Chapter 38
Thursday is my fav day.
When the alarm buzzed, I popped up. Shit.
I didn’t beat my alarm. I looked to my right.
The soft blue satin sheets were rumpled, cold, and empty on Carter's side. He’d left again without telling me goodbye.
We’d been uneasy with each other since Sunday night.
We barely spoke to each other and were only polite around the children.
We’d been in this space before whenever we had a minor argument, and neither wanted to bend.
This time felt different because we’d never been at odds for more than two days.
One of us would break the stance with a rub on the lower back, a sweet kiss, or a joke.
Today was my birthday and Thursday. The fourth day of our stand-off.
It was also the day I would see Grey again.
It was the only bright spot on my special day, especially now that Carter and I were at odds.
I could hear Danielle’s voice telling me that my focus on Grey was because Carter and I weren’t in the best space.
Maybe that was the case. Or maybe it was because I wanted to see how Grey really felt about marriage and children.
To see if he would even want to know that he already had a daughter.
Maybe if I had been in his presence long enough, I would have realized it wasn’t the same and would never be the same between us again.
I would know I made the right choice in Carter and stop thinking about what could’ve been.
Picking up my cell, I’d already started getting birthday texts from extended family and some of the wives and girlfriends of the players. It wasn’t my thirtieth yet, so I didn’t expect any fanfare. Still, it would’ve been nice if Carter had wished me a happy birthday.
I stared at my cell for a long time, the boldness I felt Saturday when I texted Grey waning with time.
I should cancel. Seeing Grey today when I already felt vulnerable wasn’t a good idea.
I might say or do something I would regret.
At the same time, whenever I told him about Elle, I would have to learn to be around him and respect his boundaries.
He may still have feelings for me, but he was about to marry another woman who would be my daughter's stepmother. Just the thought of Elle spending time away from me ached. We’d never been apart.
Not even for a sleepover. When Carter and I traveled on vacation, our children went too.
Everything would change in ways I probably won't fully know until the truth about Elle is entirely out.
My phone beeped.
In case you changed your mind, I wanted to tempt you with a Sprite floatie with extra cherries since it’s your birthday and your favorite day of the week. I finally watched all the seasons of Scandal, and I’m officially a Gladiator. 6:28 am
I laughed at his words. I started loving Thursday nights because I loved Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal. I couldn’t convince Grey to join my bandwagon. He sent another text with a pic.
Also wanted to remind you of us. 6:29 am
The only picture we took at the prom. Nostalgia of an innocent and sweet time bloomed inside of me.
He’d been my date because no one asked me, and he didn’t want any girl to get the wrong impression if he invited her to the prom.
He’d grown taller and into his looks our senior year, and girls were after him.
We’d had fun people-watching and bopping our heads to the music.
He’d seemed nervous that night and awkward when he asked me to dance during a slow song.
I told him he didn’t have to dance with me since it wasn’t a real date, and I recall him looking hurt for a second before we resumed people-watching.
Looking at the photo of us, staring into the camera, his head leaning on mine, I realized he had asked me to go to the prom because he liked me.
I’d forgotten about this picture. A classmate snapped it and gave us a copy later.
We looked like a couple, not just friends, with our faces pressed together.
Our expressions were serious yet wistful.
Grey had loved me for such a long time before he ever said a word.
He’d loved me even when I believed I was plain Darren Brown from Beaumont.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I quickly texted him an address and told him to meet me at ten.
As I waited for a response, my children burst into the room, screaming “Happy Birthday” with balloons, followed by Carter holding a wooden breakfast tray.
Guilt flamed briefly as I slid my phone under the comforter and smiled widely at my family. Truly surprised.
They still wore pajamas as they hopped into bed with me, and the pink-and-silver balloons they both held floated to the ceiling. Carter placed the tray on my lap and backed up. “Happy Birthday.”
“Thank you.” I looked at my plate of lopsided, runny pancakes and burnt bacon. The cheesy eggs were cooked perfectly. It's probably the only item Carter prepared. I had a glass of apple and pineapple juice, my two favorite juices. “This looks so yummy.”
Elle beamed. “I woke up early just to make it for you. Daddy made the eggs, and Ethyn kept eating the bacon as I cooked it.”
“So did Daddy,” Ethyn tattled on his father. “He ate the pieces that weren’t black. I told Elle she needed to stop burning the bacon.”
