Chapter 9 #2
“No, not me. I’m not that guy. For anyone,” I huffed, shaking my head. “And it’s not like we were in love. We were friends who…”
“Fucked,” Tanner supplied.
I inclined my chin. “And I had my own shit going on. I had a big falling out with my family while I was in college. We’re talking huge.
Think of the Christmas from hell and crank it up twenty notches.
I won’t go into detail, but the gist or maybe the result is…
I don’t do family. At all. I had no intention of ever becoming a husband, let alone a dad. ”
“What happened with Mel?”
I took a deep inhale and slowly released it.
“She moved to Vegas with her friend Kitty about six and a half years ago. I was working as a bouncer at a club off the strip part-time and finishing my veterinary degree. She called me, but this time she didn’t just want to hook up.
She asked if I’d put in a good word at the club for her and Kitty.
They both needed extra cash. She was doing well, though.
She’d gotten a real estate license and only wanted to bartend part-time.
Suddenly, we were living in the same town, working at the same crappy joint till we’d established ourselves.
We had a goal in common, and…yeah, we hooked up.
Often. But it wasn’t love. It was friendship, and it was easy.
Until the day she asked if I’d be a sperm donor. ”
Tanner lifted his mug to his lips. “Obviously, you agreed.”
“I didn’t. I said no, and I was pretty damn serious.
But drunk me was never the sharpest tool in the shed.
That guy forgot to wear a condom and chose to believe that my usually vigilant fuck-buddy was still using birth control.
” I shrugged and rolled my eyes. “I’d already moved on to Seattle when Mel called to tell me the news.
She was pregnant, I was the dad, but not to worry, she had it under control. ”
“She tricked you?”
“Yeah, but it takes two to tango. I was angry at first, but she wasn’t joking about parenting on her own.
She’d been raised by a single mom, and she didn’t need or want anyone in her life who wasn’t completely invested in her child.
And let me tell you, Mel was a force to contend with.
She wasn’t fuckin’ around. I saw her a few times during her pregnancy and once…
I asked her to marry me and almost got my bell rung.
She threw a paperweight at my head and told me to fuck off. ”
I chuckled at the memory.
Tanner smiled. “Sounds like she was kind of amazing.”
“Yeah.” I pursed my lips as visions of my sweet friend hit me like a hammer.
Mel in that low-cut top, serving shots to businessmen and college coeds.
Mel in my truck, her long hair blowing out the window on a hot summer day.
Mel with her head tipped toward the sun, laughing like a hyena.
“I was so angry with her, you know. So fucking mad. She betrayed my trust and put me in a position that terrified me. She knew why I hadn’t wanted to be a husband or a father.
Fuck, I hadn’t even wanted to be anyone’s boyfriend.
She’d taken something I’d never wanted to give, and I was sure I’d never forgive her for it.
But I was also torn, ’cause where I come from, you marry the girl, you have the kid, and you try your damnedest to make it work.
I was pissed that she rejected my offer…
and sort of relieved. We’d reached a truce eventually.
Thank fuck. I don’t know what I would have done if… ”
Tanner set a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. She was hit by a drunk driver who’d run a red light. They got her to the hospital, operated immediately, but her lung had been pierced and God knows what else.”
“Oh, shit.”
“They couldn’t save Mel. They saved the baby, though.
And overnight, I became a father. Not just a name on a birth certificate, but the guy in charge of…
everything. Mel’s mom helped with the infant stuff, and Kitty was a life-saver, too.
But Mel’s mom passed away two years ago, and we we’re on our own again.
I had no reason to stay in Vegas, and I had itchy feet.
I was ready to move on. We lived in Colorado, which I loved, Seattle—too damn rainy, and Portland—same.
Then I saw the want ad for a qualified vet for a small office in Santa Ynez. And you know the rest.”
I threw my arms wide as if suggesting I were an open book. False.
I never shared a smidge of my personal life. With anyone. I’d done some good things, had some crazy adventures, a great education, and hell, I had a kid with a former stripper. I could tell stories all night long—some of them so outrageous I wouldn’t believe them if I hadn’t been there.
But I guarded my privacy like a knight in rusted armor standing sentry at a crumbling castle. It usually took an act of God for me to let anyone in.
Somehow Tanner had slipped through my defenses and funny enough, I was okay with it.
I trusted him, and it wasn’t as if I were ashamed of my past. It was just…
complicated and a little messy. And at the end of the day, the only thing that mattered to me now was making sure my kid was safe, happy, and had everything she needed.
If it meant I had to sacrifice here and there, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
“Wow, I’m humbled,” Tanner said after a long silence.
I frowned. “Why?”
“You’ve lived a full life, and you strike me as the type of person who tries to do the noble thing.
The right thing. You’re not as scary as you let everyone think, Axel.
” He leaned close to smooth his fingers along the crease between my eyes.
“Don’t scowl. I’ve got your number, and I’m not afraid of you. ”
“You should be.”
Tanner rolled his pretty eyes. “Well, I’m not. I admire you. It can’t be easy doing the heavy lifting on your own, and yet you’ve somehow managed to raise a confident, smart kid with a curious mind and a kind heart. Phoebe’s going to have a brilliant life, and that’s all you.”
I couldn’t fight the smile that twitched the corner of my lips.
“Thanks for saying so. She’s only five and we’ve got a ways to go, but she’s pretty special.
She’s been a trooper, moving from place to place.
I know she likes it here. Everything amazes her.
The creek, the trees, the caterpillars…you name it, Phee can find something wonderful about it.
Cracks me up, ’cause her mom wouldn’t have lasted a day in a glorified trailer.
Especially when the thermostat dips below forty at night. ” I snorted at the thought.
“You’ll be there for another two months?”
