Chapter 51
Now what?
I reread the text as I sat in a coffeehouse drinking a pumpkin spice latte and jotted down notes for my store’s grand opening.
It’d been seven weeks since the day of reckoning when I discovered that Carter had a baby with Chelsea in the most unconventional way.
I hadn’t determined my next step in our marriage, and Carter patiently awaited my decision.
I couldn’t decide if this was a valley in a relationship meant to be forever.
Or was it truly the end? We peacefully co-existed to keep our children unaware and happy.
He slept on the sofa in our bedroom whenever he was home.
We’d even taken sex off the table, which for us had been a challenge after years of frequent sex.
I didn’t want any decision clouded by the lust and desire I still felt for him.
My body hadn’t caught up to my mind and heart.
So, I had many nights of self-pleasuring to resist jumping his bones whenever he looked particularly hot or sexy.
I didn’t want to make any decisions about my marriage.
At least not until my store opened and the football season ended.
Then, I would shift focus back to my personal life.
I hadn’t told anyone about Chelsea and Sekani.
Not even my mother during the week we spent together.
We discussed Grey finding out about Elle and Carter being gracious in allowing them to spend time together.
I wasn’t ready to tell my mother that Carter had another family out of some misguided guilt from the past. I wouldn’t tell her until I decided what to do about my marriage.
She was Team Carter, and Carter adored my mother.
As much as I could, I wanted to preserve their relationship.
Regarding Grey, Elle had practice with him twice a week.
We spoke and chatted as polite acquaintances while I watched him train her.
He didn’t ask what happened at the hotel between Chelsea and me, though I caught his questioning gaze.
I didn’t know if he was still angry with me or if Tatianna knew he had a daughter with me.
I wasn't sure I could trust that he didn't know more than Chelsea said, or that he wasn't involved in all the secrets.
All I know is that I missed him. To be able to see him often and have him so close that I could touch him, yet emotionally far, hurt.
Two weeks ago, I’d arrived early to practice, and Elle had fallen asleep in the backseat.
I turned around to wake her up and noticed Tatianna and Grey walking together in the parking lot.
He’d leaned into her and said something that caused her to smile.
Probably something sarcastic or funny. He wasn’t into dirty or suggestive jokes.
Her engagement ring sparkled in the light as she touched his bicep, and fire raced across my heart.
She was his, and he was hers. Tatianna would soon be Mrs. Jameson, while I was headed for divorce court.
The irony is that if I’d become Mrs. Jameson the way Grey wanted, Carter would’ve been with Chelsea or some other woman.
Maybe happily married or enjoying a single life.
He would’ve been involved as a father to Ethyn and any other children he may have had.
I would have had my store for years instead of just opening one.
I would’ve been happy with Grey. My life wouldn’t be the beautiful mess it’d become.
The acid in my stomach burned as Grey opened her door and leaned over to say goodbye.
She pressed her lips to his lips and cupped the back of his head.
He backed up, and she pulled him in to kiss him again.
I didn’t blame her. If he were mine, I would kiss him all the time, too.
I turned around and slunk into my seat, hoping he didn’t see me as he strode back toward the stadium with a renewed pep.
My truth erased any feelings he had for me.
Erased any hope he had about us. Maybe it was for the best that Grey forgot about me so he could give his heart to Tatianna and not end up like Carter, searching for happiness outside of his marriage because I didn’t give him my full heart.
Believing Grey had moved on from me, I’d been surprised to see Grey’s simple text this morning. Three hours later, I still didn’t know how to respond. I turned the phone over and refocused on my spreadsheet until it buzzed again.
I’m at the beach house. I’ll be there the rest of the afternoon. 9:43 am
I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes, searching for an answer.
I’d been grateful for my decision to open the pharmacy.
It’d kept me busy and not focused on my dying marriage.
My busyness also kept me from dwelling on the emotional distance I sensed within Grey whenever I did bring Elle to practice.
Now that Grey was making it clear that he still wanted something from me, I didn’t know what to do.
I closed my laptop, placed my head on top of it, and practiced breathing, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
I finally texted back.
