Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
RAGNAR
He’d almost lost her. That was all he could think. He’d nearly lost her, all because he had indulged in his own battle lust. Revenge had blinded him and he’d left her alone for too long. All Ragnar wanted was to clutch her against him and hold her just a little while longer.
Her limbs were tangled around his waist, holding onto him tightly as he pressed her against his heart and ran. Still, Maia wasn’t close enough. He wanted to crawl inside of her and never leave. Because if he had been just a few moments later... If he had stayed in the battle and not heard Gunnar’s shout...
Thinking of what might have happened to her made him see red. He wanted to go back and kill that man again. Hacking into his flesh hadn’t been enough of a punishment, not for someone who would do that. The man had had intentions, brutal intentions, and that soldier had been about to do that to his wife .
Blood boiling still, he pushed himself harder. Running faster through the forest in the hopes that at least if he ran, Ragnar could get some of these feelings out. He didn’t have to think about them if he was running. The thoughts couldn’t keep up with the speed with which he ran. But they still chased them. The memories of what had been done, and the fears of what could have happened, trailed along behind him like wolves nipping at his heels.
The humans hadn’t been what Maia had wanted. His heart bled for her, but also tha the had been foolish enough to believe her. Even for a few moments. The humans would never change. He wasn’t fast enough to outrun their cruelty, no matter how hard he tried.
Soon enough, they reached a clearing where the trolls could rest. Soon enough, the others of his kind gathered together with knives and swords to protect their injured
His fire hair shook like a leaf in his grasp. She trembled in his arms, her face pressed against the side of his neck as she breathed in his scent. And he knew.
He knew that she needed him to be present right now. She needed him more than his people did, even if some of them were injured.
He’d never felt more torn.
Because he could see there were trolls who needed to be healed. He could see even his own brother was wheezing and bleeding out, the breath filtering from his lungs in a way that wasn’t natural or right.
And yet...
Maia sighed against his throat, her breath fanning across his skin and raising goose bumps in its wake. “They need you,” she whispered against his skin. “And they can’t do it without you.”
Ragnar was ashamed of both the relief and the disappointment that rose in equal measure to her words. “I’ll heal them quickly.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Those were the words she kept saying. Over and over. But he could see that wasn’t true. Even as he set her on the ground, his hands on her shoulders, she shook. Her arms curved around her waist, holding onto herself in a hug like she needed something to ground her.
“Ach,” he muttered, yanking her into his arms again. He hugged her tightly. “We’ll go. They can use up the rest of the healing potions.”
“No, Ragnar.”
“You’re not in any state to stay here.”
“Your brother is hurt, Ragnar.” She peeled herself away from him to look up with those giant green eyes. “You have to heal them. That’s who you are.”
He hated that she was right, but he loved her for it. For seeing what he had to do and deciding to put his people before her own well-being. But that was what Maia did, wasn’t it? She always put everyone in front of herself. He regretted that in this case, so did he.
Sucking in a deep breath, he nodded before rushing through the healing process. He saw to all who needed him until he got to Gunnar, who grabbed onto his arm. His brother was sitting on a log in front of a fire, his hand pressed over the wound on his chest that had already healed a bit thanks to one of Ragnar’s potions. But it was still ragged and bleeding, red liquid seeping out of it in a slow, sluggish crawl.
“Take her away,” Gunnar said, his voice twisted in pain.
“She’s more than earned our respect,” he replied. “If the trolls don’t see that now, then they’ll never trust her.”
“No, I’m saying...” His brother winced as Ragnar started working. The healing magic was likely a little too cold against the wound, because Gunnar pressed his hand against Ragnar’s, holding him tighter to the wound. “Take her away, just the two of you, for a while. I saw what that man was going to do to her. I tried to get to them, but...”
He’d seen Gunnar. His brother had attempted to stand, his back curving in a crawl as he’d forced his body to move. Just the barest amount, falling onto his face and then forcing himself back up as he’d slowly made his way toward Maia. It had been hard to watch, but that was the only reason Ragnar had known something was wrong.
Cupping the back of Gunnar’s neck, he pressed his brother’s forehead against his own. “You are the reason she’s alive, Gunnar. I know that. You know that.”
“I do.”
“Thank you. Thank you for keeping my troll wife safe.”
Gunnar breathed out a long exhale and then nodded as the healing magic settled into his body. “I’m fine. The rest of us will heal on our own. Take her to the illuminated glen, brother. No one will be there for a while yet. Bring her somewhere to remember that there’s still beauty in this world. Heal her soul as well as her body.”
Ragnar nodded. It was a good idea. Bringing her home right now would only put them right back in the same place they’d been before. He needed time away with her so the stories could start about what she’d done to heal the others, and how she’d fought bravely against that human soldier. His people would value her courage, and she would win permanent favor.
It would take time, though. And in that time, he could indulge himself in his bride.
Standing, he headed over to Maia. Some of the other trolls had bundled her up and sat her down in front of a fire. They had thought she was cold, most likely, but now he could see some were realizing it was far more than that. No matter how close she was to the fire or how many layers they put on her, her teeth continued to chatter and her body still shook.
Quite a few helpless glances were sent in his direction as he approached. Few knew what to do with a person in this state.
But there was another troll seated beside her, a warrior he admired quite a bit. Edda had a scar down her face from where a human had tried to end her life, and quite a few more on her body. Her quiet murmur held Maia’s attention more than the fire did.
As he walked a little closer, he overheard what the troll woman was saying.
“It’s a long journey to fight through, but you give him even more power if you let him live inside of you. You fought. You won. These are battles to be proud of.”
