Chapter 51
Luci
8 Weeks Pregnant
I t’s official: I’m eight weeks pregnant. At least it’s a fair estimate. The midwife Elio hired, Quinn, came by earlier and helped narrow it down. Meaning I likely got pregnant the first or second time Alessandro and I were intimate. I fiddle with my necklace, chuckling when I think of Alessandro’s reaction if he heard that. Part of me thinks he would be proud. El would say it’s because men have one brain and can’t think with both heads.
“What are you laughing at, nipotina?” Nonno breaks my vision of what could be with his flat question. He and Mamma are still cold toward me, especially after the appointment today. It would be different if I only had sex with Alessandro once, but knowing we were regularly intimate has made this harder for them. Right after the appointment, I heard Nonna consoling Mamma again as she cried, asking where she had gone wrong with me.
When I figure out my words, I voice them cautiously. It’s not a lie . . . technically.
“I’m thinking about what Alessandro would say about my pregnancy.”
Nonno slams his hands on the counter, causing me to jump and by instinct wrap my arms protectively around my stomach. “Damnit Luciana! Alessandro would lock you down in that house if he knew you’re pregnant. He doesn’t care about you! All the Leone men are the same. They care about their business and nothing else. Why won’t you let us protect you without giving us this much pushback?”
Shame fills me as I try to figure out what to say. Do I tell him the blunt truth? My brain doesn’t give me time to think through that as my mouth answers anyway. “You don’t get it, Nonno. I know Alessandro loves me and I love him. I don’t know why I ever came with you.” I whisper the last part, hoping Nonno doesn’t hear it, but of course he does. He hears everything.
“You don’t know why you came with me? You must be joking. You came with me because you know deep down it was the right thing to do. This supposed ‘love’ you have for Alessandro only has to do with what he put inside you. Soon that will transfer to Elio, similar to how it was when you two were teenagers. He’s going to help you raise that baby and you know it as much as I do, even if you won’t admit it yet.”
A flash of fury comes out of me as I explode on Nonno. “Now you must be joking. This is not Elio’s baby and never will be!”
We’re now both standing, facing each other with anger in our voices and tension in our bodies. “He will raise that baby as his own, and you and I both know that. Now stop arguing with us. We know what’s best for you!” I’ve never heard Nonno yell as much as he has since we’ve been here. He never yells at me out of anger, not until now.
I don’t realize I’m crying until Nonno hugs me, blaming himself while he shushes me. Stupid hormones. I can cry with the snap of anyone’s fingers. “I’m sorry I upset you, Luci. You have to realize everything we do for you is in your best interest.”
My thoughts roll out of my mouth in a never-ending sentence when I plop back down in the chair. “I love Alessandro so much and I didn’t want to but I do and I never want to disappoint you and I’m sad because of how cold you’ve been toward me and upset with Mamma’s disappointment in me and I’m emotional and my body hurts and I really want cheese but it makes me gag anytime it’s around.” When I’m done rambling, warm hands are still on me; only when I look up, it’s not Nonno I see but Elio. I’ve done a pretty good job avoiding him for the last few weeks, which is impressive in this size of a home.
“What do you want, Elio?” My voice comes out as a defeated mess.
“I’m trying to be gentle with you, Luci. I know you’re getting enough hardness from Aldo and Caterina. I don’t want you to get it from me, but you need to listen to your family. I’m here to help you. Do you understand that?” Of course, I understand that. Understanding and taking their help are two different things. I hold back the words I desperately want to say and instead say calmer and nicer ones.
“I know. I can’t marry you, Elio. I want to raise this baby with the father.” I know what words he’ll say before he says them.
“Luci, this is our baby. I may not be the man who put it inside of you, but I want to be this baby’s father.” The way he reaches for my stomach makes me flinch, shocked he would even try to.
“Do not touch me!” The chair I’m sitting in knocks back as I jump to my feet. Tears are pouring down my face before I even realize it, and the words I want to tell Elio won’t come out. They’re all words that have been said before. The sound of the chair hitting the ground causes everyone to run into the room and it’s Nonna who comes to comfort me, the only person who I let comfort me.
“Vieni mia bella nipotina, let’s get you to bed. You’ll feel better after a nap.” Nonna cuts off Mamma when she goes to interrupt her, “No, Caterina, Luci is hormonal and needs to rest. Do you remember how emotional you were?” I guess you’re never too old to be told no by your mamma. “Exactly. Now let’s get you to bed. Then we can have dinner and eat as a family. All of us .” Emphasis on the ‘all of us.’
Nonna may be the nicest to me, but she’s still not on my side. No one is. I’m the only one on Team Luci. Everyone else is on Team Elio.
We walk into the bedroom and when I climb in. Immediately I roll on my side, away from Nonna. I’m not sure if I’ll take a nap, but I will lie here. At least I’ll be away from everyone else.
Nonna kisses me gently on my temple before walking out of the room. I stop her before she’s about to walk out.
“Nonna?”
“Yes, ragazza dolce?” She turns her head as she focuses on the floor. Her hand is on the doorknob and I know she’s listening, even if she does struggle to look at my distraught face.
“I don’t want to marry Elio.”
She takes a deep, calming breath before answering. “I know.” Her words echo in my head as the door creaks shut, leaving me alone.