Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
A few days later, Alex still hadn’t made any progress. He’d had Liev and a team go over Madison’s home inch by inch, but they came up with nothing.
Alex was in a foul mood by the time he got home. Mikhail was getting impatient about how long it was taking for the new business to be established, and Alex was running out of excuses to hold him off. Combined with the knowledge Jax would be back in that asshole’s house in a couple of days, and he was ready to kill someone.
Literally.
Madison had invited Cami over for a girls’ evening of pampering, and Alex knew he should have gone out to dinner or to the club. But when he’d gotten in his car, he’d immediately pointed it toward home. The urge to see her… to see Jax before he fell asleep, was like a magnet, irrevocably drawing him back. The lure of Madison and Jax was stronger than any other temptation he’d faced. In the span of a few months, the two of them had turned his life upside down.
He found the remains of Chinese takeout in the refrigerator, and his mood lightened when he saw an untouched container labeled Szechuan Chicken —his favorite. Taking his dinner into the living room, he relaxed on the sofa, only to realize he was hearing Cami and Madison’s voices. Frowning, he discovered one of the baby monitors between the cushions of the sofa.
He should turn it off.
Eavesdropping was wrong.
Turning up the volume, he set it on the cushion next to him with a smirk. The voices were slightly muffled, and every few minutes he would hear Jax laugh as they played.
Alex listened absently until he heard his name.
“Something about us just works. Alex isn’t as bad as everyone thinks, or even as bad as he thinks he is.” He heard her blow out a breath. “Maybe I’m just really fucked up. But when I’m with him…”
Cami’s voice was softer, not as clear. “You’re in love with him.”
Alex frowned. He must have misheard. His ears strained trying to catch the next words.
They were Madison’s.
“I know.”
Alex choked on his food.
“You don’t have to sound so miserable about it.” Cami gave a little laugh, but it didn’t sound as if she was amused. “Why is that a bad thing?”
“He doesn’t feel the same.”
Alex lifted the monitor to his ear as Madison’s voice dropped to a whisper.
“Are you sure? It sounds like he took amazing care of you when you were sick. That’s major brownie points in my eyes.”
“He was great. We’re partners. Hell, our marriage probably works better than most.”
He heard a rustling and then…
“Oh, Mads, don’t cry.”
Alex’s lungs seized.
She’s crying? Because of me?
“It’s not his fault, Cam. He told me from the beginning that it wasn’t going to be like that. It’s me. I’m an idiot.”
There were a few beats of silence. Alex looked down at the monitor, but the red light assured him it was still transmitting.
“What if you told him?”
“I can’t. He can’t know—It will just make things awkward.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” There was a tone of finality in her voice that made him feel cold.
“Alex likes me. He really likes having sex with me… But he also respects me and what I do, which is huge. He loves Jax, and other than you, believe it or not, he’s my best friend.”
She blew out another harsh exhale. “It’s enough. It has to be.” Her sparkling laugh filled the room. “It could be worse. The man is positively gifted with his tongue.”
Alex wanted to smile, but he felt ill.
“Except, you’re in love with him.” Cami obviously wasn’t ready to give up yet.
“Yeah. How could I not be?”
Easily, Angel.
He hated how hopeless Madison sounded. Her next words hit him like a lightning bolt.
“The crazy thing is… I’m proud of him, Cam. Proud to be his wife. The way he made a life for himself apart from his family, the way he stepped in with Jax. You wouldn’t think it to look at him, but he’s actually a natural with Jax.
“We’ve completely blown his life apart—more than we agreed on. He never complains, never throws it in my face that I’ve made his life harder. He’s just there. Supporting me. To be honest, it’s such an alien feeling. I don’t know how to behave sometimes.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Cami said. “It was really hard for me to let James in, to help with all the shit I’m so used to handling on my own. But it’s worth it. I promise.”
There was a squeal, just before Cami’s muffled voice said, “I’m so happy for you.”
