19. TIFFANY
“Ghost?”
When I peered over my shoulder at the doorway, spotting Maverick sitting there, I arched a brow at him in surprise.
For the second day, he’d left us alone to talk things through, and while we hadn’t particularly made massive progress into anything particularly therapeutic, per se, I actually felt like it was more important they just get used to us. My professor called it ‘building a rapport.’ Getting to the hard stuff would take weeks. With their pasts? Maybe months.
I hadn’t been bullshitting yesterday, I meant it when I’d told Lily that they didn’t have to like us. Active, strong emotions, be they negative or positive, were healthier than apathy.
But still, in this instance, having properly spoken to them all now, I got the feeling they’d do better with us on a friendlier scale.
Just looking at how they’d brought Lily into the fray was good for both her soul and mine, I thought.
She wasn’t on the outside looking in. If anything, I was. She was seated between Amara and Ghost, and Tatána, with Ghost’s running translation, would glower at me if I asked her anything that made her tense, even if it was something as simple as my asking her if she wanted to tell us anything about her abusers.
I’d tried to help today, just to dip my toes in the water, but had been rebuffed several times. I figured it was a learning curve, one I was happy to take, one I was happy to adjust to suit them and their needs.
But Mav’s face?
I got the feeling he was about to fuck with my best laid plans.
He looked nervous.
Kind of…anxious actually. More than nerves were at play. Which from a man like him? Put me on edge.
Ghost, who apparently had extrasensory hearing to go with her name, had already turned to look at the door before Mav had even gotten a word out, and was frowning at her husband.
“What is it?”
He gnawed on the inside of his cheek a second, then muttered, “It’s good news.”
“What is?” She half stood up. “News about Donavan Lancaster?”
He raised a hand. “No. About your sister.”
She gaped at him. “Katina? What about her?”
“It’s a fucking coincidence is what it is,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, “but she’s here.”
“Here?” Ghost reared back in surprise. Couldn’t really blame her. Since yesterday, I hadn’t picked up on that much from her, but she’d told us her reason for trying to come to the States. “In West Orange?”
“No. Here as in here at the compound.”
She raised a shaky hand to her mouth. “No. Don’t tease me.”
“Since when do I tease you?” he rumbled, his eyes darkening. “She wants to see you, Ghost, but she’s nervous.”
Ghost gnawed on her bottom lip. “She won’t want to see me looking like this.” Her hands settled under her so she was sitting on them, but it was clear to anyone with eyes that she was gripping onto the chair like that would glue her to it.
Maverick’s face softened. “Oh, sweetheart, she said the exact same thing. She’d just been on this long ass drive, and she looked ragged around the edges. She wanted to look her best for you.”
Ghost gulped, and her eyes started to water. That was all I saw before she ducked her chin and hid her face behind her hair. “I-I don’t want her to see me like this.”
“Like what?” I asked softly. “Looking beautiful?”
Because she was. Even if she had a few scars on her face, on her wrists, and even more hidden beneath her baggy clothes, she was gorgeous.
With bone structure that any model would be jealous of, and the biggest eyes that made her look like some kind of pixie, especially with her short hair.
All the women had that, and I knew it was because they’d had to have their hair shorn.
I mean, I didn’t know all the details of their situation, but it figured they’d had lice or something living in their hair.
But still, she was beautiful.
And I needed to make sure she knew that.
“If she knew what you’d been through, all she’d see was that you’re a survivor,” I whispered gently, hurting for her and wishing I could make things better.
“I’m not a survivor. I just let them do?—”
“You didn’t have a choice. Sometimes surviving means making a decision that will keep you alive. We’re not all fighters. We’re not all born to take charge of a fight and dominate it. Sometimes, we just have to bide our time and wait. You did that. You’re here, you’re alive, and Luke isn’t. Donavan Lancaster, when he’s caught, will be in jail for the rest of his life. No, he won’t be in similar conditions as you were, but he’ll suffer too.”
Ghost shook her head. “I don’t want her to know about that.”
“She won’t. She doesn’t,” Maverick inserted. “I asked the woman with her.”
“Woman?” Ghost repeated. “Who’s with her?”
“Her foster mom.” He shrugged. “She was coming here to visit with us because we need her help, but she brought her kid with her. Turns out it’s Katina. The second I saw her in the flesh, I knew she was your sister. She looks just like you.” His eyes pretty much had hearts in them as he stared at her.
I wasn’t sure if he even knew how much he mooned over Ghost, and I shot Lily a look to see if she picked up on that, and from the rueful twist of her lips, she saw it too.
Maybe Amara and Tatána did as well.
The only one who didn’t?
Ghost.
Fucking typical.
Why was that always the way? Why did everyone else see how someone felt about us, while we were totally blind to it?
The rumble of motorbikes slalomed into being behind us, and Lily and I tensed up—all day, bikers had been coming and going from the clubhouse, as was their way, but we were waiting.
