Chapter 40
What if?
Grey also held a plastic bag with the green top of a Sprite sticking out. “I got your favorite cake. Buttercream icing mixed with whipped cream over an almond white cake with a hint of lemon.”
"I haven't had one like this in years," I squealed and hugged him as he placed the cake and the bag on the table. “This feels like old times.”
He hugged me back briefly before he grabbed my waist and placed me on the table.
I needed a moment to fan myself because that was more of a Carter move than Grey’s.
Carter had always been physically bigger and stronger than Grey.
Yet the ease with which Grey lifted me and hopped on the other side to sit cross-legged like me, he might actually best Carter if they ever fought.
Grey opened the box and removed the pink-and-white silver cake decorated with roses, perfect for two people, and it read, "Happy Birthday, Always."
"Thank you. I love it." I sighed internally, giddy that Grey sat inches from me, knowing exactly what I would want on my birthday.
“Play something while I fix our drinks,” Grey insisted as he pulled out a jar of maraschino cherries, grenadine, a pint of lime sherbert, two twenty-ounce bottles of Sprite, and a silver shaker. He winked. “I got a little money now.”
"I see." I giggled as I reached down to the nearby chair where my cell rested, praying I wouldn’t see a text or that Carter would call. I wanted to at least honor what he’d asked of me, that I wouldn’t ignore when he texted or called.
If he did while I was with Grey, I wouldn’t be able to keep that promise I’d made to myself.
I tapped Spotify and opened the soundtrack playlist for my favorite movies. “See if you recognize any of these?”
He warned, “I swear if you play the Annie soundtrack, I’m walking out that door.”
“You think you know me...Jamie Foxx killed whenever he sang.” I looked at my phone again, looking for something else to play.
“What about this?” I then played a melody of hits from Brown Sugar, Black Panther, Hustle and Flow, and The Best Man as we grooved to the music while he made our mocktails. He guessed every song correctly.
As soon as he finished mixing, Grey gave me a glass before raising his for a toast. "Since I can't wish you a birthday yet...I just want to say that today is the happiest I've been in a very long time, and I wish you a life of abundance in love, health, and wealth."
"You've become so sentimental and sweet in your old age," I teased. "Seriously, this is also one of my happiest days in a long time, too. I wish you all your heart's desire."
As we tapped glasses, Fool of Me by Meshell Ndegeocello, and I groaned. "Why would this song play right now?"
“Because it fits us. Love and Basketball. A story of friends to lovers.” He quirked a brow. “I remember you cried when we watched it together.”
I replied wistfully, “She loved him for so long and only had him for a moment. When she realized that she would lose him forever, she fought for his love in the end. Of course, I cried. You were way too cynical even to care. This song explains her heartache so well.”
"Is that how you felt about me?" Grey asked over the rim of his glass before he drank.
I needed to change the conversation because Q and Monica seemed a lot like us, so I took the glass and sipped. “So good... even better than I remembered.”
“I hope so, " he commented wryly, holding the glass to his lips. "I see you’re still a romantic, believing in the happily ever after.”
“Always.” I grinned and enjoyed more of my sugary drink.
Grey bit his lip and tipped his glass toward her. “Did you get your fairytale? Are you and St. Patrick happily ever after?”
I implored, “Can we not? Let's not mess this up by addressing the elephant in the room. Can we pretend no one exists but you and me a little longer?”
He shrugged. “You know I shoot from the hip. That hasn’t changed.”
“Maybe I don’t want to talk about Carter or Tatianna. Maybe I just want to enjoy seeing my best friend again on my birthday.”
“Then we could’ve gone for coffee or brunch if all you wanted was your best friend. Instead, we’re meeting in this empty building away from anyone who knows us.” He glanced around. “What is this place anyway?”
Clasping my hands together, apprehension settled over me, and I wondered if he would be dismissive like Carter.
I’d forgotten how Grey could shit on something he didn’t understand or like, which made him a grump, lovable but still a grump.
“Umm...this is where my new pharmacy will be. You’re the first person who knows it’s mine. ”
“This is the space for Like Home Remedies? Congratulations. I'd hoped you were a pharmacist working somewhere, not just St. Patrick's wife.” He praised, a genuinely wide smile crossing his face. “I'm proud of you. You made it happen.”
“You remembered the name?” I released the breath I didn’t realize I held.
“I remember every damn thing about you. You were my everything for years.” Grey’s jaw tightened, and his gaze drifted to my lips again before focusing on my eyes.
“Thank you for sharing this with me. You don’t know how much this means.
I hated that you weren't in the stands cheering me on when I medaled. At least I can be here now for you.”
The need to kiss him became overwhelming, so instead, I hopped down and spread my arms. “This is my new store. It’ll open in time for the holidays. Probably November. You know I love my Christmas trees.”
He slid back, swung his legs over the cake to the side, and beckoned me. “Come here.”
"Nope." I shook my head vehemently. “Over there, I’ll have a space for maybe a nurse to do periodic screenings. Up there will be candy and chips...” I pointed out different areas, ignoring the heat of his stare that further moistened my panties. “I’ll have black skin and hair care, too. I’m so excited about the possibilities. ”
“Darren.” He never made my name sound sexier than he did at this very moment. Damn it to hell. Raw, urgent, sexual need now pulsed through my veins.
“Grey,” I said, annoyed that my body didn’t last ten minutes before calling for his. Apparently, only my mind cared about the ring on my left finger. “I’m trying to show you my store and my dream, and you’re not paying attention.”
