Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
L evi wasn’t sure why he remembered that afternoon when he’d caught Rachel walking when a rainstorm hit. He hadn’t thought about it since it happened, but now he remembered her narrow shoulders and her sweet scent and the frisson shooting through him as if it were yesterday.
Looking at her now, he took in her eyes, large in her pale face. “Maybe you should go inside.”
“You said we were going to the barn.” She lifted her chin. “With or without you, that’s where I’m going.”
“Now I remember.” Laughing softly, he shook his head.
“Remember what?” She looked confused.
“Your stubborn streak.” He nodded toward the barn. “We’ll go, then I’ll walk you back.”
He wouldn’t add that she looked tired. Being outside in the fresh air could be the change she needed for her body to heal.
He waited until she took a step, then walked by her side down the path to the barn.
Inside the horses whinnied. Some dipped their heads through the Dutch doors.
“How’re you doing, Queenie?” He scratched the nose of a thoroughbred with a blaze.
She shook her head, then dipped her nose into his palm looking for a treat.
“You caught me.” He laughed. Stepping to the barrel where the apples were stored, he grabbed a few. “Do you want to feed them?” He shifted his gaze to Rachel.
“Yes.” Her face brightened.
“Here.” Taking her hand, he placed an apple in her palm. Her smooth skin made him take in air. She felt like silk. “Remember to hold your palm flat.”
She nodded, then held the apple in front of Queenie, who nibbled it delicately.
The other horses sensed Queenie’s special treatment. They leaned through their doors and whinnied.
“We’re coming.” Levi laughed.
So did Rachel, that musical sound that made him long to hear more. His jaw tightened. He needed to get that feeling out of his mind.
“Do you want to meet Calypso?” He gave Rachel a side glance.
“Yes, is she a special horse?”
“She has good lines, but she’s expecting,” he said. He and Rachel fed more apples to the horses as they walked down the alley. “The stud we paired her with has an impressive lineage as well.”
In the back of the barn, they stopped at a stall that was larger than the others. The mare standing at the trough gave them a bored look before returning to her meal.
“She’s such a pretty color.” Rachel smoothed her hand over the reddish coat.
“I think so,” Levi said. “The color of her coat is referred to as liver chestnut.”
“When is she due?” Rachel asked.
“Not until July,” he said. “I hope Madeline and I are still here. Being around a foal is always an exciting experience, no matter how old you are.”
“It is that.” She spoke slowly, reminding him that he’d come to the ranch to help while his dad recuperated. Because of the severity of the stroke, his recovery seemed doubtful—until this morning. If his dad regained his health, there was no reason for Levi to stay. He could remain at the ranch and fly to San Francisco when needed, but that meant leaving Madeline. She’d been through enough. She needed stability in her life. Her parents had entrusted her in his care.
Returning to San Francisco wasn’t just leaving Sweet Mountain. He’d leave Rachel. She was back in his life. Until now, he hadn’t realized what that meant.
Glancing at her now, he was curious at why she had become so quiet.
“Maybe we should return to the house,” he said gently. Had walking to the barn been too much?
“Let me get to know Calypso.” She glanced at him, then watched the horse, which still showed no interest in her. “Can I go into the stall?”
“Sure.” He flipped the door latch.
The horse continued to munch her hay but shifted slightly making room for them.
“Hello, Calypso,” Rachel spoke softly but with a lilt that loosened the guard around Levi’s heart and made him want to draw her close.
Never had he thought he was protecting himself. He never considered there was anything he would protect himself from, but now he realized he hadn’t made room for a relationship because he’d never met anyone he wanted to be close to.
“We should go for a ride.” She smiled softly. “And take Madeline.”
“You’re not in any condition to go anywhere,” he said firmly.
The disappointment in her eyes settled in his chest. He wished they could ride. He remembered how she’d tag along when he and Jonathan rode. They usually brought their current girlfriends on these rides, making Rachel the fifth wheel. She hadn’t seemed to mind. She had been excited to be included in an outing with her brother.
“Madeline hasn’t ridden much,” he said. “I’ll work with her on her riding skills. By the time she’s more comfortable on a horse, you should be feeling better.”
“I feel better now.” She continued to stroke Calypso, who had lost interest in eating and stood still, relishing her gentle touch, something Levi understood.
“Let’s make sure.” Giving her a direct look, he lifted one brow.
She didn’t argue. Did she understand? She still needed to recover. She should be resting, not standing in the barn.
“You’re mesmerizing Calypso.” He nodded to the horse who no longer ate.
