Chapter 10
Chapter
Ten
EVIE
O ne second I stood there bleeding, my entire body burning, and in the next, I found myself in a secluded alcove underneath the wall of the Arena, with only the thick columns and ancient symbols to keep me and him company.
He was touching me, skin to skin, making my insides twist and purr at the same time.
The bond between us vibrated.
I yanked my palm from his.
“You’ve already stolen me once.” I shook my hand as if his touch had scalded me.
It had definitely warmed me up, fanning the flame which had ignited in me when we drank each others’ blood at the wedding. “Learned my lesson.”
I tucked my hand close to my chest, trying to shield myself against my biggest enemy.
Him.
He turned around, gaze wide. Caught off balance for once.
“You’re here,” he sighed in a long whisper. “I told myself not to hope, not to dream. I had to stop myself every single day from coming to see you. Yet here you are.”
Gods, was that a smile on his face? He bridged the small gap between us with lightning speed. His hot breaths ghosted across my cheeks as I looked up at him. I’d forgotten how tall he was.
He looked hopeful.
And I would squash all of that hope with a few words. Destroy his heart like he’d done to me. He deserved it. And, yet, some part of me cried in despair at doing it.
His hands rose once more, as if getting ready to place them on my shoulders. The wound on his palm had already stitched itself back, only a reddish mark remaining. Damn Blood Brotherhood magic. “You came here. To me. You decided. You–”
I flinched back. Damn him for breaking my heart and damn me for giving it to him in the first place. “I came here to uphold the Blood Brotherhood ritual–”
“And I appreciate it. As does the rest of the Clan.”
“–and to tell you–”
His smile wavered, but didn’t vanish. “Anything. Tell me anything. I want to earn your trust back. I’m sorr–”
The tightness in my chest grew. I couldn’t deal with his empty apologies right now. “I want to help with the war.”
He hummed in satisfaction, eyes alight. “Spoken like a true leader. Thank you–”
“I’m not doing this for you . My Clan and family are on the line, too.”
“Noted.” His tone turned clipped. “How do you want to help?”
“What does the Clan need?”
“Someone to guard Phoenix Peak and the Capital. Someone I can trust.”
“Excuse me?” My eyes went wide . “I can’t defend an entire city.”
“I believe you can, better than you imagine. You can also not get involved in the war, nobody would blame you.”
I would blame myself. “That’s not happening.”
“One of us goes out on the battlefield and defends the Clan, the other defends Phoenix Peak and the Capital against the advisors.” He frowned. “What did you mean by helping?”
Not this . It was too much for one person. “What if I want to come fight in the war?”
If Adara would have heard me, she would have beaten the idea out of me on the training grounds herself.
He didn’t look thrilled either.
“That’s honorable of you,” he said slowly.
“Then why are you frowning?”
“Have you ever been on a battlefield?” he asked, deceptively calm.
“No.”
“Have you ever led an army?”
My nostrils flared. “You know damn well I haven’t.”
“Then why would you want to come?”
I stared at him, dumfounded. “Because I want to help.”
Maybe this Clan didn’t deserve it. But Grandpa Constantine hadn’t raised a hypocrite.
“You can help here,” he said, in that same calm tone that made me want to wring something. Preferably his neck. “Wars aren’t always fought on the battlefield. There are two fronts we need to defend. You are much stronger than you think. I hope one day you’ll have the same faith in yourself that I do.”
Instead of calming me, his words only spurred me on, and a violent shiver coursed through me.
“So I’m supposed to hide in the citadel while the warriors sacrifice themselves? The Serpents are attacking us because their heir was killed at my wedding by you . It’s my fault, too. I’m quick on my feet and Adara taught me how to fight.”
“Not on the battlefield. Not against a horde of fighters. That takes years of experience. You won’t be able to drop a bell on them or scorch the entire army.” He took a deep breath. “Out there, you’ll be an easy target. Even with Banu and Valuta here, probably trying to sabotage the war efforts, you’ll be safer.”
The pompous, arrogant–“You aren’t the master of me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”
“I can’t.”
I huffed an impatient sigh. I wanted him to fight back. “Zavoya and Eldryan can protect the city.”
His top lip curled. “You’ve met them. Would you leave your city under their protection?”
No. Never. “Phoenix Peak will survive.”
