Chapter 47
The games grown people play.
Although instinctively I knew the truth, seeing him nod his head made the greasy food and cake in my stomach churn. I held my stomach and moved away from him. “What happened that night?”
He scoffed. “I told you what you wanted to know. I’m done answering questions about that night.”
I whipped my head around. “If you want this marriage at all, we’re laying all the cards on the table. Tonight. Every damn thing that happened between you and Chelsea and any other secrets you have.”
“I’m not telling you shit else about Chelsea.” Carter folded his ripped arms, muscles defined through his long-sleeved shirt. “I don’t give a fuck about this marriage anymore. Already told your ass to leave. But my children stay here with me.
“Fuck you,” I yelled with all my might, frustrated with his need to hold onto his secrets. “Fine, you want me to go, then I’m gone. I’m way overdone with your lying and manipulative ass."
I rushed out of the room, calling his bluff.
I raced back through our home and up the stairs to pack.
Even if Carter didn’t stop me from leaving him today, he would come for me sooner or later.
Whenever he did, I wouldn’t return to this house or to this life unless he confessed.
And the children were definitely going to be with me.
He was in the middle of football season and hated strangers watching the children.
As I grabbed a few shirts and tossed them in my Louis Vuitton bag, he walked into the closet behind me, snatched the bag, and threw it against the wall. “You’re just going to leave me like that? I’m not worth fighting for?”
I placed my hands on my hips. “You just threw me out. Make up your fucking mind.”
He lowered his eyes to slits. “Is it because he’s waiting for you? You wanted me to be angry so you could have an excuse to leave me and be with him.”
I hit his chest with my palms. “Fuckkk...This isn’t about Grey. It’s about us. I can’t continue this marriage based on lies and secrets. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore.”
He trapped my hands against his chest. “The biggest lie is that you love me. The minute you saw Grey again, our marriage was in trouble.”
Shaking my head vehemently, I refuted, “We were in trouble before he came back. He just made me realize I can’t keep living like this.
Pretending to be happy and pretending we’re okay.
I’m here right now with you because I love you.
I kept a secret from my best friend to hold on to you because I fucking love you.
Gave up everything important to me because I love you. ”
“That wasn’t love. You were scared to be alone and pregnant. I gave you a lifeline,” he asserted as he stared down at me. His eyes were troubled, no longer angry. He knew whatever he withheld from me would forever damage us.
“If I were scared to be alone, I would’ve told Grey I was pregnant before he left.
He would’ve remained by my side and married me.
I wanted him to live out his dreams freely without any guilt or doubt.
He brought you and me back together because he thought you were the better man for me.
” I tried to move my hands, and he only tightened his grip. “He was clearly wrong.”
His voice trembled, “Don’t say that shit to me.
I am the better man. I’ve done everything to be the best husband to you, though you broke my heart.
Can you understand the pain I felt when I held Elle for the first time, seeing evidence of your love for him in her?
Maybe that’s why I cling to her. If I love her enough, somehow, she won’t be his. ”
I closed my eyes. I’d wounded him, and the scars had yet to heal.
May never heal because Grey would always be between us.
I looked up at him, hoping he was ready to tell me his heart.
“Is that why you kept Chelsea around? To feed your ego? To have a woman who you knew without a doubt loved you. Because I’m trying to figure out why you married me in the first place, if you love her or didn’t trust that I loved you? ”
Carter tightened his jaw before shaking his head subtly.
“I thought we were that couple who could do and talk about anything. I gladly and happily married you, believing we were a team. A true partnership. I thought our foundation was stable, and the cracks happened along the way when the reality is that we were never stable because you chose to be dishonest with me from day one.”
“And you tore up her letter forgiving me for anything that happened before us," he reminded me.
“I did because I was too afraid that I would discover something that would change how I saw you, and I didn’t want to lose you, too.”
Carter lifted my hands and placed them around his neck.
“If I tell you now, it will change how you see me, and I damn sure don’t want to lose you.
” He lifted my chin and gazed into my eyes.
“Can we just focus on what we do have and not the people around us trying to destroy it? I married you because I loved you then and love you even more now. You’ve been an amazing wife and mother.
I won’t take that for granted anymore. Don’t ask me to explain Chelsea because her son is not mine, and she has nothing to do with you and me. ”
Amused, I caressed the back of his neck. This man was truly trying to seduce me into forgetting that Chelsea wasn’t just his past. His sudden confession that her son wasn't his also didn't ring quite true. “Okay. If that’s what we’re doing, I’m game.”