Be there in an hour. I can’t stay long. I have to pick up the twins from school. 10:02 am
The door will be open in case I’m running. 10:03 am
WHEN I ARRIVED AT HIS place, I marveled that I was going to a man’s home besides my husband’s. This time felt different than when I came here for my birthday. Today was purposeful, and last time, we just happened to end up here. I knocked on the door as I opened it.
“Grey?” I called, and when I didn’t receive a response, I walked out onto the patio and searched the beach.
A few people ran on the shoreline, and in the distance, I spotted him wearing only red shorts.
I went back inside and into his bedroom.
Shades of blue and white in his immaculate room reminded me that men could keep their homes clean, unlike Carter, who relied on me to tidy.
The fresh linen and woodsy smell that assailed my senses was so Grey that I stopped to regain composure.
The scent reminded me of falling asleep in his dorm room in his bed.
The scent reminded me of our brief time as roommates and our two weeks together when we were locked in a hotel, and no one else existed.
I quickly entered his closet and grabbed a white Nike hoodie and a towel.
His chest had become even more bronze and beautiful over the years.
I didn’t need to be tempted in his home, where I could live forever and a day with him in peace.
As I returned to the patio, I noticed a lone picture of Elle, probably 8 x 10, on his shelf underneath his flat screen in the living area.
It was a magnificent action shot. She displayed her runner’s form and the determination on her face, which mirrored Grey’s when he ran.
He’d already proven to be a good father to Elle, although she still didn’t have a clue.
Patient and respectful when directing her and giving her loads of encouragement any time she spent with him.
Always careful to allow her to be affectionate with him first. Elle adored Coach Grey.
I loved seeing them together and that Carter could rise above his emotions and allow Grey to train her.
To be her father.
Grey walked in through the patio and smiled. Sweat glistening off his body. I threw him the towel and the hoodie. He chuckled as he quickly dried off and pulled it over his head. “I didn’t really expect you to respond to my text.”
“Then why text me twice?”
“Because I couldn’t stop myself.” We faced each other on opposite sides of the room. “Thought maybe you and Carter were tighter more than ever. Still, I had to try.”
“Do you want us to be tighter?”
“I want whatever makes you happy,” he softly replied.
“Even if that means it’s him.”
His nostrils flared as he jammed his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. “Yeah.”
“Bullshit.”
He frowned.
“You want me for yourself. You hope Carter keeps fucking up.” I taunted him with a smile.
He looked down, but not before I saw his smirk. “I don’t hope, though it gives me hope.”
“Why am I here, Grey?” I picked dark lint off the sweater dress that hugged my curves.
“You missed me.” Grey took a step closer. “Plus, you probably have questions.”
“I do. You’re a man, right?” I tilted my head, assessing him from head to toe, his handsome face, broad chest, toned thighs, and legs from years of running, enjoying the quiet sexual tension between us. Just enough to titillate me.
“I am.” Amused, he replied as he took another step closer to me. His heated gaze roamed my body.
“Then answer my question simply and plainly.”
Grey frowned as he rocked slightly, waiting for my question.
“Why does a man hide something from his woman?”
Grey replied without thought, “Because whatever he’s hiding, he doesn’t want to stop, or he doesn’t want to lose his woman.”
“That simple?”
“Yeah. Once he tells her his secret, he’s stopped or wants to stop. If he doesn’t tell or gets caught, he wants to continue. Or maybe he has stopped and telling her now makes him a liar to his woman.”
I folded my arms. “Isn’t he a liar for holding on to a secret in the first place?”
He arched a brow. “Technically, only if he's asked about it and denies it."
"I hate when men do that. A lie is a lie."
Grey rebutted, "No. A lie is a statement made. Are you lying to Carter by being here with me?”
“No.”
“You sure? Because you know I want you, and I’m sure Carter knows that.” He took another step closer. “Did you tell him you were coming to see me, knowing we're tempting fate by being around each other?”
“No, because I'm not tempting fate. I wanted to see you, and I'm here.” I lifted my chin higher. I had no guilt or qualms about being here with Grey. If we decided to fuck, we did.
“Are you lying to yourself right now?”
“No.” I smiled.