Rachel lifted her face to his. The surprise in her eyes indicated she hadn’t noticed how still Calypso had become.
“I’m distracting her.” Rachel’s merry laughter drifted around him.
“By the look of her, she’s enjoying it.” He shifted his gaze to Rachel and tightened his jaw at the shadows beneath her eyes. “Come on.” He touched her arm. “I think you’ve done enough for this morning. Let’s go back to the house. I’ll need to pick up Madeline from school. That should give you time to rest. I know Madeline will want to spend time with you if you’re up to it.”
“I’ll be up to it.” She gave him a determined look, which made him laugh.
Looking into her eyes, he remembered so many things about when they were younger. Those years faded away and he saw her as she was now—a young woman he wanted to draw close to. Even as he looked at her, the teasing look in her eyes faded.
Without thinking he lifted a hand to her cheek. He swallowed at the smoothness of her skin.
She didn’t pull away. Lifting her gaze to his, there was no mistaking his longing mirrored in her eyes.
The urge to draw her close burned within him.
Calypso’s snort made him look at the horse, which was clearly annoyed that Rachel no longer stroked her.
Rachel’s surprised laugh brought him back to reality. His parents’ barn was not the place to release the emotions building within him.
“Let’s go back to the house,” he said, his voice deep and strained.
“All right.” She looked at the horse, sympathy showing for the animal, who shook her head and snorted .
Levi touched Rachel’s elbow and guided her out of the stall. When they walked into the kitchen, she looked more tired.
“I’m going to lie down,” she said softly. “If I’m not up by the time you return with Madeline, will you wake me?”
“We’ll see,” he said flatly. That she was willing to rest was a sign she needed to.
She nodded, then moved out of the kitchen.
Levi didn’t have time to think of the desire she stirred in him. His phone rang. When he opened the screen, he saw his mother had texted him. After he finished his call, he’d read the text, then call his mother.
He answered his phone, then stepped into the breakfast nook to discuss the progress report his head of development had posted on the share drive. He half heard what the man said. He couldn’t stop thinking about the change in his feelings toward Rachel.
Had they changed? No, his draw to her started in high school. Even the years they spent apart hadn’t stopped him from thinking about her. Now he understood why he hadn’t let anyone else into his life. He compared everyone he met to Rachel Bonneville.
No one else came close. Her bright eyes, her smooth skin, the light in her eyes—never had he met a woman who stirred within him what he felt when he was near her.
What did he do about that? His life was changing. He was raising Madeline and trying to decide the future of his company. If he took the company public, he’d lose control over the future development projects he’d planned.
Did that matter? He’d been proud of the company he’d started, but had that become his life?
If he took the company public, he’d make sure the benefit plan and payscale for his employees stayed in place. No one who didn’t respect the workforce would take control.
His plans were changing. Madeline had become the center. He had thought that by running the company and raising Madeline his life would be filled, but now he found himself wanting to make room for Rachel .
What could he promise her? A life that was filled with running his company and raising Madeline? He thought he could raise his friends’ daughter, but now he found himself juggling parental and executive responsibilities. That wasn’t fair to his company and especially not to Madeline.
And if Rachel were part of his life? He was trying to work through being a parent. Could he add husband to that list? To be her husband meant being the best he could give her. What if she hadn’t planned for marriage to be in her future.
He ended the call as he saw Seth drive the SUV down the gravel drive. Levi stepped out of the house and down the path to the garage.
“How did the appointment go?” he asked his mother as he helped his father from the front seat.
“Fine,” Felix spoke so clearly, Levi had to pause. His father grinned at him.
Levi lifted a questioning gaze to his mother.
“The doctor was very impressed.” His mother smiled as she walked around the SUV. “I sent you a text.”
“I didn’t see it until I answered my phone to take a call, which I just finished,” he said.
“That’s fine.” His mother smiled. “Your father’s progress has exceeded the doctor’s expectations.”
“And mine,” his father said plainly, though he still seemed to struggle as he searched for the right word.
“Good job, Dad.” With his father’s health improving, what did that mean for Levi … and Madeline? He’d stay until the end of the school year. He didn’t want to exhaust Madeline with endless travel, but was Sweet Mountain God’s place for them?
If he left Sweet Mountain, would Rachel come with them? How could he ask her that after she’d finally returned to Sweet Mountain?
He only had questions—not answers.
Until he knew the direction to take, he couldn’t ask Rachel to put her life on hold.
These were decisions he couldn’t make. He needed guidance .
I’m coming to You, Lord. I’ve been afraid of the direction You’d take me, but Your word promises perfect peace. My mind is stayed on You.