Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ESTEE
I ’m not sure I’ve ever been filthier. Bits of mashed potato and custard cling to my hair, streaks of pasta sauce splatter my arms, and breadcrumbs cling to my clothes. And yet, a joy pulses through me that I can’t shake, a bubbling thrill that has me not caring about the fact that I’ll probably be washing food out of my hair for days. A tiny part of me wants to hate this—the mess, this chaos, these ridiculous food-covered clothes. But the rest of me? I’m happier than I’ve been in years.
And that terrifies me.
When Theo scared the children, I’d let my fury loose without thinking twice and wanted nothing more than to see him gone. Then, when he stood up to me—refusing to cower like he had before—it shifted something inside me. Forced me to see him differently, to see strength I hadn’t expected. I’ve grown a little too comfortable watching him hurt over his choices, and I’m not sure I like what that says about me.
But it’s more than that. It’s the way he brushed past me, shoulders firm—every inch of him exuding a command I hadn’t sensed before. I wanted to hate him for that moment of defiance, but more than that, I wanted to grab those shoulders and slam him against the wall in the least hateful way.
Then, when he teamed up with the kids, allowing them to have fun with all of us… Watching him let go, laughing, and embracing the chaos—it melted something icy inside me. The man could let his guard down, could be playful and kind. Could make me forget—just for a moment—every dark thought I’ve had about him.
The more I try to compartmentalize the new information, the more tangled my thoughts and heart become. Theo is a knot in my mind, one I can’t unravel, and the more I pull, the tighter it gets. I still haven’t forgotten that he’s keeping things from me, but the more time we spend together, the easier that gets to overlook. Though, that’s only temporary. We have to trust each other if we’re going to make whatever this is work for any significant length of time.
After having filled a good portion of the day with the kids, I thought I would enjoy the quiet of my room after dinner, but I’m missing the distraction they gave me. Jerome offered them their own spaces as we got them settled into bed, but unsurprisingly, they’ve chosen to stay together for now.
Keera took charge helping Addie and Benji into their pajamas, then getting their teeth brushed, but that’s something I also hope to change. She doesn’t need to be a mother to these kids when she’s still a child herself. While I don’t intend to take that role from her, I plan to give her enough help that she no longer feels she has to parent them.
After showering, I put on underwear and a thick cotton robe then toss my hair into a bun. I should brush and dry it, but that’s future Estee’s problem. Tonight, I’m too damn tired. I want to enjoy my quiet time, maybe call Isla, and get a good night’s rest.
My wolf paces in the back of my mind, hungry for the freedom of the wild. She wants to run tonight, I can tell, to stretch her legs and lose herself in the silence of the woods. And I understand that urge; the pull of the forest is always there.
Tomorrow , I promise her, and the steady drum of her restless energy begins to settle.
I collapse onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as a whirlwind of thoughts race through my mind. And then, just as everything starts to slow, a knock sounds at my door.
Theo .
I can’t sense him like mates should be able to, but his scent is unmistakable. Over the past two days, the spicy, earthy aroma of sandalwood mixed with the perfect summer storm has become imprinted on my senses, enveloping me like a warm blanket with every interaction. And I’m not sure whether I love it or hate it. But I do know I’m beginning to crave it.
I walk lightly across the room, the cold wooden floorboards pressing into my bare feet. When I open the door, my smile is soft, gentle, but also cautious, as if I’m holding the slippery truce between my fingers and hoping it won’t shatter.
Theo stands on the other side, the moonlight filtering through the hallway window casting a silvery glow on his face. His hair, damp from a recent shower, hangs over his forehead. He wears a white t-shirt and loose grey pajama pants, looking less like a king and more like a man who’s just stepped out of a long day. His eyes are charcoal with a shimmer of something else, something that makes my breath hitch.
“Did I come at a bad time?” he asks, his voice a low rumble, and I catch the way his eyes dip to my chest for a split second before snapping back to my face.
I bring my hands up to cover myself, realizing belatedly that my robe is falling open. I tug the fabric tightly around me as heat rises to my cheeks. “I was just resting,” I say quickly. “Did you need something?” I stay in the doorway, unsure if I should invite him in or if he’d even want me to. An uncertainty I don’t like.
“I was wondering if we could talk.” He glances behind me, into the bedroom. “Privately.”
The deep timbre of his words curl around me like smoke, and I’m forced to grip the doorframe tighter to stay steady. The alpha power in his tone weaves through my mind, sending little shivers down my spine. Gods, it’s hard to breathe when he’s this close. Is this the bond? A fragment of what I’ve yet to understand? Until I do, I should say no—keep my distance, keep the questions locked away for another day. But I can’t. Though I should at least be careful.
Do I really?
Damn that hungry voice in my head. I blame my wolf. She might not be able to talk directly to me, but there’s no doubt she can manipulate my emotions to a certain extent. There’s only so much of her pining that I can ignore when it comes to Theo.