At his approach, the warrior cut off what she was saying and stood. With a sharp nod, she left them alone.
Ragnar, in the full sight of all the trolls around him, knelt before her. On his knees before his troll wife.
As it always should be.
He gathered her hands in his, squeezing those shaking fingers. “Will you come somewhere with me, Maia? Or do you want to go home?”
She looked at him with so much hope in those eyes that it made his entire body ache. She trusted him beyond measure, this woman. Even if she shouldn’t.
“I’ll go anywhere with you,” she whispered.
If that didn’t make his heart sing, he didn’t know what would.
Gathering her up in his arms, he held her against his chest and walked into the forest. The rest of the war band watched him, and he could see the relief in their posture. Ragnar was taking her somewhere to piece her back together, and they could rest easy knowing that she wouldn’t be in so much pain anymore. Soon enough, he would see to it that his bride was well.
On the way, he talked to distract her. And partly to bare a part of his soul that still ached.
“When I was young, Gunnar wasn’t the closest person to me. That was another troll.”
Maia’s head tilted against his shoulder to look up at him. “I think Gunnar mentioned something about him once. That you had suffered a loss before.”
“Bjorn was a good man,” he replied, picking through the forest so he could find the entrance into the mountain that was rarely used. He kept his eyes on the trees, though, and listened for any human foolish enough to chase them. “He was another warrior, like me. We trained together when we were young. The warrior who led us made us fight because we hated each other. It was hard to fight him, because he fought just like me. We had the same mind, the same plans. Beating another warrior like that is difficult, because I knew what he was going to do, but he also knew what I was going to do.”
The entrance to the mountain loomed in front of them. He’d chosen a close one, knowing that it might give her more relief to slip between the stones and away from her own people.
The rocks looked like any other jumble of rocks that were all over this mountain. But these hid a tight crevice that he carefully slid them through. He had to turn to the side just to get into it, but he made sure that Maia’s legs and arms were carefully tucked against him before he moved.
Once through, he continued his story. “Bjorn was the first one of us to be welcomed into a war band. He was one of the most talented fighters I’ve ever met in my life, so it wasn’t surprising to any of us. He was quick to battle, but quick to end it, too. He wasn’t the kind of warrior who would draw out a fight for his pride or the pride of another. In an instant, he would have a human pinned beneath him and dead even just with his teeth. But beyond all that fighting power, he was also kind. And a very talented jeweler, if you’d believe that.”
Something in that last bit caught her attention because suddenly, she was looking up at him with a narrow-eyed gaze. “I suppose all warriors have something that makes them seem more personable.”
“That we do.” He walked into the darkness with her. “Are you still frightened of the dark?”
“No. I don’t mind it as much as the first time I came here with you.”
“Good.” He took a deep breath, starting into the painful part of the story that still plagued him to this day. “In one of the raids Bjorn went on, he got injured. I was there with him. The humans had set a trap that caught his leg in it. One moment he was standing, and the next, a bear trap had nearly severed his calf. I was still learning how to use my power, but I was so certain I could heal him. Unfortunately, that caused more issues. I healed him too quickly, and he had a limp for the rest of his life.”
“You couldn’t have known that would happen,” she said, her voice little more than a murmur. “You were trying to help him.”
“But I failed. And he was no longer capable of being a warrior in the way he was before.” He swallowed hard, finally reaching the end of the dark tunnel and stepping out onto a small path that would lead them deeper into the mountain. At the very least, now there were wisps to guide them. “And if I had healed him better, he would still be here today.”
“Ragnar...”
“No, sweet thing. You do not have to make excuses for me. I know the truth of what I did and how I limited him. He went on another war band, against the wishes of many trolls. They didn’t want to tell him what he was capable of, but he knew his own limitations. As such, he was captured by the soldiers there. They took him away, and we don’t know what happened to him. But we know humans well enough. He’s dead, and they killed him in a horrible way. All of that is my fault.”
And that was the hardest part of this memory. All of Bjorn’s bad luck led right back to Ragnar. It was why they hadn’t spoken for months before he had disappeared.
Maia watched him with a careful expression on her face, like she was trying to figure out the point of this story while also having her heart break for his loss.
“Ragnar?” she asked, her voice a low melody. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“I know what it is to have a memory that has sunk its teeth into you. It’s a wolf with a grip on the back of your neck, shaking you every time you think you can get away from it. This is all very new for you, fire hair. I know that. Rushing you through an experience like this will only make it sink its teeth in even deeper.” He held her a little tighter to remind himself that she was alive. “And perhaps to remind myself that, unlike Bjorn, I did not lose you.”
She smiled, but even that expression was a little weak for her. “I’ll be fine.”
“You keep saying those blasted words, but I fear that you do not believe them.”
“I will be. It’ll just take some time. Time that we maybe don’t have.” But then one of her tiny hands came up and cupped his jaw. He tilted his face into the warmth of her touch, luxuriating in the feeling of her fingers tracing the outline of his lips. “Being with you helps. I know you might not believe that, but it’s true. Just being here, in your arms, chases away the bad thoughts.”
“Good.” He leaned down, his lips so close to hers that he could feel the heat. “I don’t want to push you.”
“I want to remember that I’m alive,” she replied, before kissing him.
Just hearing those words made everything in him ache. Every part of his being wanted to gather her closer, to lunge into her body and worship the very ground she walked on. But first, he wanted to show her one last distraction. One last gift.
He pulled away from her kiss, breathing a little harder than before. “I want to give you a chance to forget all of this. At least for a little while. Do you think we can do that? Together?”
She shuddered against his lips. “I would love nothing more, Ragnar.”