Link and Sin were supposed to be coming back, and I knew we were both more than ready to see them. Especially after our texts. I wasn’t sure if he was still mad at me, and I didn’t want him to be. I wanted to just… God, I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. No artifice, no playing around.
Just us.
Earnest.
Honest.
Real.
For the first time in forever.
The notion sent chills down my spine and made me want him here even more than I already had, which was saying something.
Still, my responsibility was to these women. They needed me, and I wasn’t going anywhere until they were ready to quit for the day.
We weren’t doing like group sessions or a therapy circle, mostly we were just talking, and I was trying to get them to open up.
Yesterday and today had been eye-openers though. Learning the little they’d shared was enough to give me a nightmare for the rest of my life.
It blew my mind how I’d eaten at the same table with Luke and Donavan. How my parents had dinner parties with him, how our families had been in business with one another.
I’d never thought they were capable of doing what I’d learned, and yet, these women were living proof of it.
Worse still, I’d never picked up on him forcing himself on Lily.
What kind of fucking therapist was I?
Jesus, no wonder I’d thought it best to pull out of school.
Fuck.
I mean, I’d known she didn’t like him. That she thought he was a control freak, but I’d always just thought she let him do that.
If my daddy told me to eat a certain breakfast, I’d have told him where to get lost.
Lily had always seemed so cowed…but I’d never imagined it was for the exact reason it was.
Guilt hit me, as it kept on doing whenever I thought about how long I’d known her and her family, and how I’d failed her as a friend.
She didn’t look at me with hatred though. She didn’t hold it against me. If anything, she was still supporting me. Still thinking nothing of allowing me and my mother to live with her, even though Mom was being a royal pain.
I reached up and tugged at my bottom lip as Lily whispered, “Link told me he was looking for Katina. Seems a shame that you asked him to find her and she’s found now, but you don’t want to see her.”
“I do want to,” Ghost snapped, for the first time raising her voice. “But I don’t want her to see me as this…” She released a shaky breath. “She’s too young to know, she can’t possibly understand?—”
“Say you sick,” Amara suggested, and because she was a woman of few words, even when Ghost was translating, we all turned to her in surprise. “What?” she questioned uneasily. “Is only suggestion.”
Ghost gnawed on her lip. “Maybe. I could say I was ill, that would work for how thin I am.”
Mav scowled at that. “I don’t like it. Feels like you’re wishing shit on yourself?—”
“She was ill for a while,” Lily reasoned. “I know the club was concerned about you pulling through after they found you.”
Ghost wriggled her shoulders. “No, I like it. I think it will work.”
“Will you see her then?” I questioned gently.
“Yes, if I can tell her…” She reached up and gingerly touched her head. “Maybe she won’t think anything of it. Maybe she’ll think it’s fashion or something.” No one answered, because we knew she was talking to herself. Something that was confirmed when she got to her feet without waiting on us to say anything and walked over to Mav. “Will you take me to her, please?”
He reached for her hand. “Of course.”
I watched as she squeezed his fingers before she muttered, “Can I push you?”
I’d never seen anyone push Mav. He always did it himself. He didn’t have a motor or anything on it, just his hands on the wheels.
His arms bunched up, and I could see on his face that he didn’t want to, but he mumbled, “Sure.”
Ghost blew out a relieved breath, and I figured she was wanting to do something with her hands, wanted to focus on something else.
Her nerves filtered through the room, making it cloying with just how anxious she was—pretty much a parallel to how Maverick had been when he’d wheeled himself into the room.
As they walked away without a backward glance, we stared at them, all four of us watching them leave.
“I hope go well,” Tatána rasped.
“Me too.”
“Tak.”
“I do too.”
We all shared the sentiment, even as we turned back to each other.
The bunkhouse was small, made up of grody furnishings that’d been new back in the sixties or seventies, but the pieces, while ugly, were comfortable. I was sitting on a weird leather armchair, Tatána and Amara were on a sofa that Tatána usually slept on, and Ghost and Lily had been on one of the dining room table chairs.
I wouldn’t say we were lounging. If anything, it looked like a strange AA meeting, but we were starting to gel, and I was glad for that.
Maybe I’d never be able to help them fully, but I could do something by just trying to get them to open up.
Had to have faith, right?
Although, without the main translator here, that was going to be damn hard. I knew they understood some of what I said, but if I asked anything complicated, they just stared at me blankly.
And by complicated I meant more than a single question with a few words.
Amara cleared her throat. “Men back.”
I frowned at that. “How do you know?” The room had no window in it, but even though it was stupid, her words had me itching to get up and go look for Sin.
She shifted her shoulders. “I heard bikes.” Her accent was so dense it was hard to understand her. “Link bike. When arrive, bike make noise.” She whistled, mimicking the sound.
Lily frowned. “A whistle?”
Amara nodded. “Yes. Small.” She whistled again.
