Chapter 11
No other girl ever mattered that much to me.
Neil
What the fuck was happening?
I had no idea either.
Selene and I had just come back from the club, and I brought her to the pool house with me for no reason that I could think of.
That was where I took the girls I fucked.
The blond girls. Always blond.
Selene, apparently, was the exception to the rule.
“I didn’t know you were so good at pool,” she commented from behind me, her voice echoing off the walls of my lair. I still couldn’t believe she was there with me.
Babygirl had arrived from Detroit that morning—Matt had been talking about it constantly for days on end. But I’d welcomed her much differently than the rest of my family because someone had ripped up my drawings, and I’d lost my cool, like usual.
I hated it whenever anyone touched my things or made a mess of my space. So, I had stormed into the dining room like a rabid dog, heedless of the familiar fear I was so used to seeing in the eyes of everyone around me.
Selene, though, stayed sweet as fuck. She brought me a bag of shelled pistachios, and I’d let her come into my pool house with her ocean eyes, coconut smell, and shy smile.
I only kissed her once before, fortunately, I managed to get control of myself.
It took more than that to make someone like me lose his mind.
Except then she’d put on that indecent little dress, and all I could do was stare at her. It’s like she was begging me.
“Come over here and tear this off me.”
Or maybe, “Throw me down and fuck me.”
I found myself questioning my own self-confidence. I’d thought myself so immune to her charms and then turned around to find myself hanging on her every word.
Shit.
I passed a hand over my face. I was tense. I had been tense for hours because I wanted a release. I needed a release, but I couldn’t have one. I was still following Dr. Lively’s instructions to resist my sexual urges because of the issues I’d been having in that department.
What would happen if I gave in to Selene and then wasn’t able to come?
I would have made her feel inadequate, like the other ones. Even worse, she would start in with her talking thing again, and I’d have to explain to her why my body was reacting so weirdly.
Babygirl was never satisfied with just using me. She always wanted more and that scared me.
It made me feel uncomfortable and confused and I didn’t know how to handle it.
“Why did you agree to come out here?” I sat down on the couch and tousled my hair. I was going to take a shower and then kick her out. Or maybe I’d kick her out and then take a shower. I wasn’t sure exactly what order it would happen in, but either way, she was going to leave.
“What?” She stood there with her coat draped over her shoulders, her thighs clearly visible, and her seductive cleavage on display.
“Why are you here?” I asked again. “Usually only people who’ve agreed to pleasure me come in here. Do you want to fuck?” I looked at her, trying to make my stare as icy as possible. Meanwhile, inside me there was an incandescent fire I struggled to contain.
Selene screwed up her face and shrugged.
My mood had shifted on her again, and she was looking at me like I was a lunatic.
That was understandable, really. The evening had actually gone quite well.
I had been nice to her and unusually protective, especially when Luke looked at her a little more than he should have.
I had been the one to make her think there might be something more going on with us, and she had followed me like any woman in her place would have done.
We’d had one of those moments when I felt this inexplicable understanding with her, a kind of attunement I’d never experienced with anyone else.
Worst of all was the bizarre feeling I got around my chest area whenever a man at the club looked at her.
It bothered me when people stared at her, which was absolutely an abnormal reaction for me.
No other girl ever mattered that much to me; I’d regularly shared women with Xavier and Luke.
Luke, who played white knight the whole time when we both knew perfectly well that he only wanted to sneak into that tight spot where only I had ever been.
That place belonged to me: my Neverland.
“Why are you talking to me like this now?” she asked as I took in her very long hair draped over one shoulder and her firm tits.
Did she really think I only liked them huge? I was a man. It didn’t matter if they were little or big, round or teardrop-shaped; the only thing that mattered was that I got to do what I wanted with them.
In fact, I actually preferred the small ones.
No.
I preferred hers.
Babygirl was too naive to know how the male brain worked. Plus, she had no idea how beautiful she was. If she had figured that out, everything would have made a lot more sense to her.
