Chapter Thirty-One
THIRTY-ONE
By the time we get back to Westdale, I’m exhausted. My brain has been spinning since Isolde was attacked, and now that I’m starting to get answers, I’m so overwhelmed I can barely string words together. I want to…
I don’t even know what I want to do. Lie in bed and stare at the ceiling? Take a hot bath and stare at the wall? Go for a long car ride and stare out the passenger-side window?
I feel like I need to be put into a temporary state of unconsciousness so my brain can rest. But sleep is out of the question. So is staring at walls. We need to act normal, which means I go to dinner with Theo, who thankfully gets a table for two and just lets me vegetate.
Maddox updated Theo on the way back, and Theo’s not asking questions—probably on Maddox’s orders—so I can just fork food into my mouth and think.
When Cecilia first knocked on my door, I knew who I was. An orphan. The beloved daughter of two wonderful people who’d fallen in love, gotten married, and had me, just like ordinary couples everywhere.
Only they weren’t ordinary. Mom was a billionaire heiress who fell in love during her senior year in an elite boarding school, got pregnant, and ran off with the school gardener.
Only they didn’t run off because she was pregnant. So why did they leave?
Because someone killed her friend, pretended my dad was involved, and used that to try blackmailing her into becoming something she didn’t want to be.
At first, she must have thought it’d been a genuine case of mistaken identity, that Annette’s online boyfriend bore some resemblance to my dad.
She might have presumed whoever offered her the “deal”—run for Optima and we’ll bury that witness report—had genuinely been trying to help.
Mr. Lewiston’s story exploded that theory, and she’d realized how far someone would go to get her in the Optimas, so she did what Theo wanted to do: flipped them the bird on her way out the door.
My mom was kickass, in ways I don’t think I fully realized, in ways I only hope I can live up to. She got what she wanted—a loving husband and child and the freedom to be a full-time wife and mom—but I am still so fucking furious on her behalf.
I want vengeance. For her and for Annette and for Theo.
And for who else?
What are the chances that my mother and my boyfriend are the only two people this happened to?
Someone killed Annette to replace an unsuitable candidate with the heiress they wanted in the Optimas.
Someone nearly killed Isolde to move aside what they considered to be another unsuitable candidate.
How long has this been going on?
How deep does the rot go?
And who the hell is behind it?
My mind jumps to that secret room and the Janus Society. I have nothing to link it to any of this, but my thoughts keep sliding back there.
Once I’m back in my room, I open my desk drawer and pull out the envelope of burned scraps. Even before I open it, I roll my eyes at myself. What do I really expect to find?
Does it matter? No, because either way, the Janus Society is a puzzle I need to solve.
—
It only takes me an hour to finish this literal puzzle. I have a dozen scraps with writing on them, and they don’t all neatly fit together. There are a few I can’t place anywhere, and there are huge gaps in what I do complete.
In the end, I have a date—May 1956—the words Janus Society, and what seems like a student’s schedule. Not the classes, but other things, like that they skip games night, go for evening jogs and…“likes single malt whisky.”
None of that makes any sense, but I put it into my mental bank of things I can check in the place I need to go next.
—
“I need permission to access the Lilith journals,” I tell Allegra after dinner.
She’s in the lounge, where everyone would normally be at this time, but it’s a gorgeous night and someone declared a touch football game was in order.
That someone may have been Theo, who may also know that Allegra really isn’t the outdoor type.
Something about allergies, but I’m pretty sure the only thing she’s allergic to is fresh air and teens acting like actual teens.
She’s in the lounge, with her sketchpad, and she doesn’t even look up until she finishes whatever she was drawing.
When she does, her gaze slowly rises to me.
Then she taps her pencil to the pad three times before saying, “I have been very patient with you, Liliana, and I did grant you an extension for telling me first about the ball, but you still owe me a secret. Do you have an idea yet why your mother left Westdale?”
When I hesitate, her eyes narrow. “You know.”
“I have a theory but—”
“We had a deal, Liliana.”
“And you’ll get your secret when I’m sure. I need more first.”
“Which you will find in the archives?”
When I hesitate, she looks up, lowering her glasses, dark eyes meeting mine. “Please remember how much I hate having my intelligence insulted.”
“I’m investigating Isolde’s attack. Which could be connected to my mother’s leaving.”
