Chapter 9
TYLER
I woke up at some ridiculous time in the morning to my mother’s screams echoing in my head.
My nightmares were so real that, for a bit, I wasn’t sure if the sound was in the house or not.
For a few minutes, I didn’t open my eyes while panic crawled around in my body.
Eventually, reality filtered into my mind and I was able to take a deep breath.
At first, I didn’t know how early it was until I found Eddie’s phone on the coffee table next to me and tapped the Power button.
There was a picture of the Hollywood sign on the lock screen, the type of thing that made me think he’d snapped the photo himself.
An ache wove around my heart. What would it have been like to go with him?
My life would be different. I would be different.
The pain that festered inside me wouldn’t exist.
Shaking off the thought, I focused on the time as much as my half-asleep brain would let me.
2:00 a.m.
I groaned. Way too early. I glanced around, blinking as my brain came online. Eddie wasn’t on the couch with me. The kitchen light caught my eye when I sat up.
I spied those pointy floor ornaments nearby and shook my head. Eddie was a good-hearted guy, which was why he owned those death traps, but he really needed to move them far, far away from anyplace he ever walked.
They were such a bad idea.
Dragging myself off the couch, I yawned, unconcerned about my naked ass. He’d sucked my dick dry. I didn’t think it mattered that I was walking around his house with no clothes. Plus, he had the heat blasting, and it was toasty. Perfect walking around the house naked temperature.
I found Eddie sitting at the kitchen table, a copy of my shit list in his hands. I had a tendency to write it out again if I didn’t have one on me. I’d jotted it down on a notepad Eddie kept around to make grocery lists when I’d gone to the kitchen for a glass of water earlier.
At this point, reliving my grievances as I wrote down those names was a compulsion.
If it’d been any other night, I would’ve rushed over to rip the paper out of his hands, but I didn’t.
I’d brought my baggage here, and as strange as it was because of how recently I’d been mad at him, I wanted to stay.
I’d trusted him once and I did again. He’d shown me he cared and actions spoke louder than words.
He was in his sweatpants, which was a shame. But not entirely because he looked damned good in them. They were loose around his crotch, giving his dick a free swing, and right now it was an outline against his thigh. My mouth watered. Yum.
The ink on his neck was stark against his pale skin.
I licked my lips as the urge to run my tongue over each letter settled in.
But it wasn’t his dick or tattoo that entranced me.
It was his mouth, sweet and tilted downward in sadness, and I hated the emotion on his face.
Maybe I could kiss the frown right off his lips.
“Hi,” I whispered, afraid of scaring him into doing something silly.
And I wasn’t wrong. He nearly tipped the chair to the side in surprise. He caught himself right before both him and the seat went toppling. His forehead crinkled, lines of concern dipping into his skin. “Oh fuck.”
“Are you okay?” I smiled and took the chair beside him while he chuckled at his near miss. I warmed at the way his gaze darted up and down my body. It was unusual for me to feel like someone couldn’t look away for a good reason.
He placed my list on the table, not embarrassed about being caught with it.
If anything, he was calm and calculated, more than he should’ve been at two in the morning.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He tapped the list. “Sorry.” He didn’t explain why he had it, and I didn’t ask.
“Who’s the next guy on your list? Aaron Newland? ”
We both ignored the fact that his name was on the list. He seemed a little nervous, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to explain anyway.
Aaron.
Fuck.
It was almost easy to forget about him. Almost. He was my first boyfriend.
I’d trusted him. I’d met him about a month before my nineteenth birthday while I was working at a diner.
He was rich and smart. One of my coworkers had told me to stay away from him, but he’d begun flirting.
Of course, I’d fallen head over heels. The moment he’d asked me on a date, I’d said yes, thinking I’d met my happily ever after.
It all came to a crashing end when I’d found out I was a bet, like from one of those stupid teen movies.
Except, Aaron didn’t regret it. He’d used me and filmed me without my consent, and shared clips with his friends.
They came into the diner constantly to mock me and shame me about how I’d cried and told Aaron I loved him during one of our “lovemaking” sessions.
Aaron laughed with them.
When I couldn’t stand the harassment anymore, I quit my job.