His brows dipped. “What do you mean?”
“The game a lot of married people play, have their men and women on the side, as long as those men and women know their place. You can keep your chick or chicks on the side, and I’ll start doing the same.
You’re right. We mean the world to each other, and I don’t want to lose all we’ve built together.
I won’t ask about what you do outside of the children and me, and you don’t ask me what I do when you’re not around.
Makes our complex simple.” I tiptoed to press my lips against his slightly gaped mouth before slowly unbuttoning his shirt. “I never did get my birthday fuck.”
He allowed me to unbutton his shirt, and I sensed his indecision in the intake of his breath when my hand brushed against his stiff nipple and when his chest rose and fell heavily.
I was giving him an out, and if he took it, that meant I was free to fuck anyone I wanted to.
I didn’t want that kind of marriage, but I would be damned if I didn’t get from him what I needed—the plain old truth.
Carter whispered, “Are you proposing an open marriage?”
I kissed the center of his chest, near his rapidly beating heart. “Maybe.”
His hands slid down my back and gripped my ass. “We have to establish rules.”
Pushing his shirt off his shoulders, determined to see this strategy out, I quipped, “The only rule is that we don’t talk about, flaunt, or expose the other people in our lives. They will remain hidden in the dark, and our marriage is the light.”
He pressed me into his large and hard imprint. “We need more rules than that.”
“I'm not letting you control this, and I’m not following any rules beyond keeping whomever I see away from you.” I kissed his neck. “No questioning me or being jealous.”
Carter chuckled and moved his neck to give me more access. “Sounds like rules to me.”
The bastard was relieved that he didn’t have to tell me shit.
He was even willing to sacrifice me, as jealous as he knows he is about any man just looking at me.
His warm, calloused hands traveled up my shirt, and I channeled my anger into desire.
“Good point.” I continued to place kisses on his neck and chin as his hands roamed my breasts.
Admittedly, my panties were now wet. He always could get me hot even when I’m furious with him.
I wrapped one leg around his waist, and he lifted me to straddle him.
Carter lowered his head to tongue me deeply and thoroughly as he carried me to our bed.
He lay me down and hovered over me, still kissing me.
Though deeply aroused and wanting to have sex with him, I wasn’t done talking or trying to get a rise out of him besides his erection.
Between his tongue dipping in and out of my mouth, I commented, “Guess I should tell you that tomorrow I’m bringing Elle to meet Grey. I won’t introduce him as her father yet. Just as an old friend who’s an Olympic track star who loves to run, like she does.”
Carter immediately stiffened, stopped kissing me, and looked down at me. His scowl returned to mar his face. “You’re not taking my child anywhere.”
“I am. Tomorrow.” I cupped his bearded chin, and I searched his face for understanding.
“You will always be her father, Carter, whether we survive this marriage or not. She’ll have two fathers who love her.
Elle is going to be luckier than most once we get over this hump called the truth, and she can learn about Grey over time.
You don’t want to tell me about Chelsea and her son, then you don’t get to tell me no about my plans with Elle and Grey.
” I tapped his ass. “Come on, baby, I still need you to drill me.
You can take out your anger on my pussy.
Make me so sore I won't even think of another man.”
When Carter cursed and tried to pull away, I jerked his head down, kissing him passionately, sliding my hand in between the waistband of his pants to squeeze his dick.
I needed his body after the birthday I had.
Needed to feel in control of him, even if it was just sex.
He responded by quickly removing my leggings, pushing down his pants, and sliding my panties to the side to thrust deep inside of me.
His dick immediately filled me and stretched me.
We both moaned loudly as I scarred his back, begging him to pound even harder.
Our fucking was frantic and animalistic and had nothing to do with saving our fraying marriage, reviving our fading love, or owning our magnetic chemistry.
It was all about unleashing all the scary, doubtful, hurtful, and painful emotions that had haunted us from the beginning.
The same emotions that wouldn’t allow Carter to be real with me though he had the opportunity.
The same emotions that would ultimately end us even if my husband couldn’t see it.
LATER THAT NIGHT, CARTER fell asleep with his arms cocooning me, believing we'd forgiven each other and that I wouldn't press the issue about him and Chelsea again. Well, that Darren St. Patrick didn't exist anymore. I would just have to go to the horse's mouth about the truth...