Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
M adison sipped her glass of wine, and stared morosely at The Wedding Singer playing on the television. It was her comfort movie and usually guaranteed to make her laugh. Tonight, she barely followed what was happening on the screen.
She’d met Felix and his wife at Senator Armstrong’s mansion, only a few miles from where Madison and Opal’s own parents lived. It had taken everything in her to release Jax into Mary’s arms.
“See you tomorrow, buddy.” Madison kept her tone bright, hiding her feelings, and gave him a last squeeze.
“Mama.” Jax patted her cheeks.
Felix had glared at her while she watched Mary carry Jax into the house, speaking to the toddler softly. Madison heard a giggle, and another crack splintered through her heart.
She should be relieved that Jax was comfortable with Mary, but part of her also hated the evidence that there was a very good chance that this woman would take her place.
“He calls you Mama?” Felix sneered at her. “Wow, Madison. I knew you were a selfish bitch, but really?”
A tiny worm of doubt curled through her chest. “I’m the only mother he knows. I’ve been raising him since he was six months old. And before that, I was the one sitting up with him doing the night feeds so Opal could get some rest.”
“You aren’t his mother,” he hissed, looking enraged, and then he jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction Mary and Jax had disappeared. “ She is.” He loomed over Madison, but she refused to back down. “Your own parents think he should be with me.”
She grit her teeth. Her parents had made no secret of the fact they thought she should have given Jax up. They had little interest in their daughters except for how they reflected on them. This living reminder of their dead troubled daughter was something they would like erased from their life.
“Why are you tying yourself down this way?”
“We saw Felix at church last week. He is looking so well,” her mother had said when she saw her last month.
I just bet he’s trotting his ass to church with his twinset-wearing wife every Sunday, Madison thought. Senator Armstrong was running for re-election on a ‘family values’ platform. Appearances were important to people like that, and it probably didn’t look great that his son-in-law didn’t have custody of his own child. It was a chink in Felix’s redemption story.
Madison had done as much research as she could on Mary’s family, hoping to find something she could use to help her case. Unfortunately, other than a penchant for drinking too much and gambling over an occasional golf game, the Senator was as squeaky clean as his campaign manager touted him to be.
“He’s the boy’s father. How will you ever have a life if you’re tied to a child that isn’t yours?” Her mother’s voice rang in her ears.
But after all this time, Jax felt like her son.
She paused the movie and glanced at her watch. Jax would be asleep by now. Her throat clogged. Did he go down easily? Did Mary remember to give him Dino, his favorite stuffed animal? Madison was under no illusion that Felix was doing any of the nurturing.
Madison took another large swig of wine as her phone chimed. She ignored it. The first few times Felix had unsupervised daytime visitation, Madison had hovered over her phone, worried that something might go wrong and they would try to contact her.
When Cami noticed, she had gently reminded her that, if Jax were upset or crying, Felix wouldn’t call Madison for help.
She knew Cami was right. But it killed her.
It felt like everything was out of control and her life was spiraling. Her parents weren’t completely off base with their concerns. This custody fight had all but wiped her out financially, and she wasn’t sure her heart would ever fully heal if she lost Jax.
Hence the drowning of her sorrows in wine while the rest of the world prepped for a better year.
Another tear slipped down her cheek.
The phone chimed again, and with a heavy sigh, Madison picked it up, scanned through the messages, and groaned. Apparently, she was still on a group text with her old coworkers in social services.
They were meeting at a club downtown and were trying to convince her and Cami to join them. Cami had already declined, and Madison indulged herself in a moment of self-pity. Cami was probably in bed with her hot new husband, and the only date on Madison’s horizon was with her vibrator.
A sudden intense desire for human connection swept through her.
Alex Kovalyov’s face appeared in front of her, and Madison immediately shook her head.
Don’t do it. He’s not a casual guy.
Maybe she just needed a night out. To get drunk and make some poor decisions in the form of casual sex.
She chewed her lip. Fuck it . It was better than sitting home alone, torturing herself over what was happening at the Armstrong mansion.
Madison spent extra time heavily lining her eyes and fishing a short, blue dress that she hadn’t worn in years from the back of her closet.
“If I’m going to do this, then let’s do this,” she said, staring at herself challengingly in the mirror. She resolutely ignored the other voice in her head that said— You don’t really want to do this. It won’t make it hurt less.
Slipping on a pair of silver, strappy heels, she decided not to take a coat and poured another glass of wine while she waited for her Uber.
She was already well on her way to drunk when the car stopped in the middle of a busy Buckhead street, a block from the club.
“This is as close as I can get,” the driver offered over his shoulder.
In front of and beside them, other passengers were disembarking from their vehicles.
“No problem.” She glanced at her phone. It was already after eleven. She was normally in bed with a book if not asleep at this hour. For a moment, she thought about telling the driver to take her home, but the blast of another car horn propelled her into motion.
Icy wind licked around her bare legs as she joined the mass of people and made her way toward the club. She spotted her old office mate, Denise, standing with a group of Madison’s former coworkers, just before the woman waved.
“You made it!” Denise squealed. “I haven’t seen you in forever! I’m so glad you came out tonight.”
