Chapter 44 Goodbye, For Now
Everett
December Twenty-Second
The past few days have been full of ups and downs, the only consistent thing being Claire and me. She’s been so patient while I talked with my doctors and navigated my decision about what I should do about my shoulder—and ultimately, my career. I couldn’t have done it without her.
The front of Madison Square Garden looks like we’re here for my celebration of life, and fuck it’s depressing.
My photo is on every screen with the words: Thank you Everett Nuttall.
I’m sitting at a long table with the Crowns’ general manager, Grant Ackerly, and our head coach, Rob Zillman.
Behind us is a backdrop covered in the Crowns’ insignia, and off to the side is Sally overseeing it all.
The crowd is a mix of my teammates and reporters, all poised to hear what I have to say.
Scanning the crowd, I exhale when I see Claire sitting in the back row. Her eyes are locked on mine, and she gives me a reassuring smile. I know that this is the right move, but it doesn’t make it easier.
“We want to thank everyone for being here this morning,” my coach begins. “I think instead of hearing from me, I’m going to go ahead and turn it over to the man of the hour.”
Everyone’s eyes land on me, and I nervously shuffle the notecards in front of me that are covered with the speech Claire helped me write.
“First, I want to thank everyone for coming out. I realize it’s a busy week with the holiday right around the corner, so this means a lot.”
My eyes find Claire, and she nods, encouraging me to keep going.
“As you all know, I’m no longer healthy enough to continue to play.
This decision to retire did not come lightly, since hockey has been my life for as long as I can remember, but after talking with the team doctors, I decided that it was best that I go out on my own terms, and I can’t think of a better team to end my career with. ”
A few flashes from cameras light-up, and I clear my throat, swallowing down the tears threatening to break free.
“As a kid, I dreamed of playing for the New York Crowns, and I’ll never forget the opportunity they gave me at the start of my career.
No where else has felt like home, like this arena and the people associated with this organization have.
When the opportunity presented itself to come back at the start of the season, I was thrilled, and while I didn’t foresee my career ending this early, it does feel right to finish out my career with this team. ”
Lifting my head, I see Claire smile and give me a thumbs up.
“Recent events in my personal life have shown me that life is too short to live in pain, and so I hope the fans can understand this decision. We have some of the best fans in the league, and I am looking forward to joining them and forever cheering on the Crowns.”
Taking a deep breath, I shift the cards in front of me.
“There are so many people I want to take this opportunity to thank, so please bear with me while I try to get through the list.” A few chuckles echo through the crowd.
“Coach Rob, it’s been an honor getting to play for you again.
You believed in me when I was a rookie, and I will be forever grateful to have played for you.
To the rest of the coaching staff, thank you for your support and your guidance. ”
I shift in my seat, trying to hold it together.
“Mr. Ackerly, thank you for believing in this team and me. To the team medical staff, thank you for your honest guidance while I navigated this decision. I’d like to thank my team.
It’s been the honor of my career to be your captain.
I truly believe you all have what it takes to go all the way, and I look forward to watching it happen. ”
Clearing my throat, I find Claire again, and she nods her head, calming my nerves.
“I know my family, especially my nieces will be watching this, so I need to give them a shout out.” I chuckle.
“Elsie and Iris, thank you for keeping my locker decorated with your drawings and for being my biggest fans. I can’t think of two more special kids.
To the rest of my family, thank you for making it possible for me to live out my dream.
If it hadn’t been for my parents supporting this passion from a very young age, none of us would be here today.
And lastly…” I find Claire one more time, and my eyes become glossy.
“I’d like to thank my girlfriend, Claire Silverman. ”
Gasps roll through the crowd, and a smile breaks across my face.
“I guess you all can consider this our hard launch.” I chuckle, earning some laughs from the crowd. “Claire, I love you, and I could’ve never come to this decision without your unwavering support and understanding.”
Her eyes fill with tears as she mouths “I love you too.” Sitting back, I rub my eyes, wiping away the tears that are now falling.
“I’m just grateful,” I say. “And I hope that this isn’t the last you see of me.”
The crowd stands and erupts into applause.
I allow myself a moment to take it all in and feel every feeling I’m having about the end of my career as I’ve known it.
The applause settles down, and a highlight video of my career begins playing on the large screen, catching everyone’s attention but Claire’s.
Her eyes stay locked on me, reassuring me from across the room that it’s all going to be okay.
“The girls keep making me replay the part where you say their names,” Maren, my sister, says over FaceTime.
“Hi, Uncle Everett!” Elsie sing-songs, popping into view over my sister’s shoulder. “Is Claire there?”
“Hey, Els! Yeah, she’s right here.” I turn the phone so that Claire comes into view.
“Hi, Elsie,” she says, waving, but my niece has already disappeared.
“Sorry, the TV is on,” Maren explains.
“It’s okay,” Claire says, laughing, and I flip the phone back to me.
“So, anyway,” Maren continues, “how are you feeling now that you’re officially done?”
“Exhausted. I knew it would be hard to announce, but it’s just been a whirlwind all day. Looking forward to relaxing over the holidays before my surgery.”
“That’s part of the reason I was calling; I wanted to go over the plan for this weekend. Our flight lands around three forty-five on the twenty-sixth, so we’ll probably head straight to the hotel and let the girls rest and chill out. And then we’ll see you on the twenty-seventh.”
“Yeah,” I agree, smiling to myself. “I’m really happy you’re coming in town. It’s been a long time.”
“I’m really happy you called and asked us to. It’s been too long,” she says. “The girls are so excited to get to see the city and have already picked out their dresses for The Nutcracker. Please, thank Claire for the tickets to the show.”
“It was nothing,” Claire says. “I can’t wait to meet you all.”
“Alright, well it’s getting late here, and I need to get these two into bed, but I’m really proud of you.”
“Thanks, Sis. See you soon.”
“Love you,” she says.
“I love you guys too.”
The call ends, and I set my phone down on the table. Claire moves to lay next to me, and I wrap my arms around her.
“Thank you for coming today,” I say. “I couldn’t have gotten through that speech without you being there. It meant a lot to me.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it. How are you feeling about it all?”
“Good,” I admit. “I mean, it wasn’t easy, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss playing, but I know I made the right decision, and I’m looking forward to what the future might bring.”
“I understand. When I finally hang up my pointe shoes, I know it’ll be a really bittersweet day.”
“How are you feeling about the show? It’s just a couple of days away.”
“Nervous,” she says. “I’ve been dreaming about this my entire life, and I just really want to do it justice, you know?”
“You will.”
“Rehearsals have been going good, so I feel confident.”
I kiss the top of her head and run my hand up and down her back. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you dance and meeting your family in person.”
“They’re really excited. You know it’s weird—when I realized Sugarplum Park actually happened, I was a little worried everyone in our lives would question us. Like be suspicious of us claiming to love one another, but no one has. Not even my sister.”
“I like to think some residual magic is responsible.” I chuckle. “I don’t know. I think it has Stella’s name written all over it.”
“You’re probably right. I’ve been finding myself missing the town,” she admits. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re back, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for helping us get here despite everything returning meant for you, but I wish we could’ve brought the people with us.”
“I feel the same way.”
“Do you think they still exist out there?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like do you think they’re still living their lives without us, or when we left, did they disappear too?”
“I like to think they still exist.”
“So do I.”
She nestles into my chest, and I breathe in her sweet perfume.
“So, what do you want to do the rest of the day?” she asks after a few quiet moments have passed.
“I was thinking maybe we could put on a Christmas movie and order some take-out?” I suggest.
A wide grin spreads across her face.
“Sounds perfect.”