took off my shoes and kicked off his.
We were fully clothed, and he held me as a friend and not a lover.
He reassured me that he wasn’t going anywhere and that I could cry as long as I needed.
This was love. Carter was love.
I sobbed even harder because Grey knew what I needed more than I did.