“Get off me weirdo.” More scuffling noises. “Are you really? I didn’t think you approved…”
“Pfft. Have you seen the things I’ve done in the last six months? Or the things James’s family does?”
He heard a sigh. “Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done—falling in love with a man who can’t love me back.”
“Falling in love… Real. True. Love… isn’t a choice, Mads. As for him not loving you back… I’m not so sure you’re right about that.”
“I swear sometimes I feel like I’m going to burst when I’m with him. It’s pathetic.”
“Are you sure it’s not lust?” Cami teased.
“There is definitely lust… a lot of lust.” Madison huffed a sad laugh. “But I’m head over heels in love with him.”
Alex’s grip tightened around the edge of the couch, his knuckles going white.
Madison is in love with me.
He attempted to grasp the thoughts swirling in his mind at her revelation, but all he could focus on was a deep, lacerating edge of something he couldn’t identify.
It shouldn’t matter that she loves me.
It can’t matter.
He’d warned her. Laid out the terms of their arrangement in stark, unforgiving detail. He had been clear. This wasn’t a love match..
And yet, now that he knew, he craved it, desperately wanted to hear the words again.
It was fucking unfair, and he knew it.
He didn’t care.
Alex couldn’t give her those words—words he didn’t believe. But his entire being was now consumed with making her say them again.
This time when she said them, he wanted to see her beautiful face.
He’d always thought of love as a construct people used to control and manipulate the people in their lives, but Madison wasn’t like that. She wouldn’t say it if she didn’t believe she was being truthful.
Her words to Cami swamped him with feelings he didn’t have the first fucking clue how to navigate.
She’s proud to be my wife. Proud?
The weight of the word, the meaning behind it, nearly brought him to his knees.
No one had ever looked at him the way she did. Like he was worth something more than he ever believed himself to be.
It was terrifying .
Alex didn’t even know how to love someone the way she deserved to be loved.
He could never be that for her.
I should stop this before it goes any further, before she gets hurt. Pull away. Push her away. Remind her of who I am.
But the thought of losing her warmth, of losing her , sent something sharp and painful slicing through his chest.
Alex exhaled roughly, his body tense, as he ran a hand through his hair. He might not be able to tell her what she wanted to hear, but he could show her.
He could worship her body. Make her feel everything he couldn’t say…
“Are you prepared for what happens when she walks away? When you can’t give her what she needs?”
It would have to be enough, because he would never let her go.
Alex waited until after Cami left, then went in search of his wife.
He found her exactly where he wanted her—reclined on their bed, hair damp from a bath, wrapped in nothing but a robe tied at the waist. The neckline dipped just enough to tease him with the curve of her collarbone, her bare thighs stretched out, legs crossed at the ankles.
Her gaze flicked up as he walked in. “Did you find your dinner?”
Alex placed the baby monitor on the dresser, without breaking eye contact, and sat beside her. His hands went to her leg, his thumb pressing into the soft skin of her ankle, dragging upward. “I did. Thank you.”
“You sound weird,” she said, and then purred as he kneaded her calf.
“How are you feeling?”
Her head rested against the pillow, and she let out a slow exhale. “Good. Cami wore Jax out, and he’s already asleep.”
“Excellent.” His lips quirked up.
His touch skimmed higher, slipping past the silky skin behind her knee and around to graze the inside of her thigh.
Her breath hitched. The fabric of her robe parted slightly, and Alex traced the curve of her thigh with slow deliberation. Her skin was so soft beneath his touch, still warm from her bath.
“Are you seducing me, Mr. Kovalyov?” Her voice was teasing, but there was a breathless hint to it that sent heat rushing through his veins.
Alex ignored the comment, gripping her thigh and spreading her legs just enough to make her pulse jump in her throat.
He leaned in, lips brushing the inside of her knee, then higher. Taking his time, he pressed open-mouthed kisses up her thigh, his fingers working the tie of her robe.