Madison felt her shoulders relax as the round of hellos continued. They were standing in a bunch near the entrance, a velvet rope holding back the line behind them.
Ugh . She hadn’t thought about standing in line to get in.
I am definitely too old for this.
“Come on.” Denise took her hand and pulled her toward the entrance. “Shana’s new boyfriend, Ivan, is the manager or something,” Denise said in her ear. “Total bad boy, but he’s hot.”
Two men in dark suits gave them a quick once over before checking off something on an iPad and then letting them through. Denise said something else, but the noise from inside the club was too loud, and the strobe lights distorted her vision, making it impossible to read her friend’s lips.
Madison was already regretting coming out as Denise tightened her hold on Madison’s hand. They maneuvered through the packed club like a human chain. Reaching the base of a short staircase, she followed her friends to the upstairs seating area.
The music was less deafening there, but Madison could still feel the bass beating through her body. Shana led them to a curved banquette and table set off with short stanchions.
A man with a shaved head and tattoos that crept up his throat and covered every inch of visible skin joined them and immediately stuck his tongue down Shana’s throat.
“Told ya.” Denise winked at Madison as she joined her on the seat. “Hi, Ivan,” she practically yelled with a wave. The man lifted his head away from Shana and greeted them.
“Let Bianca know if you need anything.” Ivan lifted his chin at the cocktail waitress who appeared in front of them holding a tray covered with large bottles of liquor. “On the house tonight.” He turned back to Shana. “It’s a busy night, but I’ll come by in a bit to check on you, krasotka .”
Madison caught the Russian endearment, and a shiver went through her as her thoughts instantly turned to Alex.
Stop thinking about him.
Madison sat back in her seat, watching as Shana and the other women poured a round of shots, handing her one. The music thudded through the walls, a relentless pulse that seemed to vibrate in her bones. She hadn’t been out like this in… She couldn’t even remember how long.
She should enjoy this, right? New Year’s Eve, VIP area, her old coworkers laughing around her. They even had their own small dance floor away from the crowd.
Have fun, damn it!
But her body wouldn’t listen to her brain, and the noise, the lights, and the glittering bodies below felt suffocating.
“Here’s to us, ladies!” someone said, and glasses clinked around her.
Blinking her emotion away, Madison lifted her glass with a half-hearted smile, but the burn of the alcohol did little to chase away the unease creeping under her skin. Shana blew a kiss to her boyfriend, who stood by the top of the stairs speaking with an employee.
“Where did the two of you meet?” Ivan didn’t seem like Shana’s type, but then again, she and the younger woman hadn’t been close. However, Shana had always given off extremely clean-cut vibes, and Ivan was anything but.
“Here, actually.” Shana raised her voice to be heard over the noise as she poured out more shots. “He manages the club and thought I was cute.” She handed around the shots and made a face. “I know he looks a little scary, but Ivan’s a total teddy bear.”
Madison accepted the second shot, but when her stomach rolled, she vowed it would be her last one for a while.
The next hour passed quickly, and soon they were cheering for the ball drop as confetti fell from the ceiling while they danced. A pleasant buzz ran through Madison’s body, and she tried to relax, but the anxiety seemed to always be waiting just under her skin.
“Everything okay?” Denise asked, shimmying back to the banquette where Madison had retreated.
“Yeah, great.” It wasn’t. She wanted to bolt. As much as Madison wanted to get out of the club, she didn’t want to go back to her quiet, empty house and face her thoughts either.
Denise poured another shot, pressing it into her hand. “I know we’re a little old for this, buuut…” she grinned. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?”
Right.
This is what she wanted. A break from thinking altogether. The alcohol burned on the way down, but when she quickly downed her friend’s shot as well, it wasn’t as bad.
Numb. She wanted to feel numb.
The club was a swirl of color and noise as Madison danced with her friends. She should have stopped two shots ago. She wasn’t wasted, but she knew she would feel it the next day. Denise was making out with some guy, and Shana was practically humping her Russian boy-toy in the corner. The two other ladies were clearly going to hook up with the finance bros they’d been dancing with.
The realization that she was the last of her friends on the dance floor hit her like a slap in the face.
It was time to go home.
She didn’t have any interest in the men around her, and Madison felt foolish for thinking she’d be able to hook up with a stranger. However, before she could leave, an arm snaked around her waist, forcing her body back against a hard chest. The unmistakable ridge of an erection pressed against her lower back.
Eww. No.
Spinning, she tried to free herself from the grip and dance a few steps away, but the man caught her hand and tugged her back.
“You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. I’ve been watching you all night.”
His liquor breath almost gagged her, and Madison attempted to wrench her hand free.
“Well, watching is all you get tonight.”
A sliver of fear sliced through her as he yanked her back, and she felt a hand on her ass that quickly moved toward the hem of her skirt.
“Hey! Get off me,” Madison growled.
She felt the briefest graze of a finger on her bare skin, and then the man yelped, and she stumbled forward, only to be caught against another firm chest.
This time however, a familiar spicy scent hit her nose. With no rational explanation, her whole body sagged, her fight or flight response silenced. She didn’t need to fight because Alex was there. And that meant she could exhale.