“What if it doesn’t? The Serpents have breached our border. My warriors are going to battle to protect their home and families. It’s the only thought that keeps them fighting and doing unimaginable things in the trenches. If the Capital falls, we all do. Both fronts need a leader. Whatever you pick, it will be new and hard and difficult. Thousands of warriors on the battlefield or thousands of civilians in the city. They all need to be led and protected. Or, once again, you can not get involved. Choose.”
“Oh, now you’re giving me a choice?” I asked, not bothering to hide my venom. “Ask Kaya to defend your precious Capital.”
An ugly silence settled between us, punctured only by the shouts and cheers in the arena–and the sound of my galloping heart.
“She can’t and we both know it,” he said at last. “She couldn’t even enter the Arena.”
“That is not my problem.”
“Isn’t it? You said it yourself, your family will be in even graver danger if we fall.”
“I know . I agreed to marry you to protect them, remember?” I spit out and tried to ignore the flash of pain rushing from his side of the bond. “And now we have a war banging on our door. How the fuck did the Serpents breach your precious border?”
“I’ve been asking your cousins that same question.”
I bared my teeth. “You can’t be serious. You’re blaming the Protectorate? Again ?”
“The storm was a diversion,” he said. I felt the smallest vindication for being right; those clouds had looked wrong. “The wind carried a kind of magic that broke through our ancient runes. The Serpents cannot control the wind. But the Protectorate has used their powers to do it in the past.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. “To blow some sails across Marea Luminara, not to start a storm to invade an enemy Clan.”
“The principle is the same. I asked your cousins because they can help . You all seem very eager to aid a Clan you wanted to destroy a few months ago.”
“We need to survive,” I hissed. “The Protectorate couldn’t have helped the Serpents.”
“Why are you so sure?”
“Because Silas is an idiot,” I said and didn’t bother to feel bad about it. “If he had any desire to invade, he would have done it right after my wedding. A real leader wouldn’t have stood idly by while one of his own suffered. The same way I don’t plan to.”
If Allie had been on the throne, she would have been scorching Phoenix Peak right now.
He exhaled loudly. “That stubborn Vegheara blood.”
“You really want to talk about blood? After that ritual? Really?”
“If you go out on that battlefield, you’ll be dead,” he said between clenched teeth. “Want to know why?”
“Dying to.”
“Because you don’t have the experience and I will be so focused on protecting you out there, you’ll become a distraction,” he said, fire coating his words. “We’ll both end up dead–along with the entire Blood Brotherhood army. If you have the smallest compassion for the warriors’ lives, you stay here and let me fight without worrying about a giant snake swallowing you whole.”
That damn silence settled between us again. He was right, the bastard. I didn’t have the experience to be out on that battlefield. But I also didn’t know how I could defend the Capital if the advisors decided to strike with their underhanded strategies.
“I hate this,” I muttered, feeling truly defeated.
The light in his eyes, which had been clinging to the barest hope since we’d begun talking, fractured. “That’s what you wanted to talk about?”
“And to tell you I’m changing my front garden.” Not asking. Fuck that.
“Your garden,” he deadpanned.
I raised my chin as far as it would go. “Yes. You gave that house to me, your traditions dictate I need to inform you. Consider yourself informed. Since I can’t go to war, I guess I’ll stay at home and grow plants, like a good little wife.”
“That is not what this is about. I won’t let anyone demean you, not even yourself,” he said, the first lashes of anger puncturing through his voice. “I’m not forcing you to do anything. I believe in you and your skills enough to entrust you with the heart of my Clan. The resources for my army. The entire hope of the Blood Brotherhood. You are my equal in every sense–”
“Really? Do I have a second husband hiding outside the Arena because he didn’t do anything with his life except look pretty?”
His gaze darkened instantly as his chest rose with deep, steadying breaths. Through our connection, I felt the spike of rage–then the quick leashing of it. As if he was treading very, very carefully and suppressing every part of him to not frighten me. “You have every right to be angry.”
“Angry?” I gave a mirthless laugh. “You think I’m just angry ?”
Right now, I was murderous .
And he could tell, because his hands fell at his sides, as if all the energy in him had been sapped. I told myself to be glad of it. Part of me was. Elated. He stared at me long enough to make me squirm.
“When it comes to you, I don’t know what to think anymore. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.” He took a shaky step back. “This is the first time we see each other after weeks. And you’re talking about battlefields and gardens.”
