Chapter 9 #2
“Good, I’d be worried if you tried to,” he replied.
“I know we’re just getting to know one another, so if I’m overstepping here, just tell me to back off and I will.
But it seems like you’ve got a wealth of experience in your field already.
If there is something else you’d rather be doing, and if you’re in a financial position to make a change, this might be the time to start considering it, before someone else makes the decision for you. ”
He was right. So very right it wasn’t even funny.
As I turned my head to look up at him and felt the relief of my neck cracking as more of the tension melted away, I couldn’t help but feel a bit cheated at not being able to enjoy the first break I’d given myself since I’d graduated from college and jumped right into the corporate sector.
“I already am,” I admitted, as my thoughts began to settle.
“When I booked this trip, I hoped the rest and relaxation would give me a chance to recharge, but each ping of the phone pushes me closer to meltdown mode. I earned this vacation, and it’s not fair that work keeps chipping away at it.
All I wanted to do today was sit on your back porch and make seashell animals, and we don’t even have enough seashells yet. ”
A tear rolled down before I could stop it, and I found myself being turned so I was facing him again.
It took effort to choke back the sob that bubbled in my throat when he brushed it away.
I wanted kisses and rainbows and meltingly refreshing sunshiny days swinging in the hammocks beside his house, not pings and threats and so much stress that I couldn’t put my job out of my mind for even a moment.
Several more tears spilled over and he wiped them too, before leaning in and kissing the next batch off my cheek, until I threw my arms around him, and let him hold me as I sobbed all over his tank top.
He held me the whole time, stroked my back, supported my weight when my knees threatened to buckle, and never once tried to shush me.
He let me completely cry myself out, dampening his top in the process, which couldn’t have been the best feeling.
It might even have been an ick moment, but he didn’t care, he still held me like I was precious to him.
I wish I was.
I wish there was time to become that and more.
Was it weird and rushed to be falling so hard over a hug, especially when my boss was trying to yank the rug out from under me and upend my life while I was hundreds of miles away from home?
Maybe. Did I really care right now? No. I clung to Robbie like he was one of the surfboards he’d promised to teach me to ride, and I cried, purging stress and worry and frustration until it dawned on me that my tears were mournful ones too, as my mind began to take the steps it needed to give up something that was slowly killing me.
I felt calmer, steadier, and both more and less sure of myself by the time I finished crying and slowly eased back from him, though he never let his hands fall from my body completely.
“T-thank you,” I murmured, but when I reached to brush the moisture from my cheeks, he beat me too it.
“Seems like you needed that.”
“I think I did.”
“How do you feel now?” he asked.
“Ready to collect the rest of our shells so we can start making our critters,” I replied.
“Then let’s finish collecting them, and when we get back to my place, I’ll whip us up something for lunch, and we can sit with our art supplies the way we planned and see what we can create.”
“Ugh, all my images are on Pinterest boards.”
“So. We don’t have to look them up on your phone; we can look them up on mine,” he replied.
“That would be awesome.”
He took my hand and the bucket and led me down the beach, toes squishing in the sand as we searched for shells.
“They hold a sand sculpture contest right on this stretch of beach each summer,” Robbie said as we walked.
“Have you ever entered?”
“Not a chance, but I love to park my ass on a dune and watch,” he said.
“Some of the sea creatures are so realistic it’s mind-blowing.
One year these three guys made a dolphin that looked like it was leaping up out of a wave, and another, there was a dragon with its tail wrapped around an egg.
The levels of detailing that go into some of the prize-winning ones are staggering.
I don’t have the patience or the skill for something like that. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“I made a sea turtle once,” I said, thinking back to how much fun I’d had trying to sculpt the flippers and the face, since the shell had been the easiest part.
“The town I grew up in had a lake that was surrounded by sand that they truck in from somewhere whenever it washes away. I loved to go down there after school and just decompress after being stuck in a classroom all day. Sometimes I’d bring a book, if I needed to get it finished for an assignment, but most times I just waded in the water or sat daydreaming and building sandcastles. ”
“Sounds like a good place to go to chill out and relax.”
“It was. It took me so long to build the turtle that I didn’t have time to build the sandcastle I’d planned to build on its back.
Then it rained, and the whole thing got wrecked.
I never had time to try again, but I really wanted to.
The squishy feel of sand between my fingers and the rough rasp of running my hand over the surface to smooth it out was better than most of the stem toys I’ve found. ”
“For me it’s waxing my board,” Robbie explained. “There’s something about the rhythm of the repetition that chases everything else from my mind. You know, we could always make your turtle while you’re here. We’ve got all the sand you’d ever need and plenty of free time and opportunity.”
I was so shocked by his offer that I dropped the shell I’d just picked up and had to recapture the pretty spiral. It would make a great horn or tail for one of the critters.
“Are you sure I’m not boring you?” I asked as I placed it in the bucket.
His hand on my arm was gentle as he stroked it, then cupped me beneath the chin to get me to look at him.
“I’m enjoying the opportunity to get to know you,” he said.
“Which is much easier to do like this. Relaxing, walking, talking, reminiscing about the things that we like but haven’t had the opportunity to enjoy to their fullest. Would it help if I told you something I’d love to do that I haven’t had the chance to do in what feels like forever? ”
“Very much so.”
“When I first stopped surfing competitively, I started wandering the beach with a metal detector, just to see what I’d find.”
“Really? That sounds like fun.”
“It was.”
“Did you ever find anything cool?”
“A few times, I’ll show you when we get back to the house.
Mostly, though, I just found pocket change and bottle caps.
Some of the coins were pretty cool though and not American.
Those, along with an old pocket watch, are in a shadowbox on the wall in the living room.
Some were too degraded; I couldn’t tell where they came from, but others I was able to identify, so I printed out maps to show where they came from and labeled what they were. ”
“Why’d you stop?” I asked.
“I didn’t mean to,” he explained. “I guess I just gradually stopped making time for it when I started to get my business off the ground.”
“Do you still have your metal detector?”
“I’ve got two of them if you’d like to give it a try.”
“I’d love to, and I think I’d like to try and build my sea turtle too. I doubt it will be anything fancy or detailed, but it would be fun to finally see if I could build a sandcastle on its back.”
“Look at us, making goals that aren’t work-related.”
“We should celebrate,” I suggested, though I didn’t tell him I was celebrating something besides our plans; a plan was taking shape in my mind and growing brighter with each step we took along that sandy beach.
“Really? What did you have in mind?” he asked.
“Cake,” I replied. “From the bakery we passed the other night. A couple giant pieces of those four-layer ones in the window. And ice cream. And music, since we’ll need to dance off all the sugar.”
“I like the way you think,” he said. “And in case you’re still struggling to figure out if I’m enjoying myself, I am. Meeting you has brightened up a holiday season I’d have otherwise spent aimlessly bouncing between my board and the seafood shack. Thank you for wandering onto my beach.”
He hugged me then, as emotion caught in my throat and left me powerless to do anything but hug back and enjoy the moment and the beautiful anticipation of the days to come.