Chapter 6 Katherine, Anya House—Arrival of Doom #2
Sconces by the mantel are dimly lit. They illuminate two portraits.
One resembles a family portrait of the Charleses—Jahleel’s parents, his baby sister Anya, and a young Jahleel.
The other picture is the one that Princess Elizaveta brought to Ground Street.
“It’s hung now. Anya and Lydia look so similar.
How did he not know, the moment he entered our house? ”
Georgie grips my arms with the tightness of ropes. “Katherine, I’m the one who panics and runs.”
“Where do you think you learned to do this, but from your older sister? I’ve had to be responsible.
I had to figure everything out when inside, I wanted to run.
” I put my face in my hands. “The first time I’m truly free, I ruin everything by falling in love with a handsome stranger in St. Petersburg. ”
“Katherine, calm down.”
“I hate myself. I hate how I feel. Believe me, Georgie. I want the duke well and know I must become the woman he remembers, the woman he loves.”
She spins me toward the mantel, the place befitting where a coffin would be placed for mourners to say goodbye.
“Katherine, your face is pale, like you are about to faint. Talk to me. Or hold on to me and let me bear the strain. Tell me the truth. All of it. What did he do that made you flee from him and hide his child?”
“It’s my fault, Georgie. If I could turn back time to when the most handsome man in the world rescued me and made me feel like a queen, this time I’d say …” I glance at her through watery eyes. “No. It’s not going to end well for us. Better to part as friends.”
She embraces me. “You don’t know what you are saying. That means no Lydia.”
“I love my daughter, but she suffers so much from the sickness. And then I wouldn’t know that he is sick and suffering. I wouldn’t have to always be anxious about him. I’ve pretended not to care, not to feel anything. I’m fearful every day.”
Before my sister can call me everything awful and selfish, a groom interrupts, announcing himself from the threshold. “Lady Hampton. This was in the carriage.”
Lada purrs like I’ve betrayed her, too.
I almost run from the mantel to the servant.
“She’s mine. I should take better care. I’m not good with pets.”
The young fellow glares at me with ruddy cheeks. He doesn’t have time for a hysterical woman.
Taking the kitten from him, I put her in the crook of my arm. The matted fur and slight stench coming from my kitten should embarrass me. I smooth her cone-shaped ears. “I’m a bad kitten mama, too.”
My sister thanks the groom, ushers him out, and closes the door. She turns and folds her hands. “You can’t mean what you’re saying. You can’t hate the duke because he has the blood disease.”
“Remember how it was, every time Mama was sick? The house couldn’t breathe. Our father was so tortured.”
“Yes. It was difficult. But you were the strongest. You kept everyone hopeful.”
“It was lies. I lied and hid my fear. And Papa, he felt useless. Cesar Wilcox fought against injustice and prejudice and won. Against all the odds, he became a wealthy man, but he couldn’t defeat this sickness.
As Mama grew worse, he couldn’t plan more than a few weeks at a time.
It crumbled his spirit to witness Lydia show the same signs.
The first sickness, when she almost died, it broke Papa. It broke me.”
Georgina looks down at the polished, dark-stained floor. “It’s hard to watch people you love suffer. I remember how you wouldn’t leave Mama’s bedside or Lydia’s. You’re worse than Scarlett attending someone sick.”
“She learned it from someone.” I walk back to that picture of Anya. “When Lydia is up walking under her own power, I wait for that next moment. I hate this feeling. I hate that Jahleel is sick, that he may die, and that I’ve been nothing but horrible to him.”
Georgie puts her hands to my face. I feel her warmth, even the rapid pulse in her thumb. “So you do really care for the duke. Whatever Tavis told you about him that made you lose your good opinion of him is a lie.”
“It wasn’t just Tavis’s lies.”
“Then I’m confused. What lies took your heart from the duke?” My sister finds a handkerchief and hands it to me. “Tell me. Help me understand.”
It smells of bleach, not chrysanthemums. For this, I am so grateful. “Jahleel is a good man. He has protected Lydia. But he didn’t tell me. He didn’t tell me …”
“Didn’t tell you what, Katherine?”
“That he suffered from the blood sickness, too. That he would suffer and die young like Mama. That our children would suffer and die with him.”
Georgina backs up and slumps against a floral settee. “You stopped loving him because he didn’t tell you he was ill.” Her mouth is open. Her cheeks pale to ash. “You’ve been angry at him for something he cannot help? We know it follows family lines. He cannot help his lineage any more than we can.”
“But I was honest. I told Jahleel and the princess about Mama. His mother said I wasn’t a good match for her son.
That spurred Jahleel even harder to win me.
The Romeo and Juliet of it all—how could I not fall hard for him?
And no one said a word of this sickness until Jahleel fell ill on our wedding trip. ”
“Katherine, what if he didn’t know? Scarlett and her new husband have been fighting for medical care. Even a rich man might not know. Getting good care for the blood sickness is difficult.”
“How did he not know? He didn’t give me a choice. When he came back into our lives, I wanted him out of London so I wouldn’t see him suffer. If I’d known from the beginning that Jahleel was ill with this sickness, I would’ve run from him. I’d never have married him.”
Georgina retreats and puts her back to me. Then she sits on the rose-striped settee. Pulling her hands together like she’s about to pray, she says, “You need to think about what you’re saying before you see the duke.”
“I lost our son, one of our twins. Mr. Carew said, when Andrew was delivered, that the sickness was a possibility. And Lydia was so small and purple. I prayed hard that she’d escape, like you and me and Scarlett.
But she didn’t. And every time the illness comes, I’m reminded that it’s my fault for believing that I could have love and be happy and there’d be no consequences. ”
Georgie begins to sob.
With a stinky kitten on my lap, I sit beside her, feeling lower than a worm. For loving someone I shouldn’t have, I’m a monster.