Chapter Forty-Three
“You have to go back and tell Thrax,” I said to Stephanos. “Troas has to be warned and get ready for what’s coming.” Thrax and Xander led the army. Thrax was the only other person they would listen to. He had to be made aware of what was happening.
“I’m not going without you,” Stephanos said with a shake of his head. I knew that it was primarily directed at Zalira but that he blamed himself for what Dolion had done and now felt responsible for all of us.
Which made me think he didn’t quite understand that we were more than capable of protecting ourselves. “We have magic and we’re strong. We will be safe and we will get Xander back.”
“I can’t leave her,” he said to me quietly, his eyes pleading with me to understand.
And I did, all too well. “I know. But you have to. I promise to bring her back to you. There are so many innocent people in Troas at risk. The northern defenses need to be shored up to protect them.”
As we walked to the horses, I continued attempting to convince Stephanos and Rokh that they had to go back to Troas.
“You don’t need both of us to return,” Rokh said. “I can stay here with you.”
Stephanos said, “Xander needs you to be taking messages to nearby allies to get their help. We delayed for this mission, but that has to be a priority. You’re the only one who can do it.”
I took it as a good sign that Stephanos was now doing my work for me—I hoped that meant he would go to Troas. And it made me feel better to think that the two of them would be traveling together. I knew they could take care of themselves, but it would be good for them to watch each other’s backs.
“Not to mention that Dolion will be specifically looking for you,” I told Rokh. He had already said as much. Rokh wouldn’t be able to fly undetected around the Carians.
The horses were right where we had left them. I wondered why the Carians hadn’t scattered them or taken them. We untied them and grabbed their bridles and headed south.
Stephanos pointed out that the Carians might have known where the horses were and left them as another trap, hoping that we would return to them.
If that was their plan, we had avoided their scheme by reaching the horses first.
When we were far enough away that Rokh deemed us safe from accidental discovery, he led us into a large cave. Which meant that we only had one entry point to worry about. Rokh and Stephanos helped us make camp.
“Don’t light a fire,” Rokh said. “It will make you easy to spot. And take turns keeping watch.”
“We know,” I told him.
“Ahyana,” he said, his heart on his sleeve. “Don’t let us part in anger. Can you ever forgive me?”
She walked over to him and kissed him sweetly. I saw the way his body sagged with relief. Then she told him, “Lia was right. You are going to have to buy me a lot of pretty things.”
A grin spread across his face. “Anything.”
He kissed her again and I could tell that they were holding back because they had an audience. He rested his forehead against hers and whispered to her. It made my heart ache to watch them.
Ahyana wiped the tears from her face and nodded.
Then there was nothing left for Rokh and Stephanos to do but leave. They said their farewells to the rest of us and headed to the mouth of the cave with three of the horses.
“Happy tears?” I asked Ahyana.
“Very happy tears.”
“Wait!” Zalira called out, and she ran over to Stephanos.
She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. He hugged her back with his free arm.
When she stepped back, she said, “I should have told you this earlier. Stephanos, I love you.”
He put his hand over his heart and I knew exactly what he was feeling, the way she had just burned herself inside him.
She cupped his face with her hands. “Now you will always find your way back to me.”
“Is that the only reason you said it?” He was teasing, happy, but I heard the concern as well.
“Silly man, I said it because I love you. I always have and I always—”
He cut her off by kissing her, so deeply and passionately that I had to duck my head because I felt like I was infringing on an extremely personal moment.
The old Lia would have worried that Xander had said he loved me for the same reason—so that I would be able to track him. I might have thought that he’d never said words of love to me before.
But that wasn’t true. All his words had been words of love—I just hadn’t been able to see it.
And he hadn’t said the actual words because he thought I was in love with someone else and he didn’t want to end up with a relationship like his parents’.
He had said he loved me because that was how he truly felt.
The goddess would have struck him down if he’d said it falsely.
My heart throbbed with sharp aches as I thought about him, reliving over and over again the moment he’d told me he loved me. I desperately missed him.
I had to get him back.
Stephanos said with a smile to Zalira, “You do know that you just made it impossible for me to leave.”
“We will be reunited soon. Go and do what needs to be done,” she said.
He kissed her one last time and then he and Rokh finally headed out of the cave.
I went and put my arm around Zalira as she watched him go. She said, “If this is the end, I had to tell him. I would have regretted passing into the next life and never saying it. Because I do love him.”
“You have to have hope,” I said. “Believe that all will be well.”
Ahyana joined us. “If we do live, then what are you going to do?”
Zalira shrugged. “If we’re still standing when this is all over, we’ll figure it out then.”
“I never would have guessed that Rokh would be the last one to confess his true feelings,” I said to Ahyana, teasing her a bit.
She blinked several times and then said with a sly smile, “You’re right. He should have been the first. There’s another thing he’ll have to try and rectify to get back in my good graces.”
“We should try and get some rest,” Zalira said.