He chuckled under his breath and hopped down from the table. “Go ahead and show me.”
As I pointed out my vision, I had the hardest time focusing.
He’d moved closer and kept his hand on the small of my back the entire time.
Grey had definitely become more aggressive over the years in his intent.
Soon, I stopped talking, more because I’d grown weary of trying to keep my mind focused on my store and not the heat of his hand.
I couldn’t give in to him. I would be forever lost if I did.
“Are you finished?” He asked hoarsely, sending another thrill through me.
His hand on my lower back pressed me into his embrace before I could respond.
Once his arms were around me, I melted into him.
My arms scooped under his. I rested my face in the crook of his neck, holding on to his strength and warmth and loving his familiar, clean scent of Lever soap.
When he tried to let go, I only held on tighter.
Grey then wrapped his strong arms around my waist, hugging me to him, letting me feel the intensity of his passion for me.
“We can’t,” I softly pleaded. Only the thin fabric of my leggings and his khakis protected us from doing something of no return.
Grey pressed his lips against my neck, and white-hot fire shot to my pussy. When I didn’t move, he placed another kiss, and the tip of his tongue flicked against my skin.
My hand involuntarily caressed the soft curls in his hair as he indulged on my neck. “Umm...I need to leave soon."
"After the cake," he whispered as he placed another kiss at the intersection of my neck and shoulder. "When can I see you again?"
"We'll have to meet in a public place the next time. It's not a good idea to see each other like this again. We can’t be the friends we used to be.”
"I know that." Grey kissed underneath my chin, moving ever so closely to my lips. “You really think today is the last day we'll ever be alone again?”
The thought that today might be it for us, I grabbed him back to me, my arms around his neck, pressing my breasts against his chest. “I don’t know what else to do. If I keep seeing you alone, we'll make love again. I can't do that to Carter. I'm already risking my marriage being here with you.”
Sorrow peeked through the desire in his eyes. “And I can’t leave you again. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“Then why did all these years go by without a word? If it was because I was married, you don’t seem to care right now.” We remained in each other’s arms as if we were chained together.
“I don’t give a fuck that you married.” Grey hands became fists against my lower back.
“You were the one who didn’t want to see me anymore, and I understood because of how I left things with you.
I’ve been waiting for you all these years, and the moment I gave up and decided to marry someone else, we ran into each other again. ”
“What do you mean you’ve waited for me all these years? I never said that I didn’t want to see you again. I just assumed we wouldn’t. But I never told you I never wanted to see you again. Why would you think that?”
“Danielle told me when I stopped by her place to see you. My mother had bumped into your mother, and she mentioned you were living with Danielle in Houston.”
“That was when you were training in Oregon before I graduated.” I stared at him. He came back for me?
“I needed to see you. Being away from you after seeing you every damn day was harder than I ever imagined. I didn’t care if Carter fucked me up for taking you from him again.
I had to try. I’d been the biggest coward to leave you like I did when I’d loved you and only you for so long.
Figured I still had a chance with you since it’d only been a few weeks. ”
I scoffed, “Then I get why Danielle said what she said. You came back to do what? Ask me to wait endlessly while you live your dream. Keep me on this roller coaster of hope and despair?”
His hands curved to my face, and he gazed into my eyes. “No, I wanted to ask you to marry me, and once you graduated, we would’ve figured out where we should live.”
My knees buckled, and thankfully, I was already leaning into him. “You wanted to marry me back then?”
“Yes. Realized you were right. I could live my dream with you. I was stuck on stupid about my parents and needed to be away from you to truly see what was so obvious.”
“What?” I asked as I became even more drawn to him. I could've been Mrs. Jameson.
Grey traced my lips with his finger. “That I only wanted one woman to wear my name. The only woman who’d known and accepted me from the moment we met.
Despite feeling like I didn’t quite fit in with other black people because of my white mother, you made me feel like the boy I’d always wanted to feel.
Normal. Before other girls saw me... before I became a track star.
Before everything, you loved me. I told Danielle that I wanted to beg for forgiveness and propose.
She said that you were in love with Carter, that I hurt you too deeply, and you never wanted to see me again. ”
I frowned, digesting his words. “Wait...Danielle knew you wanted to marry me?”
“Yes. I showed her the ring and everything. Used some of the money I earned during the Olympic Trials to buy it. I knew I couldn’t step to you after leaving you as I did with nothing.” His eyes searched my face and commented rather than asked. “You didn’t know.”
I shook my head. I was unsure how I should feel about Danielle, given that Grey came back for me.
I know she was only trying to protect me.
Yet, he not only returned but also wanted to marry me.
I was pregnant and didn’t know if my babies were his or Carter’s.
I needed to know he still wanted me. Maybe I still would have chosen Carter.
Maybe I would have decided to be with Grey.
At least, Grey would’ve known about his baby regardless of the man I chose. He would've seen me pregnant.
Grey implored, “Would you have married Carter if you knew? Would you still have had his babies instead of mine if you knew I wanted to make you my wife?”
I dipped my head when he mentioned babies because I did have Grey’s baby. A daughter that I had to introduce to his world somehow. “That’s an impossible question. We can’t say what we would’ve done. That time has passed.”
“No, it hasn’t.” He tilted my chin up. “The truth.”
And there it was. We'd made a pact years ago, to be completely honest, once we uttered those two words. Staring in the eyes of the man who’d been a part of me even when I didn’t know if I would ever see him again, I finally could answer the question that had haunted me for eight years.