“I’d best tell him, because I think hogs are supposed to roar not whistle,” she commented wryly, making me laugh.
That they babied their bikes was a given, and we shared a sheepish grin, because somehow, we’d stopped being with guys from the country club who jacked off to thoughts of Lamborghinis and Ferraris, and were now with anal-retentive fools who spit polished their bikes for fun.
“We’re not done here,” I pointed out when Lily went to stand up.
Tatána mumbled, “Tired. Need sleep.”
Frowning, I asked, “Are you sure? We can stay.” We wouldn’t accomplish much with a language barrier that was deeper than the Mariana Trench, but I didn’t want them to think we were cutting and running the second our men showed up.
“Giulia home.” Her eyes lit up, before she shrugged. “Food. Eat.”
Amara’s eagerness was pathetic to behold—not for the food, but for the fact she wanted to see Giulia but couldn’t admit to it.
Sorrow filled me, as did a surge of sympathy. “I’ll get her to come and visit with you when we see her.”
Amara perked up, her eyes still gleaming. “Thank you.”
I nodded as I got to my feet, and though I wanted to dart off like Lily did, I couldn’t.
Wouldn’t.
I needed to take this slowly.
I hadn’t seen him in months.
Fuck, but it felt longer than that.
As I rounded the bunkhouse, which looked out onto the fields around the clubhouse, not onto the building itself, I made it to the driveway where a cluster of bikes were indeed gathered together.
I registered Sin’s bright black beast instantly. It had black and silver flames licking the body, which made it gleam like it was a mirror or something.
Lily was already with Link, her legs around his waist and her butt in his hands as he stared up at her.
They were both laughing, and the sight of them together did something to me. Relief and hope swirled about inside me as I hoped, for her sake, that Link could help heal her wounds.
He seemed like a good man, like good people, even though I knew, to decent society, he wasn’t, and maybe that was what Lily needed.
Someone with dark edges, but whose soul could fit hers. Like two jigsaw pieces, no?
I bit my lip as I cast a look over Rex and Nyx and Steel, noticed Giulia was missing, then I found him.
He was turned away from me, talking to Nyx.
He was tall. Fuck, when had that happened? I mean, I knew he was, but seeing him standing by all those super tall, hot guys rammed home just how big he was.
It seemed like he’d been working out in his absence too, because he was larger than before. His cut kind of looked small, and the back seam definitely strained. Oh man, he was like looking at trouble with a capital T.
But he was mine.
And the kid in my belly?
His.
A shaky breath escaped me, and it was so stupid to feel so nervous that I felt pretty much like a dick, but my emotions were all over the place. The last time I’d seen him, things had been normal.
Now?
My world was upside down, and the only thing that was stable was him.
He represented far more to me than he could ever know.
My dad was gone, my mom was being weird, my world was on its ass, and we had debts coming out of us worse than bad lobster at a fish restaurant.
I was grief-stricken, pregnant, trying to help women who’d been held captive, and my best friend had just admitted that, for years, she’d been sexually abused and psychologically tortured by her family.
In that moment?
I totally understood Lily’s mindset.
And while I wasn’t her, while I wasn’t exuberant, and while Sin wasn’t used to me doing shit like this because I was terrible at the whole PDA thing, I could no more stop myself from running over to him than I could stop the tears from pricking my eyes at the sight of him.
Link saw me, said something, and Sin twisted around to face me. When he did, his eyes turned dark, stormy, and he moved forward, not as fast, but we collided.
And it was like the Big Bang happened.
He grabbed me hard, hard enough to hurt, his arms around me like fucking concrete as he held me against him. My legs were up around his waist after I leaped at him, and he clung to me as much as I clung to him. I gripped him tightly even as our mouths smashed together in homecoming. He had a beard that tickled the heck out of me, and normally, I’d have complained, but God, I didn’t even care. It just felt so good to have his lips on mine.
I pulled away, mumbling, “So glad you’re home early.”
His groan as I kissed him again sent need soaring through me, hitting me in the stomach with a force that was close to painful. Enough to hurt. But in the best possible way. I sank into him, knowing he’d hold me, that he’d support me, that he’d always have my back, because he was that kind of guy.
He was a sequoia. Timeless, endless, his roots deep, his calm eternal.
I needed that.
More than I ever imagined needing a man this much.
When he thrust his tongue into my mouth, the move surprised me, because it was such an act of claiming in front of his brothers that I almost tensed before I had no alternative but to melt into him.
Seemed like we were tearing down the shroud of secrecy in one fell swoop, and I didn’t have it in me to be sad about that.
Daddy was gone. Mom was in another universe. If I wanted to be with a biker? Who was going to judge me?
The people who were supposed to be close? The family and friends who hadn’t attended my father’s funeral?
Yeah, fuck them.
I wanted Sin more than I wanted anything, more than I’d ever wanted anything.
He was mine.
And I was going to take him.