Chapter Fourteen
Patrick
It was the one day of the week the cafe was closed, so there was absolutely no reason on this earth that anyone should be braying on my front door at seven in the morning.
Today was my day to wallow in misery and allow the swirling black hole of guilt to swallow me whole. Even that would probably be letting me off too easily.
Whoever was at the door didn’t seem to be losing steam, so I shoved off my duvet and stomped down the stairs.
When I opened the front door, an annoying little omega with curly brown hair burst inside. I did not want to deal with this.
“Where is he? Is he here?” Dylan Bailey said, marching into my kitchen. Cooper’s best friend, Axel, followed in behind, marginally more stoic but still a little murderous.
“Where is who? And why are you in my house?”
“I know you like to tie people up. Do you have a cellar? Do you have my brother tied up in your cellar?” Dylan began opening kitchen cupboards like I had Cooper crammed in with my dishes.
I rolled my eyes. “Cooper isn’t here. He’s probably at home. Now please leave.” I tried to give him a stern look, but Dylan just narrowed his eyes at me. I hadn’t noticed that he was about to pounce, but Axel clearly had, because he grabbed Dylan by the back of his coat to keep him from lunging.
“Listen here, Mister. Yesterday morning, Cooper left a voice note for Axel saying he’d come here to try and make things right, but he never came home again. So, you better tell me what the fuck you did or so help me god I will bite you!”
Worry for Cooper began to stir in my gut at that. He’d left here by seven in the morning yesterday, and I hadn’t heard from or seen him since. Where could he have gone?
I explained as much to Dylan and Axel, who seemed to go from anger to just sheer panic, and I was starting to join them.
“Dyl, we’ve looked everywhere. Where else could he have gone?”
Dylan’s eyes filled with unshed tears, and Axel scrubbed a hand down his face.
“There’s one more place I can think of, but if he’s there then it’s bad, and you’ll have to get him out.” Dylan pointed at me.
“Cooper does not want to see me. We had a huge fight, and I can promise you I’m the last person he wants right now.
I’m not claiming to be perfect here, but Cooper has been fucking lying to me and manipulating me for years.
You all need to just leave me alone.” I glared at them, and Dylan unexpectedly burst out laughing.
Like, bent over hysterically laughing with tears in his eyes.
“What the fuck is funny about this?” I asked.
“Oh,” he gasped. “You were being serious?”
“Yes, I’m being serious!”
“Cooper? My big, delicate flower of a brother has been manipulating you? Have you actually met him? When we were kids, he found out that picking up worms from the pavement with your bare hands hurts them so he made posters and put them up around town. He doesn’t have a diabolical bone in his body.
Cooper might not always make the right judgement call, but my brother has never had a bad intention in his life. ”
Dylan’s rant sank like a stone in my stomach because everything he said rang true, and I knew it.
You didn’t think Max had bad intentions, either, and look where that got you, my brain so helpfully reminded me.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over now.”
Axel cleared his throat and reached into his coat to pull out some pieces of paper.
“When I was looking through Cooper’s flat to try figure out where he might have gone, I found these.”
Axel handed me the papers and I stared at them confused. “What are they?”
“Comics. When we were kids, Cooper had a lot of anxiety and his mom sent him to this art therapist who suggested drawing as a way to keep a diary since he couldn’t write.
He didn’t show me them very often, but he was always scribbling away and drawing these comics.
Cooper will lose it with me for showing you these, but they’re the only way I can think to show you that, not only does Cooper worship the ground you walk on, he cares about you, and he was your friend when you needed one for nothing more than a pat on the head in return and no recognition because you didn’t even know his name.
We’re gonna wait in the car for ten minutes, if you look through those and you still don’t give a fuck?
Then we’ll find a way to get Cooper through this without you.
Otherwise, you can get in the car and be the man Cooper seems to think you are. ”
Axel took Dylan’s hand, and they left through the front door in silence, my ears ringing the whole time.
I collapsed onto one of the wooden chairs at my dining table and put the comics down in front of me.
The first one showed a little fox being chased by this giant bramble monster with arms and legs, and the fox hides behind a man who looks awfully like me, only I’m wearing a superhero cape. I shoot some kind of laser beams out of my hands, and the bramble monster burns to the ground.
Fondness bloomed in my chest because Cooper’s heart was in these, and I could almost feel it beating under my hand as I gently caressed the pages.
In the second one, I still have my cape, but I’m sitting on the step at the back of my house, looking sad and holding my head in my hands.
The little fox is sitting next to me, and in each picture, he appears to grow bigger and bigger until I can lean against his shoulder, and by the end, I look happy again. He just wanted to be strong for me.
It took me a moment to figure out the third one.
The little fox is falling from a cliff with his hands and feet handcuffed together.
Superhero me appears on a passing cloud and drops down a rope for him where he uses his teeth to bite onto it.
I pull him up onto the cloud and snap off the restraints.
Evidently superhero me has superstrength.
The little fox curls up into my lap, and he has little hearts in his eyes as he stares up at me.
The final one was a single image, and it broke me.
Tears I hadn’t even realised I’d been holding back began to track down my cheeks, as he’s not a little fox anymore in this one.
Well, he still has his fox ears, and his foxtail is tucked between his legs, but the rest of him is human.
He’s on all fours like a fox, with his head bowed at my feet.
He’s naked, and I no longer have my cape.
It’s just us. There’s a speech bubble with a rough scrawl saying “I'm so sorry.”
Go take out your mommy issues on someone else. I’m fucking done.
My stomach tumbled in a way that told me I might throw up, but I checked my watch and realised I only had two minutes before Axel and Dylan would leave without me.
I had to go get my little fox back.