“Then you should’ve helped me cook instead of eating.” Elle huffed.
Carter stood with his arms folded, wearing a slight smile. His eyes weren't quite meeting mine.
I hugged Elle. “Burnt is my favorite type of bacon. Thanks for cooking, Elle, and thank you for being the taste tester, E. I love you both so much.”
Ethyn reached across Elle to hug me, too.
Careful not to spill my tray, I hugged my babies tightly.
They smacked my cheek with their kisses, and both rested against the headboard as if they planned to stay in bed with me.
I reminded them, “Time to get ready for school. I’ll have to gobble this down to get you to school. ”
“Mama, Daddy said that Grandma is coming today, so you and he can go...” Ethyn looked up at Carter, “Where did you say you were taking Mama?”
He glanced at me before answering Ethyn, “Napa Valley.” He pushed his hands in his pockets and informed me, “Figured we could visit a winery this evening and come back tomorrow night. You can fly back here and spend the weekend with your mother. Told my coach I would fly directly to Tampa tomorrow night.”
I politely replied, “Sounds fun. When did you plan this?”
“Saturday. After I got off the phone with you, I called your mom. A car will pick her up when her plane arrives at noon, and we’ll fly out at three-thirty.
She’ll pick up the twins from school and take them tomorrow and pick them up, too.
” He'd extended his olive branch, and it was a good one.
My mother loved him dearly, and our family always seemed closer when she was around.
Elle rested her head on my pillow. “Are you going to kiss Daddy and tell him thank you?”
Before I could reply, Carter leaned down and pressed his lips against mine, and I captured his face with my hands. “Thank you.”
He nodded and backed up, clapping his hands. “All right, we still have school. Go get dressed, and we’ll be out of here in an hour.”
“Can we stay home with Mama and celebrate her birthday?” Ethyn asked.
No. I wanted to yell, but Carter intervened again. “Mommy has plans, and you have school.”
My hands trembled as I held my glass, wondering if he somehow had access to my phone.
I’d already erased the first message Grey and I sent.
Maybe he still knew. Then again, Carter seemed detached, not angry.
If he remotely thought I was planning to meet up with Grey, I would know, and he wouldn't care if the children knew.
“We always celebrate with Mommy,” Ethyn whined and looked at me. “Can I stay home with you?”
“What did I say?” Carter’s voice deepened.
Ethyn’s pout vanished as he scrambled out of bed, away from his father. Elle kissed my cheek and hopped out of bed to get dressed.
“We will celebrate this weekend with Grandma,” I promised as they left our bedroom.
“I reserved a spa day for you. It begins at nine and ends at one. I can have a car for you if you don’t want to drive.
After I take the twins to school, I’m headed to practice.
” He folded his arms again, his biceps bulging from underneath his short sleeves.
“If you don’t want to go to Napa with me, we can pretend we went.
Maybe you can get a suite, and I’ll stay somewhere else. ”
I sighed, wishing we were in a better place and that neither of us had doubts. “No, I want to go with you. Think we need time to be away from here and talk about everything.”
Carter’s shoulders dropped slightly as he nodded. “We do. I’ll text you the details for the spa, and I’ll meet you at the airport by two.”
“Thank you for the trip and the spa. I thought you had already left for practice. This was a pleasant surprise.” I forked some of the eggs in my mouth.
“I couldn’t leave without wishing you a Happy Birthday, and the twins would’ve been mad since they’ve begged me to let them cook you breakfast. The kitchen is a mess, and I need to clean it.
I can’t have you washing dishes on your birthday.
” We never hired a maid or a cook and only used help when we hosted a rare party or the house needed deep cleaning.
I leaned forward and started to reach for his hand. Instead, I clenched my own, which he noticed. “I really do appreciate your effort to make my birthday special after what happened Sunday.”
As he stepped back, his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Know that your happiness is important to me, too.”
“Yours as well. Have a good practice.” We would usually tell each other that we loved each other. This morning, those words didn’t seem right.
“Okay.” He waved two fingers, and I watched him as he strode away.
I sank back against my headboard and pulled out my cell. My heart fluttered.
Can’t wait to see you. 6:30 am
Why now? Why is Grey back now? Pressing the phone against my chest, I moved the tray to my bedside table and slid back under the covers. More sleep and seeing Grey were the only answers to my tumbleweed of emotions.