Chapter 14 #4
“I know it was done in 1928 or thereabouts. It’s part of a series; the first one is at MoMA in New York, and the second one is in the National Gallery in Australia.
I like the symbolism of it—love interpreted as a feeling that can’t be seen, kind of a conflict between our outward appearance and the things we hide even from ourselves,” Neil continued with his deep, hoarse voice that made every inch of my skin erupt into goosebumps.
Meanwhile, my mother stared at him, thunderstruck, like she wasn’t expecting someone like him to be cultured.
I, however, knew how vast, mysterious and rich he was inside. Rich with inner knowledge that he didn’t like to brag about. That was his way: He was like a book one could only discover page by page. A book that contained an endlessly variable world, one of infinite depth and unpredictability.
“Yes.” My mother blinked, trying not to look too shocked. “The Lovers is one of my favorite paintings. Other than teaching literature, art is my great love. I find it completely fascinating,” she said as Neil smiled peacefully at her.
“Are you an art lover as well?” she asked him, and he nodded.
“I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents when I was a kid. They were very demanding when it came to learning. They wanted all their grandkids to have a classical education. So I had to skip soccer games, having snack time, or riding bikes with friends to go to the museum, visit the library, or take private lessons,” he explained, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
That was the point when I cleared my throat and they finally noticed me.
“Oh, Selene, there you are,” my mother said, getting up from the sofa.
“We’ll probably be home around the same time Anton brings you back,” I offered, and she smiled, giving Neil an indecipherable look.
Had her opinion of him changed? I hoped so.
“Neil, are you staying with us tonight?” She spoke to him in a surprisingly fond tone.
“No, I’m fine getting a hotel. I don’t want to—” Neil began without any hesitation, but my mother just shook her head and steamrolled over him.
“You’ll stay here with us in the guest room,” she said cordially, and I wasn’t sure if she was pretending to welcome him or not.
What had happened while I was gone?
“Okay, but I think we should get going now,” I put in quickly. I grabbed my purse and slipped into my coat while Neil watched me steadily. He was probably wondering about my suddenly solicitous attitude, but I didn’t care. I just needed to get us away from the suddenly very dangerous Judith Martin.
I opened the door, and after telling my mother goodbye, I exited, followed by Neil.
Shivering from the cold, I tucked myself deeper into my coat and looked up at the sky.
There were still some big, dark clouds, and the air was biting cold, but the sleet had subsided, and the sidewalks didn’t seem too treacherous if you watched where you were stepping.
For a moment we both just stood there on the porch. We’d never gone out together in New York. But I was the one who had the bright idea of going out. I was very interested to know what Neil and my mother had said to each other while I was upstairs.
“Relax. Your mother just asked me about what school I went to, how old I am, and if I have any dreams I’m chasing.”
I turned to Neil as he spoke and saw that he already look prepared for the question I was about to ask him. His ability to always be able to read my mind was uncanny—it never changed.
“Did she ask…” I mumbled awkwardly. “Did she ask about us?” I finished, all in a rush as he reached into his jacket for his packet of Winstons.
“No, and if she had, I would have assured her that her baby girl was still a virgin,” he answered cheerfully, sticking a cigarette between his lips.
“You’re a dope.” I elbowed him gently, and he stared at me, shocked.
It occurred to me almost immediately that we didn’t joke like that—or, rather, we only had a few times—so I decided to be serious again and tried to look confident as I decided that I was going to lay down my weapons and try to put him at ease.
I would get the chance to hash out everything that happened in New York later.
“Have you ever dated a woman?” I descended the porch steps, turning back to look at him. Neil still stood in the same spot, intent on lighting his cigarette. He tucked the lighter in his pocket and took his first drag as he walked toward me.
“No, and I’m not going to start with you either,” he groused, surly as ever. I cocked an eyebrow and smiled slightly as I kept walking. I led us toward the small diner that was kind of locally famous, even though it was totally unassuming.
