Chapter 38
RILEY
I must be daydreaming when I leave the grocery store because I bump straight into someone when I step out the door. Three apples fall out of my bag, and as they roll across the floor, I prepare to crouch down and get them.
“Apologies, let me get those for you.” I feel a strong hand on my shoulder, and looking up at the man standing in front of me, turns my blood instantly cold. I’ve never seen him in the flesh before, but he’s tall and intimidating, and his eyes are as dark and mean as they look in his pictures.
“Michael Gendry.” His name slips out of my mouth so quietly, but he hears it and sniggers as if it pleases him.
“It seems I need no introduction.” He lifts the Stetson off his head before bending to retrieve the apples, and after he straightens up and places them back in my bag, he dusts the cuff of his tailored suit. “Sheriff Hale, am I correct?” He furrows his brow.
“That's me.” I try not to sound nervous, but it’s not easy being face to face with the man you’ve set out to ruin.
“I’ve been meaning to apologize for the first impression you must have got of my sons.”
“Sorry?” I check I’m hearing him right as a chill shivers down my spine.
“Last year, at the Sullivan ranch…I hear you had to break up a fight on your first day in town,” he reminds me with a slight frown.
“Oh yeah, that feels like quite some time ago.” I laugh nervously and go to move on. I don’t like the way he’s looking at me, and I have an instinctive need to be close to Sawyer.
“When are you due?” He steps to block my path, and when his eyes lower to my stomach, I suddenly feel even more vulnerable.
“Just over six weeks,” I tell him.
“A crucial time.” He smiles darkly. “I hope you're taking it easy, Miss Hale.” Lifting his hat off his head, he moves past me into the store, and I move on as fast as my body will allow me
“Riley, get over here, ya gotta see this...” Sawyer instantly drops his phone on the bar and races toward me when he sees how panicked I am. “What happened? Your palms are sweating.” He takes the bag out of my hand, places it on one of the tables, and then pulls out a chair for me to sit on.
“Michael Gendry’s here in town. I just bumped right into him.” I manage to get my words out, despite the fact my mouth’s turned dry. I shouldn’t be this scared, I came determined to destroy that man and his family, and look at me, I’m a wreck.
“Yeah, that asshole shows up now and again, likes to remind us all of his presence,” Sawyer snarls.
“Sawyer, you don’t understand. The way he spoke, the way he was looking at me, it was as if he knew that I was on to him.” My hands are still shaking when I rest them protectively on my stomach.
“Sweetheart, you're just being paranoid. Gendry’s far too arrogant to believe that anyone could be on to him. He’s power hungry, he gets off on people's fear. What you just encountered was just him being him.” His hands soothe the outside of my thighs in an attempt to calm me down. “You want me to drive ya home? I can have Len watch this place for the rest of the day. We could do some online shopping,” he suggests, trying his best to make it sound tempting.
“What’s happening to me?” I burst into tears.
“Darlin’, you're six weeks away from havin’ a baby. You're in momma bear protection mode. It just proves how good you're gonna be at the job.” He smiles at me, looking all proud, and I decide that a day at home with him, acting as though my life isn’t complicated, is exactly what I need.
“Come on, let's go home.” My heart melts a little when I hear him call my place home. The old me would have freaked out and pushed him away, but I can feel myself changing, and all I want these days is to be with him.
“Okay,” I agree, letting Sawyer help me up from the chair. He calls over to Len, telling him that he’s in charge, and as we step out of the door, I freeze again. Michael Gendry is just up the street, about to get inside his fancy car.
“Afternoon.” He tips his chin at Sawyer, who scowls back at him like he wants him dead, and despite all the morals I came here with, I question right now, if I’d like Sawyer to end him.
“Come on.” Sawyer wraps his arm around me, moving me on and opening the passenger door of his truck. I feel Gendry's eyes on me as Sawyer helps me up into my seat, and he slowly drives past us.
* * *
“I think that's just about everything.” Sawyer closes the laptop and leans over to place it on the coffee table.
“All you need to do now is remortgage the bar.” I can’t believe how much kids’ stuff costs, and although Sawyer's probably bought a bunch of stuff we don’t need, I’ve had fun. Shopping for our little girl has made everything seem so much more real.
“I don’t have a mortgage on the bar.” Sawyer laughs, and finding that out makes me realise that I know nothing about him. Except, of course, the fact he has two types of body count.
“So, how did you end up in Clearwater Creek?” I rest back on the couch and hope to find out a little of his history.
“I was fifteen, and I needed somewhere quiet to lie low. This was the perfect place,” he admits, lifting my legs and placing them on his lap.
“Lie low? I’m intrigued.” I watch the way he carefully takes my foot, and kneads his thumbs into my sole just how I like it.
“I was running from child services.” His eyes narrow, and he focuses on his hands. “I’d been in the system since my mom dumped me, and I didn’t like where I’d ended up.”
“Wanna talk about it?” I ask, sensing that this is a delicate subject for him.
“D’ya wanna know? That's the real question, Riley.” His eyes move up my body to rest on mine.
“I wanna know,” I whisper, deciding that I want to know everything there is to know about him. He’s so tentative and fun to be around, it’s easy to forget this man has a dark side.
“I figured out real quick that the couple who fostered me were bad. Sid was cruel, and Vera was always drunk. There were three other boys in the house, all of ‘em younger than me, and all of ‘em downtrodden. They barely spoke, never made eye contact, and after I’d been there a few weeks, I found out why they were all so scared.” I watch his eyes go a shade darker. “Sid, was raping ‘em in their beds.” His voice comes out scratchy, and when his hands go still, my insides start to churn.