Between that and seeing the other sides of him, this is going to get more complicated before there’s a chance of anything making sense.
Even so, I step aside and welcome Theo into my room. “Come on in.”
His eyes openly roam my mostly covered body, and suddenly, the puffy robe doesn’t feel thick enough. “Thank you.”
As he passes by me, just his essence has be shoulders shuddering.
He has to be doing this intentionally.
Theo makes himself comfortable in one of the two chairs across from my bed. I take the other one, purposely sitting with extra force so I can slide the seat another couple of inches away from him.
“Did something happen?” I ask, doing my best to ignore the breathiness of my voice. Gods, where is this attraction coming from? The unfolding desire doesn’t fill the void where I expect there to be a connection if we’re truly mates, but still, I can’t help wondering if maybe I just have no idea what I should be expecting.
He nods slowly, his lips curling into a smirk that both infuriates and draws me in. “You moved children into my castle without my permission and threw mashed potatoes at me. Did you think we weren’t going to talk about two of the best things you’ve done since arriving?”
“Excuse me, but you told…” My defenses go up so strongly the moment he says “without my permission” that it takes an extra few seconds to comprehend the latter part of what he’s said. “Oh.”
“Yes. Oh .” His knowing grin has my stomach churning with butterflies. “So, what else did you do today that I should know about?”
“Jerome didn’t tell you?” I expected that he’d be keeping Theo in the loop.
He shakes his head. “I wanted to hear from you directly. Jerome advises me on my role as king, not my role as mate.”
My wolf surges to the surface so unexpectedly that I nearly lose control over my form. In those few seconds that her awareness is in charge, the connection that Theo has been so certain we share bleeds into me. At least I think it does.
A kaleidoscope of want, desire, and a sense of home consume me. Each emotion washes over me, cleansing my soul and preparing it for something that surpasses words. For a heartbeat, everything falls away. There’s no castle, no politics, no regrets—just Theo and me, our souls entwining in a dance of longing and need. And I feel him—truly feel him—for the first time. The weight of his pain, the depth of his fear, but also the flickering hope that’s fought so long to be free.
Yet, just as I start to process the deeper parts of him and before I can even breathe him in, the link I thought was forming breaks like glass.
It feels as though shards of him have been left behind, but the drive to heal him, to be the light in his life that he deserves is nowhere to be found. In its place is a desolation worse than any I’ve experienced in all my other lifetimes, made of raw edges and emptiness.
“Estee,” Theo whispers, kneeling in front of me, cupping my cheeks as he uses his thumbs to brush away tears I didn’t know were falling. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why is this happening?” I need to understand. To know what could possibly keep that kind of happiness away from two people who just might actually be meant for each other. And then I need to destroy it.
He flinches, closing his eyes as if my words are knives against his skin. “It’s complicated,” he murmurs, his voice a plea for mercy.
“Then, uncomplicate it.” I lean into his touch, searching his eyes for any shred of truth. “Because I won’t stick around just to have a future dangled in front of me then ripped away. I can’t live like that, Theo. I can handle a lot, but not this. I deserve better than that. I deserve the truth.”
His heart beats so frantically that I can hear the rapid thumping clear as day.
“Whatever it is, just tell me,” I plead with him.
Theo’s shoulders slump, his eyes pinching shut as if every breath pains him. He stands and turns away from me, his back rigid as he walks to the window overlooking the castle’s gardens. The moonlight casts silver streaks through his dark hair, and for a moment, I can almost see the man behind the crown—the man who’s lived with a darkness no one else understands.
“I never should’ve been king,” he says so quietly that I almost don’t hear him. “I don’t belong here, and the things I’ve done to stay?” He shakes his head, still hanging in despair. “You’ll never forgive me, Estee.”
The pain in his voice keeps me in my chair. I’m afraid to go to him, of what he may admit. Maybe I don’t want to know.
Yet, if there’s any chance for any of this to be real, for Theo to be my mate, there can’t be any secrets. Not even ones that could ruin us.
“Try me,” I say patiently.
Slowly, he turns to face me, and when our eyes meet, it’s like staring into a storm—fierce and chaotic, with a darkness ready to consume everything in its path. I don’t flinch away. I hold his gaze, unyielding, demanding that he let me see the truth, no matter how ugly it might be.
“I killed King Airik,” he finally says, each word heavy with a bleakness that fills the room like smoke. “I killed him and took his crown when it wasn’t mine to take.”
For a moment, I don’t breathe. I can’t. The world goes still around me, the air freezing in my lungs. I hear his words—feel the weight of them settle in my bones—but my mind fights accepting them as truth. This was exactly what I didn’t want to hear, the one thing I might not be able to forgive.
My mate is a murderer.