Chapter 8 #3
She nodded, unable to speak, her throat aching. She could feel herself losing it, but she had no idea why she was so upset.
‘Hey,’ Sam said softly, putting an arm around her. ‘Want to get out of here for a minute?’ He jerked his head to the door, and Sive nodded rapidly.
They slipped out unnoticed amid all the excitement around Rocco and Mimi and left the cacophony of the living room, but found they weren’t alone in the hall.
Cara and Orla were sitting on the stairs, sipping wine and talking in low voices, and Rocco’s brother-in-law was on his phone, pacing up and down as he talked.
‘Outside?’ Sam mouthed and Sive nodded.
They grabbed their coats and Sive led the way to the other side of the house and out to the garden. It was a chilly night, and she pulled her coat tighter around herself as she took a deep lungful of fresh air.
‘Sorry,’ she said to Sam, wiping her eyes as her tears subsided. ‘I don’t know what came over me in there.’
‘You do like Rocco, don’t you?’ Sam asked.
‘Of course! I love Rocco – he’s great – and I’m so happy for them, I really am. Though I know it doesn’t look like it right now,’ she added with a laugh.
‘But?’ Sam raised an eyebrow.
She heaved a sigh. ‘I don’t know,’ she said, her voice breaking.
‘Aoife and Mimi are moving on… moving out. And I feel a bit… lost, I suppose,’ she admitted, feeling pathetic.
‘Like I’m being left behind.’ Her eyes had welled up again and she didn’t try to stop herself crying this time.
It was a relief to let go and give in to her feelings, inexplicable as they were.
Sam pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight as she let the tears flow.
She wanted to get them out of her system before she went back into the living room.
She didn’t want her sisters to see that she was upset, especially Mimi.
She was genuinely delighted about the engagement, and this meltdown had taken her completely by surprise.
‘Hey,’ Sam said gently in her ear. ‘They’re your sisters. I know how close you three are. They’re never going to leave you behind.’
‘No, I know. You’re right,’ she sniffed, pulling away as the tears subsided. ‘But it won’t be the same.’ She took a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes.
Sam gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘That’s life, I guess.’
It wasn’t that she didn’t want Aoife and Mimi to move on, to fall in love and find happiness. But she would have liked if it hadn’t happened quite so soon – if the life they’d had up to now could have gone on just a little longer.
‘You don’t like change?’ Sam asked.
‘Honestly, I wouldn’t have said I had a problem with it until just now.’
‘Well, it’s a lot. It’s not long since you broke up with your boyfriend, and now this.’
Sam was right. There had been a lot of upheaval in her life recently – she’d broken up with Ben, Mimi had moved out, and it wouldn’t be long until Aoife did the same.
Now Mimi was engaged. There was something so final and permanent about that, that meant things would never go back to the way they were.
They were all good things – apart from Ben breaking up with her – but that didn’t make it easier to deal with. They were still big changes.
‘Sorry. I’m okay now. We should go back inside.’
‘Why don’t we stay out here for another while?’
‘Why? Is my face a mess?’
‘No.’ He gave her the softest, sweetest smile. ‘Your face is perfect.’
He waved to a bench at the bottom of the garden and they sat down side by side.
‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ Sive said, feeling she needed to explain herself.
‘It’s just that … everything’s changing.
And it’s all lovely, happy stuff. I know that.
’ She struggled to articulate feelings that even she didn’t understand.
‘But I liked things the way they were.’ Her voice came out plaintive and whiny, and she cringed.
‘God, I sound like such a selfish idiot.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Sam nudged closer and put an arm around her.
‘I loved the three of us living together in the same house, running the theatre …’
‘Well, that won’t change.’
‘No.’ She sighed. ‘I just feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives and I’m still sleeping in my childhood bedroom. Not that I don’t love the house,’ she added quickly. ‘And I realise how lucky I am to have it.’
‘It sounds like you want change, not that you’re afraid of it.’
She shrugged. ‘Maybe. I guess I just wanted everything to stay the same, at least for another while.’
Sam nodded. ‘I know what you mean. Hard as it is sometimes me and Jonathan living together, I know I’m going to miss it in ways.’ He grinned. ‘I’ll definitely miss having someone to cook my dinner and do my washing.’
‘Jonathan does not do your washing!’ Sive gasped, jolted out of her gloomy thoughts.
‘Not anymore, but I got away with it for years until he cottoned on to the fact that I was an adult who should be able to operate a washing machine unsupervised.’
Sive stood and brushed off the back of her coat. ‘We should get back inside.’
‘Feeling better?’ Sam asked her with a concerned frown.
She nodded. ‘Much. Thanks.’ She smiled at him gratefully.
‘I don’t feel I was much help. I didn’t really do anything.’
‘You listened and you didn’t make me feel like a terrible person.’
Rocco was the first person she saw when they returned to the living room.
‘Congratulations again, Rocco,’ she said, throwing her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. She knew she’d said it already, but she wanted to repeat it with feeling, in case she’d lacked enthusiasm the first time.
‘You know I’ve always been gunning to be part of your family. My plan is all coming together.’ He twirled an imaginary moustache, like a cartoon villain.
Sive laughed. ‘It’s not like you’re short of family of your own.’
‘You can never have too many sisters, in my experience.’
‘Sisters are the best,’ Sive said, her heart swelling as she glanced across the room at Aoife and Mimi. ‘Though I must admit, I always fancied having a big brother – someone who’d fight my bullies and bring his friends home for me to crush on.’
She didn’t know what had come over her earlier. Rocco was right – you could never have too much family. She wasn’t losing Mimi because she was getting married; she was gaining a brother-in-law.
She shook off her wobbly mood after that and enjoyed the rest of the party, entering into the giddy air of celebration, surrounded by the love and warmth of friends and family.
Every so often, she locked eyes with Sam across the room and a spark of excitement rushed through her – a potent blend of bubbly champagne and anticipation of what was to come.