Chapter 31
SAWYER
THREE WEEKS LATER
“S ee how much easier things can be when you stop being stubborn?” I reach around her front and slide my hands over the swell of her stomach. I have no idea how she’s still managing to keep it hidden under her uniform.
“Don’t stop.” She reaches her arm up behind her and wraps it around my neck as I fill her from behind and let my hands explore her body. I swear this woman gets hornier by the day, and she’s getting no complaints from me about it. “That's good. I’m gonna come again,” she whispers, gripping my hair between her fingers and stroking her other hand over her tummy. I love seeing how she touches it so proudly. “You like that baby bump I gave you,” I whisper in her ear as she comes for me, “and you love your baby daddy’s cock pumping you full,” I remind her. I’ve never called myself that before, but I figure her being in the middle of an orgasm is a good time to test it out.
Her head nods and her moans get louder, and as soon as she’s finished, I pull out, spin her round and shoot my load all over that sexy bump she’s growing.
“You could have given me a little warning,” I tell her, catching my breath and holding the edge of the counter.
“You told me anytime and I needed you, now.” She shrugs her shoulders, sliding her fingers through the sticky mess I made on her stomach and rubbing it into her skin. I watch her and do nothing to hide my amusement.
“What? It could be good for stretch marks.” She looks up at me and smiles, and I snatch her jaw and kiss her for being too damn cute.
“So, what's your plans for today?” She slides off the counter and pulls up her pants.
“Open the bar, and wait for you to need my services again, I guess.” When I turn around, she’s not smiling anymore. I wonder what I said wrong. Saying Riley can be temperamental is an understatement.
“Sawyer, I don’t want you to think I’m using you.”
“What makes you think that?” I can’t have her doubting this again, these past few weeks have been going so well.
“I don’t know. When we’re doing it, it feels like the right thing, but then when I’m alone and I think about it, it just seems kinda weird…I want everything between us to be clear.”
“Everything is clear, we’re both having fun, and you're getting what you need. Don’t overthink it, Riley, we take this day by day.” I remind her of what we agreed on, and she nods her head. It’s amazing how much fun she can have when she’s not worrying about the future.
“You can barely get that tummy in those pants, you need a bigger uniform.” I laugh as she struggles to do up the button.
“I’m fine.” She gives me daggers.
“ You may be, but I don’t want you crushing my kid in there.”
“This kid has grown enough these past few weeks.” She’s got that proud look on her face again as she looks down and strokes her hand over her tummy.
“You feelin’ it move again?” I touch my hand close to hers, hoping that this time, I might feel it too.
“Just flutters, but they’re getting stronger.”
“You sure those flutters ain’t just from me?” I kiss her forehead before trying to locate the T-shirt she dragged off me when she let herself in.
“Don’t flatter yourself.” She laughs.
“Flatter myself? Darlin’, you're the one who keeps tracking me down and insisting I make love to ya.”
“We are not making love.” She rolls her eyes, picking up my T-shirt from one of the whiskey crates and tossing it to me. “We’re handling my needs.” She buttons up her shirt and tucks it in even lower.
“You know, from the side, you can totally tell that I knocked you up.” I tip my head and admire how hot it looks.
“If that were true, the whole town would be talking,” she assures me, moving closer and reaching behind me for her utility belt. “I need to get to work, I’m already four minutes late.” She stretches up on her toes to kiss me, then doubts herself before our lips touch and pulls away.
Riley doubts herself far too often.
I walk her to the back door and pop my head out into the alley to make sure the coast is clear.
“Have a good day.” She kisses my cheek as she slips past me, and as I watch her make her way back to the street, I wonder how long it’ll be until I get to see her again.
* * *
It's been a slow afternoon in the bar, so when Giles Walker rushes through the door to tell me that a fight’s broken out in the town square, I rush out after him to get in on the action. Sure enough, there are two out-of-towners going at it, and I rest my shoulder against the door frame and watch on like everyone else. It’s been a while since a fight broke out around here, and although it just looks like a little pushing and shoving, I can see it getting more heated.
“Hey, you two, break it up.” I turn my head and see Riley marching out of the station, heading straight for them.
“Riley,” I call out to her, heading across to the square so I can intervene before she does. What the hell is she thinking, stepping toward a fight?
“I said break it up!” She yells, ignoring me and getting closer. A crowd has formed around the guys now, and I quickly barge through them to get to Riley.
“Guys, come with me to the station and we’ll sort out your differences.” She’s standing right beside them, and it’s making me anxious as I squeeze between Hank and Jean.
“Stay the fuck outta this.” One of the men shoves her out the way, and it takes her by surprise, throwing her off balance and knocking her to the ground.
Hey!” I charge forward, flaring with rage and, gripping the fucker by his shoulders, I slam my forehead hard into his.
“She’s pregnant, you prick.” I keep him in my grip and slam my knee into his balls, then, letting him drop to the ground, I start stomping my boot into him. Riley calls out my name, and I immediately spin around so I can check she’s okay.
Hayden and Isabel help her back on her feet, while she stares at me with wild, angry eyes. Everyone standing around us has been shocked into silence, and I suddenly realize what I’ve done.
“You okay?” I take her out of Hayden’s arms so I can check her over.
“I’m fine,” she growls at me, ripping her arm out of mine while Isabel lowers her head and pretends she’s not listening.
“You’re not fine, you just got knocked to the fuckin’ ground by that asshole.” I look back over my shoulder at the guy rolling around on the floor. “I’m taking you over to Dr. West.” I start dragging her with me, but she holds firm.