“Because you’re here in my pool house, half-dressed, without having found this evening’s lucky guy.
Maybe you’d like to replace him with me?
” I was toying with her. The one-night-stand story was just a game I enjoyed playing with her.
I knew her too well to think she’d fall into bed with just anyone.
Selene valued herself. She valued her kisses and embraces.
She couldn’t give herself to someone until she’d gotten to know them or at least gone out with them a few times. Never on the first night.
Selene demanded a lot; it was why it was so difficult for me to be around her.
“Do you think one is just as good as another?” She grew more annoyed as I stared at her thighs like a desperate man, trying not to get distracted from our conversation.
Yeah, I thought one was about as good as any other for everybody else. But not for her. She wanted me; she had been wanting me all night long.
And that was a fucking problem.
“I’m the only one you want, Tinkerbell, and that’s no good. Why don’t you go find a man who can make you happy?” I let my head fall back on the couch and splayed my legs, adopting a comfortable position. If she had actually found him, I would have accepted it.
Or maybe I would have just killed him.
No—I would have accepted it.
Selene shook her head, a cheeky little smile passing over her face.
A little dimple always appeared on the right side of her mouth whenever she smiled.
It was really tiny, but I spotted it. Just as I had also noticed the two other moles she had in addition to the one next to her right nipple.
She had one shaped like an upside-down heart on her knee and an identical one at the base of her spine.
It occurred to me that I’d like to take another look at them, just to make sure I wasn’t mistaken. Her body lived only in my memory now. It had been so long since I’d touched her.
And dammit if I didn’t want to do it again.
I sighed, undoing my jeans with one hand. I couldn’t tolerate my hard-on anymore. It had been like that for hours, compressed by my pants. Sometimes I even felt breathless from the stabs of arousal. It got so bad that I couldn’t even sit up straight.
Selene tracked my movement and swallowed hard, embarrassed. I knew that I was making her uncomfortable, but I was used to being shameless, especially with women.
I did what I wanted, said what I thought, and had no scruples.
“Would you tell me what happened with Jennifer?” I asked.
I didn’t really care, but I needed some distraction, or else I was going to succumb to my animal urges.
I would have fucked her over that kitchen island and then failed to come, making her feel like she wasn’t enough for me.
Selene was still too inexperienced and insecure, especially when it came to sex, so getting down with me in my current condition would only make her more neurotic.
She would have felt used and dirty, and I didn’t want that.
I wanted her to enjoy whatever we did, not feel even worse about herself.
“You’re still thinking about her…even now,” she answered in irritation. As usual, Tinkerbell was letting her insecurities get the best of her. She didn’t understand that thinking about someone meant something different to me than it did to her.
“I want to know what she did,” I admitted, adjusting my erection under my boxers. I wished I could just strip them off and be comfortably nude.
Could I do that? Or would she think I was a sicko even if I never touched her?
“She made a scene because you ignored her calls. She thinks I’m distracting you somehow,” she explained, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I looked her up and down again, lingering on her legs.
Just how high were those heels?
They looked heavenly on her. If I could have, I would have fucked her just like that, completely naked except for those elegant stilettos.
“I’ll have to talk to her,” I observed. Again.
Just because we’d been screwing for four years did not mean that I was serious about Jennifer or that I wanted to be in a relationship with her.
I’d have thought she would have taken the hint when I didn’t return her thirty-five calls.
She did not. Even though I’d told her repeatedly that I wasn’t her man and that there was nothing between us, Jennifer only accepted the things she already believed.
Maybe if I’d ever had the balls to tell them about my past, they’d understand what I really was.
“You’ll have to remind her that the only thing she really enjoys is your co—” Selene paused, pressing her hand to her mouth. I grinned and stared intensely at her, trying to make her blush.
“I’m a bad influence on you, Babygirl,” I said. Selene turned and slipped off her coat, putting it down on a stool in the kitchen area. Finally, I could appreciate the swell of her hips and that high ass under her swishy skirt.
What would she look like without it? What kind of underwear was she wearing?