Chapter 38
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
EVIE
“ W ho’s the boy ?” he asked the second I rose from the altar in our dreams. He leaned against a column, close to his wretched wall, face obscured by the shadows.
The last time we saw each other, he’d told me he’d loved me. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but I’d been feeling anxious about our next meeting.
But all that worry vanished with that irksome question.
I gawked at him. “Have you been spying on me?”
“The bond sensed your worry and rattled, showing me a man smiling at you.” His voice was eerily calm, but I heard the anger leashed beyond his words. “Who is he?”
“None of your concern.” I raised my hands above my head, hearing the crack in my back. Between the Merchants’ Prefecture, double-checking the runes with Dara, and helping Owyn with the crates, the fatigue has settled deep in my bones. “Sadly.”
He head snapped to the side. “Sadly?”
“Yes.” I gave him an unamused look. “You think there isn’t a small part of me that would love to pay you back tenfold and have a surprise wedding for myself?”
“Trust me, you wouldn’t want a wedding under the circumstances I had.” He kicked himself away from the wall, face furious and nostrils flared. I felt his anger, the same way I felt his guilt of not being able to keep that rage in check.
He was a complicated mass of emotions right now, prowling toward me.
I tsked. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you well.”
“You think I’m only jealous ?” he asked, smoldering ice. “Evelina–”
“Oh, hitting me with the full name now.” I rolled my eyes. “When I don’t even know your full birth name.”
If the Rohen dynasty had the tradition of giving their members twenty different names to protect them against the heartless Protectorate magic, I only knew ten percent of his.
“My name is Zandyr Kaelor Arkyn Bolthar Mordayn Rohenstorm, of the Rohen Dynasty, The Dawnbringer of my Clan and The Great Dragon of the Blood Brotherhood, and you can do whatever you want with that information.”
It–it actually sounded kind of awesome. “That’s a mouthful.”
He stopped a breath away from me.
Before I could say anything else, he tilted my chin up at him, his touch so gentle in comparison to the storm in his eyes. The mere caress of his fingers shot shivers down my spine.
“I wish I was only jealous,” he hissed. “I am murderous. I felt your heart tremble. If he did something to you–”
“He didn’t.” I frowned. “Wait, you want to know his name not because he had the audacity of speaking to me while you’re gone, but because you think he upset me?”
“Yes.” He clenched his jaw. “If that boy had been standing in front of me, it would have been the last thing he ever did. He is the advisors’ guard. You are the Blue Queen. Don’t endanger yourself to hurt me or anyone else. You’re too smart for that.”
Despite the tension, I burst out laughing. Full blown chuckles that vibrated through me and made my belly hurt.
The strain of the past weeks had finally done it–it had finally made me unhinged.
His hand fell as a mighty frown broke the tightness on his face. “What’s going on?”
“You–” I squeezed out past the giggles. “So serious. Thinking–thinking I’d put myself in danger just–just to fuck with you.”
“You said you’d marry someone else to pay me back.”
“I did, didn’t I?” The laughter wracked my body. I honestly didn’t know where this sudden euphoria was coming from. Perhaps my mind had sensed I was edging to the limit of exhaustion and wanted to save me from myself. “What did–did you do to me?”
“Me?” He shook his head, disbelieving. “I said I wanted to kill someone I’ve never met. Apparently that’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard.”
“This is–is so ridiculous.”
“You have the oddest reactions when I threaten to murder people.”
“Gods, stop. I’ll laugh myself to death.” I held onto my stomach, almost tipping over the altar. He mercifully kept quiet, only looking at me like I was some weird creature.
The sharp angles of his face softened as an endearing smile slowly twisted his lips.
I struggled to breathe through the giggles, finally quieting.
“You are an odd one,” he muttered, so affectionately, I would have melted before the wedding at the sound. “Tired, are you?”
“Very,” I admitted. “Between busting my ass to save your Capital–”
“Highly appreciated, I assure you.”
“–and struggling to sleep because you didn’t show up in our dreams, it’s been a lot.”
His smile turned into a grin. “Missed me, did you?”
As if I’d ever tell him. “I told you we’re not playing this game.”
“You’re right.” His face turned serious. “We’ve been using the night as our ally to mount the offense against the Serpents. I have to be present, even though I’d much rather spend my nights talking to you, dream or not.”
“I’ve been getting glimpses from your end, too,” I admitted. In the past few days, the bond had been throbbing, blasting my mind with images of forests and mud. “The riverbank is looking good.”
“Why, thank you. Let’s hope it also works well,” he said, much too casually. “I should be giving you credit for inspiring me.”
“Because I’ve erected such an efficient wall around me that I’m here, talking to you?”
“I’ve watched you adapt to everything thrown at you. I’m doing the same now.”
“Funny, I’ve been using some of your tactics at court. Watch this.” I stretched my mouth, relaxing my muscles, keenly aware he was watching my every move with an attention that would have made me blush months ago.
I twisted my lips until they fell into one of his detached smirks. “Well?”
“It’s like looking in a mirror,” he said softly, eyes dropping to my lips.
My hand rose, on the verge of playfully nudging his shoulder. As soon as I noticed, I yanked it back and tucked it underneath my thigh.
I needed to be careful. Seeing him again made me oddly joyful.
“Back to the murder.” Murder was the least cheerful subject I could think of while he kept staring at me. “First of all, I can take care of myself and you need to trust that.”
“I do. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to take care of you as well.”
I ignored the abrupt spike of happiness once more. “And second, you should have just told me that in the first place.”
“How is that so much better?”