“Sawyer, I’m fine,” she hisses through her teeth, looking around us like she has to remind me that we have an audience. “Hayden, escort these gentlemen to the station. I’ll be there in a minute,” she instructs.
“Sure, boss.” He grabs the one still standing, then reaches down to help the other up. I snarl when the bastard spits blood at the grass as he passes me, and it almost lands on my boot.
He’s a dead man walking.
“I swear I’m gonna kill that fucker.” I look back at Riley, and when I realize how hurt she looks, I can tell it’s not because of the man who knocked her to the ground. It’s because of me.
“Riley, I’m sorry,” I whisper, feeling the eyes of everyone surrounding us watching on as she tries to hold in her tears. I give ‘em all a look that tells them to move on. “I’m sorry, but you weren’t seriously gonna expect me to let you wade into the middle of a fight?”
“It’s my job, Sawyer. I had it handled,” she tells me quietly, as everyone starts to filter back to their business.
“You were on the goddamn floor, Riley. Pregnant women should not be getting shoved to the ground, no matter what their job is.”
A few more gasps come from behind me, and when I see that Jean and Eleanor have stuck around, I try my best to be polite in telling them to fuck off.
“Ladies.” I jerk my head, and when they finally walk away, I turn back to fix things with Riley. “Let me deal with those men.”
“No,” she tells me firmly. “You’ve done enough.” Shaking her head and looking disappointed, she marches back toward the station.
* * *
“Can we talk?” I stand on her doorstep five hours later, hoping that she’s had a chance to calm down and is gonna let me in.
“I don’t feel much like talking, Sawyer.” She shakes her head, looking drained and real fuckin’ angry.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout it out like that, but that guy could have hurt you. At least let me know you're okay.” I hate that she hasn’t opened the door past the chain; it’s a sign that she intends to keep me out here.
“I’m fine, we both are. I went and saw Dr. West this afternoon. He checked me over and listened to the baby’s heartbeat.”
“You heard the heartbeat again?” I smile, wishing I could have been there.
“Yeah, and like I said, everything's fine,” she assures me, making it clear she wants me to leave.
“But you're mad at me.” I drop my head, wishing I’d handled things a little better.
“Yeah, I’m mad, and I’m trying really hard not to be,” she admits.
“Baby, let me inside. I just want to know you’re okay.”
“I told you we’re fine.”
I sigh with relief when she takes the chain off the door and opens it wider. “And you're lucky that guy didn’t press charges,” she informs me as I head inside.
“ I’m lucky? That bastard’s the lucky one. Lucky to still be fuckin’ livin’.” I feel that flare of anger all over again. “Riley, you have to promise me that you won’t do that again. You can’t go wading into things the way you used to.”
“Do you think I don’t know that?” she snaps back. “Today scared me too, okay?” I can see how much she hates admitting it and decide to hold back on the lecture I was gonna give her
“So, what do we do now that everyone knows you're pregnant? I guess we can stop sneaking around.”
“People know I’m pregnant, but they don’t need to know your the father.” Despite the fact she’s looking at me as if I’m mad, I can’t help smile at the fact that she just called me a father. She’s never done that before. “I’m gonna be honest, tell them I used a donor, at least that way they will see that I’m independent and in control of the situation.” She looks as if she’s trying to convince herself, more than me, as she clears her throat and takes a seat on the couch. I figure she must have just got out of the shower because her hair’s wet, and the tight top she’s wearing over her PJ shorts is doing nothing to hide how round her tummy is getting.
“Why can’t people know the baby’s mine?” I take the seat beside her and can’t resist running my hand over her stomach.
“Because that was never part of the plan, Sawyer.” She looks up at the ceiling and growls in frustration.
“Why do you keep reverting back to the old plan when we both know how much has changed?” I start getting frustrated, myself. “Riley, we like each other, and despite all our differences, I think we’re kinda perfect together. We could be happy.”
“Why do you always have to ruin things?” She shakes her head and gets back on her feet. “Sawyer, I need to raise this baby by myself. I can’t handle any conflict. I get everything you're saying and, yeah, I really like you. If there was anyone in the world I could do this with, it would be you, but I just can’t.” She looks dragged down and broken.
“Why, Riley? Look at us, we’re halfway there. You’re pregnant with my baby. I just don’t understand.”
“I don’t expect you to understand. I’m complicated and fucked up. But you said you could handle it, you said we could do this my way.”
“And is this really the way you want it?” I question her. “Because I don’t think it is. I think you're scared, I think you're focusing on all the things that could go wrong, rather than focusing on everything that's right. Riley, I don’t care how fucked up your secrets are, tell me them. Make me understand,” I beg her, because I can’t fuckin’ lose her now.
“Nothing about this is right. We had a deal, and I need this control, you can’t keep pushing me, Sawyer. I can be a mother to this child, but I can never be yours.” I don’t hide from her how much that hurts me, and she looks away from me and starts walking to the door.
“I’m tired, I need to get some sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She opens it for me.
“Will ya still let me take you to the appointment in the city next week?” I check as I move toward her.
“Sure.” She doesn’t sound very reassuring.
“Okay, I’ll catch you tomorrow.” I lean down to place a kiss on her cheek, and when I gently stroke my hand over her tummy, she places hers over mine.
“I’d give anything for it to be different,” she whispers sadly.
“All you have to give me, Riley, is the truth.” I drag myself away before I allow her to hurt me anymore then, as I drive back to the bar, I have to ask myself how many times a man can let a woman hurt him.
I guess the answer is forever, if she’s the one.