“Alex?” She sighed and arched her back, making the robe slip further.
The silk parted, revealing the smooth skin between her breasts. Alex dragged his knuckles down the slope of one, watching her shiver. His thumb circled over her nipple, and her full lips parted with a sigh. He was painfully hard, but he was determined to coax every ounce of pleasure from her body.
With her cheeks lightly flushed and her beautiful hair haloed on the pillow, she looked like an angel.
She would have to be, to love me.
His mouth hovered just above her stomach as he murmured, “Turn over.”
Madison blinked at him, her pupils wide, eyes sparkling. “My massage isn’t over?”
“Not even close.”
Her lips lifted, but he heard the lust thick in her voice when she muttered, “Don’t have to tell me twice.”
Madison rolled onto her stomach, letting the robe slip from her shoulders before tossing it aside. Her back was flawless, the dip of her spine leading to the curve of her full ass. Her legs parted slightly as she adjusted, and Alex clenched his muscles as a bolt of need flashed through him at the sight of the glistening skin at the juncture of her thighs.
Forcing himself to go slow, to build her anticipation, he pressed his thumbs into the muscles between her shoulder blades, his touch firm as he kneaded down the length of her back. At first, she sighed, melting into the mattress, but as his hands roamed lower, dragging his thumbs over the dimples at the base of her spine, she began to move restlessly.
He kissed her shoulder. Then lower, trailing slow soft kisses down her spine as she mewled and squirmed beneath him. When his teeth sank lightly into the soft flesh of her ass, she gasped.
Alex smirked against her skin before dragging his tongue over the sting, soothing the bite.
Madison trembled, her fingers gripping the sheets. “Please, Alex.”
Her breathy plea was almost too much for him. Shifting her legs apart, he dragged a single fingertip through her slick folds. A sharp moan punched from her throat, and she lifted her hips, silently asking for more.
He rotated his hand to cup her and pressed his thumb inside while the heel of his palm ground against her clit. White hot heat spilled through his blood when she cried out, pressing against him, searching for the pressure she needed.
Madison moaned, as his mouth moved over her back, his teeth scraping along her spine. “Oh my god, Alex.” Her body writhed against the sheets, her hips bucking frantically as his thumb rubbed against the sensitive spot inside, his movements steady, relentless.
Alex growled against her skin when her walls started to flutter around his finger. The rush of desire that swept over him made him almost dizzy, and he felt like he was burning alive.
Her breath hitched. “Alex?—”
“Let go, Angel,” he rasped.
Her moans took on a desperate, higher pitch, and her legs shook, as she shattered around him, her body pulsing, clenching as she buried her face in the pillow to muffle the scream.
He adored the way she came undone for him. His strong, beautiful, always-in-control wife letting herself fall apart with him.
She barely had time to catch her breath before he rolled her onto her back, brushing damp hair from her flushed face.
Madison’s fingers lifted to touch him, but he caught her wrist, pinning it to the bed. Her eyes fluttered open, dazed.
“Not yet,” Alex murmured, dragging his lips along her jaw.
Her brow furrowed, confused. “But?—”
Alex stared down studying her face, feeling as if he could fall into her eyes forever. He saw confusion and worry flicker in her eyes and lowered his lips to hers. He kissed her, claiming her mouth completely, until she moaned into his mouth, her hands in his hair.
Skimming his hands down the sides of her waist, he mapped every inch of her, pressing into the softness of her thighs as he parted them wider.
When Madison reached for his belt again, he pinned her hands above her head with one of his, while the other lifted her chin with his thumb.
“Not yet.”
She whined against his lips.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” He kissed his way softly across her collarbone to the hollow of her shoulder.
“Alex, please.” Madison squirmed beneath him.
“Inside.” His tongue flicked over her nipple, and a flush spread up her chest. “And out.”
He drew the beaded nub into his mouth, biting down lightly as she cried out, back bowing.