I didn’t tell Eddie any of that. Instead, I grabbed his hand, sliding my fingers through his. His digits were longer than mine and sturdier, and they were solid enough to ground me in the moment with him.
“Do you work tomorrow?” I snorted. “I should say today. I never asked what you do.”
He stared at me for a long moment, blue eyes alert and considering, before he answered.
“I’m sort of an accountant. I’m not a CPA, but I’m working on that.
I help the team that puts together job bids for my company.
I enjoy numbers. They’re predictable. And I like scoping out our competition and figuring out how to bring a job in under budget without screwing over our workers. ”
“Of course you do.” I rolled my eyes with a grin. “You always loved budgeting for my mom.”
“She never followed my advice,” he grumbled, bitter. I didn’t blame him.
“Probably why she and your dad had so many debts.” And why they fought all the time.
Eddie’s Uncle Chad inserting his dick into the situation was the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.
I raised Eddie’s hand to my mouth and laid a gentle kiss on the back.
“Should we go to bed? If you have to work later this morning . . . .” I gave him a pointed look.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you in there. I’ll just make sure the lights are turned off.”
I plopped a kiss on his mouth before I went upstairs in the direction of his bedroom.
As soon as I got inside, I studied the area.
I hadn’t come in here earlier. There was no better space to get to know someone than their bedroom, and what I saw didn’t surprise me.
It was neat like the rest of the house, but it was also clutter free—so he wouldn’t fall over anything.
He simply had a queen-size bed, a set of drawers, a closet full of suits, and a tall mirror.
The wooden floor gleamed and the wide window above the bed had bright red curtains to contrast the sky-blue walls.
Everything about Eddie was so uncoordinated, even his décor.
I glanced toward the mirror, then away again because I couldn’t stand seeing my reflection.
The man who looked back was always the same pathetic version.
Weak. Too scared to fight to protect himself.
Too helpless to defend himself. He was the person who relied on his ex-stepbrother to take care of him.
And Eddie did.
Even though I’d been an asshole to him, he’d let me stay in his home while he handled my problems. How long had he been doing that?
Before he left New Gothenburg, I had no idea he’d had serious issues with his dad, which meant he’d hidden it from me.
Maybe I was the asshole, after all. He needed his own list and my name should be number one.
I brushed my fingers over the scars and the drooping eye on the right side of my face, then trailed them over my left arm.
The scars were numb, mostly, except for the way they ached in the cold, and it was something I’d gotten used to.
I smiled and tugged lightly on the gold chain around my neck.
In a roundabout way, Eddie had let me keep the one sentimental thing I owned.
Hands wrapped around my waist, and I froze, so focused on myself that I hadn’t realized Eddie had come in behind me.
“They don’t change who you are. They aren’t who you are. You’re beautiful, with or without them.”
I choked out a laugh, keeping my attention on the floor, even as he turned me toward the mirror. I wasn’t going to look. I refused. “I don’t feel that way. You should see how people look at me on the street. Like I’m Freddy fucking Krueger and about to haunt their dreams.”
“What do they know about the trauma you’ve been through?
They don’t know you.” His grip tightened and he laid a kiss on my bare shoulder.
I shivered as he began to caress his fingers across my lower abs, right under my belly button.
I was sensitive there. “I know you.” His breath tickled my neck and goose bumps rippled across my skin.
“And you’re perfect. Look in the mirror. See how amazing you are.”
I didn’t. The mirror and I would stay mortal enemies. Eddie couldn’t change that.
I turned in his arms, my dick rubbing against the hard-on trapped in his sweats, and I cupped his face in my palms. The way he slid his gaze over me stole my breath.
Eddie couldn’t hide his feelings if he tried, and everything in his eyes screamed he was telling the truth.
He saw someone worth protecting. Worth killing for.
And I thought I was the half-blind one here.
“Let me show you just how beautiful you are.” He stroked a knuckle along my jaw, and I leaned into him, desperate to get more of his hands on my body.
I took in every inch of his handsome face, from his soft pink lips, to the sweep of his rounded nose, to the mole on the side of his head, hidden beneath the buzz cut.
“What?” I whispered.