“You expect to find answers about Isolde in the Lilith files?” She peers at me. “You believe there’s some connection to the school, which is also connected to whatever else you’ve been chasing.”
“When I have answers, you’ll know.”
“By the time I know, it’ll no longer be a secret.”
“Allegra…”
“You owe me a secret.”
I throw up my hands. “Fine, I’m dating Theo.”
“How is that a secret?”
“And Maddox.”
Her head tilts. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that sounds exhausting.”
I sputter a laugh and sink onto the chair beside her. “Now, can I have access?”
“Is Theo also dating Maddox?” she asks.
My traitorous cheeks must heat, because she taps her sketchpad. “Not yet, but you see that possibility.”
“Allegra, can we just—”
“Would that be a problem?”
“Allegra…”
“What? We’re having a discussion that may prove pertinent at some point. Everyone says I need to be more of a friend. I’m being a friend.”
“You’re the keeper of secrets, Allegra, which is why no one dares have that sort of conversation with you.”
“Keeper is the key word, Liliana. I keep secrets. I don’t share them. In this case, the fact you are dating both friends is interesting, but not terribly useful, as using it against you would imply I see an issue with it, which I do not.”
“Fine,” I say. “Theo dating Maddox wouldn’t be a problem. Now can I get access to those records?”
“Do you think Isolde is in danger?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Right now, no, I think she’s served her purpose.”
“Which was…?” she prompts.
“Access first. Answers later.”
“I will get you that access if you accept my help in finding what you’re after. And that is not up for negotiation.”
“I have to talk it over.”
“With your boys?”
I point a finger at her. “Do not pull that shit.”
“You make everything so difficult. Go. Talk. We can’t access the room until Dimitriou is on duty tomorrow anyway.”
—
After that, I go outside to watch the touch football game.
Maybe next time I’ll even participate. It actually looks appealing for once, probably because the competition is fierce but fun.
The teams are balanced, and bad plays are only mocked if they’re made by one of the more athletic students.
No one gets annoyed with the non-athletes like me.
When the curfew bell sounds, we head inside.
We’ve decided to use Theo’s room tonight, so that’s where we go, though it’ll be more “sleepover” than “sexy fun.” Too much going on, and the shared bed is for safety and conversation, nothing else.
Unfortunately? Yes, unfortunately. I’ll fully admit to that.
But I’ll also fully admit that there’s no way I could enjoy anything else with my brain zipping.
I tell the guys that Allegra knows about us. We already knew she might demand a secret, and we’d decided to give her that because I’m the only one who’s nervous about others finding out. I need to get over that.
Next I tell them her demand. The problem is that I don’t actually want access to the Lilith books.
I want access to the other society vaults.
Since realizing how poorly they were secured, I’ve researched and improved my lock-picking skill.
I’m not saying I can break into all the cabinets, but I think I can access some.
What will Allegra say about that?
The answer, I think, is obvious.
She’s the keeper of secrets. This little stunt could win her a legacy that will be whispered about by future Liliths. The Dux who filled her journal with other societies’ secrets.
So, if I do this, do I distract her with a smorgasbord of secrets? Or do I actually accept her help finding what I need, because this is going to be a huge undertaking?
What if I’m wrong in thinking that framing Theo was about clearing the way for me? What if it was about clearing the way for Allegra, and I was expected to drop out in protest?
If I drop out, that reduces the field to Cosmo, so could Allegra be pushed forward to take my place? And what if she’s more than the innocent recipient of someone else’s machinations?
I don’t want to suspect Allegra of anything like that. But…while I genuinely like her, I’d be a fool if I thought she wasn’t capable of something like this. Of stepping in at the finish line. In fact, it’s exactly what she’d do, because it’s what she does do.
Refusing to join until the last minute is classic Allegra. She’d want nothing to do with all the Optima race “nonsense.” Not the attention and not the inconveniences.
Maybe pulling me into the Liliths wasn’t about having a Lilith contender. Maybe it was about keeping me close and deflecting attention from herself, until I quit and she “reluctantly” steps in past the declaration date.
Is it possible that Allegra Khan is actually my competition?
Yes.
So what am I going to do about that?
For now, nothing. Because if that’s her plan, I need to catch her at it. Letting her into my investigations is risky, but it might also be the perfect trap.
—