“Do you know how special you are?” Alex murmured against her heated flesh, as his lips traveled across her ribs, his grip tightening on her wrists as she wriggled beneath him.
“Let me show you,” he murmured against her stomach.
He released her hands and lifted to stare into her hooded eyes. “Keep your hands above your head until I tell you, Angel.”
Madison’s chest rose as she drew in a ragged breath, but she didn’t answer.
“Understand?”
She nodded frantically as his kisses moved lower. When his mouth closed over her, Madison cried out, her hands fisting her pillow. Her spine curved as he licked into her, slow and teasing, as he held her open for him.
“Oh my god. Alex, I can’t—” Her words broke off in a high pitched keen when he used his tongue against her clit, driving her insane.
Madison moaned his name, her head thrashing back and forth, but he wasn’t finished with her yet.
He needed her mindless.
Alex’s hand slid up her body, cupping her breast, rolling her nipple between his fingers as he buried his tongue inside her. She convulsed, with a high, broken gasp slipping from her throat as her orgasm slammed into her.
Alex lifted his head slightly, his lips brushing her inner thigh. “Do you know what you taste like?” His voice was thick, rough.
Madison only shook her head, her body still rippling with pleasure.
“Mine,” he growled, pressing a kiss against her tender flesh.
He drew back on his knees between her legs and gazed down at her. She was a fucking vision splayed in front of him.
Alex wanted to drown in her, know every little thing about her. She was an obsession he no longer wanted to fight.
Most of all, he needed her.
He stood, stripping off his clothes, unable to hold back any longer and lowered himself over her body, holding his weight off with one arm.
Madison’s eyes sparkled as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. Her nails gripped his shoulders like she never wanted to let go, and Alex loved it. Relished it. She whimpered against his mouth as he held her jaw in place as he kissed her and rubbed himself against her over and over, torturing them both with the friction until her eyes rolled back, and Alex thought he would explode.
Wrapping a hand around her thigh, he hitched her leg higher on his hip as he slowly pushed into her, keeping his strokes shallow until she was panting again. Sweat beaded on his forehead at the effort it was taking not to drive into her.
This was about her and making her feel good because he didn’t know any other way to show her how he felt.
“Alex, I need you. Please…” She shuddered underneath him, and he sank fully inside her with a single hard thrust. She clenched tight around him, and Alex saw stars.
His lips found the exposed pulse point at the base of her neck and sucked, as he angled his hips. His own breath was coming in gasps as his name tore from her lips, her body fluttering around him again.
Alex groaned, dropping his forehead against hers, slowing his pace, pulling her back from the edge.
“No, Alex please,” she begged.
Slipping his hand between them, he pressed hard against the bundle of nerves and resumed the pace he knew drove her wild. He waited until Madison was shaking beneath him before he shifted his weight to lean back and look at her face.
“Say it.”
Her head thrashed. “Say what?” she moaned.
His thrusts slowed and his fingers stilled as he whispered in her ear, “Say you love me.”
Madison’s eyes flew open. “What?”
His fingers teased her clit again, dragging her back to the edge.
“Say it again,” he demanded, thrusting hard and deep inside her.
She gasped at the sensation, but he saw her eyes dart to the two baby monitors sitting side by side on the dresser.
He knew the moment she understood—the second when a look of devastation crossed her face.
Madison pressed her lips tightly together, refusing him the words. Alex increased his pace, and her body bucked against his with a cry when he lowered his mouth to suck her nipple into his mouth.
“Oh god.” Her body clenched around him like a vise.
His own body screaming for release, he slowed again, making her whine in frustration.
“Say it.”
She looked so torn, Alex gave her his truth.
“I need to hear it, Angel,” he rasped.
Slowly, her gorgeous eyes lifted to his, and her swollen lips opened. “I love you,” she breathed.
Alex felt like his chest had been cleaved open, but he never stopped moving inside her. Moments later when she cried out, Alex roared into her neck as his release chased hers.