As the smallest of us, Dylan poked his head into the hole of the abandoned den to check if Cooper was inside.
“He’s in there,” he said, sighing with palpable relief. “In you pop.”
“Me? In there? I’m not going to fit.” I looked at Dylan incredulously.
“Duh. You’ll have to shift.”
I ignored him and kneeled next to the hole.
“Cooper, it’s me. Can you come out so we can talk?” I knew there was more I should be saying, but I felt raw and too exposed with Dylan and Axel here.
When there was absolutely no sign of movement from Cooper, Dylan just looked at me smugly.
“Please, sweetheart? Please come out,” I tried again, but nothing more than a tiny whine drifted up from the ground below.
“I’ll hold your clothes for you,” Dylan was far too pleased to offer.
Rolling my eyes, I stripped down quickly and hoped to god that shifting was a lot like riding a bike, because it had been years.
It was mildly uncomfortable after so long, but muscle memory kicked in, and my body did what it was supposed to.
My fox form was large, and I wasn’t looking forward to squishing inside the small entrance to this ancient den that I wasn’t entirely convinced was structurally sound.
But my little fox was in there, and it was my fault he wasn’t coming out.
I took a minute to dig and make the hole a bit wider before crawling in under the ground. Cooper was awake. He was curled up on a ratty old bit of nesting material and shaking like a leaf.
What the fuck have I done to you, baby boy?
I nudged him with my head and tried to get him to stand, but he scrunched his eyes shut and curled further in on himself.
Please. I tried to beg with my eyes, but he wouldn’t look at me. Please come with me. Please let me make things right.
Cooper whimpered like he was wounded, and the sound pierced a hole in my heart. I had to at least try and mend things. At the very least, I needed to apologise for the fucking awful things I’d said.
Remaining curled up and refusing to budge, Cooper didn’t leave me much choice.
I leaned over him and bit down on the scruff of his neck.
As I carried him out of the den and squeezed us both through the opening carefully, he didn’t even resist, merely hung there limply, which was somehow even worse than if he’d tried to fight me off.
Back in the fresh air, I didn’t bother to stop.
I grunted at Axel and Dylan, who both looked relieved, before continuing home with Cooper in tow.
Partway there, I plopped him down but trapped him so he couldn’t run off.
I stared at him and he stared back, but then he lowered his gaze, and I knew I could let go and he’d follow.
Cooper padded along by my side the rest of the way to my cottage, and I spent the time trying to think of how the fuck we were supposed to remove the giant bramble coiled around us, because I didn’t actually shoot laser beams from my hands.
Cooper sat curled up in my armchair, wearing one of my big hoodies and some black jogging bottoms. I’d made him a hot chocolate, but he hadn’t even sipped it, just held it in his hands and stared at it with red-rimmed eyes.
He hadn’t muttered a word, and I felt like ants were crawling underneath my skin.
Taking a seat on the sofa somehow left an ocean of space between us in the silent room. It was my job to fix this, but I didn’t know how.
Cooper cleared his throat, his voice a little raspy from disuse. “I’ve never told anyone about that stuff with my mom. I don’t think Dylan even knows.”
And I’d been cruel enough to use that information to hurt him when I’d been angry. His words and broken voice were a punch to my gut, but I deserved it. What I’d said was unforgivable.
I put my mug down on the coffee table and kneeled in front of him, resting my forehead against his shins.
“I’m so sorry.” I pulled back to look at him when I spoke.
Cooper nodded but in a numb sort of way.
“You hurt me by accident, and in return I hurt you on purpose. I have no excuse for what I said to you.”
Silent tears tracked down Cooper’s cheeks.
“Did you spend the night with him?” Cooper whispered.
Huh?
“With who?” The change of subject gave me whiplash because I couldn’t think of anyone on the planet I would spend the night with except for Cooper.
“Max.” Cooper scrunched his eyes shut like he couldn’t even look at me when I answered.
“God, no. Baby, absolutely not. I wouldn’t ever.
” I kissed Cooper’s knee. “Last night I called Jack because I needed someone to talk to. He suggested that I finally air some shit out with Max so I could move on. I told Max he could come over and talk briefly before I left for work. He didn’t even come into the house.
I promise. I didn’t want him in here,” I explained.
Cooper sniffled and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of the borrowed hoodie.
There was so much more I should say. Needed to say. But I didn’t know where to start.
“Please will you take me home?” Cooper asked, his words only just audible.
“What?” I started to panic. We hadn’t had enough time. I hadn’t fixed anything at all yet.
My brain kept telling me if Cooper left now, he’d never come back, and I wouldn’t be able to mend this rift. But contrary to his brother’s belief, I wasn’t about to tie him up in my cellar, so I didn’t have a lot of choice.
“I’ll take you home. Can I still have a chance to make this right with you, though?” I practically begged at his feet.
“Make what right? I was just a scene partner, that’s what you always said.”
I winced. The worst part was that, as much as Cooper’s words were a horrible reminder of what a colossal dickhead I’d been, I could tell he hadn’t even said them to be spiteful. He still thought that was all he’d been to me because I’d never had the guts to tell him any different.
Why was it always when someone was slipping through your fingers that you realised how much they truly meant to you?
The idea of never seeing Cooper’s big grin and rosy cheeks on my doorstep made my chest physically hurt.
To never wake up to his sleepy face smushed into my pillows made me want to rip my own heart out.
And to never have my little fox scampering down my garden path while I had my morning coffee was unthinkable.
“I know it’s my fault you think that. If you’ll let me, I’ll show you that’s not true. I’ll take you home now, but can I stay in touch?”
Cooper shrugged but then nodded.
I’d take it.