Chapter Thirty-Five
June
Theo and I don’t talk about tomorrow. He picks me up, we visit the clubhouse for barely an hour, then we go back home, where we fuck and watch movies and drink wine.
I should mention tomorrow. I know I should. I need to know what the plan is. Unasked questions and anxiety about the future play on a loop in my head. Theo’s eyes are a television screen that I stay glued to, ignoring the outside world.
We fall asleep in each other’s arms again. When we wake up, we go through the motions of the morning like it’s any other day. Until we’re pulling on our jackets and shoes, about to walk outside.
“I can have James drop me off at your place later, then I’ll bring your car to your office. I’m sure it’ll be nice to have that again.”
He could easily pick me up from work and take me back to my house. But this way, I’ll have to drive him back to his house, which I’m sure is the plan. Get me back, then maybe I won’t want to leave.
“Wow, I almost forgot I have a car,” I say with a soft huff of laughter. I haven’t missed the freedom of having my own vehicle in a while. I like the bikes.
“Maybe you should get a bike.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but I hear the seriousness behind his words.
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“A few more lessons and you will be.”
Lessons. Those were supposed to end with the month, too. I know he doesn’t want them to. And while I don’t either, I also want to reconnect with my old life. I need to remember who I am without Theo and the Saints. How can I do that when keeping one foot in their world?
“We’ll see,” I say with a pitiful excuse of a smile.
Once on his bike, he takes the familiar route to my office. I wish I wasn’t wearing a helmet, so my face could press flat to his back. The wind whipping past me feels like a threat of time. The rumble of the engine is a song I’ve grown to love, and I dread the moment it’ll go silent.
He turns off the bike long enough to kiss me and quietly say, “I’ll see you later today.”
I nod as best I can with his hands holding my face. Without another word, I step away from him, and he turns the motorcycle back on, peeling out of the parking lot. Allowing myself ten seconds to breathe, I tilt my head back and look up at the sky before going inside to start the long day of work.
~
“Amber called me from rehab,” Jennifer says. “We could only talk for a few minutes, but she sounds okay.”
“I’m so glad to hear that,” I say. I called Cottonwood Tucson earlier this week and made sure they had the correct contact info for her aunt. I had a hunch that either Amber or Theo gave a fake number, which would’ve been why Jennifer hasn’t heard from her. Turns out, I was right.
“She can’t need rehab, can she? I mean, when did she… how did she…” She stops to pull in a shaking breath. “It had to have been that boyfriend of hers. I knew he was bad news.”
I let Jennifer talk and wonder if I should be worried that I no longer feel any guilt about my time with Theo. I know he’s not the bad guy Jennifer makes him out to be, but he did leave Amber unprotected and vulnerable among drug dealers, criminals, and men who didn’t care about her.
That doesn’t seem to matter. Not anymore.
It’s a struggle to stay focused during each session and give my clients the attention they deserve. Most of them talk about their plans for the evening, which continually reminds me that it’s Valentine’s Day. Somehow, I had forgotten.
Did Theo forget too? The Saints are still having church tonight.
Maybe celebrating Valentine’s Day isn’t a priority for them.
Though, I can imagine some of the guys, like Raph and maybe even Luna, will troll bars for easy lays.
And I’m sure Bonnie and Clyde will want to go out.
Would Theo? Did he and Scottie celebrate Valentine’s?
My eyes flick to the clock every few minutes like I’m a junkie waiting for my next fix. By the time I’m heading outside to wait for Theo, my entire body is on edge, and I don’t know whether it’s from the desire to see him or the fear of his reaction when I tell him what I’ve decided to do.
I’m rocking from heel to toe and back, watching the mouth of the parking lot, when a door slams behind me.
I turn to see a man, middle-aged and well-built, walking toward the office door.
He’s wearing light-washed jeans and a short-sleeved button-up.
He gives me a disarming smile. I nod once, then turn back around, pulling my phone out to call Theo.
The next thing I know, blinding pain explodes at the back of my head, there’s the sensation of falling, then blackness.