Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
THEO
P acing my room does little to quell the storm inside me. My wolf, restless and growling, claws at my mind as Jerome approaches. I already know what he’s about to say.
“The women of Polaris have arrived, Your Majesty.” His light blue eyes seem hopeful, but the tense wrinkles around them tell me he’s just as unsure as I am.
I don’t tell him that I’ve already sensed them. That my wolf’s been on edge since the moment their ship docked. Jerome may be my most faithful advisor, but after nearly a year of ruling, I’ve learned not to trust anyone completely. Not even myself.
Hell, I’m not even sure if my wolf sensing that our mate is near is real or completely fabricated at this point, but knowing this could all be a lie doesn’t lessen the panic growing within my chest.
“Very well,” I say, my gaze drifting to the window. Beyond it, the castle grounds stretch toward the horizon, where dozens of women now gather. One of them could be her . The answer to the mess I’ve found myself in.
“Dinner will be held promptly after you’ve met with the eligible females, Sire,” Jerome continues, his voice neutral, as if we haven’t already played this charade twice before. “Princess Estee and her guest Drea are secured in her private chambers. They’ll be prepared separately before joining the others.”
Princess Estee.
Gods, please don’t let her be my mate.
As if this situation weren’t complicated enough, having my wolf claim the princess of Polaris would be a disaster. The last thing I need is to pull their family into the web of lies and destruction I’ve found myself tangled in.
I turn from the window and head toward my closet, opening the door to reveal a row of formal tunics adorned with medals I haven’t earned. The polished silver shines proudly, yet only serves as a reminder that I’m a king who doesn’t deserve his kingdom.
How did I let it come to this?
“Sire, would you like me to draw a bath?” Jerome asks, ever the attentive advisor, though his eyes don’t meet mine. If he managed to face me, I know what he’d see.
Dark circles shadowing my charcoal eyes, evidence of too many sleepless nights and stubble on my cheeks that should’ve been shaved days ago, but I haven’t had the energy to care. My brunet hair, once neatly cropped, now falls in unruly waves above my ears. I run my fingers through the strands in a half-hearted attempt to tame them, but it’s a lost cause. It all feels pointless after all I’ve endured.
“No.” My voice is harsher than I intended, and Jerome stiffens slightly.
He adjusts the lapels of his maroon suitcoat, nodding. “Very well, Your Majesty. I’ll return within the hour to escort you to the gathering.”
My wolf is practically panting to claim the soul created specifically for us, but I wonder just how much things are going to change. And, most importantly, if the one I hope to call mine will ever be able to forgive me for what I’ve done.
I slip my arms into the sleeves of my formal tunic, the dark wool sliding over my white dress shirt. The maroon piping around the edges matches the kingdom’s colors, and the golden buttons gleam. Securing them one at a time, I force myself to straighten to my full six-foot-four-inch height and call on my wolf healing to take away the bruises under my eyes. I may not be worthy of the crown I wear, but I’ll at least try to look like it. For her, my mate .
With a heavy sigh, my gaze shifts toward the mirror near my closet. There’s still a bleakness within my stare, hollow and tired. The weight of the crown atop my head feels heavier with each passing day, pressing down on me, suffocating me to the brink of death, but never offering the sweet relief.
I shake my head, a useless attempt to clear the darkness from my mind as I move to the drink cart. My hands tremble as I pour a whiskey. It’s not the answer, but for a moment, it dulls the edge of uncertainty clawing at me. I toss it back, the liquid burning down my throat.
I’ve lived four lifetimes—nearly one thousand years in total—and in all that time, I’ve never felt as lost as I do now. Sometimes, I want to blame my mother, but the choices I’ve made are mine alone. Even when forced to do things I’d never thought I was capable of… The truth is, there was always another way. A way I never took.
Death could have stopped this years ago.
But I was too selfish. Too determined to keep fighting.
And now, with my wolf pacing inside me, impatient and agitated, I wonder if I’ll be able to make the right choice when it matters most.
Whoever my mate is, she deserves better than this. Better than me.
I wish I could believe that today will be the beginning of something good. That finding her will be a turning point. But I know better. After all I’ve been through the last few years, this feels more like the beginning of the end because no matter how much I’ll want to cherish her…
She’ll hate me for what I’ve done, and I won’t blame her.
A strange sense of relief washes over me as I imagine the near future. Maybe this is how it’s meant to end. Maybe my mate is meant to be the queen Selaris needs, and my death is the price I’ll pay to give her that chance.
Maybe, just maybe, there’s still a way to fix this.