“I’m guessing you’re here in Detroit because you regret all the hurtful things you said to me last time we met and you want to make it up to me,” I said archly, while he sped up to walk by my side.
Recalling his cruel words didn’t bring me any joy, but I was trying to minimize them because I didn’t want to get into a fight.
I had promised myself before that I would never judge him and try to understand him instead, even if it meant tolerating a disrespectful attitude.
“I don’t regret a damn thing,” he retorted. There were times when he sounded nothing short of puffed-up and pigheaded, and it was downright irritating.
“Oh no? So what are you doing here then?” I pressed. Despite the fact that I had just decided not to needle him too much, I wanted to understand what had prompted him to set aside his pride and come visit me.
I pushed my hands into my pockets, and we continued walking. Neil glanced around, avoiding my eyes, and I knew he was trying to hide his thoughts from me.
But I knew him now.
“What am I…” he said softly before cutting himself off.
At the sound of his voice, I moved in front of him and stopped, preventing him from walking forward.
Instead of going around me, he took one last drag, leaned down to stub out his mostly unsmoked cigarette, and stashed the butt in his Winston pack.
“I’m here because I wanted to see you,” he said abruptly, staring at some random spot over my shoulder.
My heart did a ridiculous little flip at his words, and an instinctive smile spread across my face, but it faded immediately when I thought of another reason Neil might have wanted to see me.
“To use me?” I asked, giving the term he’d always used for our relationship. His golden eyes moved immediately to me, and I braced myself for one of his stinging retorts.
“To be with you,” he said softly and quite unexpectedly before speeding up to get away from me.
He didn’t want me to know his motivations; he didn’t want me to see what he was thinking in that moment.
But this time, I was determined not to give up so easily.
In spite of the sidewalk conditions, I walked faster, trying to keep up with his long strides.
“Explain,” I told him between pants. Neil was walking too fast with no consideration for me.
“There’s nothing to explain,” he snapped, and I snorted.
Why did it have to be so hard to talk to Neil?
“No, you owe me an explanation.” I managed to get to his arm and grabbed his sleeve to stop him. My fingers dug into the leather of his jacket, and Neil turned around. He looked at my hand, then at my face with the same dark expression. He didn’t want me touching him, but I didn’t care just then.
“Do you know what I’ve been through because of you?
” I burst out. I could feel anger rising up from the depths of my heart like a river overflowing its banks, and the idea of avoiding a fight with him melted away.
“I had a relationship that basically imploded. I got beaten up by Jennifer. I was mocked by the Krew while you had some random woman blow you right in front of me. I almost degraded myself by having a three-way with you and Jennifer on Halloween even though you knew full well how much I hated her, and finally, my life was at risk because some masked psycho who is after you ran me off the road!” I shouted as he stared at me in disbelief.
His brows drew together, and he yanked his arm out of my grasp, leaning forward until he was an inch from my nose.
“Player?” he whispered in a voice I barely recognized. I hadn’t actually been planning to tell him the truth like this, and I immediately regretted it, but now that I’d said it, I couldn’t take it back.
“Yeah, it was him,” I confirmed, looking down. I could feel his sharpened gaze and heard how labored his breathing had gotten.
“And when the fuck were you going to tell me that?” He seized my chin and forced me to look at him. My eyes glittered with tears, and my lips trembled. I didn’t want to cry, but my emotions always got the best of me.
Neil must have seen it because his eyes changed, turning from sinister to warm.
He slackened his hold and sighed. Then with a shake of his head, he drew me unexpectedly against him.
He held me tight against his chest, and for a moment, I was dumbstruck.
His scent surrounded me, as did the warmth of his very ordinary yet—coming from him—extremely intimate gesture.
“Do you see now why I don’t want you in my life?
” he muttered into my hair, and I tilted my head back to look at him.
I didn’t even have time to answer before Neil was kissing my forehead, right on my scar, and then moving down to the tip of my nose.
Finally, he cupped my face in his hands and rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs while I stared spellbound at him.