“Because you have no right to be jealous. Now, insanely protective, that’s just who you are and I’ve come to accept that.” In another life–Xamor, even in this one, if I was being completely honest–I would have really enjoyed that side of him. “You can relax, he didn’t do anything to me.”
He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Not yet, at least,” I said.
He narrowed his eyes. “Evelina–”
“And he won’t. What did I just say about trust? You handle the Serpents, I’ll handle Nylen.”
He looked on the verge of arguing, but he must’ve noticed the intensity in my eyes. Finally, he sighed. “Please be careful.”
“You, too…Great Dawnbreaker.”
He licked his lips and shook his head. “You’re in a good mood.”
“Miracle of all miracles, the plan is working. And I’m proud of myself for it.”
“Good, because my warriors have been asking me if everything is alright back in the Capital. They’re wondering why you’re selling your jewels and the clothes off your back.”
“The famed Blood Brotherhood subtlety strikes again.” I snorted a laugh that spread through the entire cavern, which was bathed in more light than ever. Small, stubborn plants also peeked from the edges of the columns. “Wait, how did they know?”
The entire Capital had been absolutely buzzing with the news not two days after I met with Lady Valesya. Adara said even the sailors in the harbor bar had been talking about it–she did not approve, however.
I didn’t know which pissed her off more–the pawning itself or me not telling her about it beforehand.
“We receive weekly reports from the Capital,” he said. “There was an entire page dedicated to you and your squandering ways.”
A grin made its way onto my face before I realized. I shook my head, hoping he didn’t notice. “By the way, if anyone asks, you told me to do whatever I wanted with the things you gifted me.”
“I did say that. What’s mine is yours,” he said. “I’m sorry I won’t be there to see the Port Master’s face when he realizes what you’re really bringing into the Capital.”
“Hopefully all the pieces fall into place like they should.” I trusted Petrylla about as much as the advisors. “How’s the war going?”
I tried to make the question as unassuming as possible, but I felt him tense beside me.
We might have exchanged ridiculous plans–in a flurry of images, as if too afraid to speak them out loud–but I felt his reservations.
He exhaled noisily. “Ryker’s praying every day for the deers’ souls.”
I frowned. “That seems very uncharacteristic of him.”
“He has a thing with nature and animals, gets it from his mother. He also lost a ward of his during battle, he’s still grieving.”
I distantly wondered what Allie thought about all of this. She hadn’t mentioned any guilt wracking her fiance. Then again, she’d mentioned him very few times since the war began.
Curious, that.
“So…” I cleared my throat. “How is the war really going?”
This time, he sighed. “Hanging on by a thread of hope.”
I felt the pressure radiating off him and his side of the dream, the coldness seeping into my cavern.
“It’s a good plan,” I said. Not that he deserved any of my kind words. It was simply the truth. That was all.
Sure, the first time he’d asked me what deer preferred to eat, I had my doubts. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was brilliant.
“Doesn’t matter if it’s good or not if it doesn’t work,” was all he said.
“Why don’t you want to talk about it?”
“Because I don’t want to disappoint you again,” he muttered so low, I almost didn’t hear him.
“This is not the same thing,” I bit out. “Don’t compare our wedding to a war.”
My first wedding, maybe. But my second was a public flailing of my heart, not a battle.
He shook his head. “It’s hard to admit you might fail in front of your fated mate.”
“If you don’t talk about your worries with the person who’s supposed to be your perfect partner, then who?”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. But after a lifetime of carrying the weight of everything by myself, it’s hard to share the burden.” His gaze found mine again. Cautious. Hopeful. “Even harder to admit you doubt yourself.”
A pang of sorrow nestled itself in my chest. It must have been so difficult being him, carved and molded out of the responsibilities of his title.
“I’m sorry,” I said, because what else could I do? My heart was still reeling from his betrayal and a sudden burst of empathy wouldn’t change that.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I can still be sorry.” For what he must have gone through before we’d known each other to become this fierce, complicated man.
“I appreciate it,” he said and we lapsed in a silence that, for once in a long time, felt comfortable. A small part of me hoped it would always be like this.
But it couldn’t.
We couldn’t sit around and pretend the wedding hadn’t happened. That Kaya wasn’t very much married to him, and that they’d hidden the truth from me.
That reality gutted me.
Because there was a small part of me that wanted to erase all of that and just be and enjoy him and his company. But I strangled those thoughts.
I didn’t deserve to be lied to, no matter the supposed good intentions behind it.
“I am jealous,” his raspy voice broke the stillness. “I’m jealous of anyone who gets to share the same air as you, but seeing him smile at you…I’m not proud of what I would have done if I’d been there.”
“You already killed one pretend paramour of mine, let’s not make it two.”
“I make no promises. You know what’s harder to bear?”
I shook my head, trying to put on a brave face. “What?”
“Feeling your anguish and knowing I’m the cause of it.”
“I’m not–I’m not disappointed by what you just said about the plan and the war–”
“I know,” he said sadly. “It’s about us. I mourn the current state of us as well.”
I closed my eyes to try and ease the sting in them. It was one thing to have that thought rattling in my mind, but to hear him echo that same sadness was heartbreaking.
“That doesn’t mean we have to mourn the future of us,” he said and the hopeful lilt in those words hurt even more.
“Doesn’t it?” I gulped past the stinging in my throat. “How could we fix this?”
The Dragon inhaled, long and sharp at the same time, as if he wanted to fill his lungs with all the imagined air around us.
“How?” I asked, voice verging on desperate.
As he opened his mouth to give me the reply I so desperately wanted, I was yanked out of my own dream.
One second I was looking at his eyes widening with shock and rage, and the next I was staring at five men looming over me.
Not just any men.
The advisors’ guards.