Chapter 7 #6
I pulled back from Jennifer and licked my lower lip before stretching my arm out along the back of the bench comfortably.
I had achieved my goal of distracting Jennifer, who clearly didn’t even remember what she’d been talking about before that kiss.
Now I leveled a glacial stare at Luke because I hated to be interrupted during certain moments.
It was irritating because even if a basic rubbing of tongues together wasn’t enough to get me hard, it was still plenty capable of awakening my sexual appetite.
“If you want to fuck her right now, feel free. I’ll just be over here watching you and jerking it like a madman,” Xavier cut in, miming the action with one hand. I shifted my gaze to take in his delighted expression and gave him a serious look.
I didn’t think there was anything funny about what he’d said, especially not while I was in that period of forced abstinence.
“How was your beach weekend?” Xavier asked, switching to a different topic when he realized I was about to lose my shit. Unfortunately, he’d chosen a topic I didn’t want to talk about. I didn’t want to think about how tragic my encounter with Selene had felt.
“I was only there for a day. For Matt’s birthday,” I answered. All of a sudden, Jennifer’s proximity and her leg thrown over my thigh bothered me, so I pushed her off. My sudden tension did not go unnoticed.
“Was the baby doll there, too?” Xavier asked, referring to Selene.
I saw Luke prick up his ears, waiting to know more. I stared at him like I could read his mind. He was definitely remembering that kiss he’d had with Selene and I knew exactly what he was feeling: restlessness.
It was the same thing I’d felt when I kissed her for the first time in the pool.
Selene was so far removed from our world, so different from the women we usually saw, that she provoked curiosity. That’s why I was sure Luke was hiding a little interest in her.
“Yeah, the girl was there too,” I said flatly with an indifferent shrug. Jennifer turned to look at me, scrutinizing my face, but I kept it blank as I balanced one ankle on the opposite knee.
“And? Did you get it wet?” Xavier gave his pants a vulgar rub and grinned at me.
“I still think about her cute little ass, you know what I mean?” he continued lightly, and it took every bit of self-control I had not to close his mouth with one of my fists.
I bit my lip until I tasted blood, trying to keep my face impassive.
“Nah, I’m not into her anymore. Don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, but whatever it was, I’m over it now.”
Jennifer continued to study my reaction. I was pretty good at putting on a show, but she was very jealous of Selene. It would be hard to convince her of my indifference to Babygirl.
“Hey, whatcha talking about?” Alexia straightened her blue jacket, which matched her hair, and looked expectantly at us, waiting for someone to answer her.
She’d just appeared out of nowhere to butt into this uncomfortable conversation, and, for the first time, I found myself irritated by her presence.
“About Neil’s trip to the beach for Dr. Stepdaddy’s birthday and how he failed to get his dick wet in the holy virgin of the golden ass.” Xavier offered an impeccable summary, and Alexia huffed in irritation.
“Why do you call her that?”
Considering everything Xavier had just said to her, all she could focus on was those last few words because she was territorial over him, even though the dumbass had never noticed.
Or maybe he just pretended he didn’t. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t need to worry because Xavier wasn’t going to step foot near Selene while there was still air in my lungs, but I forced myself to keep quiet.
“Because she gives off the vibe: typical little princess who has barely ever been with a man.” Xavier looked to me for confirmation, but I wasn’t about to tell him anything about what I had or hadn’t done with Selene.
I already regretted saying too much outside Blanco when her ex confronted me in front of everyone.
I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.
“What about a blow job? Did she at least give you one of those?” Xavier just kept needling me, and I was having a really hard time not reacting.
I continued to stare him down gravely, and Luke elbowed him, trying to get Xavier to stop.
“Knock it off,” he chided, having seen something stormy in the gaze that I kept locked on Xavier. I inhaled and exhaled through my nose and continued to stare at Xavier, undaunted.
“Jesus, you should see your face right now; it’s legendary,” Xavier sneered, pulling his phone out of his pants pocket. “Smile, man.”
As he aimed it at me, the memories came flooding back.
It was cold, so cold, and I was shivering.
The blinding flash of a camera hit my face. I raised an arm to protect my eyes, but it was too bright.
