Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
ALLIE
“ Y ou need to eat, dear, not just stir the spoon.” Mrs. Thornbrew’s concerned eyes lingered on the veins that stuck out harshly against my paling skin before widening on the utensil that circled the bowl of venison stew slowly.
It seemed to move by itself, but my insides were actually clenching and depleting to keep it circling with my power.
Since that horrible night, I’d been stretching the pitiful sparks of magic at my disposal in the most mundane ways.
I used to call on the winds to raise roofs and clear out entire wheat fields.
Now I stirred stew, opened windows, and yanked my chair closer to the table.
But it was something .
And it helped pass the time cooped up in my fortress room, simmering in a sea of hollowness.
“It’s faster than yesterday. It’s very strange, but better,” Mrs. Thornbrew said encouragingly. “By the way, the sweets shop sent over some of that honey, too.”
The mere mention of honey sent a fresh wave of nausea through me, snapping me back to that barnyard smell and the terror of the voices. The spoon plopped down inelegantly and sent drops of stew onto the table.
I sighed and leaned forward in my chair, wiping the table down quickly, before Mrs. Thornbrew had a chance to fuss over me more. It made me feel uncomfortable–I wasn’t some helpless babe.
Though I sure felt like it. Even the barest brush of my power sapped too much out of me. Neither I, nor my magic had ever been greedy.
“Thank you,” I said. “And thank the shop owner for me, please.”
I’d used her as a distraction as much as I’d used the courier.
“Mrs. Mallowmere said you can come into her shop any time, you don’t need such an elaborate distraction next time.”
In the last week, I was only sure of one thing–everyone and their tall mother in this crater knew how I’d gotten out of the city. I didn’t know how the locals felt about it, though. I didn’t know if I should care.
I hadn’t hurt anyone.
Except myself.
I forced the same lukewarm half-smile on my face I’d used when I’d finally talked to Evie through the palaver portal.
She was marrying The Dragon, she had enough problems without knowing her cousin was crumbling.
I’d put on the brave face of The Huntress and used the dregs of power I had to cast a protective spell on her. I doubted any Protectorate member could infiltrate the Blood Brotherhood Capital and get to her, but I wanted to be safe.
“ As sure as the sun rises in the East, the wind and sky shall hear my words and heed them ,” I’d chanted, my power burning bright in swirling and swerving patterns of blue.
“ I call upon the entire world, from the mountains to the ocean, to charge this spell and give what they can to carry it to her. May Evie’s body and mind be protected and her own to control. ”
Those little words had taken more of me than they should have.
But that’s not why I’d secluded myself in this borrowed room, wearing the same borrowed clothes, and forcing myself to endure Mrs. Thornbrew’s obvious pity.
My soul had taken too much of a beating.
The massacre, my father’s death, Silas on my throne, betrayal by one of my closest allies, Orion slashing his own throat in front of me.
Too much too soon.
Everyone had a limit and I’d reached mine, it seemed.
I saw no point in anything.
Why go out and explore the city when I didn’t have to escape anymore?
Why escape when even one of the best Protectorate warriors had tried to strangle me?
What was the point of it all?
Mrs. Thornbrew fussed with my pillows and I took the opportunity to sigh in my chest without having her weary eyes pity me some more.
The absolute horror of people seeing me weak had remained, despite everything.
Especially after I’d made a blubbering spectacle of myself after the Commander had saved me. What he must have thought of me, not able to fend off my attacker, then crumbling in his arms in a shattered mess and drifting off into an exhausted sleep while he’d embraced me.
I didn’t even know how I’d gotten back to the fortress. I didn’t remember the voices hounding me on the way back or walking.
He must have carried me, like a frightened, powerless babe.
Something that needed saving.
Dead weight.
First Daughters weren’t saved–they were the saviors.
I’d made a fool of myself.
I didn’t deserve to be called The Huntress.
Not anymore.
I’d been raised to lead an entire Clan. I thought the Protectorate respected me–or at least cared about me.
But at the first troubled wind, they all forgot about me.
Perhaps that’s why my father had asked Evie whether she wanted the crown which was supposed to be hers.
Maybe he’d known, consciously or not, that I wasn’t fit enough to lead.
They could have all just let me play pretend all these years because I bore the Vegheara name. Yet when I needed them, silence.
No, not silence.
Violence and blood.
I didn’t know which was worse, forgotten or attacked.
Neither option was good. Neither option had been in the stars for me mere weeks ago.
I stared at my plate and the tender chunks of meat swimming in that unctuous sauce which always had enough pepper and spice to zing my tongue in the best way. Instead of my mouth watering, more bile rose in my throat.
Behind me, Mrs. Thornbrew had begun to fold my duvet, tsking under her breath.
“No, I’ll deal with that,” I said. “You don’t need to do it.”
“Even with that weird, fancy magic of yours, your princess hands aren’t used to this, I can do it better,” she said, but without the slightest note of reproach or judgement. It just was.
And it was true. Even back at home, I didn’t make my bed. It wasn’t like anyone other than me would see it.
That lone thought sent another spear of pain through me, even with the wall of ice encasing me.
Home .
What in the underworld was that for me now?
“Did I ever tell you about my first husband?” Mrs. Thornbrew drew me back into this new room of mine.
I shook my head. Of course she hadn’t, she was a stranger . A kind stranger, but we’d been enemies by way of Clans only a few weeks ago.
“Gods, he was gorgeous.” She bit her lower lip, shaking her head. “Like Solkar himself left his place in the sky and walked among us mortals. Fierce warrior and a sharp mind to boot. Which is rare, they’re either big or brainy.”
I nodded, because I didn’t know what else to do with this unexpected story.