“One garden. A bloody one,” I said, more bite to my words. My fingers burned with the sparks of my power. I needed to leave.
He shook his head in disbelief. “You can do whatever you want with it. I gave it to you . You don’t need my permission for anything, we’re married.”
“I don’t need a reminder.” Another stab of pain pierced me as I pointed to my crown. “I already have this .”
“I gave you that crown because it has an ancient protection on it,” he muttered. “As long as it belongs to you, the other Clans’ powers won’t affect you as much.”
“You could have told me. You could have told me a lot of things.”
More words–harsh, ugly ones–slithered in the back of my throat. I turned around before I gave him any more seconds of my life.
He’d already taken too many.
I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was right. Phoenix Peak couldn’t be left unprotected.
Grandpa Constantine had always warned me leaders were always faced with impossible choices.
As soon as I started to march away in my self-righteous frenzy, he appeared in front of me. Before I had a chance to open my mouth, he unsheathed his sword and drew its blade straight across his forearm. The blood in the handle swirled with glee as he bled.
“What are you doing?” I shouted, hands already reaching for him. Blasted instincts.
He yanked his hand out of reach, a ghostly grin on his face as he examined the wound. “So this isn’t another nightmare.”
I blinked up at him. The ridiculous, infuriating–“You cut yourself to check if you’re dreaming?”
“I’ve done worse lately.” He tilted his head toward me. “Don’t you have nightmares?”
“No.”
He huffed a mean laugh. “I can tell when you’re lying, remember?”
“Yes, I remember constantly .” I suddenly yelled, surprising myself and him. All the fury that had been numbed by my sadness burst to the surface. “Whatever I do, wherever I am, I feel you. Since the wedding, the faintest echo of you is always within me, no matter how much I try to ignore it.”
“Evie.” He sighed with all his essence. “I’m sorry–”
“NO! You do NOT get to speak my name!” I roared. My power sparked harder. Names had power–I couldn’t even say his in my mind. It felt too raw, too personal. “And this reflex apology? Save it . I believed your words once and look where that’s gotten me. Nothing you say can fix what happened. That I married the absolute worst of the worst.”
He worked his jaw. “Worse than Fabrian?”
“At least I knew he was scum and an absolute waste of a Clan heir.”
“Are you saying I am not fit for the Clan throne?”
“Aren’t Clan heirs supposed to have courage? How can you face armies with nothing but a grin, but didn’t have the guts to reveal the truth to me? You let me walk into that temple with no clue about what was going to happen.”
“The oath–”
“Fuck the oath!” I roared. “You left enough clues for me to find out the truth about Banu and Valuta. You could have done me the courtesy of at least helping me discover I was about to be made a fool in front of the entire continent.” I ignored the slithering voices in my mind, the ones that sounded so much like my parents. That I was to blame. That I had been stupid and not seen the truth right in front of me, even though he’d laid out the clues and–“Now I doubt myself at every turn. Not trusting any decision. Any thought.”
“I hate myself for what I did to you.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
He flinched and straightened his back to cover it up. The echo of his hurt pulsed in me.
“You’re lying,” he said, but it lacked his usual conviction.
“Right, because you can feel me. Tell me, oh great Dragon–” A mean laugh passed my lips. The rage pushed me forward. I got in his face, teeth bared, close enough to feel his breaths across my forehead. I wanted to break and slash and maim . Rip out all this anguish from inside me and throw it back to him. “Am I lying when I tell you that some part of me wants you to suffer? Just like I do, no more, no less.”
An ugly thought. But it was the truth.
He’d hurt me and I was not strong enough to want the best for him. To forgive and forget.
His breathing turned harsher. Unhinged. Yet he remained silent.
Now, when I wanted him to fight back, of all times. I was raging, why wasn’t he?
“So tell me,” I went on, tears stinging the back of my throat. “What good does it do that I still have all these stupid emotions that tell me to care about you when I don’t want to? My heart is wrong .”
“No part of you is wrong.”
“I was wrong about you.”
Silence. Again.
“Say something,” I yelled, hearing the despair in my voice. “You wanted to talk, so talk. What good does it do for me to fight myself each and every single day because of you? I hate it. I hate this. I hate yo–”
Before the word slipped out and I could regret it, his lips were on mine, and I was lost.