“I was older, bigger, and stronger than them. I’d spent some time on the streets in between foster homes, so I knew how to handle myself. Sid must have sensed that because he was too fuckin’ chicken to try his shit with me. One night, the screams just got too loud.” He stares at his thumbs as they start working again.
“You killed him,” I whisper.
“My first one. They say ya never forget ya first.” Sawyer does his thing and tries to make light of it.
“You saved those boys.” I’m starting to understand the way he is a little better.
“So, that's how I ended up here. Harry kinda took me in and gave me a job working at the bar, and when he died, he left the place to me.” Sawyer rounds up the story and kisses the tip of my toe.
“Have you ever wondered about your real parents?” I ask.
“Why would I? They sure as hell never wondered about me.” He laughs bitterly.
“You can’t know that for sure. Women in desperate situations do desperate things.” I’ve seen that a lot during my time in the force.
“Is that supposed to be a warning?” He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, trying real hard to get off the subject.
“It’s okay to be hurt, you know.” I struggle up into a sitting position and take his hand.
“I know, and I should be used to rejection by now. Ain’t gonna make sufferin’ yours any easier though.” He kisses my hand and gets up from the couch.
“Sawyer, I wish–”
“Don’t tell me that you wish it could be different, if you ain’t got no intention on telling me why it has to be this way.” He takes hold of the kitchen counter edge and grips it with both hands.
“The reason why doesn’t matter.” I move toward him because I hate the distance between us.
“You're wrong. The reason matters, Riley. It matters because if you told me, I’d find a way to fix it.”
I see the anguish in his eyes when he turns to face me.
“Is that really what you think?”
“It’s what I know,” he assures me.
“Okay, then, did you know that I grew up with parents who hated each other?” I snap back at him. “Did you know that those parents would scream, shout, and beat each other? One of them would run out for days at a time. They made their sole purpose in life to hurt each other.” I wait for him to answer.
“I didn’t know that.” His forehead creases as he moves away from the counter and steps closer.
“And hating each other wasn’t enough, they took all their hatred out on me and my sister, too.”
“I’m sorr–”
“They killed each other, Sawyer.” I break into a sob. “Mom shot Dad, then turned the gun on herself. She did that the day I turned eighteen, and I’m pretty sure she’d been waiting for that day to come.”
“Jesus, Riley, I’m sorry.” Sawyer wraps me up in his arms, tucking my head under his chin. “I wasn’t even sad. I was relieved.” I pull back and look up at him, letting him see the real me.
“I don’t want that for my little girl. It fucks you up, Sawyer. People make babies every day, but how often do you hear of a relationship that actually works out? I set out to do this by myself because that way, I knew I wouldn’t fail.”
“You can’t think like that. You must have thought differently when you were with Jack?” He tries understanding me, but doesn’t come close.
“Jack…? The guy I cheated on at the first sign of trouble? Sawyer, I don’t know if you're not hearing what I'm saying or if you're just choosing to ignore it, but I’m incapable of love.” I look up at him, holding his stare so my words sink in.
“I’m broken, and you may be one hell of a fixer, but you're never gonna fix me.” I pull away from him and head to my room.
* * *
I hear him trying to be quiet when he creeps through the bedroom door a few hours later, and when he carefully gets into bed beside me, I keep my eyes tightly shut. I can’t face another conversation with him tonight.
His hands go straight to my belly, and it’s hard to hide my smile when he places a soft kiss over it, too.
“You good in there?” he whispers, kissing me again and making a sweet little laugh when he gets a kick for a reply. “That’s my girl.” He strokes me softly with his palm. “Your momma is one stubborn woman, and I’m kinda hoping that you're gonna turn out just like her. She hates to be proven wrong, but I’m gonna do it for us. Me and you, we’re gonna give her that family that she doesn’t think can exist. Sound good, little one?” His palms glide over me as he kisses her goodnight. “Oh…and I might as well start drumming this into ya now. Stay away from JJ Sullivan, he’s gonna be trouble.” Climbing back up the bed, he snuggles up behind me, tucks his head into my shoulder, and wraps his arms around my middle.
“I heard all that you know.” I decide to come clean after a few minutes of silence.
“I don’t know what you're talkin’ about.” He nestles his nose up against my neck.
“Sawyer, I don’t like being the way I am, if I had a choice–”
“I don’t need you to love me, Riley.” He silences me with a whisper.
“You deserve to be loved. You deserve so much better than what I can give you.”
“Do you like me?” I feel the bed move as he props himself up.
“What?” I laugh at his question.
“I asked if you like me.”
I turn my head to look over my shoulder and see that he’s being serious.
“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you,” I point out the obvious.
“Then that's enough.” He rests his head back down like he’s going to go to sleep
“Enough? Enough for what?” I roll over so I’m facing him.
“Enough for me to let you win every fight we have, before it starts. Enough for me to stick around and wait until you realise you're wrong. I love you, Riley Hale, and I don’t care if it takes two years or twenty for you to realise that you can trust me. Just don’t deny us this once she gets here, let her see how happy we make each other. Let her see a man tirelessly love a woman, so that’s the bar she sets for herself. You don’t have to love me, Riley, I got that part all covered.” He kisses my forehead and smiles.
“I’ll think about it,” I promise, snuggling into his chest and letting myself imagine a world where we stay together.