“But, see, he didn’t have to work hard for it,” she went on. “I don’t know why the gods had blessed him like that, but it was a curse in disguise. He always expected everything to fall from the sky. Not me, obviously. He had to work for my attention and love.”
Yes, Mrs. Thornbrew looked like she’d made her husbands work for her. I liked that.
“But he fumbled. Bad. No matter how well he treated me, I couldn’t ignore what his plans with the crater were. I would have benefited, but most wouldn’t have,” she said, beating the duvet with a vengeance. “So I had to turn him in. It was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life.”
“What did he want to do with the crater?”
What could one man do with this huge, menacing place.
Mrs. Thornbrew waved me off. “Something bad. You should have seen the way he looked at me when the warriors came to get him. Betrayed. Hateful. Broken-hearted. But I had to do it. He would have destroyed this place and him in the process.”
I furrowed my brows. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because, sometimes, we need to look deeper than love to see one’s true heart and judge them on that.”
My shoulders deflated. “He told you.”
Did my shame have no bounds? It was bad enough that the Commander knew I’d trusted the wrong man, but to have others hear how wrong I’d been–
“No, Ry keeps secrets close to him. Too close, if you ask me.” She jerked her chin at me. “I know that look in your eyes and I saw the bruises on your neck. Someone had to be very sly to get that close to a woman like you.”
Or I had been too foolish to realize. I lowered my gaze. I should have known better. How was still a mystery, but…I was disappointed in myself that I’d fallen into such an obvious trap.
“Trust is a fickle thing.” Mrs. Thornbrew came to stand in front of me, her closeness demanding my gaze, which lifted begrudgingly. “It needs to be built in weeks, months, years, and can shatter in a second.”
“You seem to trust me.”
She smiled warmly. “I’ve learned to see people’s hearts.”
Her coarse thumb touched the top of my right cheek and pulled on my lower eyelid, looking at my eye. Then did the same to my left side. And I let her.
Finally, she swiped her thumb over my forehead, muttering a prayer under her breath.
“And you will, too,” she said kindly. “Most hearts are vile. The ones who shine will be so easy to see once you know what you’re looking for.”
“I hope so,” I said, not really believing it.
“You’re young. Give it a few decades.” She winked at me and nodded at the ignored food tray on the table. “You done?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“He won’t be happy, I’ll tell you that much.” She picked up the tray and left the room with a final warm smile my way.
As soon as the door shut, I rose from the seat and scurried back to the bed. It felt wrong to disturb Mrs. Thornbrew’s expert folding, so I simply plopped onto the sheets, burying my face in them. They smelled of lavender and sunshine, even as snow once again darkened the sky outside.
I sighed into the scent, my body deflating; it was beyond relaxing now.
I hadn’t even gotten a chance to inhale once more when the door to my room banged open.
I flinched into a defensive crouch, only for my wide eyes to fall on the Commander. His massive frame filled out the doorframe and he gripped the wood until his knuckles turned white, lightning sparking in his eyes. He looked about ready to barge inside, but held himself back.
My cheeks instantly flamed up.
I hadn’t seen him since that terrible night and now he was looking at me like I’d offended at least five generations of his family.
“What are you doing here?” I said primly, sitting down on the edge of the bed with my legs crossed, as if I hadn’t been hunching like a feral animal only moments before.
“You’re not eating,” his gruff voice whipped through the room.
“I can’t.”
“You haven’t been out of this room since you returned.”
“No.”
“You’re not doing anything .”
I ran my hand through my hair, trying to tame it. But my fingers caught in knots that made me even more aware I probably looked like a wild, mangy thing, while he stood there in all his might, looking like a god of ice, wearing that Blood Brotherhood uniform like it had been sewn on his body.
“I consider myself a patient man, but enough is enough.” He jerked his chin at me. “Get up.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said get up,” he said, unwavering.
I stiffened. “You don’t get to order me–”
“I hope you’ll be able to order me around if you see me dying inside. Or would you stand idly by?”
I wouldn’t. But I also wouldn’t tell him that. So I stayed silent.
“Get up and do what you love. I won’t sit around and watch you wither away.”
“I’m not–” I clenched my jaw, the lie stuck in my throat. “I’m not.”
“You’re a terrible liar, has anyone told you that?”
“Did you come here to mock me?”
“No, I came to make sure my future wife wasn’t turning into a wilting willow.”
Before I opened my mouth to reply, he leaned down, picked up something from behind the wall and threw it all the way across the room, right on top of the perfectly folded duvet.
My lips parted as I stared at a gorgeous bow. Sculpted out of white wood, it looked crafted for someone exactly my height and build. It had wave motifs on the bottom and wooden flowers carved into the top.
I wasn’t sure if it was a challenge or a lifeline.
I raised my hand, letting my fingers brush against the smooth surface. It was perfect.
“What’s this?” I whispered.
“Your new bow. The string is tight, so you need to practice how to use it.”
My gaze slashed to him. “I know how to use a bow.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“I know what you’re doing.” I narrowed my eyes. “My pride is not that big.”
Not anymore.
“It is. Now go train. Or destroy it. Chuck it in the fire, start another smoke alarm that shakes the city, I don’t care. Just do something.”
I pursed my lips together. I hadn’t imagined I’d send the entire city into a frenzy with my distraction.
“Or do you need me to carry you outside in my arms again?” He tilted his head to the side, gaze travelling up my body like it had no business doing. “All you have to do is ask, Huntress.”
There he went, stealing all my clever words and the breath in my lungs, all in a few words.
“I–” The color in my cheeks must have been blood red, because they burned. “No, of course not! I can walk just fine, thank you.”
“Then show me. Show me the fire they wrote odes about back in Aquila. The one I saw in the maze.” He pushed himself away from the doorframe. “If I have to come after you again, I’ll be carrying you out, kicking and screaming if I have to, but I won’t let you fade into nothing.”