“Six weeks.” I wrinkled my nose. “I have a full-time job with benefits at a ranch and a place to call home for the duration. God knows, she could use the stability. Maybe we both could.”
Tanner’s expression contorted comically—creased forehead, gnawed lip, and narrowed eyes. “Listen, I’m going to offer you something, and I know you’re going to automatically say no, but…”
“But…what?” I prodded.
“Get your boots and jacket on. It’s better if I show you.”
Fifteen minutes later, Tanner unlocked the door to a small cottage at the end of a gravel pathway.
The front yard looked out on the pasture where three horses grazed.
I stepped into a bright foyer and followed him into a living room furnished with a gray sectional sofa, an armchair, and a coffee table.
Photographs of idyllic farm life reminiscent of the art hanging in the office in the barns decorated the white paneled walls.
Tanner opened the striped curtains, spilling sunlight into the space. “What do you think?”
I gave a cursory glance. “Nice place.”
“Check this out.” He wandered into the adjoining kitchen.
“Fully equipped, great appliances, and lots of natural light. And this way…we’ve got two bedrooms and one bathroom.
It’s one of the smaller cottages, but it’s got central heating and air, and utilities are paid by the ranch.
You’re welcome to move in with Phoebe free of charge till the end of the year. ”
I didn’t say a word for a whole minute. I was shocked.
“Are you serious?”
He grinned, rocking back on his heels. “Yeah. These cottages were built to house any of our employees who’re needed to be hands on.
There are over a dozen of them, as you’ve probably noticed.
Maybe ten are in use on a full-time basis.
The others are overflow from the main lodge if Mills happens to land a particularly large party that needs the extra space. Otherwise…like now—they’re free.”
“And you want Phoebe and me to move in…here?”
Tanner nodded. “I think it’s a great idea.
Last night would have been easier on you if you’d been on the ranch to begin with, and Gem or Vic or someone could have sat in your living room babysitting your sleeping daughter, who’d never know you’d been away for an hour or two.
Luckily, we didn’t have a major emergency, but Hazel’s birth might be complicated, and I’d personally feel better if the vet was nearby. ”
“And this has nothing to do with the sexy bits of last night? I mean…this morning.”
He chuckled. “It’s definitely a perk, but no, the offer comes from Oak Ridge, not me.
If this makes a difference, Hudson lived in one of these cottages for almost a year before he moved in with Moody in Christmas Town.
In his case, he was from out of town and was coming on as a full-timer…
and an owner. You, on the other hand, made it sound like your situation at the creek was ideal albeit cold.
And if you’re happy there, great. If not, don’t be a stubborn mule. Take the cottage and be comfortable.”
“It’s too much, Tanner. I can’t move in here.”
He huffed irritably. “You can, and I just explained why. Obviously, you’re free to freeze at the creek. Your call.”
I scrubbed my jaw. “Just like that?”
“Yep.” Tanner snapped his fingers and winced. “Actually, no. There’s a catch.”
“Ahh.” I crossed my arms. “What is it?”
“This cottage is part of the Christmas Light Show. You’d have to decorate it.”
“What?”
“You heard me. The lights are in a storage shed, neatly marked and ready to go. You just have to string them on the house and, uh…there might be an inflatable Santa or two for the lawn. Those are easy enough.” Another snap.
“And in the spirit of the season, you gotta put a tree in the front window. More decorations, more lights, lots of festive cheer. What do you think?”
I massaged my nape, replaying his speech in my head.
Was he fucking serious? This house was really nice.
It wasn’t large by any means, but Phee would have her own room.
Not a makeshift dining area turned into a kids’ space—a real room.
And proximity had been a big issue for me right from the start.
I could walk to work, drive five minutes to pre-K, and just ten minutes twice a week for my job at the vet’s office in Santa Ynez.
The Christmas part might be a pain in the ass, but Phee would love it. The lights, the tree…
“She’s never had a real tree,” I commented offhandedly.
Tanner tilted his chin. “No?”
“We’ve lived in tiny apartments and mobile homes. We have one of those fake ones you can put on a table in a box somewhere. Not the same.”
“This would definitely be different. More…holiday-ish.” He draped his arms on my shoulders and flashed a slightly naughty smile.
“I know I’m laying this on thick. I should probably get off your case and tell you to do what’s right for you.
And I will, but…I like you. I’d love to spend more time with you.
So…as an incentive, I’ll even offer to help you decorate. ”
I hooked my thumbs through Tanner’s belt loops and tugged him closer, brushing our noses and dipping to hover my lips over his.
“You’re a sneaky little fucker, Mr. Spade. I want to say no on principle.”
“But you won’t.”
“No, I won’t.” I sighed…in my most faux put-upon manner. “I’ll ask Phee what she thinks and get back to you. If that’s all right, of course.”
“Of course.” He beamed at me. “Something tells me she’s gonna say yes.”
I snort-laughed. “You could be right.”
We went our separate ways at the bottom of the pathway.
Tanner hurried off to go to his meeting and me…
? I stared at the cottage. White roses bloomed in winter in California and though the lavender had lost its purple luster, it was still pretty.
I could imagine it at night, lit with colorful lights.
Phee loved Christmas lights. Hell, she loved all things Christmas.
I’d taken her to see the fancy trees in the cities we’d called home.
We’d passed through San Francisco in December last year, and I’d never forget her wonder and joy as she’d gazed up at the tree in Union Square.
I wanted to tell her there were bigger, better trees out there, but it was nice to see beauty through her eyes and remember that bigger or better didn’t always matter.
My daughter would jump at the chance to live on the ranch through the holidays. To her, it would feel like six-plus weeks of Christmas. What could be sweeter for an animal-loving kid than to see horses in your front yard and visit the goats, pigs, and cows down the road every day?
And I’d have Tanner.
Not forever, but I’d take November and December. Damn right I would.