“I’ll take first watch,” I offered. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep. Not while I was this worried about Xander.
I was also afraid that, if I went to sleep, I might lose our connection. It was an irrational fear but I needed the constant, tiny pulse from his light.
The others settled in and I stayed up, watching the cave entrance.
My mind was a jumbled mess of emotions and thoughts.
I was glad that I’d asked everyone to keep hidden the truth of what we’d been looking for in the goddess’s cave.
Because it meant Dolion didn’t know and wouldn’t be able to tell Artemisia.
What had he told her? She knew that we could do magic. Did she have the specifics?
Thinking of her led me to Xander and wondering what she might be doing to him. I didn’t expect that she would be treating him well. She would probably enjoy torturing him.
The thought made my stomach turn over. I had to stay calm. I had to deal with everything from a practical standpoint. Xander must have been terrified falling but he hadn’t shown it. He hadn’t allowed panic to take over. He had immediately sprung into action and been ready to fight his way clear.
I had to do the same.
Hours had passed when suddenly a glimmer of light happened near my feet and Luna appeared. How had she found us? We weren’t where she had left us.
“There you are!” I loudly whispered, picking her up. “Where have you been?”
She stared back.
“I went looking for you. And then I fell down a hole and was nearly tossed off a wooden bridge and they took Xander . . .” Despite not wanting to cry, I started to. Quietly. I didn’t want to wake the others.
She maneuvered herself so that she stood on her hind legs in my lap and put her front paws around my neck. Like she was hugging me.
That made me cry worse.
I felt the touch of her rough, slightly sticky tongue as she brushed it against my tears, like she was trying to clean my face.
“Thank you,” I said. I wiped my tears away and told myself to calm down. I couldn’t keep watch if my eyes were blurred.
She sat back down in my lap, looking up at me.
“Luna, did the goddess send you to me?”
Yes.
I thought of how I had acquired her—it had been because I’d helped that elderly woman during my marriage processional. Maybe that had been the goddess in disguise, giving me a test. One that I had passed.
“Are you a reward for me?”
No.
“Then why did the goddess give you to me?”
But she couldn’t answer that question. She jumped off my lap onto the ground. She turned in a circle and then lay down and curled up like a cat, resting her head on her tail.
I heard movement behind me and turned slightly to see Suri coming over.
“You should be asleep after what you’ve gone through today,” I said as she settled in next to me.
“I’m used to enduring a lot of pain,” she said. “I can’t sleep when Io’s upset like this. She’s so worried about her brother.”
When Suri said that, when I heard the tone of her voice, it was like the scroll coming to life in front of my eyes, all the lines connecting to each other so that I could finally see the full picture. And I felt like a complete fool for not having realized it earlier.
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” I asked carefully, not sure how she would react.
I saw the misery in her eyes. She nodded.
“Oh, Suri. I would hug you but I’m afraid you’d punch me.”
That made her smile slightly.
I sensed that she didn’t want to discuss this further. I floundered for a moment, trying to come up with something else to talk about and finally asked, “Are you going to stop talking to us? If you do, that’s fine. Talk, don’t talk, it doesn’t matter to us. You’re our sister, no matter what.”
She shrugged. “I haven’t started screaming yet.” I remembered in the goddess’s cave how Suri had said she didn’t speak because she was afraid she would start screaming and not be able to stop.
“What happened?”
“People who worship the goddess of discord are . . . not good.”
“They hurt you,” I said.
“In so many different ways. It made me wary of most men. Which is why I loved the temple. It was the first place that I ever felt at home. The first place I ever felt loved. The first place I belonged.”
I wanted to ask her to give me the names of everyone who had harmed her so that I could hunt them down. They deserved to suffer.
But neither one of us should be dwelling on the past right now. It was something we could talk about further after Troas was saved. If Suri wanted to. So instead I said, “When you were performing magic, you were speaking.”
“Yes. It’s the only way it works.”
That wasn’t what Maia had thought. She had assumed that Suri saying it inside her mind was good enough for the goddess. “So you said your vows?”
“I whispered the words. No one heard me. When people don’t expect you to speak, they don’t catch when you do.” Her gaze went back to Io.
“She did say that your light was brighter for her than the rest of us. That’s how I see Xander. How Zalira and Ahyana see Stephanos and Rokh. Maybe you should talk to her. Tell her how you feel.”
Suri shook her head, and I wasn’t sure if that was a permanent no or if she just wasn’t ready.
“It’s important to tell the people you love that you love them,” I said.
“I love you. In a different way.”
That made me smile and I was grateful that I could. That there could still be some light and happiness amid all the darkness. “I love you, too, in a different way.”
“You should take your own advice,” she said after a few quiet moments. “Tell him how you feel.”
There was no point in denying that I was in love with Xander. I didn’t know when exactly it had happened, but I did love him. With every part of me.
And as I was ruminating about my feelings, I realized that something terrible had happened.
Xander’s light had gone out.