All around me, however, there was total darkness. Kimberly sat on a wooden chair and watched me with a characteristically wicked grin on her angelic face.
Yeah, she had the look of an angel, and she used it to hide the cruel demon underneath.
“Stop blocking your face,” she scolded me irritably. I was too ashamed to obey her and instead tried to cover the place between my legs with my other hand.
I was completely nude.
“Neil!” she snapped in annoyance, but I couldn’t listen to her. I was in a state of complete shock. The only thing I could feel was the rapid beating of my heart. The only thing I could see was the pallor of my hands and the way my fingers trembled.
We weren’t alone, though. Someone else was there with us.
The sobs of the little girl beside me rebounded off the walls. She was naked as well, and she kept trying to cover her bare, undeveloped chest with one slender forearm. Her intensely black hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders.
Ignoring our misery, Kimberly ordered me to listen to her, to do to that little girl everything she’d taught me. The little girl was crying, though, and trembling at the harsh voice of our tormentor, who continued to bark orders that neither of us obeyed.
We were stunned, terrified victims of something too big to understand. That camera in front of us was going to be the end for both of us.
More monsters would watch us, our dignity crushed underfoot, drained away by that lens.
But then it all went sideways.
Someone burst into that dark place.
Several men battered down the door, and chaos ensued.
I instinctively fled the awful scene, and the little girl followed me.
Together, we hid behind a beat-up old sofa.
I huddled on the floor, knees tight against my chest. Still naked and terrified, I covered my ears with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut.
Dad said crying was for sissies, so I gritted my teeth and rocked back and forth, singing under my breath so I couldn’t hear the noises that surrounded me.
I sang “Imagine” by John Lennon, my mother’s favorite song. It was just a simple, familiar tune… But it managed to drown out the sound of Kim’s yelling.
I wasn’t aware of anything; all I felt was a fusillade of blows reverberating up my arms, my two fists like balls of fire.
I felt Xavier’s body under mine, my arm continuously winding up to hit him over and over again in the very same place.
I could hear screaming behind my back, saw his dark eyes roll back into his head and his split lips falling open, but I didn’t stop.
I couldn’t. I ground my teeth and kept hitting him, again and again.
With every blow, my body was electrified with more negative energy—energy that had to be released.
It felt liberating, and I liked it.
“Never do that again, you son of a bitch!” I shouted into his face, grabbing his jacket in my hands, which were still crawling with pins and needles.
“Never again, you hear me?” I exploded furiously before letting him slump back down to the ground, where I continued to beat him. Xavier had unwittingly brought a hidden, unbearable part of my past to the surface.
Because there was more to Kim’s abuse of me.
She hadn’t just been looking for carnal pleasure, the fruit of a diseased mind. She had a purpose.
A goal.
A job.
Kim was part of a larger organization. She was preparing me for more, and if she hadn’t gotten busted that day, I never would have been able to stop it.
I wouldn’t have been able to save myself or the little girl along with me.
“Neil, stop!”
Someone tried to grab me by the shoulders, but I elbowed them away roughly.
The inevitable had happened: I had lost my self-control, my reason, and my common sense. Everything.
My knuckles began to turn a wet, vivid red, but I still didn’t stop. I couldn’t control the anger. It was stronger than I was.
I raised myself off Xavier’s prone, dazed body and started attacking his stomach with a series of powerful kicks.
My forehead was slick with sweat, my jaw so tight it hurt, and my body was boiling all over. My sweater was completely crumpled, but I didn’t care about any of that.
In that moment, all I could feel was the madness erupting out of me as though from a volcano.
I was tumbling into a spiral of destruction, and I could feel the darkness flowing.
It poured over everything around me, covering the whole world in black, in a darkness with nothing blooming, nothing colorful, and nothing peaceful.
I felt a hot vitality flow uncontrollably through me, making me relish this. It was a feeling that was stronger than any orgasm and more exhilarating than any fuck.
It felt so satisfying, and I didn’t care about the consequences. I didn’t care about anything except finally unleashing the untamed creature inside me, the insanity of the moment.
I reveled like a true monster in the sight of Xavier’s swollen face painted purple.
And I remembered a father’s violence toward a child and a woman’s abuse of a child.
These were the things that had signaled the descent of Satan into my soul.